ProperCharlie

IME people tend to go a bit overboard when they are younger. ie. one serious row and they think the relationship is over. in all honesty, i was like that myself. when i met my wife-to-be i was 24 and she was 29. i was *very* over sensetive about any aspect of trying to control me - i just wouldn't have it. basically i would just say "i'm going out, i'll be back some time before tommorrow lunch".

looking back on it, i was a bit OTT, but i was a young bloke and didn't want to start acting the pipe and slippers part.

8 years later i'm older and wiser. i still go out, but more like once every couple of months rather than a couple of times a week.

basically, if she is really serious about the relationship she should be prepared to work at it. however, i think you both need to be a bit more realistic about how you expect each other to behave.

jasey

The "sponsored Links" are getting quite good now .


Echo what has been said before - TRUST each other. Without Trust you have NOTHING (in relationship terms).

Trust me on this

ps Flirting is OK provided you are both allowed to do it and agree that it is a bit of harmless fun .

CraigH

noooooooooooooooooooo

Scott,

You are the one with the major problem, you are obviously very insecure about your relationship hence the lack of trust. Theres no way you'll stay together if you both don't change. You need to sit down, be totally honest about what you both want and what your needs are.
Then decide whether you both want to carry on. At 20, likelihood is, you need to make more concessions for the age gap, than she does......

sorry if that sounds harsh.

gsm1

Mate, as previously said, I think you need to chill out a bit. The more you want to know where she is all the time the worse it's going to get.

Manda_po

I got married at 19 and am celebrating twenty years very soon. It is however, too young for children. Relationships get even harder after babies arrive, and it sounds like your,s needs a lot of work. If you can work it out for the best though, and she really is the one for you, it will be worth it.

TelBoy

Indeed, Manda. Hence in my first post the inclusion of "these days" - ie the age of the internet, mobile phones and so on, with which i believe it is a lot harder for young people to avoid the attentions of their peer group and remain settled with one partner.

Cider boy

Blimey mate, give her some space

I don't think the age gap has much to do with it, my brother and I sometimes meet up for a quick beer and end up rolling in at stupid times, it happens. His wife understands totaly, and then she has her space going off to see friends for the weekend etc whilst he stays at home looking after the young'un.

Oh, he's 37 by the way

You need to give her a bit more space & trust, without that what's the point in trying???

Matt

deanimus

My parents were married at 17, had first kid at 19 and still together after over 20 years, so getting married at 20 isn't young assuming shes the one

Drunken Bungle Whore

1. Some people get married at 30 and split up after a year some marry at 16 and stay married for life. Forget about the age thing.

2. Go talk to Relate - should get an initial appointment quite quickly. May have to wait for follow up ones depending on how flexible you can be.

3. When peopl argue and fight one person usually acts like a child (Can't, shan't, won't etc). Usual response is to act like a parent (You must or else). Most helpful is to talk like an adult despite any provocation (I really want to sort this out, what would you suggest? What would happen if we carry on like this?)

Trust is really hard to rebuild if it's lost. Try Relate - I'm sure they can really help.

Good Luck

Diablo

I feel pretty qualified to give you the benefit of my experience.

Regardless of how "wronged" you feel, the only way its going to work is when you admit you are the one in the wrong.

Your insecurity is the problem here, not her behavior.

If you accept that, then you are 70% of the way there. The only way she will accept it is if you do.

Have you ever asked yourself why she would rather be out all night with her mates than coming home to you? Do you wonder why she doesn't phone you? (aside from the fact that time really does fly when you're having fun)

If you sort yourself out, you'll become someone she really wants to come home to and she won't be out till 3.00 am and not tell you, because she'll be so aware of your feelings that she'd be letting herself down to do it. Respect is a two way street.

Her behavior is, by and large, due to your attitude. She is, possibly even subconciously, rebelling against your lack of trust and controlling ways. Its a downward spiral.

There is no easy way, but you need to sort your own **** out and then go and get her. tell her how you truly feel about her. but most importantly, demonstrate how you feel by your actions, not your words.

Trust, respect, affection, and a want to go forwards are what she needs to feel she has with you. Thats worth a thousand "I love you" statements.

She needs to feel that she is the most important thing in your world, and right now she doesn't.

If you get that right, you're on the road to recovery. And a happy future.

You'll also see huge rewards. If she feels adored, you'll get it back.

Now, you may well do all of that and she'll bugger of and **** someone else anyway. If that happens, though, its definately not your fault and nothing you could do would change it. If you don't, your stuffed anyway. No guarantees in this life, but its what you make it.

D

Leslie

As the post from Phil. The worst thing in a marriage is to sense lack of trust. Give her the space she wants and stop flirting in front of her. Thats another marriage killer!

