anc-sti

You gotta dich the ****

Be strong, knock the drink on the head it'll help you think more clearly.
If your not happy then deep down neither is she, so seperating will be good for you both. For gots sake don't marry her that will just compound your problems.

I'm a firm believer that you only get one go at this life, so enjoy it don't let someone else ruin it.

Good luck and chin up, every thing is sortable.

ScoobywagonGl

blimey your having it really bad! my situation wasnt as bad as yours but i had a baby and myself to think about! i left my old house a little over a year ago with the help and support of my other half! (what a star) and as hard as it was it was the best thing i ever did! i now find i am a stronger person.

as has been said before you need to get out! take a break from it all go and stay somewhere where she will not know where you are! or alternatively do as jamo said in the second post of this thread!
I wish you all the luck in the world! you need to get out to survive!
Tams

Scooby-Doo

If it helps and you are in the south I have two transit vans available if you need a hand moving.

David

Daz34

**** her off

Buzzer

Aaaah the subtle approach

Wise words Daz

A lost 1

Ok chaps and chappesses

Latest news is that got home last night to more ****, ended up sleeping on the sofa. It was quite a lot better than sleeping next to the hippo !

Anyhow, doctors appointment is made for the 9th (earliest appointment I could get !!!)

Ive decided to get rid of her stuff when she away on holiday in a few weeks, family cant exact say no we aint havin it can they .

Also spoke to Consumer Credit counciling service and remade the appointment and dared to actually look at my incomings and outgoings, its bad. Evening job in the offing I think !!!.

As for the house, dunno because I dont want to loose my kitties. They are very important to me. However what did occur is a lodger. Money in the bank my son . IF I went to the parents, i couldnt take em with me, as the furniture in the place is worth more than a few K.

One other option re:money is to take a loan from the parents. They could afford to lend me money but ive already loaned money and I still owe em £500 and TBH I would be embarressed to ask.

The last bit, the drinking, having a last few beers tonight and that is it, at least during the week.

Scooby Doo, thanks for the offer but im liverpool way. Its ok, her **** will be moved in a few goes

yoza

Your in Liverpool, why didnt you say.

When do you want your rubbish removed then ?

The lads are very professional and will clean up as they go.

Dave T-S

LOL

Be careful - yoza's interpretation of "rubbish" is probably not the same as most other peoples in a "Keep Britain Tidy" sense.......

Spoon

Let her inadvertently read your emails from your botty pal. He must let you know he has a fungal infection from his long term b/f that you now might have.

Of course he also loves it when you stack him up against your bedside cabinet whilst wearing your girlfriends panties (insert colour and description).

There's lots more you could include if you could find someone willing to be your bogus botty pal.

Surefire winner I reckon.

ScoobywagonGl

cats can be rehomed! you need to get out asap! ring back your doctor and tell them it is important that you have an appointment immediately! its your health ffs

and lastly keep your chin up

Stiff

I was lucky with my split and we`re still on great terms which is good for our son. In your situation, I wouldn`t hesitate to show her the door which I know is easy to say but a couple of days grief has got to be better than a lifetimes misery, surley? Must be hard not introducing her to `Mr Backhander` which is not a good thing to do. Like some other posts state, you`ll look back in years to come and think why didn`t I do it earlier. Best of luck mate.

Dave T-S

By the way, I didn't mean my previous reply as flippant to your predicament - I do sympathise. I had my fair share of crap last year but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and with some effort there will be for you too

douglasb

And remember that the Samaritans are there to talk and offer advice should you need to *talk* to someone impartial (rather than just us lot on SN) before your GP's appointment comes up.

Redkop

Understandable and there's no reason why you should give up your house and your cats if they are important to you. Make that your focus point and get rid of the g/f

yoza

Dave-TS wouldnt worry too much about being flippant.

When I read the thread title, I was going to reply....." Buy an A-Z "

I find humour is the best option in such situations........

A lost 1

yoza mate I have to say, the a-z bit did make me smile. TY

As for letting her read my mail, well lets just say been there done that and almost wrote the car off as I was so pissed off, in the wet thinking "f*ccccck it, whats it all worth !"

As I said she is a master tactician and im gonna have to wise up quick sharp.

I have one major thing that ive set going, cant go into details but it gets me away from this ****, this town, this current life.

I havent spoken to my boss, but at least im being honest with him rather than saying "yeah im busy with this user move" B0llox im saying not much, why what do you want doing. I can't really say much to him because the relationship between me and "her" is the office joke, if you catch my drift and I have tried and failed so many times. It doesnt help that everyone at work treats it lke a joke. I was going to go and tell the nice woman (and I mean that genuinly) in HR about it and tell her to be prepared for me to be signed off for a week or two. I have spoken to her in the past about the situation in the office, ie bosses abuse of power and she was most helpful and understanding. However I bottled out today. May try tommorow ! I was thinking best see what the doc says first.

One problem with seeing the doctor though is that if puts down that im suffering depression, it will go against me in a bad way with regards to my plans. Can I ask him to not write it down.

Yoza, as for the rubish, it will be gone soon. When I say liverpool, its nearer chester than liverpool and I can't pay milage (j/k ) Its in hand

Dave, dont worry about it mate, I read it in the sense it was meant.

