Scooby96

Go for an open relationship

OK I'll get me coat!!

paulr

Havent read the whole thread,just first post.

First impression.

She realises she married too young,isnt ready to stay in at night watching corrie,and wants to carry on as if she is still single.

Choices.

1.End it.
2.Give her some space and in maybe a couple of years she may settle down a bit.
I'd maybe try the latter,and talk to her about it.

daisy

I think flirting hurts the other half more than you realise sometimes. How would she feel if she knew you were discussing it all on here like this though?

We're all full of good advice but at the end of the day we don't know either of you. Make sure she knows how much your marriage means and if she really loves you she'll be back. Good Luck!

Hanslow

One thing Scott, if she does come back then please don't smother her or bow to her beck and call. Make sure you are still your own person but make sure the trust and respect is there. Might be hard because you'll be trying hard not to mess things up, just don't overdo it.

Best of luck with it, I hope it all works out well for you

22BUK

UPDATE: Scott's wife moved back in with him yesterday...

Manda_po

emicen

Looks like I'm jumping in late on this one but I feel I should because you sound exactly like me!

Apparently I flirt a lot with other girls, its force of habbit I think (PR job n'est pas!) but it gets to her but she's always just like "you were flirting" and thats that. Says it as if dont let it happen any more. Now at this point either I deny it or go off on one. Its always best to ignore it.

If she smiles talking to someone on the phone from work, I have been known to start off that she's flirting and thats been the cause of nearly all our arguements!

In previous relationships I always held on too tight, and although I didnt want to I became overbearing, over protective and at times pretty damn psycho!

My current girlfriend is the best looking out all the girls I've been out with. The age gap is 4 years but she's very mature and frankly maturity is not a word often associated with my antics. Theres guys after her all the time. Its hard to trust but I just let her get on with it. If you hold on too tight you just wind yourself up in to knots and your jugdement etc will be clouded by this.

Get back in there, explain you realise what you have done and should not do again and just relax a bit more. I seem to remember a story or marality tail of some slightly retarded guy/janitor that had his pet mouse and kept it in his pocket so it couldnt come to harm. He stroked it lovingly for hours but didnt realise due to his strength he had pounded it to death many years before. My take on that story is that if you try too hard to pretect what you love, will just end up killing what you loved about it.

emicen

FFS, mental note, next time read the damn thread before jumping in after page 1!

JoanUK300

Scott, 'BRILLIANT NEWS'....now, take her out for a nice meal tonight and if you both feel like it on to a club, or a drive over Ally Pally, (I used to love going over there, especially when there are loads of stars in the sky) if not come home and have a snuggle in bed with a bottle of wine and a good movie, (her choice of film though) and lets hope it all turns out good for you both.


Joan.

yoza

I hope this isnt going to be a happy ending....

I HATE happy endings.

chris's scooby

She may not be too happy if she finds out about this thread!

milo

damn straight. there'd freakin' BETTER be a twist here, and a good one too.

yoza

Lets make up a better one, just in case.

She turns to prostitution, he hangs himself.

[ lets out big sigh of relief ] , thats better.

Funkii Munkii

So this is what happened to Simon Bates Our Tune .......

BedHog

Sounds like you're trying to keep her on a lead.

Can't remember in my marriage vows saying "In sickness and in health and back home by 10:30"

Sounds like you don't trust her, in which case you should never have got married.

I've always actively encouraged my wife to go out - I think it's important that she has friends (who aren't my friends) that she can go and spend time with.

Scott Herts

Hello again...

Thanks 22BUK, i havent really had time to post on here was has happened.

Yes the wife came back Friday night, we had a few chats in the daytime, and you guys were right she loves me alot, but doesnt want to come back for it too all back back to normal again in weeks/months...

We have talked alot and going to work through problems, communication is key.

thanks to alot of you including Joan.....fantastic helpers! and as you can imagine writing problems down and doing something kept me sane for the week she was gone.

This may just be a happy ending after all, so sorry guys!!

chris's scooby

Good luck to you. Just don't spoil it this time. Remember compromise and as you said communication.

Chris

mj

apoligies paulR, but you meant,

" 2.Give her some space and "the accociated **** that goes with said "space" " and in may couple of years she may settle down a bit.

Call me cynical, but if the missus needs to go and find her space, then she's welcome to it.

SCOsazOBY

awe bless i admire you for posting your troubles on here, it takes guts especially for a man to open his heart and life to total strangers.

It will work out in the end, us women are just a bit stubborn sometimes and like the man to chase and show affection as it makes us feel wanted and proves that you want us after all.

take care, saz

milo

its the last part in "love, honor and obey"

but then, what do marriage vows mean these days

Manda_po

I don't think obey is in any of the more progressive wedding vows. However, I take my vows seriously and have done for twenty years, and so has my husband.

mj

sometimes?

Steve Perriam

my wedding vows 3 weeks ago in Kenya used ' through good times and bad times' which we both thought was good for times now..........

good luck m8.

Scott Herts

I dont want you to have a go at me or at her for what i am writing please, advise no bad comments cause i am real close to the edge!

The wife came back a month ago, after i had done so much to make myself a better person for me, and she noticed the difference straight away.

We scrimped and saved to get the house we both wanted(rent) we left us broke for 2 weeks, and for the rest of the month it has been heaven.....

Sex has been great, we talked more, i actually felt we had turned the corner, i was still head over heels with her and realised that the past was the past and i had fallen in love with this girl all over again, I would have done nothing to hurt her again.

