The Rig

iTrader: (13)

Well, My daughter is 4 months old, what a time its been , but wont bore you all with it.

Lately,after about 4 different changes of setup, i now see my daughter twice a week for an hour at the mums house, kinda ok, kinda awkward ,as im in her house, her kids, her tv on etc, so im limited to what i can do etc, im literally sat on the sofa with my daughter, but it works.

So, her newest change of setup is this

from febuary, i have my daugther every other saturday for 4 hours.

Now, this has a few plus sides, i see her on my own, at my own home, can do my own thing etc etc for the 4 hours, take her tot he park if weather ok and all that etc in the summer

Down side, i dont see her for the 2 weeks in between each saturday, now this is the killer !

So, on one hand its better, on the other its worse, im worried my daughter will forget me or not see me as her dad as i see her very 2 weeks for an afternoon, but as she gets older will it be better or worse ?

Anyone else have their kids every other weekend for the day ?

eventually she reckons i will have her overnight, but she changes her mind like the british weather

cheers

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

Did you get named on the birth certificate?

Seems like she as far too much control here, you're being fobbed off IMO.

The Rig

iTrader: (13)

Yeah, I'm on the birth certificate .

Court is an option but it's long winded , you need to attend mediation before a court will see my case , she can refuse mediation or make it difficult , agree a date, cancel , agree another , cancel , her kids could be ill etc , as she plays on her other kids etc.

So that could waste 2 or 3 months of me not seeing my daughter etc . Court is £500 , not a problem but she doesn't have to stick to those dates , again , her kid could be ill etc when I turn up at hers . But then I could fight for having her on my own now she's older at weekends . Tough decisions ahead

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

They love control, maybe be best to take what's on offer and slowly slowly try for a bit more. She'll feel like she's controlled the situation and hopefully play nice.

I've learnt the hard way, play nice and bite your tongue.

Good luck

Turbohot

Well, I feel sorry for the guys who choose to have babies with controlling ladies. This control business isn't monopolised by the mums only, though. Many single dads don't give a f**k about seeing their kids. It's more important for them to have control by making their kids wait for hours at their mum's bottom of the staircase with packed weekend bag, and let them down big style by not turning up at all, to pick them up. I see kids day in and day out in my business with their emotional problems, and so many of them have been victimised like this, by their downright selfish, estranged dads. No wonder so many adolescents in this country are so messed up- emotionally. Then they repeat such behaviour themselves when they grow up. Slagging their estranged women off, being absent or rare for their own kids etc. etc. The vicious cycle goes on.

The Rig

iTrader: (13)

Well luckily speaking for myself im far from what you describe as todays Dads so i pat myself on the back.

I put my ex down to having such low self esteem she doesnt want her kids to favour their dads as she wont have anything left in life, sad as it sounds, thats how it comes across.

luckily im seeing my daughter altho not enough for my liking but enough as i can do considering the situation, luckily im not easily put off, the games she has played most guys would fo given up, lucky for my daughter i dont give up :-)

cheers

Turbohot

Sure. That's why I said what I said. Your case is different, fair enough. But there are controlling ladies as well as very selfish and controlling men who don't deserve to have children. SN is male dominated so we often see one-sided criticism of the females from the male massive here; for one reason or other. Self-centred single dads or bad men must get slagged off by their estranged ladies on Mum's Net; just in the same way, I presume. I know that this thread is about slagging off certain women like your ex, but there are insecure as well as selfish people in all sexes, and that's what I was saying.

The Rig

iTrader: (13)

Oh yeah i hear you, i can imagine MumsNet is all about the Mums woes, as you say, on here is all about us blokes woes.

Just a shame for us genuine dads we cant have the matter easily resolved

If i want it to go to court, we both have to attend Mediation, i pay naturally, around £110, my ex says she wont attend, but they have to give her 3 chances to attend, she will agree a date, then cancel due to say, a sick child, yawn, so make another date, then again, cancel it, then she might attend the last date, by now, a couple of months have passed and she wont let me see my daughter whilst this is ongoing, so she says.

so then we mediate, i talk, she talks, we probably wont agree a setup, much like now, so it goes to court, that can take about 6 months to get heard, so thats so far, about 8 months of no access to my daughter

Then we get to court, the judge will probably believe her lies of a busy life and grant me what the ex has already offered me as visiting times of every other saturday, so i waste nearly a year, spend about £800 for nothing.

i lose both ways :-(

Or, i go along with her, see my dfaughter every other saturday and hopefully the visiting times increase by an hour or so as the weeks go by........

we shall see i guess