weapon69

Hi

It was only a mobile number he changed but thats bad enough. It's very difficult to know what to do. It's very easy to say don't contact or try anymore but i have to live the rest of my life not really having any family at all. It's just very difficult and anyone in the same situ will know how i feel.

rr_ww

Whilst I dont know the right thing to do in this instance. It might be worth finding out about his life through other means. But you'll have to tread VERY VERY carefully. So as to avoid him knowing what your up to.

Maybe hes remarried and his new wife is the reason. Maybe she doesnt want him to have contact and so hes doing as she wishes not what he wants. Maybe his job is MI5 and hes doing it for W69s safety, maybe hes in over his head to some very nasty Gangsters and again doesnt want them to know about his children. Its easy to assume hes doing it out of spite.

Im estranged from a member of my family. Its been like this for nearly 5 years. Thought that at one point in this last year, we'd try and work things out. But when I tried to make eye contct he moved away. Up to him I suppose.

Someone on here has a very similar attitude to me now. If someone treats you without respect, you wouldnt stand for it and would try and drop them as a "friend" Why should it matter if that person is related to you by blood. If they are too selfish/ignorant whatever to think about the effect its having on the other person, then why should you care about their life.


EDIT : W69 if your only doing this cos you heard hes now a millionaire, then I'm not sure I agree with it.

[Edited by rr_ww - 12/30/2003 5:31:52 PM]

weapon69

lol rr_ww. I've never got a penny from my Father so no im not gold digging

I have heard from other people that he's got another kid(s). I asked him once and didn't get a reply. I don't expect people to understand why i persevere with him as he seems a dead loss, but stuff has happened lately to bring him into my mind. I haven't seen him for 3 years now....Im far too forgiving i've decided!!

Katana

Blame your mother for this. Sorry to be blunt but thats how I see it based on your post that she lived with her boyfriends despite still being with your dad. For all he knows you were sent by your mom to mess with his mind. Its not the first time that this has happened to men. Can you not blame him for being a bit cautious? I'm sorry but thats how I see things..

Neverguess

My dad was a F**ker who didn't give a damn about his kids, or so we thought. It turned out he snubbed us for so long and was cruel because he couldn't deal with the guilt of not being a proper father. Now my dad has pictures everywhere of all of us and is proud to tell people we his family. I went shopping with him today and we did the big family christmas day thing. He was the biggest w*nker you could have met before but now would be lost without his family.

I am not sayin yours will turn out the same but maybe your father has issues with himself and its either something you can break through - as we thankfully did - or maybe its to deep to fix.

I did feel better knowing it was his issue and not because he didn't want us, whether thats a comfort I don't know. We thankfully have had a happy ish ending as some times he does go off the rails with his own issues still. But we fight to keep him in our lives and so far we are all better for it.

It has taken its toll though.....but right now I think it was all worth it.

weapon69

Katana-you're a ******* tw@t. End of.

Katana

Well you did say that she was with her boyfriends while still being with your dad in the very first post. Yeah I'm blunt so blow me. Anyone thinks how the dad would feel after being abandoned? Yeah nobody because the woman is always right am I correct?

What.

[Edited by Katana - 12/30/2003 7:07:57 PM]

Neverguess

Weapon ignore that idiot, good luck with what ever you decide to do. I hope you can be happy in the long run x

I can understand you still persuing it, I did for so so many years even thought I have seen the fights, the things its done to my mum and all of us, but we all ok now.

It may not be a happy ending but I understand why you still going after it. Good luck darl' x

Mice_Elf

<Blunt mode>

Give it up. It's blatantly obvious that he doesn't want anything to do with you. Why are you itching an old wound and causing hurt to others (B20) by constantly chasing someone who can't make it any more plain that you are not required in his life?

</Blunt mode>

I've seen it from another angle, as I believe I mentioned earlier in this thread, so can see how hurt you are, but you're not getting anywhere... For your sake, W69, leave him be.

weapon69

Katana-a full stop indicates the end of one sentence and the beginning of a new one. Did it not occur to you that i lived with my mum and her bf after she divorced my dad?

Mice-How does it cause hurt to B2Z?


[Edited by weapon69 - 12/30/2003 7:15:11 PM]

Katana

Well sorry for not comprehending your post. Its just that almost every time I see something like this my blood boils. Lets just say I've got my reasons for thinking of the worst like women stealing the child away from the father.

Lets just say a true man will wait for his child regardless of how long it'll take..

Mice_Elf

W69 - it causes hurt to him because he is trying to help, seeing you get nowhere and having to cope with you being so disheartened and upset over your dad.

You can see he's not happy by his posts today - he's annoyed at your dad for not wanting you, causing you grief and frustrated at being unable to resolve the issue.

I do have an inkling of what you're going through but really, if your situation is anything like the one I know, it will cause nothing but further hurt and upset if you pursue it. If you're really desperate to make your feelings known to him, put everything in a long letter to him - you have his address - explain your feelings and what this lack of contact is doing to you and state that the next step is up to him. Include a stamped addressed envelope if you want.

If he does want to talk to you, he'll contact...if you hear nothing from him, accept it for what it is and segregate him from your life.

weapon69

Yeh maybe. I'll save my happy endings for another day.

Funkii Munkii

W69 / B20 you guys have had enough to deal with this year, this cant be helping either of you, I hope next year proves to be a happier one for you both.


Dave

289

w69

Not that I'm in any way a relationship expert (very far from it!) but my view is that you can't force someone to want to be your father.

M_E's suggestion is a good one - write a long letter, detailing what you feel and why you feel it, and suggesting why you feel that meeting and getting to know each other now is a good thing. Stress that you don't want his money, nor to take over his life (particularly relevant should he be remarried and with other children). Ask him to write (hence the SAE) even if it's just to tell you to **** off.

The hard thing is that you then have to live with that; if he doesn't write back you have to accept it and move on. It's an awful thing to say, but you have to cut him (and the thoughts of him) out of your life as though he'd died. Delete all copies you have of his address.

And if you haven't yet done so , contact //www.norcap.org.uk/ who although they primarily deal with adopted children, should be able to help. They have an intermediaries serice who try to speak to the parent on your behalf to lessen the blow; might be useful? Also, consider counselling - what you're experiencing is not at all uncommon, and you have to get closure on this if the man is simply not prepared to acknowledge you.

All the best to you and B20

[Edited by 289 - 12/31/2003 9:47:05 AM]

weapon69

Hi

Only just read replies now from the other day.

The idea of writing a letter is a good one, i think i will do it. I'm 99% certain he won't read it but at least i'll know i tried and won't beat myself up about it anymore. It is probably time to start thinking along the lines of that he's dead and forget it.