Also Id like to say a big thank you to [b]everyone[b] that offered advice, as I think if I had not spoken to someone, even in the virtual sense, I would have done something silly. Sunday night was me at my lowest, and believe it or not you lot have made me :

a) think properly for the first time
b) start on the upwards path

As for talking to someone, i have the number for an organisation called calm who i think would be a good one to talk too. The only problem is trying to find time when she isnt around.

An interesting factiod for those that are interested. Even though she was working she still managed to ring me 5 times with inane drivel about what she was up to etc andthe calls totalled almost half an hour and that was a normal day. Came home to find the cats had **** on the kitchen floor and she hadnt even been arsed to cliean it up

PS To the lovely person who pm'd me about all this, a great hearfealt thanks

Dave T-S

That's probably a classic "control/domination" move. By disrupting your day she is in control.

russell hayward

any more news ?

r32

I've been reading this thread with great interest, I really feel for you and hope you can get it all sorted and move on.
Sounds like you are doing the right things and there is good advice and support on here.
Stick to your guns, once you split dont have any conatct, if she calls put the phone down. Are your parents aware of the situation? If not tell them and ask for their support. Put the house up for sale and move in for a while, it might be a good time to sell up any way, house prices look as though they may stabalize a bit so do it M8 all the best, keep us all up to date.
STEVE.......

the moose

Your house, your move. Others have offered advice on this, which I believe to be true, but get to the Citizen's Advice (or a solicitor - often free for a first consultation) and get CAST IRON advice on this so that you can dispute any crap that's thrown your way.

Are you doing the right thing in ending this relationship? Everyone moves on in their lives until they meet the right person - she was the right person for you some years back, but is not now.

You have to end it, and now. To the inevitable "but why - what have I done wrong", my response (when the same happened to me a decade ago) was not that it was her fault or my fault, simply that the combination of the two of us wasn't working. Moreover, it wouldn't work in the future, and by refusing to face up to to it we were both, literally, prolonging the agony.

Your plan seems a good one, though I'd add

* Sell the Scoob - you might not get much for it, but the bills are the expensive bit! And there are a load more out there when you're on your feet in 12-18 months
* Talk to the bank - get a consolidation loan for your outstanding credit, and cut up your credit cards if you find you can't stop spending
* Friends - you need to rediscover yourself, and you may find your mates can help you do this.
* Family - you really find out just how much thicker blood is than water at times like this.
* Outside interests - you mention going for a bike ride. Join a local club - I've never known them to be other than welcoming (well, other than the roadie 'chain gang' types!) and rediscover your youth.
* STOP THE BOOZE or at the very least cut down a lot.

There's a load more I could add, and I'm only going through the sorts of things which worked for me.

Good luck.

LG John

A lost I really feel for you mate and I can understand that in your situation it can be very difficult to realise exactly what the root cause of your problems are. You just feel that you are uncared for, have little money, feel down, crave drink to ease it, etc, etc. Its been said already but the problem is actually very simple. There is a drain on your life and clearly it is your partner! She drains you physically, financially and emotionally! Most guys can accept a lass doing one of those things () but not all 3.

Remove her and the rest should fall into place so pour your resources into being strong enough to get rid of her and keep her WELL away from you. After that take some time off if you can and eat some healthy food, sleep well and do some exercise to try and rebuilt your tired body and mind. You should find clarity will return and without her in your life you'll figure out for yourself how to deal with the other problems in your life that have crept in whilst with her

Good luck

milo

hey, thats my line!

LG John

LOL And good advice it is too

eClaire

Soooooo.... she's been on holiday - did you do it?

bigsinky

its been nearly 2 years for me and i can tell you i still have my moments. i went for some counselling in january and i have to say it was the best thing i ever did. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. they way you feel CAN be fixed over time, but you have to want to get better. i am now off the anti depressants after 11 months and can say that i feel miles better. swapped the wife for a scoob, got my own place now and have a better lifestyle than i had when i was married. good luck with the doctor and counselling, i fully empathise with what you are going through atm, but be sure that with help you will get through it and be a better, stronger person after it.

cheers

sinky

sti-04!!

Good Luck mate, hope all is well & you come through

Steve Whitehorn

iTrader: (13)

DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT - DO IT -

Picture it in your head (visualise it) (say it to yourself over and over again)
Then just do it.

Best of luck
Steve

Ubik

Just seen this thread mate. Good luck, Once you are away you can make a fresh start and put it all behind you. Try and keep focused on how your life is going to be once this is all sorted.

Jamo's plan sounds excellent to me. Put yourself first for once!

All the best
David

mart360

Walk!!!

you can start again .... i know i did it

they can chase you for debts, but if you have nothing, they cant take anything!!!!

your pride & wellbeing is your last vestige of normality

its the big one now you and only you can make the decision..!!!

what have you got to loose?? what have you got to gain!!!

no one deserves to suffer under the duress of a relationship thats gone bad

i had kids but i still did it.

once out of the home it was easier to call the shots... i see my kids daily

and my EX still hates me but ive remarrried and am very happy

Mart

bdscooby

good luck mate hope all sorts out for you,go on holiday aswell mate,it will make you relax and think better of what you want to do in the future.
hope all goes well mate