Scott Herts

I wen tto see a counsellor 4 sessions and that is all i needed to start realising my problems and she got me seeing that my feelings actually do point to my wife noone else, i just had to start looking at her differently which i did, which made me fall in love with her all over again!! i trust myself so much now, just a shame she cannot relax and try again, losing battle here i think.

Spoon

What??? So your username isn't available after all!!!

brybusa

How'd this girl get your mobile No...?...You gave it to her...

I can understand where where your wife is coming from, id be peeved as well, your digging yourself futher in it.

Shes too young to be married Scott, people change in there 20's and again in there 30's...Shes not going to the same girl and you the same guy.

If it wasnt now it'd be later..let it go mate and get on with the rest of your life, your still young yet, easy to say now I know, but you WILL recover from this and have lots of great times to follow after

bluenosewrx

iTrader: (2)

Mate,
You need to see someone IMHO.
Thinking of doing daft things to yourself over another person is not right.
If you love her, stop and let things go their course.
If she wants to come back, she will,nothing you do or say at this stage is going to get her back.

Sorry, it's probably not what you wanted to hear.

Mac.

Scott Herts

This girl got my phone number cause i gave it to her year ago, she has been going out with my best mate until 4 months ago, i have known her since she was 13, we are just friends.....

maybe you are right, maybe alison just doesnt love me anymore and doesnt actually want to be with me and is just using things like last night to cover something else....cause that is silly

Scott Herts

Sorry guys,

I think this still can work, she does love me she just needs time to realise what she is missing....

i know i am not stable but just to let you all know i have been to see the doctor this morning, and he told me that they are not giving me anything, i just need to let days go bye, and not get worked up....

this doctor has seen me and alison together and all signs are good...pretty much everyone think we are the perfect couple and all couples go through rough times in the first few years of marriage, as you are both working against each other to mould each other for the rest of your lives together.....some mistakes have happened that i am sure we can sort out, i just hope she gets out of the place she is in now and gets back on track and remember that she loves me deeply!

TelBoy

LOL, the most compelling evidence i've seen yet that it really *is* over. Wow, i've had my infatuations in my time, and *always* regretted how much of my life i've wasted over them, but you've got it bad, you just can't see it. But as before, i sincerely hope it does work out...

Patt@firstime

I'm sure Scott wouldn't agree!

jjones

do you realise how fckued up and phsyco that sounds?

Scott Herts

that is what the doctor said, believe it or not, she needs time....

so you dont qualify as one of them i bet....

i am going through the grieving process so i am told, please dont write stuff like that...fair enough 50% have feelings it is over 50% dont, i am writing on here to keep me busy

Spoon

You are also attention seeking.

Go and do something constructive.

EddScott

If shes going off the handle because you needed someone to talk to and just throwing all the "I can't trust you anymore" garbage you really need to calm down a think whether this girl is really worth all the damage your doing to yourself.

You both seem a bit on the "Dramatic" side which really needs to be cut out and you need to stop being so bloody negative!

TTIUWP btw

Lets see if shes worth all this upset your causing youself!

EddScott

My GFs brother is doing similat things in an attempt to draw attention to himself. He blames the fact that he can't see his son but he's had all the chances in the world and just messed it all up. Now he's coming out with all this self-harm stuff and threatening to kill everyone around him in the vain hope that by doing all this someone will wave a magic wand and make it all better.

My GFs sister is desperate to come live with us as shes scared of him and their parents are pretty useless and do nothing about it.

Point is this "I want to self-harm and I want anyone and everyone to know" does look like attention seeking. Hence my suggestion that all these "Dramatics" are making things worse.

davegtt

Im sorry I aint exactly got anything constructive to add to this thread and Ive never had a problem with the dear deidre type threads, but this is just starting to sound pathetic now. go enjoy you life rather than moping over some1 elses......

If she wants you she'll come back in good time, in the mean time think of it as a green light to go do what ever u wanna do.

some people

Wish

iTrader: (2)

Ive posted a couple of times now. But this is getting way out of hand.

FACT....

The more you make a nusance of your self the more you will dirive here away.
Its hard yes, But pick yourself up dust yourself off and start puting a brave face on, all the time she sees you moaping about and playing the fool (you are playing the fool, in her eyes) you HAVE NO CHANCE of getting baco together.


REVERSE the situation, PLAY THE GAME.... It will drive her nuts.

paul-s

fair comment, i think the best thing to do is act Loof for a few days, do a few things totally different to normal, go out somewhere or something with a couple mates. Are u still workin in the day n stuff ?

SiPie

People who self harm and commit suicide don't tell the whole of the world of their intentions prior to doing it.... they just get up one day (especially the suicide bit) and go about doing it quietly. They do it for relief, and self harmers especially will try to cover up the evidence or hatch a web of lies to cover up the truth. Those who tell the world of their intentions do tend to be the 'attention seeking' kind.

Your doctor has summed it up, that you just need time etc and no real treatment..... This is because you are suffering a temporary bout of reactionary depression that makes your thinking go a bit fecked up and irrational.

