JoanUK300

Well, I have been with Peter for 22 years. We met a week before my 17th birthday, he was 23 and I was still 16....(just) been together ever since.
We moved in together in 1987 and FINALLY tied the knot in September 1993, had a baby in 1995.

I must admit the age difference thing comes and goes, you have to learn to compromise, I suppose thats why we are still together.


Come on Scott Herts......I can`t wait to see what has happened



Joan.

Brendan Hughes

Joan, are you lost now Big Brother has finished?

TelBoy

That's excellent, congratulations. But again, it was in the days before the internet and mobile phones. I'd be genuinely interested to see the change in success rate of marriages in the under-25 category in the last ten years...

God i'm such a cynic!!

ScoobyDoo555

and you're one post away from 28,000!!

Dan

TelBoy

What a senseless waste of human life!!

Scott Herts

Well here i am, lost of people seem interested in all this which i suppose is a good and bad thing!!

I spent the whole of monday pretty much crying after missing her so bad, until i got off my **** and thought right i am off to see a counseller, work have an employee helpline that helps with all sorts of this and they set me up with 3 free sessions with relate person....she is fantastic but very harsh, i have been to my fourth session today (65quid) luckily no more needed at the time being. she made me actually see my faults in a way that i could see them and has put me on the road to recovery, textbook case apparantly(hear that alot dont you), after a couple of sessions i sent a mail to my other half which i will copy below, this is what the counseller told me to do as the wife could actually see that it isnt false promises that may think about comeing home. I am doing all these things for myself, cause if i do it to get her back then i will fail, i have to put myself right before i can even thikn of Ali coming home.

here it is:

Just been reading scoobynet, and talking to a counsellor tonight and i have an appointment tomorrow..

Apparantly my insecurites and my behaviour are due ot my old relaitionship with kirsten(my ex ex), she has poisioned me a little and getting me to act differently about you.

I know you want to see your friends and i have to come to terms that it is what 20 year olds do, i have been trying to treat you of someone my age(sorry i am writing as i am remembering), i have to come to terms that you want to do these things before it is too late and just plod along, and if i dont come to terms with it we have no marriage anyway really. and if you came back and i stayed the same and not tried to let you do your own thing then i would be forcing you into another blokes arms without realising what i was doing.

There are loads of options open when you decide what you want, i have been researching quite alot tonight in how i could get better at trusting u, and i really know deep down that there isnt anyone else that you want to be seeing at the moment, and you do love me....

i have to start to remember what i was like at 20, and let you do what you want a little bit and as she ssaid let you off the leash, funny pun that. i have to put you on the car insurance cause without the opportunity for freedom, you lose independence. after all it was me that made us decide that putting your car back on the road was a bad idea.

I should be getting involved a little more in your life, putting more effort into meeting friends getting pissed with you and them every now and then, not ALL the time, to let them see how i actually am, and let them like me for who i am not for them to know the bad things everytime we row...

Rowing will not stop, rowing is a very important way to assertane boundries in relaitionships, however bad they are we would have to stop with the anger sit down and talk/if it is that bad write down the problems and then leave it 20 mins and talk about it. (all from counseller)

trust can be rebuilt in time, flirting and doing what i did can be forgotten in time, as long as we have a strong, loving link, which is worth saving.

She thought that any girl would be thinking about what to do after all what i told her, but if i said most of this stuff it would at least make you think about giving the marriage we wanted a try....cause as she said marriages aint all a bed of roses, its work work work....

erm...there was more........having to write it down now i dont want to forget anything tonight!

Trust is the number one result in divorce and basically the women or man actually does trust the other just it comes out wrong(weird fact)

She also went on to what i want....now i said at first i just want you back.....she frowned heavily.....i need to sort my head out, and go through what i have done wrong, over and over, and make sur ei dont jump to conclusions, get angry, use texting as a tool to convey my anger....all very childish things... i need to write things down and think about them, then if when you get home or i calm down the issues might just be a load of tosh and i wouldnt have a problem....thought that was very good myself..

there are alot of things i need to do and one thing the women said is that you not trusting me is a big thing, but when i said is that you didnt know who i was talking to(i said what i had done) she said i was silly, but knew by the fact i was there with her that i want to do something about it....but if i had cheated, then she said it would have been a dead marriage, she thinks it is very fixable..... if work is put in.

