babber

I couldn't agree more with what Edd has written here, at least there aren’t children involved.

I have four wonderful daughters with my Ex wife, and to be honest that's the only reason I continue to talk to her anymore, cause I have to mate.

I thought I knew this woman as we'd been together for 15 years or so, and life was getting easier as the kids got older. I did the dirty on her in the end, as I wasn't getting it at home, and I’m not proud of that. She found out, I lost my home, entire contents, and I left with a suite case, my stereo and my Scooby. She even sold all my contents of my garage, including a complete RS2000 (mk 2) but **** her, I don’t give a toss!!

The divorce was a complete nightmare, and I couldn’t believe some of the things she said. As I say, I thought I really knew her, but turns out I knew nothing.

Life was **** for a few years on and off to be honest, as I loved her to bits at the time (or at least I thought I did) and kept thinking that we could make a go of it, for the children’s sakes. I did meet lots of nice women (and a lot of complete bitches) but there was something missing all the time. I didn’t really want any women getting close to me, as I saw my children as my main priority.

Eventually I decided to get on with my life, so bought a house and worked towards this. My children come and stay with me every weekend now, and after three years of being single, I’ve met someone that I can honestly say I love to bit. I’ve been seeing her now for nearly a year, and we haven’t had a single dis-agreement. I think this is because I had loads of **** in my last relationships, and so did she. We don’t need anymore stress, so we both don’t give any. Sex is fantastic still, and I couldn’t want for anything more. I hope the situation doesn’t change, but if it does then I won’t waste time trying to make it up, or get back with her. Move on, life is far to short.

Oh and you won’t find happiness at the bottom of a pint glass, trust me I tried and it doesn’t really help. There have been times when I’ve been lower than a rattle snakes belly and only thing keeping me going was my children. Three years or so down the line, I could be happier

As I say mate, life is too short, so just pull yourself up and get on with it. Try as much as possible to have a positive attitude to everything and eventually everything will be fine mate!!! Don’t forget she had an affair, so you could NEVER trust her again!!!

Hope this helps mate, and I really do feel for you, Cheers Phill

PS Maybe selling up and moving somewhere might be the key. There will be to many reminders in your current home. I don't know that moving away from where you are now is the key to this, but family and friends will help you to get through this.....Mine did

SiPie

http://www.samaritans.org.uk/

Next

Tasberley

been to work today and was sent home because i was a state today. one thing i will say is that my work have been brilliant and very understanding about the situation.. going to the doctors later...

cheers phil for the advice... nice to hear from ppl who have been through similar times and have got through it...

SiPie

The harsh truth is.... and I may add that it's exactly what people don't want to hear at this time is :

time is the only healer

Keep yourself busy, endure the downs, stay away from any anti-depressants the doc will try and throw at you.......

Life is a rollercoaster

Good luck

Nick

Tasberley

Sorry to hear about your problems, it seems to have hit you real hard. I've been there, got divorced about 5 years ago though the nastiest cheating lying divorce ever. The first few months will be very hard - as you already know. Don't keep in contact with her - remove everything that reminds you of her. I found rock music good to listen to - no soppy stuff. Watch your alcohol intake. Then work at getting on with your life again. Write down where you want to be in a year. Consider moving if you're too close to her. Find another woman. Remember that you will have a lot of mental baggage from your old marriage. Work on getting rid of all the baggage, before finding another partner. Look at online dating sites if you're not too good at meeting people.

Nick

Absolutely - no pills!

Reality

Dump all memories of her and forget her.

It's Her Loss !

Tell yourself this enough times and you will eventually believe it .

Shonen

Oh mate, I really feel for you. Believe me not all woman want a complete barsteward and some of us love to be treated like princesses (me especially).

You have to give your self time to grieve for the loss of your relationship and grieve for the future you thought you had. I really do know how you feel. My ex pulled the rug from under me when i didnt see it coming and left me with small children to cope with. But you do come out the other side and you come out stronger and the bitterness will fade in time. I never thought that i would want another man but now I am getting married soon and couldnt be happier.

Dont worry about being a burden to friends and family, that is what they are there for. Use them to keep you busy and sane. They will be genuinely worried about you. It is natural to consider moving but before you do anything rash leave it another month or so. If you still feel like that then make steps to move. I couldnt bear to be in the house and considered moving back to be nearer my mum but the feeling passed in the end.

Stay strong and positive, you will get through this, I promise you.

Good luck xxxx

C2forWRX

I think the same man. If in a couple of years i am sorted and try and start something with someone else id be treading water so lightly and so weary that it may put women off. Im going to be so scared of getting attacthed again and risk being like this again. but thats what lifes about init

Vlad the Impaler

LOL

The fact she cheated on you is, most liklely, your fault.

I'd guess too much time and attention to your car and not enough to your partner.

