JackClark

The authenticity of these alleged conversations cannot be guaranteed.

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta
351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." "Centre, we
are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have
you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was
f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

Control tower to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker,
one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've
always wanted to say this.... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751,
make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If
you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a
right at the lights and return to the airport."

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-
engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control
told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had
one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded
seven-engine approach."

Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich
overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our
start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer
you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German,
flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British
accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to
Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead
animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635,
cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and
yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some
quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and
said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with
a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like
yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are
renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only
expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there
without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that
we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between
Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign
Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of
active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-
Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird
206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground
(with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been
to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944,
but it was dark,...... and I didn't land."

Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a
US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came
nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller
lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the
hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult
for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take
forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I
tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about
half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I
tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" US Air
2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground
control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the
irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in
every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just
then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Leslie

Well I really enjoyed those videos, especially yours Simon, I used to race at the same time as him too. Quite a character.

Yes Flightman, those sort of heights were what we would have had to go to war at to stand any kind of a chance. You knew you were well down when you had to climb a bit before turning to be sure the lower wing was not too close to the ground on such a big aircraft The control authority of the aircraft made it easy enough to do. It was bending the rules of course, so what!

I am sure Simon spent plenty of time having to look ahead very carefully for wires too.

Les

Flatcapdriver

Do you have to have a medical or study Air Law for Paramotors?

JackClark

Paramotors are covered in the Air Navigation Order as self propelled hang gliders, you have to know and follow air law. But, there is no requirement for a licence or insurance. You need a compass, a map and altimiter to be legal.

Flatcapdriver

But do you have to study and pass the Air Law exam?

JackClark

"there is no requirement for a licence or insurance."

Or in other words, No.

FlightMan

Amazing!

Thanks Les

Flatcapdriver

That's not very reassuring. So, in other words there is the potential to be sharing airspace with some numpty who hasn't got a clue what's going on.

JackClark

Correct. There are enough numpties with a licence. The safely record for paramotors is in way better shape than private pilots.

Flatcapdriver

Hardly surprising given the number of paramotors compared to other forms of flight such as GA and the fact that it has only been going for some 25 years in the UK. The lack of insurance you mentioned is also worrying.

JackClark

Personally I agree with you. I have passed my air law exam and only need to complete 3 precision landings in order to gain my licence.

If I recall correctly insurance is available for the princely sum of €30.00 for third party cover of €3,000,000.00 or once licenced by the BMAA you can join the BHPA and gain £2,000,000.00 third party insurance.

I do however believe that the freedom to fly that we're afforded is a wonderfull thing and there's plenty of room above and around Aylesbury for me and my Paramotor.

Flatcapdriver

Jack, the freedom to fly attitude is fine by me but as you've pointed out there are enough numpties with various forms of licences who fly around in complete ignorance of what they should and should not be doing. You wouldn't believe the lack of full and proper scans that aren't being carried out by current PPLs and I don't think a Paramotor is going to be that easy to spot. Perhaps there is a degree of jealousy on my part regarding the lack of regulation, which I admit is refreshing but the lack of exam is worrying although it would appear that insurance is easily obtainable.

No doubt you probably cover it in your training but I would recommend that paramotors stay away from obvious navigation points such as VORs or towers as way too many aircraft use these which concentrates traffic because people are being lazy in their navigation - obviously we're only talking about VFR traffic here but it is something we're trying to enforce with the club I fly with.

JackClark

I agree and your good advice was taught to me.