Les

King Eric

Unfortunately it sounds like she is over the side...or seriously considering doing it

Spanish Archer her into touch and get yourself a new life

Good luck

deano

Amen to Diablo.

























But she won't be coming back because I'm sh@gging her

LG John

I know how difficult it can be and I have by no means come close to mastering it yet myself but you MUST start trusting her pronto and give her space and freedom if she needs it. I lost the love of my life a few years ago when she cheated on me and there is no doubt my mistrusting attitude and insecurities lead to her infidelity (not that that is a justification though!!).

Since then I have NEVER been the same person and with each passing month I feel my life slipping away. How far I will slip down this slop remains to be seen but I'm far enough already to know that if you meet that special person you want to try damn hard not to f*ck it up. Good luck

P.S. The age thing is going to be a problem - for at least the next 5 years she will be under considerable pressure to have regular nights with her mates which will not always be compatable with her role as a wife.

Kev_turbo

Can't be bothered to read all the posts but it sounds to me you would be more suited to a dog who will stay by it's masters side all day long!!!

She is 20 FFS, most 20 year olds I know are at uni getting ratted every night, she needs to live a bit. Trust her not to cheat on you, she doesn't have to have a bloke in her arms to have a good night out. If you don't trust her she will leave and start to live her life.

Grow up yourself, you sound worse than your wife!!!

milo

reading the replies.. they are pretty interesting.

hasnt anyone else other than me got a partner they *want* to spend as much time as possible with? personally, for me and my gf, the idea of spending time apart is not something we actually want to do.

and it's *not* because we dont trust each other.. we simply would rather spend our time together, whether thats staying in or going out, than without each other.

fwiw, im 25, shes 20 and we've been together 2 years.

:shrugs:

jameswrx

iTrader: (4)

Sorry mate but you sound a bit paranoid. For all you know she could have been telling her friends how much she loved you til 3am.

lordharding

iTrader: (1)

Fraid there is not much hope for you sadly

Too young /age gap /

She wants a night out so let her come back late

If my misses came back at 3pm i would say

;bit early isnt it? 5 pm is a proper night out !!!

And throw away the Bl##dy mobile phone !!

Texts are for teenagers Adults have proper conversations !!!!

You cant trust her probably cos you have a 20 year old and you feel old

and FORGET about KIDS !!! that would ruin everything and multiply your many problems

Sorry to be harsh but I would a seperate bank account for a rainy day

JoanUK300

Well, don`t keep us hanging on......any news???

Brendan Hughes

Be patient Joan, he's still texting her to get her to come back.

The Guv'nor

LOL @ Brendan!!

If she's not coming back send me her number, I could do with a 20yr old nympho who likes to go out on the p1ss all night!!

T.G.

ScoobyDoo555

Great Brendan - just got coffee all over the monitor!!!

In all seriousness, just to echo what some have said - it's down to trust and your apparent insecurity issues. Although, it does take 2 to tango - she knows what buttons to press to get a reaction.

Age don't mean ****. I got married at the age of 21. We've been very happily married for 7 years this year (although I have been getting this itchin sensation ) and have two beautiful daughters.
We have arguements - real humdingers. When I get cross, it takes on average about a week to calm down (a wonderful mixture of being quick to flare up, and then getting a bee in my bonnet!) But they end, and we make up Nowt wrong with a good barney - it clears the air.

I hope you get it sorted. I've got friends who have the same possessive-type of relationship and, well, I hope they sort it out. A BIG uphill struggle.

Ask yourself is she worth it. According to your previous post, yes.

Thankyou, please.

Dan

DBY

Dry Your Eyes Mate there's Plenty More Fish In The Sea

r32

Dry Your Eyes Mate there's Plenty More Fish In The Sea


You could try www.masochists.com.
You may find some one on here who actually likes being dominated .............

andypugh2000

Once again true words, its the only way, if there is doubt then there is no doubt.

andy

TelBoy

Few (if any) people have said that age in isolation is the issue. What's the age difference between yourself and your wife, Dan?

TelBoy

Link doesn't work! All excited i was there for a minute!!

Turbohot

Relationships SUCK !
My view anyway
Good on those people who are happy together ever after.marry in St.Lucia or in Barbados ( like me), its all f*cked at the end of the day
So let the muppet,be the muppet, by the muppet rule,dont give a damn !!!!!

ScoobyDoo555

Tel - we're both the same age.

But I can see where you're coming from. My comment was referring to getting married at an early age......

Should have made myself clearer....

Dan

TelBoy

No prob.

Marriage at a young age *can* (and obviously does) work, but the difference in mentality between a 19 year old and a 27 year old is immense in my opinion, no matter how "mature" she appears.