How much grief do you have to take of your MRS?
17 March 2004, 10:11 AM
#31
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Sep 2000
Posts: 1,222
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
DOnt worry Bravo & Puff here's a few reasons its GOOD to be a BLOKE
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A week's holiday requires only one suitcase.
5. Match of the Day.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7. Queues for the toilet are 90% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When channel surfing, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your **** is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
17. People expect you to **********.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You can fart with impunity.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet. Or oven.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is L5 for a three pack.
33. You understand why Beavis and Butthead is funny.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy **** every night.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody gives a ****.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You don't have to bother having a proper conversation with your mates down the pub.
40. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can understand the offside rule in football.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt in the rain.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough for most of your life.
49. You can boast about the number of people you've slept with.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your flat if the metre reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a toss if no one notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your mate for hours without even thinking "He must be mad at me"
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You can play and enjoy computer games other than Tetris.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Tim Roth without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You can remember the punchlines to jokes.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress 1000; Morning suit hire 50.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. You can sit in a pub on your own without plonkers trying to cop off with you.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Stag nights are much more fun than Hen nights.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "**** it!"
88. If an other bloke shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. You can teach your friend's children swear words.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not inthe mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. **** movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. You can't get pregnant.
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A week's holiday requires only one suitcase.
5. Match of the Day.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7. Queues for the toilet are 90% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When channel surfing, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your **** is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
17. People expect you to **********.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You can fart with impunity.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet. Or oven.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is L5 for a three pack.
33. You understand why Beavis and Butthead is funny.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy **** every night.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody gives a ****.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You don't have to bother having a proper conversation with your mates down the pub.
40. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can understand the offside rule in football.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt in the rain.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough for most of your life.
49. You can boast about the number of people you've slept with.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your flat if the metre reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a toss if no one notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your mate for hours without even thinking "He must be mad at me"
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You can play and enjoy computer games other than Tetris.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Tim Roth without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You can remember the punchlines to jokes.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress 1000; Morning suit hire 50.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. You can sit in a pub on your own without plonkers trying to cop off with you.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Stag nights are much more fun than Hen nights.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "**** it!"
88. If an other bloke shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. You can teach your friend's children swear words.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not inthe mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. **** movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. You can't get pregnant.
Last edited by hawkeye; 17 March 2004 at 10:16 AM.
17 March 2004, 10:12 AM
#32
Scooby Regular
Join Date: May 2003
Location: West Sussex
Posts: 912
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Well I too get plenty of grief from the old 'pleasure prevention officer' 
- whether it be for cars, computers, power tools or anyother money consuming pastime !!!
Thing is, the **** I get if I should dare to complain about anything !!!
Oh well.
Matt
- whether it be for cars, computers, power tools or anyother money consuming pastime !!!Thing is, the **** I get if I should dare to complain about anything !!!
Oh well.
Matt
17 March 2004, 10:21 AM
#34
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Living the country life and loving it.....
Posts: 17,829
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
My man plays squash 5 nights a week, he goes drinking with his mates on a friday night, he watches football in the pub on a sunday.
I go to scooby meets whenever I want to, I go out drinking with people from work on a friday night and I join him to watch the football on a sunday in the pub.
Its not always a bed of roses, but its alot better than life with my ex-husband
I go to scooby meets whenever I want to, I go out drinking with people from work on a friday night and I join him to watch the football on a sunday in the pub.
Its not always a bed of roses, but its alot better than life with my ex-husband
17 March 2004, 11:02 AM
#37
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Nobody knows how to tie the simple knots that I know
Posts: 8,010
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
why don't you lot just go and marry your cars instead
either that or buy a bride from the far east so you can demonstrate your manliness and dominance
stands well back from the ensuing fight !!!!!!!!!
either that or buy a bride from the far east so you can demonstrate your manliness and dominance
stands well back from the ensuing fight !!!!!!!!!
17 March 2004, 11:34 AM
#41
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Surrey/London borders.
Posts: 8,300
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I get very little grief becaus eshe knows I'll just ignore her unless it's serious stuff.
But she gets no grief from me so it's cool. Well, not much grief.......
But she gets no grief from me so it's cool. Well, not much grief.......
17 March 2004, 11:34 AM
#42
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 39,877
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
No talk and cold breakfast for you Not Rev if she ever reads what you said 
Thats just life B2zero, they think differently and can't understand why you don't think the same way. Best maybe to let ride until the dust settles but still do what you think is best. Its the same the world over!
Les
Thats just life B2zero, they think differently and can't understand why you don't think the same way. Best maybe to let ride until the dust settles but still do what you think is best. Its the same the world over!
Les
17 March 2004, 01:36 PM
#46
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 566
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I think they all must have a positive earth or something and are just not compatible!
I work more hours in the week than my Mrs, but have friday afternoons off, this time is my time to relax, not in her eyes this is my time to clean the house for her and do the washing, i wouldn't mind doing it if it was not expected and on the weeks when i have other stuff to do she wouldn't moan about how she will have to spend the weekend cleaning! if i could do it in 4 hours so could she.
Also on sundays she goes horse riding, and has done so for some months before we moved in, now i have a race car i planned to go racing on sundays, she got in a strop about us not spending enough time together - she is riding the bloody horse
I also swear she thinks there are a platoon of little pixies in the garage who's sole purpose in life is to fill up her washer bottle and clean the car while she is riding
The next killer, if i have to work a small amount of overtime say getting in at 6 30 she has had an hour to chill out, but she uses it too cook, which is nice, but she times dinner to be ready at 6.30 i get caught in traffic, make a phone call longer than planned etc and all hell breaks loose both mobiles are ringing (can't answer am driving) when i get in at 6.35 KAAABBBOOOOMMM!!! rest of the evening is goosed too
I dont understand them
If i say i have killed her do you think Cheshire constablary will dig up the minging patio we have, that would stop the next thing she whines about causing me backache!!
