scoobyangel

as for that statement... i am sure anyone can imagine what it is like .... even a bloke... my husband went to hell and back when we miscarried... hit him a damn sight harder than me, i may have had to go through the actual loss and the hospital stay etc, but he went through emotional HELL... dont ever say a man could not understand... they can.

imlach

weapon69 - I think you should quit while you're behind on this one

You have no idea!

weapon69

Nah, emotionally men can grieve, physically they have no clue. Its not their hormones, their bodies etc etc.

As for women not knowing they are pregnant before its all over, lol, yes i do know this occurs but how can they take a stab at guessing statistics for something they can't measure?

scoobyangel

the miscarriage rate has gone up to 1 in 3 BECAUSE women can test to see if they are pregnant before they have even missed a period, then when they have a "Period" it is a miscarriage... but if they had not done the test SO early, they would not of known they were pregnant and it would of been "just another period"....

thats how they "stab" at stats!

weapon69

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/main4.htm

Thats where i looked for the stats.

Tiggs

"Nah, emotionally men can grieve, physically they have no clue. Its not their hormones, their bodies etc etc."

what rubbish.......what a bunch of "im a woman, no one can understand me" crap.

imlach

Oh, a website

My stats are from a real working NHS maternity department & assisted fertility department.

I know which I'd believe more

weapon69

lol Imlach, if you have to go into hospital after a m/c then they give you literature by the Miscarriage Association So i guess the NHS should stop giving out false info huh!

imlach

I'm wondering why you're determined to avoid the real stats????????
Anyway, feel free to keep your head stuck in the sand if you so choose....

weapon69

Tbh its neither here nor there to me, as i just have sympathy for people who miscarry when you're lying in a bed in hospital statistics don't really mean much A friend of mine has just miscarried at 17 weeks gestation and to be told "oh its 1 in 3 now" really won't help her recover emotionally

Geddon

If you've ever studied the process from conception to birth, its amazing it ever happens at all!
I like to think of miscarriages as nature's "I got it wrong and made a mistake." Thereby preventing damaged children.
I'm sure its very painful for anyone involved but I think nature does pretty well on the whole
All imho and I dont mean to offend anyone.

imlach

...and no-one here IS saying they have NO sympathy....

No, but knowing how common it is can help people to feel there is hope ONCE theyv'e got over the initial emotional drain of the miscarriage.

ScoobywagonGl

the fact of the matter remains that yes someone has miscarried and however bad that time is for the people involved (cos yes i agree its just as hard for women as it is for men even though men dont have it happening to their body etc etc) ... but the originalpost asked why it happened Imlach was just putting forward info which he has researched off the web or knew anyway! I cant see how its got into a slanging match! the question why does it happen was asked! I too have sympathy for people who have to go through this terrible time! I can imagine how they feel even though i have never had a miscarriage but i was told I was loosing my baby right upto 6 months which is just as bloody difficult!

imlach

Indeed.
Some people (no names ) seem to launch into unexplained abuse & swearing for no reason.....quite strange.

john banks

There's no need to get this like a rolling road thread

Some people find it helpful to know that the rate is far higher than they realised, it can help some to "normalise" what has happened to them. Other people don't feel that way. In tragedies, people take comfort from different things.

Some people get upset by other people's attempts to empathise, others are comforted by it. I'm sure no one means badly when discussing such a difficult topic!

Jolly Green Monster

iTrader: (4)

Wife and I had our first child with no problems at all other than the labour but won't go there as all turned out fine in the end.

Second child unfortunatly turned out to have a genetic disorder called Trisomy 13 or Patau's which is fairly often what a large number of miscarriges have. Why my son Robin didn't miscarry is a mystery. The annomoly scan at 21weeks which up until then had been a visit to get some pretty pictures turned in an ANNOMOLY scan when the problems were identified.
Robin managed until 23weeks.

