julian N/W wrx my93

Don't worry Lord H, i'll be there and so will the daughter.........
i rest my case (hopefully!)

R19KET

IMHO, this way of looking at things can, and usually does, lead to problems.

If you think you are "Sacrificing" something, automatically, you feel like you are losing something, and this often leads to resentment !

Relationships should be about "Compromise".

Only you can decide what's REALLY important to YOU and what you're prepared to compromise on...........

Mark.

DevilHimSelf

Just wondering how many of the great advice givers here have or are married with Kids.

Not many it looks like from here,
At the end of the day Julian, its your choice and yours alone.

and yes from Experience ..

redwrx

Iya Julian mate,

sorry to hear your dilema ..

At the end of it all mate, you have to do what you feel is right at the time ...if its right for you you will sell up, if not, you wont.

For my pennies worth, (i was married, with 2 kids) at the time of my split i would have done anything to save the situation ..................but looking back, im glad i didnt, because if i had of done, now i would have had nothing, and i wouldnt have had her..... if she is making you make choices like that, then i would say no...but thats only my hindsight of my own situation.....if you are very cynical, she could have you sell everything, you move back, and then she drops you in it from an even greater height .......if it comes to it, yeah, sell the car, but at no cost sell your house. I could be wrong her motives could be genuine, to see how much you do care..... if something is worth fighting for then do it, but it has to be 50 - 50, if it aint, then for me - her mind is already made up, and you will fight forever and still come out loser.


If you sell everything, and she does nowt, it will always in the back of your mind be thinking, 'ive done everything for you'....


your friends will always be here for ya, as i found out ...... no matter what you drive or where you live, but you also have your own self esteem.... sell everything and you might as well give her that as well.....

sorry, but im a little cynical now, after my experiences.

Dont let her use the child as a pawn...... you will always get access to your child, unless she can prove our unfit .............and if she try's/ or has tried to deny you access ....then politely i'd see her in court, i wouldnt want to be with anyone who could resort to using (your) child as a weapon against you.


Its a diificult situation, ive been through it..but we're all differnt on how we handle things

If ya need a chat mate, pm me, and i'll send ya me moby ..... number that is.

Frank

DazW

iTrader: (1)

depends If you were into cars & had the house when she met you ...if so, tell her to go jump, as she knew what you were like!

always use the 'could be worse' scenario on her ...& that you're swapping cars & houses for women & booze!

JohnRoly

Not knowing the entire story, it is a tough call, can only speak from experience!

Was with a woman for over five years (on and off), who I truly love(d). We would split up (on her terms!) and i would go and buy myself a nice car, she would then turn around and say she had made a mistake and wanted to get back together, but would have to sell the car (first time a TT, when they were rare!!) last time a scooby, this time i refused to sell the car and we broke up anyway.

It is only a bit of metal, but that is not really the issue - it sounds very much like she is dictating to you what you need to change but without changing anything herself - it all sounds so familiar! You really have to do what makes you happy, and what you think is right.

I haven't got any answers for you, it just struck a chord with me and i feel for you.

I wish you all the very best mate.

Jamescsti

Sounds like she's asking too much to me,
I think that if you do sell all your stuff then she will just have control over everything you do and you will be misserable as a result, and as others have said if it doesn't work out again you will end up in an even worse position than now.
Think you should tell her to take it or leave it mate

duSTI

I feel for you mate but I would'nt make any rash descisions with regards to the house as if you sell it you may find it hard to get back on the ladder again.

I don't know as I'm not in your situation but to me it seems as though she does'nt know what she wants, if you bow down and give into her demands then you could be allot worse off in the future.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

J

babber

I've been married (for 14 years) and am divorced now Have four daughters, 10, 8, 6 and 5.

I think she being unreasonable to be honest. I don't understand her point about the car. What difference does it make what you drive? Has she driven it yet?

And as for the house, you could always rent it out, and buy another in a better area. That way "when" you split, you'll have something to go back too. I say that, as I think you will end up splitting up. She'll only get worse wanting her own way all the time without compromising, as she gets older.