With regards to the panic atacks that you are having, I would suggest that this is caused by separation anxiety and the way you are interpreting that. Providing you don't start worrying about having more panic attacks, then these should subside as the only real thing that's happened is that your body has been subjected to an acute period of stress (your minds interpretation of this whole episode) and your nerves have got themselves into what's known as a sensitized state. This simply means that your nerves react to normal stresses in an 'over exagerated way', this will settle down once your situation sorts itself and your stress subsides.

Don't get too introspective and go and do some voluntary work or similar to keep your head occupied, if you find you have too much spare time on your hands.

Only you truly know your own domestic situation, so even although Scoobynet can provide all the best advice in the world you'll do your own thing in the end anyway.

Good luck with getting yourself (and not necesarily your relationship) fixed.

wez_sti

Have tried to read as much as possible, but what ever you do for gods sake

do not have childeren!

My Ex was talking about Kids and Marriage before we split up, she was 20. I really loved her but we both realise its not gonna work long term. Some women see kids as a very high priority and forget the important things like having a stable relationship to bring them up in. Someone contemplating self harm is in no position to even consider having children.

I know you say you love her and i'm no phsycologist but it sounds more like an unhealthy obsession than love?

People lose loved ones all the time, through unexpected deaths, infedelity and just drifting apart. There is no way a 20yr women is gonna be happily married till she dies with someone who wont let her stay out late. I quite happily let my Ex go away for week holidays in portugal etc and she did me. Thats trust, and we werent married!

Splitting up with someone you really love is one of the hardest things someone can do, but at the end of the day you have to do it.


Wish you the best for the future mate, you just need to realise it wont be with her.

Wez

Redkop

From a female's POV, I think you are probably scaring the sh'it out of her, acting like you are.

Twenty one year old females aren't mature enough to deal with 'desperate' men, they want someone to rely on and have respect for.

May sound harsh but tbh you shouldn't have any contact with her, until you have pulled yourself together.

JoanUK300

Scott....me again.....
I am pretty sure your wife is really peeved off because you spoke to another woman about your problems, I would go absolutely manic if my hubby spoke to another female about our problems. It would have been better if you had spoken to a fella, I know. Can`t change the past now so you`ll have to do some serious apologising and delete all female numbers from your phone and PC that are unnecessary.

"KEEP OFF of MSN, it`s too much of a danger zone at the moment."

As time goes on I am beginning to wonder if she has a guilty conscience about something, you may never find out what it is though!!!!!!

She doesn`t seem to be giving her 100% in this relationship to make it work where as you are giving 110%.....so cool it down a bit and leave her to breathe and let her think for herself, you doing it for her is smothering her and at her age she REALLY doesn`t want or need that.

You say you saw her for lunch yesterday, well leave it at that for now, and then maybe Saturday/Sunday give her a call to see if she would like to out for lunch or evening meal.

When you start to think of her during the day, make an effort to get out of the house, go for a walk or swimming or a jog or just up to the shops, this will give you the time YOU need to think again about calling her all the time.(if that is what you are doing?)


I could go on for hours to help you, but as you two have the same age difference as me and Peter, I do understand how she feels as I have been through it too.
Give her space and time.....to think things through for herself.

I`ll watch for your replies, so don`t do anything stupid, there will always be someone willing to listen, but try not to make it a FEMALE.

PM me if you like, but remember to delete the posts.....I wouldn`t want to start WW3.

Take care.....
Joan.

davegtt

Thats a typical woman that is, tell him not to talk to a woman then suggest he PM's u to talk no wonder us men can never understand the twisted mind of a woman

wez_sti

PMSL!!!!! Joan what you playing at!?!?!


man1 - i really need to cut down on alcohol

man2 - i see, do you wanna talk it over down the pub?




wez

weapon69

I haven't read all the posts, but i pretty much agree with Telboy on this one. The difference in a relationship between 2 people aged 20 and 30 and a 30yr old and a 40yr old is soooo massive.

Didn't read about all this self harm stuff, i will go back and have a read methinks

Nicci

I agree with Joan.

If Scott really needs to chat and the men are being their usual selves, then Joan has kindly offered to listen.

SiPie

Scott has mentioned that he has seen a counsellor on 4 occasions, so I'm sure he knows where to go if he needs to chat.

Joan herself has correctly (if he wants to save this particular struggling relationship) suggested that he drops all contacts with females and then offered her services

So......If you were having some life crisis triggered by a marriage breakdown and were feeling suicidal and threatening self harm.

Would you

A)
call a counsellor and get professional help

or

B) post up on scoobynet and get advice from any man and his dog

sti-04!!

Why what are we doing wrong ??

At the end of the day we just want her phone number for ourselves

There circling above you know

sti-04!!

No disrespect meant to anyone but as we all know & from my past experience .......

..... there is always two sides to every story

JoanUK300

I know..........I did laugh as I was writing it......

But sometimes a womans point of view is different to a mans....no, not sometimes, always....
Only doing my bit to help them, we have a lot in common, you know.

I`d do the same for anyone that asks for help....just the way I am.


Joan.

Nicci

I see nothing wrong with Scott telling us how he feels.

For some people it is easier to chat to an anonymous person, you can say exactly what you want.

Scott knows there are lots of us who want to see that he will get through this, whatever the outcome.

paul-s

any update on matters here ?