I know you didnt want to go and see someone and going by what she said you dont need to, all you have done wrong she says is assuming i would be ok.

she doesnt think that i have a problem you seeing friends, it is more of a laziness thing, where i dont want to get off my **** to help you get places so you can drink, then when i am sitting here lonely i miss you so much it confuses me.

well i think this mail is long enough already, i just had to send this to you just to prove i am willing and have done alot more than before to try and resolve this.

P.S I dont send you enough flowers, or little sentimental gifts, like plants(!>!> you like plants??) and getting up and saying alright love we are off down the pub to get hammered, which we need to do more....

anyway enough of all this...

I love you

and will now leave you to your space

-------------------------

well big mail i know and a few things in there that maybe right or wrong to you people.

I had a counselling meeting this morning in town, then went bowling on way back there was a jacket of hers that she wanted i was only 5 mins away from her work so i just parked up and dropped it into reception. Two mins later i get a call asking why i didnt come say hello, so i turned round and met up with her, she looks fantastic! we had a great big hug(s) and a few kisses, nice ones not tongue down the throat stuff , it was really nice seeing her, she looked so happy though, whereas all i could think about was wow this is my wife, WTF was i doing letting it get to this. She is still after time which i suppose is fair enough, but at least i know i dont repulse her as she would have wanted me away from her, and not hugged or kissed me, even though she may have done it out of guilt as i was looking for it maybe, i have trouble at reading between the lines!

I feel a bit stronger which is great, but it still comes down to the fact that my life will get better, but the life i want is with this gorgeous, fantastic person that i met 2 years ago and married, she is perfect in every way, i just have come to terms that the ar$ehole i was is the reason she isnt back....

and as she just said in a text only time will tell eh...

i will let you all read that bloody long reply before i type anymore.

thanks guys for caring well some of you, I WILL NOT BE GIVING OUT HER NUMBER!! lol

Senior_AP

Discussing personal life with people you haven't met.

TelBoy

All very well, but what a *strange* phrase to include!! In any case, i hope it all works out well for you.

Senior_AP

I feel for the guy but why is he asking people on a chat forum about things that are important. This is his private life, not a discussion about the "nicest alloys on a P1".

Personal life + SN = NO!!!!

Elliot

Glad to here you are getting back on track!!!

I am sure things will work out for you as us girlies don't just get married for the fun of it so I am sure she really does love you.

I got married when I was 18 and 7 years on am still happily married with 2 kiddies, we have always trusted each other and because Elliot never moaned about me going out, I never really wanted to as I was much more happier at home with him.

Good luck!!

Angie (Elliot's Other 1/2)

jasey

Not as strange as e-mailing her - Scott hasn't listened to a word we've said - As for the Councellor suggesting that e-mail is the best way of communicating with your soon to be ex-wife in this situation - Well I'm glad she's a cheap counsellor .

ps Don't put her on your Insurance - She'll only total the car - 20 year old girls can't drive - too busy drinking alcopops

jasey

Elliot lets you use his SN Account - Now there's TRUST for You

JoanUK300

Brendan........have I upset you in anyway? You seem to be picking on me cos I am in longterm relationship.
You have commented on my posts more than once, not just this thread. AND for your information, I do not watch BB, never have and never will do......


Scott......thats brilliiant news, hope you control yourself now and THINK of the other person in your relationship........almost made me wish Peter would see your counsellor......no, not really, love him to bits and wouldn`t change him for the world.
Just growing old together is enough for me.


Joan.

Scott Herts

People do strange things in desperation state, or phase 1...

i didnt have anyone to talk to other than people that knew me and the wife, stranger can see the fully picture without being clouded by feelings!!

I have done what i needed to do, i have got help and finally got off my **** and did something, i am not trying to force her home, i am working on my faults for ME, and if she sees it then fine, if not then it will make alot stronger in a new relaitionship down the line...