I would have done anything to get back with my Ex three years ago, as I thought the kids need a father living with them. I got my own (bigger than hers) house now, the girls come and stay all weekend, every other weekend, and I couldn't be happier. I think they are happier, we're not arguing all the time!!

The Ex is still as right miserable cow, that shouts and crys a lot, but she's no longer my resposibility. She kept the marriatial home (about £120 k in equity) and I left with nothing, apart from my TV and Hi Fi. I look back now and wish I left years before. You can't polish a turd, so bomb her out and find a nice chick

Hope this helps, Phill

PS She ginger mate, and will always smell of **** another reason to get rid!!

lordharding

iTrader: (1)

looks like the general opinion is


scooby & house stays and she puts up with it or she goes .


As i mentioned earlier they <women> can only /and will get worse and they peak in their nagging between 25-45 then they mellow out .

lots of men on here seems to have been in your similar situation and have gone on to better women (and FASTER SCOOBYS )


good luck in your decision and we look forward to seeing your daughter and yourself in the NBO 3 tent.


and there will be some sexy babes there too !!!!

julian N/W wrx my93

right an update!!!!!!


Only been talking again for about 3 days, whwn i recieve a text on my phone saying "can she lend money cos the nursery fees have gone up (in a nutshell)".
i have no problem with this cos its for Olivia,

But when i saw her on sun (1st time for 6 weeks) i mention (in jest!) about not doing any overrime incase that CSA letter comes through the door, to which her reply is

"I sooner struggle".


So i mention the idea of saving money by letting me look afer olivia on my days off, which are 2 of the days she goes to nursey, tue and wed, so she only has to pay for one day.

You can guess what she said................

thats right.....

No you can do that.

My house may be like a building site but i have 3 rooms upstairs finished where olivia can play, and one of them even has a cot in (ready for if she ever moved in).

so don't know what to do...........

babber

My advise to you mate, is contact the CSA yourself and get the ball rolling. I did the day after I split with my Ex, and they give you three months off for doing the decent thing and contacting them. Remember when they assess you they'll only back date it anyway, and you'll end up owning them hundreds (or maybe even thousands) The CSA has access to the national database that all the agencies use. I was really surprised as I changed my number (as Ex was hassling me) and surprise surprise they got my new number within a week!!

If you can have Olivia to stay with you for at least 2 nights a week, you'll get a further discount.

Go and see a solicitor (assuming your on Olivias birth certificate) and apply for perminant access. This will stop all the dramas of her getting stroppy (which she will) and stopping you seeing her (for whatever bull**** excuse she can think of this week) You have rights (and so do your parents) to see your daughter, so get it sorted now ASAP!! The kids will be the only thing she has on you, and trust me she knows this and will use it to the best advantage she can. Women can get very bitter, and thinking I knew my Ex (after being together for 16 years) she consistantly kept surprising me how low she would go, to **** me off.

If you do pay for anything (from now on) for Olivia keep a record and wherever possible write a cheque. I "LENT" my Ex thousands of pounds over the years, as she was in trouble with the bank, etc, etc (always a good excuse will be found) and they play on you good side and it's always for the kids!!! I never recieved a penny of the money loaned to her over the years, and it was strongly denied that I ever loaned her money when I had my divorce hearing.

Please do the right thing and bomb her out, but get the access and CSA sorted out. Find yourself a nice mellow chick, and life (for you) will be so much nicer. Trust me, been there done it, and could have written a few books

I got my daughters this weekend, for a stress free relaxing weekend, with no stroppyness or moaning / shouting.....

Good luck mate, it get easier

Phill

julian N/W wrx my93

So this morning,on my way to work (7.15), i posts £50 to help out with nursey fees like she asked. I know she only aske for £30 but i thought i'd be generous while we have been talking. Get a text saying thankyou, which is nice!.

i texts back later on in the morning to ask how Olivia is,
and yep you guess it folks,

NO REPLY

so i sent a couple more text during the day including one saying...

Why aren't you texting back?.

And get a reply saying she's been busy all day. But she wasn't busy to text about asking for or saying thankyou for the money.


So the CSA idea sounds good. Get in before she can.