Wednesday night she went out with her mates, which i was ok with, she came home next morning she went to work, we had a slight disagreement about something which i cant explain now but it was nothing, the next thing i know i she tells me nothing has changed and she still doesnt trust me????

I asked for an explanation and basically she said she cant trust me, it had only been 3 weeks since she has come back, what did she expect??.....even though she admits the last month has been really good(except the money thing) she wants to call it a day, said that she is in love with me and that she will never forget me....Biggest head **** in the world if you ask me i would have preffered "I hate your guts goodbye"

She has been at hers mums, and i tell you what i have never been so depressed in my life, I have been through the whole "why dont i just die" routine I went for a 4 hour walk even though i hadent eaten and ended up almost collapsing, i told her that she can have everything in the house and i would just disappear, She doesnt care...

Even though this last month has been great and she has noticed the changes, she is sick of always wanting to look at my phone and is certain i have cheated on her in the past, and she just has images of this in her head all the time.... We were on the road to recovery but she cut it short.. I will say this to all of you That i love this girl with all my heart and the flirting i have done hasnt meant a thing and i have never cheated, kissed cuddled any women at all, as the counsellor said a month ago i had a confidence problem, which after the session swith her i didnt have this problem as much anymore cause i had a beautiful wife with lots to look forward to....

Now i am at desperation point trying anything to get her home, i know i sound like the most pathetic man on the planet but i did the lot, i just had to break into my own house cause i got hold of her and said i am off i put the keys through the door and just started that walk, luckily the back door was open, i tried everything which just makes me look like more of a tit.

I want you guys out there to tell me can she trust me again, does she need to get onto a counsellor to help her over this.... What is trust? if trust is lost can you get it back, obviously it would take time but surely if this girl is in love me me as much as she said she is Why of why isnt she trying to do something about it, not just give up when it was going so well..

my sister has been on the phone to her tonight, and my wife told her basically everything that is above here, she is scared that every day she is thinking of looking through all my stuff to make sure i am not hiding something, surely what i have done to change should give her some sort of thought that i have turned a corner and only want her....my life is nothing without this beautiful girl.....

She did tell my sister she loves me with all her heart but doesnt want to get hurt anymore...

Should i just let her go? Cause i know damn well that i dont want to, she is the girl that i have felt the most for in my life, she is everything i look for in a woman and i do love her with all my heart.

enough of the blabbing...gn guys

Jap2Scrap

Gotta chip in a bit..

Sounds to me like she's projecting her own unfaithfulness onto you. I would think that she was less than faithful on her night (overnight?!) out, be it just a kiss, being attracted to someone else or worse, and is now taking the "if I'm doing it then he must be too" approach.

Either that or she's trying to break it off, most likely because of having the desire to see other guys or even be full-time-single like her friends and is trying to make you feel like it's because of you and not her.

Of course I could be really wrong but I recognise some of the signs.

Glencora

The guy who has posted here is my brother. As a guy he has made PLENTY of mistakes - and I should know, I lived with him for the first 21 years of his life.

Speaking from the heart, I truely believe they should try to rebuild their egos and self esteem, so when they are 'better' they will be able to make grown-up decisions about the future. If that future is divorce, then I will be there to help him through it.

The only thing that bugs me is that when seeing them together you know they are deeply in love, its all in the eyes!

I am going up tomorrow to help get him over this latest fall and keep my fingers crossed that everything ends up as it should.

A big thanks to all you guys and gals that have given advice or a kick up the ***! He currently needs all the help he can get.

mad_dr

Although I wish you all the best mate, it sounds to me like you're flogging a dead horse, so to speak.

Your G/F sounds like she's already made her mind up that she doesn't want to stay with you and I'm guessing that her moving back in with you was just a lapse.

If she had honestly wanted to try again, she wouldn't be running off so soon. She'd have realised that change takes time and if she thought that you were worth the wait, she'd still be there.

Like I said, this may sound harsh, but as a bloke, I hate to see other guys get messed around by women. We all seem to think that they're some kind of unobtainable goal and to me, it sounds like you G/F shares this view.

Let her go and move on mate. She's told you how she feels. Why don't you believe her? Remember - Love isn't the be-all and end-all - just because you 'think' you're in love with each other doesn't mean that everything's going to be fine. Besides - when she walks out on you, do you REALLY think she loves you?

Probably she wants out and is trying to justify herself by blaming you. It's her decision so let her make it.

I hope you get through this quickly mate.

yvette296

wella s some of you know, i've been away. have just read this thread and feel so sorry for both of them. I have been in two situations like this (the most recent one with a 21 year old bloke when I was 32). The age difference can have a huge impact on your way of life, but underneath it all, it all depends on the people involved.


IF she is playing away, there is always a reason, you have both just gotta figure out what it is? has anyonea ctually suggested going to Relate on here because I can't see it? They are fantastic. When hubby & I were going through a real bad patch, they helped us so much. Now we are happier than ever. However, I also used them for situation mentioned above and they suggested that we shoudl give up as we were never gonna make each other happy. Tough advice but it was the right stuff.

Please PLEASE ring them and get an appointment. if you do really both love each other, and it sounds as if you do, you MUST do this to help each other.

Good luck. Please PM me if I can be of any further help.

fast bloke

Scott - your wife has left you for good - look positive - no more nagging - you are the winner. Do ya wanna swap wives?

fast bloke

If you get back together she will try to control you. You will have a happier life without her. It might feel **** now, but come back in a year and tell us you still miss her. She is making you miserable - why on earth would you want to continue a relationship with this person. Call her tomorrow, tell her you have seen the light and you don't want her back. Tell me the down side of getting rid of someone who makes you miserable 24/7?