Sit down, and really think about it. I'll guarantee she shagged about because you were neglecting her in some way or another.

Address that, see what needs changed and go humbly and beg forgiveness.

If you are not prepared to do that, don't come moping around on a public bbs.

Tasberley

yeah.. i think one of my major concerns is that i will be bitter alone old man... and that scares me... would have to be one hell of a special woman out there to change my outlook...

been to the doctors.. signed off for a week. doctor wanted to give me anti-depressents (well he offered them to me and asked me if i felt i needed them) but i turned them down for now.. have had a few people say to stay away from them and others that have said it really helped them...

lil_kimmy

i really dont think a public message board is where u r gonna solve ur problems.

though if u wanna give out anymore personal details ur more then welcome!

Warwick-hunt

your a little ray of sunshine, aren't you

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

know how you feel mate i came home last november to find my gf of 5 years had packed my bags and left them on the door step.best thing to do is get out and about with your mates,go to the gym and generally keep yourself busy. also dont start drinking on your own thats one of the worst things you can do. it took me nearly a year to get over thit ,looking back now though im a lot better of without the lying cheating hoe

ps women are headf*cks try and understand them u will end up mentally ill

lil_kimmy

well considering im the one being made out to be a cow i think i have a right to comment.

TopBanana

My mate's been though something similar. He's well over it now (12 months or so later), but he said the most important thing he did was to keep his dignity - everything else has fallen into place, as it tends to in life... Chin up

Warwick-hunt

comment away, sunbeam

SiPie

Listen VERY carefully

If you have been a depression free free person until this event...then you will be suffering reactionary depression...

You are simply sad or upset following an event (normally divorce, bereavement etc)

This is human nature and by keeping busy and giving yourself time to heal you'll get over it.

GP's will prescribe Seroxat/Prozac at the drop of a hat these days

Good luck and if you get seriously suicidal, then that's the time to think again and consider that you may then have 'clinical depression'...at which point a trip back to the GP accompanied by counselling would be strongly recommeded

PS My advice would be to get back to work as well...if you do have to take the week off, then don't sit around and mope about (no matter how bad it feels) get out and get some good aerobic exercise...

I know it's the last thing you'll feel like doing....but tough ****..it'll help

Good luck

Apparition

Tas, You wrote earlier in this thread ......"i dunno whether going away is a solution.. is it not just running away from problems?"

If its any help. I went through some bad times a few years ago. I always believed it was best to stay and fight rather than run away.

20 odd years down the line, I eventually DID run. I didn't go abroad, but moved to a different part of the UK. I have never looked back. Although I'd conquered most of my demons at my old location, this move has been the ultimate completion. I can't recall when I last felt so contented, and happy too. Yes there are bad days, life was never promised to be fair. I can cope so much better now tho'.
I'd never advocate running immediately, you do have sort out stuff face on. And there's no better place than right in the thick of it. BUT, there comes a time when a new location is a damn good idea.
Good luck
Yve

Apparition

Kingofturds : You say "ps women are headf*cks try and understand them u will end up mentally ill"

Please don't generalise. We are not all bad.
Yve

Shonen

Couldnt agree more with you Yve, my ex was a headf*ck and loved to rub his flings in my face. Best thing he ever did was leave me, although at the time it was hard to see it. I have never played mind games with anybody as it is not my style. I am a straighforward person who tells it like it is, no need for headf*cking!

T4molie

Ditto

Warwick-hunt

thanks but i don't remember asking for your opinion

T4molie

Huh? Wasn't an opinion, I was merely echoing your comment for lil_kimmy to comment away

lil_kimmy

as i said in my 1st post i really dont think a public message board is the right place to talk about this kinda thing.

Warwick-hunt

oh, so your echoing me now, your not one of them stalker types are you?

yeah we heard you the first time
if it helps tasberley, then why not post here, its supposed to be a community after all.

babber

What wrong with discussing this on a public BBS? If it makes TAS feel better then what's the problem. Men (as you women) are fully aware, aren't good at talking to people about how they feel, and find it hard to do it face to face. IMHO think this is why a BBS is good for discussing and sharing advise about whatever people care to discuss. Lots of people have experiences on here, and I think TAS was trying to draw from that.

Go to another section (i.e suspension) and what are people talking about?

He's got the thread in the correct section, so what's the problem??

I'm not having a go at anyone here, just think he's already suffering, so think all the daft / silly comments are not required / needed.

Just my thoughts, Phill

T4molie

LOL Don't worry mate I've got much better things to do with my time than stalk ppl

I also don't see anything wrong with talking to ppl about one's experiences on a BBS such as this as I think it can help

Andy

Reality

Let's just hope he doesn't start posting any pics .

Still - If it's helping the lad cope with losing his GF who are we to stop giving advice ?

It's good to talk.

sti-04!!

Do you work for BT ??