Anyway thanks for all the advice and help folks.

julian.


will keep you posted

Or come to the micklehead green meet (see northern) and can tell you in person!

babber

Oh no!!! You gave her cash and more than she needed. Silly billy you never see that again, and she'll deny ever having it mate. I told you, if you want to give her money, MAKE SURE IT'S A CHEQUE

Good luck mate

Phill

redwrx

Julian,

i sent you my number by pm...give me a call mate..

You are in a horrible situation, one that i still have sleepless nights about, from when i went through it.

firstly mate, if you must give her money, make sure you only give her a cheque. (as stated earlier)

if you buy your daughter anything, keep the receipts.

if you send anything, make sure its registered post.

and, sadly, keep a diary, i had too, and i cried every time i wrote in it...but if it gets dirty, you have a written record, of anything you do ..my solicitor advised me to do it.

if you send texts, make a written record of time, and content.

if you have your daughter, get witnesses, photos ...absolutely anything that you could produce as evidence.


Sorry mate, you have to protect yourself, so you can protect your daughter ...


The pain is horrible, i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy ......

babber

Forgot about that. Yeah write a diary with everything in, times dates, etc, etc. Stroppy texts from her and replies to her. It's the only way, sounds harsh now, but "IF" you go to court it's handy to have / show your solicitor.

Good luck mate, it get easier....Honest

Phill

julian N/W wrx my93

Well i've text her a few times today to ask when can i see my daughter again. And got no replys, apart from one saying that they won't be going where i was going to meet them.


Resisting the urge to spook her a bit with a text/call saying if we can't sort it out, prehaps the courts can.


got a dairy now to note everything down, and next time she ask's for money she's getting a cheque, so i have a record.

babber

Don't even bother doing that mate!!! Can't you ask your mother or father to telephone her and sort out a meeting, so they can see Olivia?? They have rights as grand parents you know and the courts ever recognise this (or so I've been told)

I would go and see a Solicitor this week and get the ball rolling. She's being un-reasonable with regard to access to your daughter. Once it's agreed she CAN'T go back!!

One weekend I went to collect my daughters on a Friday night after finishing work early and driving 150 miles to home. She decided that I wasn't having them that weekend (as she was being a ****ing child) so I got stroppy. She called the Police (and 3 of them arrived) I explained the situation and they told me to leave it and go home..... They have seen this a thousand times, and it always goes the womens way, and the courts (when applying for access) won't be impressed with you being stroppy. ******* I know, but true......

A Solicitor will be able to sort this out for you.

As I said good luck mate.

Phill

PS My Ex is going to be pissy as **** when the girls go back on Sunday. My girlsfriend and her two children are sleeping here tonight. And tomorrow night I got a babysitter looking after my girls, as I'm going out as it's my birthday on Sunday. She ain't going to like that, but she was apparently busy, and couldn't have them back, so I could go out......

Lol, best thing about it is the babysitter is Police checked and fully qualified, so she won't be able to say a word

st3v3

i havent read all the way through this but all i would say is, read back your own post on page 1,i think you answered your own questions way back there
steve

skiddus_markus

If you love her and think it will work,consider selling the car and using the money to finish off the house.Get professionals in to speed things up if necessary.

I wouldn't even consider selling the house-it's more than just bricks and mortar IMO-an Englishmans home is his castle and all that.Besides, if you were back with her then you are going to need your own place-it's not practical having your partner and child living in another house.

This way-you've both compromised-you on the car and her on the house.It doesn't set any precedent and creat bad feelings in the future.

julian N/W wrx my93

Phoned Rachel today, at dinner time (knew she'd be at work with n perants around to interfear!). She tells me the reason she hasn't text me back is .............



SHE'S GOT A NEW PHONE AND DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO WORK IT.


WTF?????

She was telling me when we meet up how skint she is..........
and she's not on contract, so its not a free upgrade.

Also Olivia has had more injections (The MMR) and she never bother to tell me, till i asked today. She thought i wouldn't be bothered about it, to which i told her i was very bothered.

Also made arrangements to meet up with her and Olivia on sunday to talk about things again.

i'll keep you posted on things!!!!!!