Clarebabes

Do you know what town she may be living in? I use 192.com all the time and it's amazing who you can find just by knowing there full name and just the town or area they live in

If you need any help with this, let me know......

Merc_Cosworth

I know a particularly nasty Chinese fella - relatively cheap for individuals, but an entire government organisation? It'll cost hundreds of faaaasaaannndddss, and probably take him a while too.

huggy2002

LOL im depressed and im still laughing!!!!

Mice_Elf

Might be worth getting in touch with a solicitor. After all, if she's managed for 15 years, why suddenly now? Does the child want to go to Uni or off on an expenisve holiday or something?

Force the issue - request a paternity test. If she was a one-night stand with you, she may also have been a one-night stand with others.

Contact the CAB and see where you stand. Another thing to try is to "sell" your expensive possessions to a TRUSTED family member for £1 or something. Therefore they can't count towards your income / assets.

DrEvil

A mate of mine is being royally shafted by the CSA at the moment.. the thing I couldn't believe was that they send a statement of his capital (current & savings account(s)) to her on a monthly basis!

He also tried to taking the CSA to court, get this, they withdrew the proceedings against themselves!! how many companies do you know that can do that! [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img]

I hope you get this sorted mate.

Alex

Clarebabes

I wouldn't condone using the information from 192.com for bad purposes......

Mice_Elf

Surely that's invasion of privacy or infringement of privacy or something?

Clarebabes

They don't send me one of those statements. Perhaps I should ask? I am not that bothered really, he knows he has to pay and does so, even though he moans alot. Oh well.......

Bajie

I still can't work out why its taken 15yrs to track you down as the biological father.

Even if it was a one night stand that must have been a bloody long list.

If she is involved with someone else, this may be the reason for her quest. New guy in the fold, doesn't want to support another mans child etc.

huggy2002

Tried 192.com but no success,im 90% sure its my kid, a mate some years back sore her with a kid that apparently looks just like me,poor sod......

logiclee

I may be wrong but if she has recently split or moved and ended up with some form of state aid the DSS will ask for the details of the father so the CSA can persue him.

The child or mother will not get any increase in money, the money the CSA gets goes towards the DSS payments.

This is what happened to my work collegue.

Of course she could have said she didnt know who the father was.

Lee

huggy2002

BUMP

cjones944

Have you been to the CAB? If so, what did they say?
Are you trying to sort out a paternity test?

red_dog104

£80 a week the norm?! My ex pays me £120 a month. I decided not to go through CSA as I thought it unfair and at the time of agreeing how much he was to pay, £120 a month was 15% of his salary (the way CSA work it out). He's had a promotion and a considerable pay rise and won't cough up any more money. I'm bringing up his son (who he wants when he feels like it) and he thinks that's all he's worth financially.

I hate the CSA but i'm seriously considering getting in touch with them.

cjones944

red_dog104

It is *his* responsibility to provide for *his* children. You should get your fair share of his wage. Don't just think about it. Get on and call the CSA!

Injustice really makes my blood boil!!!!

marty_t3

All this talk of CSA is really starting to worry me.

I've been supporting my girlfriend since day 1. Since the sprog came along my finances have barely changed, except what i'd normally spend on vodka i now spend on nappies and babyfood. It doesn't cost 500 quid a month to bring up a kid?? A friend of mine clears about £800 a month and he can support his girlfriend and their 3 kids without any problems. His kids never go without. How can the CSA justify a payout related to the fathers income when the cost of supporting a child does not change???

I'm just praying that me and my girlfriend stay together cuz if we don't she could ruin the rest of my life with CSA payments.

(incidentaly, red_dog, you should be getting more that £120... that's just a pi55 take)

red_dog104

Thanks. Just waiting for my solicitor to call me back to see if I can do anything other than go to the CSA (I have a court order to make him pay at the moment and don't want to screw that up!).

By the way Huggy, how has this woman coped for the last 15 years with this child? Bet she thinks shes in for a lump sum payment off you or something! Get a paternity test!

marty_t3

cjones944,

When you say a 'fair share of his wage', what do you mean? I'd say the woman should get enough so that she has a similar standard of living to the ex.

