tmo

My mate and I share the same birthday, albeit he is three years older than me. So for my 18th (a long time ago) and his 21st we decided to go into Sheffield to celebrate. After mucho larger snakebites (long haired types at the time !!) in the usual haunts of the time, in the last pub (dive) before going to the ledmill nightclub we decide to go onto JD’s and Jim Beam. For those that know Sheffield this was in the pub on the roundabout just up from the train station. Anyway after copious amounts of the said liquor we all decide to head off to the nightclub around 11.30.
When we get into the club it becomes apparent that my mate is missing, thought he had sneaked off home or pulled so nothing more is thought of it. End of the night we go home etc etc.
Next day nipped over to the missing mates house to find out what happened only to be told by his mother to call back later as he didn’t get back until 6am !!! luck lad I thought he must have pulled.

What really happened

My mate having gone to toilet to park a Bavarian throat pizza returned to find we had left the pub, so in his drunken tunnel vision state he decides to follow us. However upon crossing the road he decides he needs to take a p!ss …. quickly, instead of going back into the pub he settles on going behind the derelict shops and houses (which were in the process of being knocked down)
Anyway whilst having a leak he then decides he needs to take a dump.………..

Apparently the next thing he remembers is waking up at 5am still round the back of the shops with his trousers round his ankles having fallen asleep whilst having a dump, naturally he was laid in his own **** as well as having **** into the back of his trousers. He then staggers down to the train station in search of a taxi, gets one but the taxi driver is as you can appreciate not that happy about having him in the cab. Mates thinking he can get home sneak in and get showered before anyone seems him in this state.
When the taxi drops him at home he realises he has no money left and no house keys (to this day he thinks somebody robbed him whilst he was asleep!!) so he had to wake his mother up !! She is not too happy about being woken up at that time in the morning but when she opened the door and was greeted by her son stood on the step looking a right sight, the odour of **** hits her you can imagine the scene.
classic pure classic

muppet paster

I once drank a whole bottle of J D in about 10 minutes when i was about 18. I was with a bunch of mates (the kind of mates who dare you to drink a pint of Jack down in one go...) and we were havin a pre pub drink. It was the strangest feeling, i felt pretty sober to begin with and even phoned for a taxi to the pub we were going to in Reddich. Anyway i was walkin' around slowly gettin' more and more pished. I vaugely remember the taxi ariving and me being a mare all the way in the taxi. We got to the pub and were waiting at the bar and my mate asked me what i wanted to drink, "A pint of cider" says i. He thought better of it 'cause i was quite a state by now, and bought me a coke instead. I remember being handed the glass of coke, looking at it and yelling "WTF is this????" and throwing it across the pub. This got me dragged into the bogs and my head shoved under the cold water tap in an attempt to sober me up. Everything gets real sketchy after that, but i see to recall was told they dragged my out of the pub, and left me asleep on the back door step. Next thing i recall, a young lad was slapping me around the face sayin "He he pissed Mr?" to my mate. This enraged my, i decided to kill the little kid. All i had to do was catch him!!! 30 seconds later i was spralled half way through a privet hedge.

I awoke in the mornin' more pished than i had ever been in a pub (upto that point), covered in scratches and brusies.

Only othertime i've been anywhere near that pished was on my 28th birthday when after several pints i drank 2 1/2 pints of BMW's......