But the most important fact is that i want her back, she is my life and will try anything to change so that we can live happily, not to come back and be the same for 2 weeks then back to the same old scotty it isnt practical when it has gone this far, as i said i have got off my **** and instead of taking things for granted, i have cleaned the house(many times) done my washing, ironing, cooking, dishes, most stuff i used to take for granted being with her, which was wrong, if i had just shared some of these things it would have made stuff alot easier for her cause as she said it is a big job when you are doing it yourself, i can see that now, it isnt so hard when it is half which is another thing i have learnt...and still learning as the week goes on...

bloke

Who says romance is dead ??

HotRod

I feel for you mate. Sounds like you've reacted positively to a wake-up call, so give it all you've got. Hope it turns out OK
HotRod

Brendan Hughes

Sorry Joan, only my crap attempts at humour. Please ignore me (most people do!)

Scott Herts

I hope so, just need her seeing this positive scotty.

davegtt

sounds like them words are from some1 else tbh, if I was her and read that I would just think the councellor is telling you want to say and you aint thinking about this yourself IMO off course

Diablo

Mate, get the emails and texts to f uck and make sure she hears all this from yourself -from the heart.

You sound like you're getting somewhere.

Even if it doesn't work out, you'll be a better person for what you've learned.

I was lucky , not everyone is

Scott Herts

Well, this has come from my mouth, it is my interpretation of how she explained to me my faults, it was up to me to put it right....counsellers arent there to try and get people back they are there to help you get hold of yourself and get back on track....its up to you if you try and do anything..which i have done...

I have told her all this, and she knows it is all from the heart she really is, she just is scared cause she doesnt want it to happen again, i have frightened her, and that is what is stopping her coming back.... she has to get her head straight and decide if she wants to be married and go through the rebuild process(which could be fun, grrrrr) or be single, then as we are in the same sort of circles, one day eventually either she will she me with someone else or i see her and i would put money that we would both freak, because we only really want each other, we dont want anyone else, but life would have to go on eventually..... ok ok i would freak for sure!

I believe we are soulmates that have gone off track slightly, we fit so well together, and time will tell what she wants..

Scott Herts

Just to let you that care, tonight a big break through....She has told me she is IN love with me....i think i could be the luckiest man alive if she comes back..... just a few things to work out in her head, i am sure love will prevail...I HOPE

Nicci

Scott, please take things slowly as you don't want to scare her off.

I thought the message you wrote to her was really nice, it was very meaningful.
Its just those stale old men that didn't like it. Bet you find most women here think the message is touching.

And for those who think you shouldn't mix s/n and personal stuff...its good to have an opinion from someone who does not know either party. Its a fresh view.

Good luck Scott

Diablo

Cool

Fingers crossed mate

Just take it slow

jasey

Old habits Die hard


TRUST HER IMPLICITLY OR YOU'LL BLOW IT !

Claudius

Trust, trust... I'm not so sure that it is that Scott doesnt trust her, it sounds more like he hasnt got enough self-confidence. Nothing indicates that his wife cheats on him or intends to do so, it's Scott who isnt self-confident enough. He thinks she may cheat on him or something because he feels he may be too old or on another wave length or so.

Scott, be confident, she loves you and you know it. She's married you after all, and she's told you again not long ago. Accept the age difference and the resulting behavioural differences for what they are (normal) and go have a beer or watch a movie if she's with her friends. And only text her if she texts you, people your age dont text much, her mates do and you're not one of them, you're the good-looking mature guy she married

Take care

jasey

You obviously missed the bit about Scott flirting with the "Others" - Doesn't sound like a confidence problem - unless he's got a complex personality situation going on - It's trust - I'm telling you .

Claudius

I would have thought that he flirts with others specifically to prove his own attractiveness to himself precisely because he is not self-confident enough?

r32

Well done M8, I hope it all goes well and you can control any anger. Lets hope it all has a happy ending.

STEVE..................

StickyMicky

read the first few lines only


you both shagged about??

your not right for each other, get on with life