Most of the examples i've heard so far involve the guy losing the house and the car and then paying huge portions of his salary to the mother. The mother lives in a nice big house with her kids and her new boyfriend, she has a nice new car/TV/boob job/etc paid for by the ex, and meanwhile, the ex is left living in a shady flat and driving a ford struggling to make what's left of his wage see him through the month.

boxst

Marty:

"When you say a 'fair share of his wage', what do you mean? I'd say the woman should get enough so that she has a similar standard of living to the ex."

When you say that, that scares me of course. As I earn about 4 times as much as my ex-wife, so she definately shouldn't have the same standard of living as me.

Steve.

cjones944

marty_t3

Well, IMO, we would need to see a breakdown of the ins and outs of BOTH parties to the child. That way a faire figure could be arrived at. I'm aware that this currently doesn't happen and that the CSA are, shall we say, somewhat disliked about their current rules and regulations.

boxst

Agreed. However, the CSA is primarily for the support of children. I don't think there is a single anser here. It needs a bit of common sense applying.

However, non resident parents SHOULD pay their fair share of the financial burden of bringing up children. Else the burden simply falls to the taxpayer.

Adrian F

As a Tax payer with no children i don't want to support some body elses children but also i have friends where their Ex's use the child support payments as a weapon to get revenge whilst living a better quality life with new boy friends in the family house. I feel that the women should not get the same quality of life as the man but should get enough to raise the child. I don't understand why men who work hard and long hours are then punished financial by having to pay a bigger contribution to the CSA if people are willing to work harder to better them selves then that should be for themselves.

There was a progam on BBC2 recently where they interviewed the New Labour Minister for the CSA and said if the man was forced into non consential sex and then the women got pregnant should the man by liable for the CSA payments and officialy the answer was yes. Consent for the child is irrelevant apparently DNA proof of the father is the only important thing. Apparently there now is documented cases in America where women have got themself's pregnant by these methods or claimed they had been sterilized before sex took place so as to get pregant and yet the men are held responsable for the childs up keep?

Merc_Cosworth

What we are seeing here, is the last echoes of the feminist movement of the sixties and seventies. No offence to feminists - but the law - which at start of the last century was almost totally on the fathers side - is now completely with the mother.

If you really want to read something appalling - do a search for father support groups for those separated from their children. Some of it is so truly harrowing I had to leave the site. If you haven't got children, you won't understand.

If you've got children and they live with you, it'll put the fear of God into, and if like me and Bravo2Zero you've been separated from your kids then it'll make you feel slightly better thats there's always someone better off than yourself.

marty_t3

Boxst,

When i say 'same standard of living' i mean the same standard that they can agree on at the point of the breakdown. Because the relationship breaks up does not mean that the fathers standard of living should drop while the mothers is improved.

To be fair, the mother should get half at the time of the breakup, and regular payments to provide for the child and the child only. If the financial situation of the father improves then it should be up to him if he wishes to provide additional financial aid.

The current state of affairs with the CSA is totally biased in the mothers favour. This is what scares me.

My girlfriend had little education and did not work before i met her and she lived with her dad. I owned our house 6 years before i met her and i supported her, even before the kid came along.

If (god forbid) we did split, she'd not only get my kid, but her financial situation would be far better than it would have been if we had never met. I on the other hand would be broke despite starting of in the relationship with far better prospects.

mj

look on the bright side -

a. Your conkers are working.
b. if it was 15 yrs ago you dont have many payments left.

other than that you have my sympathy,i wouldn't swap shoes with you.

mj

[Edited by mj - 1/10/2003 9:57:02 PM]

logiclee

Don't know much about it but have a work mate in a similar situation and I do know that you should not offer any lump some to the mother. Trying to sort it out without the CSA will again not work if the Mother and Child have been receiving state benefits.
The CSA will still try to sting you for any benefits they have paid to the mother over the last 15 years.

Did you know about this child earlier and were you paying anything towards your childs upkeep? If you were aware you had a son and this child was being supported by the state I'm afraid your looking at some big bills.

Work mate has not paid anything for 5 years (His wife ran off and he had little contact), has a takehome pay of £1850 and the CSA take £800 a month.

He used to have a Honda Prelude VTec and a YamahaR1. He now drives a 1984 Escort Van and has given up smoking.

Hope you fair a little better.

Lee

[Edited by logiclee - 1/11/2003 11:09:08 PM]