Trisomy 13 is very similar to Trisomy 18 (Edwards) http://www.softireland.com/trisomy.htm which is what the little boy has that the current fight in the courts is about whether he should be allowed to die to brought back at the moment so it is highlighted further. The number just refers to the chromozone the problem is in, and is therefore in the same family as Downs.
It is something like 1 in 25000 chance of Trisomy 13 occurring in every normal pregnancy but as it turned out my wife and I have unfortunalty chromozones which promote it to 1 in 100 chance.
Since losing Robin my wife had a couple of miscarriges and then her monthly cycle stopped for no reason. We had a number of tests and started looking at fertility treatment, before each visit my wife would do a pregnancy test to check so as not to risk any danger to it in case she was.. that couple of years were very difficult and we loved our daughter and continually thanked our lucky stars for having her and that she was first, I think have Robin been first it would have been impossible to cope.
I really feel for anyone trying and getting no where.
Before we actually received any fertility treatment we were just going through all the tests before a visit found my wife had fallen pregnant,, we tried not to get our hopes up in case she missed and we were a bit shocked as she hadn't had a period in 9months. Ovalation occurs before the period so we knew it was possible but still found it amazing.
At 11 weeks she hadn't miss carried so we went to the doctor and cancelled all the further fertility tests and stuff which was very difficult, worrying that if something happened we would have to start all over again etc..
we then had the worry of whether this was a 1 in 100 or one of the 99!
So at 12 weeks we had a scan in London where the machines were more advanced and all was clear.. it didn't really sink in at that point and was more of a relief that nothing was found at that point.. although it occurs at day one when the cells divide and is first detectable at 12 weeks so if it wasn't there then it wouldn't occur.
Then at 20weeks we had another scan in the same room with the same synogropher that found Robins problem which was very difficult the synogropher in his 16year career had only seen too occurrances..
All was clear.. so now after all this we are looking forward (worrying about the labour) in January.

The hardest thing I found was as mentioned already,
people with 4 kids that do not even realise what they have or look after them correctly..

Friends have ended up adopting and have really got as much out of it as if they were their own kids and I know it doesn't feel the same beforehand but hopefully should your sister and her husband never be able to have their own they may feel they can adopt.

All the best to them

Simon

Scooby-Doo

I can relate to many comments on here due to my brothers wife having a number of miscarriages at varying stages of pregnancy. Miscarriages are bad and I deeply sympathise with anyone in that situation but to be told by a Doctor that you cannot have children ever fullstop is pretty soul destroying.

Tiggs

certainly does, we have 3 kids and suffered 1 miscarridge....statisticaly normal so we just got on with things, whats not meant to be and all that.

Mice_Elf

Have been studying this quite indepth of late and yes, stats say that 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Some are considered as a "late period" and others are combined with cramping and pain.

Once you know someone to whom it has happened, it's amazing at just how common it is. That doesn't mean to say it's not devestating and a truly horrific time for both parents (as the father tends to get overlooked in these cases), but it is not unusual.

I do object to the comment that men don't / can't understand though. The father has just as horrific a time as the female. Ok, so he won't understand the hormonal side of it as such, but he has to grieve while supporting his emotionally unbalanced partner. Stay strong for her while being torn up inside. There are very few support groups that deal with men and they need someone to talk to and express how they are feeling.

When a friend of mine lost her baby at 8 months (placenta didn't grow enough to support the baby), they attended some SANDS meetings for stillborn babies. Her husband was the only male in attendance for the first 3 meetings. Then a couple of other blokes turned up and they were able to talk to each other about how they felt and could let it all out, without feeling like they were letting down their partner.

Scott - the very best of luck to your sister and her husband. There's nothing to say that this will happen again, as each pregnancy is different - different egg, different sperm etc. Hopefully very soon she will become pregnant again and go on to have a healthy baby.

Brendan Hughes

I was reading this thread from my hotel room yesterday, with a vested interest. Flew back tonight and just joined this club about three hours ago

Wife was in tears, but as JB said, she was amazed to hear of the statistics and just how common it is.

Best wishes all.

imlach

Sorry to hear that Brendan.
Not much else to say