Mark Miwurdz

Smiling like a w@nking Jap

Redkop

Impersonating a cement mixer [someone chewing gum]

speedking

It's never too late for a leopard to change his spots in midstream

Never end a sentence with with. (Unless you've got nothing else to end it with).

Mark Miwurdz

After a particularly hot curry:

"My ring's like a dragon's nostril"

madmoog

iTrader: (1)

That'll be a "rim (or ring) singe-er" then...

fatherpierre

Two put downs to fat people:

1. I can see you're no stranger to the sweet trolley

2. I wouldn't fancy your food shopping bills

messiah

"Beaten like a ginger step-child"

fatherpierre

Cruel but LOL

supertouring

When I was young, my mum always used to say to me if I was in a foul mood -

"You have the skin of your **** on your face!"

NACRO

Body like baywatch...........face like crimewatch.

Brit_in_Japan

A face like a burst couch.

OllyK

If you fall off there and break your legs, don't come running to me

Jerome

If someone is ugly:

Someone looks like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

unclebuck

from Saving Private Ryan.

I like "Rarer than rocking horse ****"
UB

dome

She knows her way round a chip shop-to describe a larger lady.

Nipples like Scania wheelnuts.

Busier than a one legged man at an **** kicking contest.

Face like a melted welly

One from Billy Connoly to describe a scary bloke 'I wouldn't like to kick a ball into that ******* garden'

Jye

Why are folk sooo fookin stupid

clarky1982

i wouldn't fart in his mouth if he was drowning.

up the bum, no harm done

and ooooooooohhhh yes. (said in the voice of the churchill dog)

mattykimbo

"nipples like fighter bullets"
"look at the lips on that! could scuck oranges through a straw!"
"nice **** where did you buy them?"
"oxfam were sorry to see that one go"
"stands out liek an alterboys erection!"

Buzzer

**** like a blood orange (another curry one)

I was sweating like a rapist

It looked like a black cat with its throat cut

You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead (Stan Laurel)

If her nipples were any bigger she'd be a walkin hat stand (wibble)

He's got a wallet the size of an elephants ******* and twice as hard to get your hands on (Blackadder)

She's got a gob on her like a torn pocket

I might have a little d1ck but i've got a big **** to knock it in with (i've used this the most)

StickyMicky

is that a sexy walk, or have you broken your hip?

quality chat up line

Chip

An old one closing is as good as a new one opening

( when comparing an older lady with a young girl)

Chip.

Chip

You don't get many of them to the pound!

Referring to a girly with large breasts.


Chip

bluto22b

From Full Metal Jacket: "Do you suck d1ck? I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!"

Always laugh at that one

Stiff

If brains were dynamite you wouldn`t have enough to blow your nose.
Nipples like chapel hat pegs.
My cars running like a ****eing dog.
I`m that hungry I could eat a poorly monkey.
Her jeans were that tight you could read her lips.
She had a ****** like a gorrilas fist.
Once you get past the smell you`ve got it licked (69)
time of the month related-
The decorators are in.
Leak under the Beetle bonnet.
Japonese national flag week.
Never trust anything that bleeds for that many days and doesn`t die.

ADP

"that really wets my sponge" as in I really like something
"you can whistle for it" always liked that one
"youve got 2 hopes and 1 of them is bob" not so good now hes dead
"taxi for .......your surname"
"Ill get my coat"
"mad as a box of frogs"

I could go on all night.......

STi-Frenchie

Describing an idiot: "He's got a head full of wizard's ***" or "His head is full of mad dog's sh1te"

A fat person "I'll be he/she can feed the pot"

Mark Miwurdz

- Dunlop Kojaks (Bald tyres)
- Chinese fire drill (utter chaos)
- Dead heat in a zeppelin race (to describe a lady with large norks)
- She's got a face only her mother could love
- How can you be so ugly with just one head?
- Test pilot for Airfix (put down for a small person)

CraigH

c*n* like a carthorses coller
pi55flaps like John Waynes saddlebags
smells like a 5hithouse door on a grimsby trawler

All pleasant ones aimed at women

Geddon

Bobfoc- body of baywatch, face off crimewatch

damian666

Banjaxed - it means f*cked as in 'my car is banjaxed'
Bag 'o' Spanners - All too familiar with this one