I work more hours in the week than my Mrs, but have friday afternoons off, this time is my time to relax, not in her eyes this is my time to clean the house for her and do the washing, i wouldn't mind doing it if it was not expected and on the weeks when i have other stuff to do she wouldn't moan about how she will have to spend the weekend cleaning! if i could do it in 4 hours so could she.
Also on sundays she goes horse riding, and has done so for some months before we moved in, now i have a race car i planned to go racing on sundays, she got in a strop about us not spending enough time together - she is riding the bloody horse
I also swear she thinks there are a platoon of little pixies in the garage who's sole purpose in life is to fill up her washer bottle and clean the car while she is riding
The next killer, if i have to work a small amount of overtime say getting in at 6 30 she has had an hour to chill out, but she uses it too cook, which is nice, but she times dinner to be ready at 6.30 i get caught in traffic, make a phone call longer than planned etc and all hell breaks loose both mobiles are ringing (can't answer am driving) when i get in at 6.35 KAAABBBOOOOMMM!!! rest of the evening is goosed too
I dont understand them
If i say i have killed her do you think Cheshire constablary will dig up the minging patio we have, that would stop the next thing she whines about causing me backache!!
17 March 2004, 01:42 PM
#47
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Nobody knows how to tie the simple knots that I know
Posts: 8,010
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
can't say I've ever done that but I do know of someone who is exactly like that.. Maybe she has a twin sister living the other end of the country!!!!!!
17 March 2004, 01:47 PM
#48
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 12,304
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
No major gripes about my Misses
She does the cleaning
She does the washing
She does most of the ironing (I tend to do shirts as she can't iron them to save her life)
Whoever gets home first cooks (except at weekends when I usually do it)
She gives head once a day and never has a headache
She does the cleaning
She does the washing
She does most of the ironing (I tend to do shirts as she can't iron them to save her life)
Whoever gets home first cooks (except at weekends when I usually do it)
She gives head once a day and never has a headache
17 March 2004, 02:15 PM
#50
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 12,304
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Like I say, can't grumble. She is really easy going, her mother is very traditional in her views that it is up to the woman to make sure the home is kept nice, and it has rubbed off on her. Probably good that I got in with the Mrs before any other bloke got there and messed her up!
17 March 2004, 02:16 PM
#51
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 12,304
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Oh forgot to mention, she doesn't drink much so she is always happy to drive if we go out somewhere so I can get bladdered and there is a glass of Andrews and a fry up waiting for me the next morning.
Damn - the girl is an angel
Damn - the girl is an angel
17 March 2004, 02:23 PM
#52
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The biosphere
Posts: 7,824
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by OllyK
Oh forgot to mention, she doesn't drink much so she is always happy to drive if we go out somewhere so I can get bladdered and there is a glass of Andrews and a fry up waiting for me the next morning.
Damn - the girl is an angel
Damn - the girl is an angel
17 March 2004, 02:52 PM
#55
Scooby Senior
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Next door to the WiFi connection
Posts: 16,293
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
women are pains int ar$es 
wednesdays she'll start work at 1:30pm so she'll lay in bed ALL morning and give herself enough time to get up and get ready for work, I'll come home ofr lunch at about 12:30 and have to cook my and her dinners. go back to work and shes working then til 8. so the 3 hours I have off when I finish work naturally she thinks I should be doing house work, but when I say to her well why didnt u do it in the morning she goes off on 1 moaning she doesnt get enough sleep, eh??? she goes to bed 1 hr before me most nights and Im always first outta bed by a good hour every day. so she gets about 2 hours at least in bed extra everyday but Im stil the lazy b@star@d ????
I booked friday off work and ripped out the old bathroom and all the tiling. working til about 10pm friday night, saturday me and a mate fitting the new bathroom til about 11pm. sunday managed to get done for about 8. got cleaned up and went to the pub for a couple of hours for the quiz night, gets back and shes stressing Im a lazy begger this that and the other.
women I'll never understand them ???
wednesdays she'll start work at 1:30pm so she'll lay in bed ALL morning and give herself enough time to get up and get ready for work, I'll come home ofr lunch at about 12:30 and have to cook my and her dinners. go back to work and shes working then til 8. so the 3 hours I have off when I finish work naturally she thinks I should be doing house work, but when I say to her well why didnt u do it in the morning she goes off on 1 moaning she doesnt get enough sleep, eh??? she goes to bed 1 hr before me most nights and Im always first outta bed by a good hour every day. so she gets about 2 hours at least in bed extra everyday but Im stil the lazy b@star@d ????
I booked friday off work and ripped out the old bathroom and all the tiling. working til about 10pm friday night, saturday me and a mate fitting the new bathroom til about 11pm. sunday managed to get done for about 8. got cleaned up and went to the pub for a couple of hours for the quiz night, gets back and shes stressing Im a lazy begger this that and the other.
women I'll never understand them ???
17 March 2004, 02:56 PM
#56
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 362
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Lads, stand up for yrself. Either **** em! 'n' chuck em!!! or set the rules form the start I don't give her **** she doesn't give me ****....
If u really want to **** her off and she is on rag weeks say "who lit yr jam rod fuse"!!.
many a brave men tried and failed.
My mrs is quite cool, i guess i'm lucky!!
Adam
If u really want to **** her off and she is on rag weeks say "who lit yr jam rod fuse"!!.
many a brave men tried and failed.
My mrs is quite cool, i guess i'm lucky!!
Adam
17 March 2004, 03:11 PM
#59
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 12,304
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
by the sound of the girl so far, she probably has a twin who joins in for some action
