Spanked... by a 1.1 Ford Escort !
25 January 2006, 12:38 AM
#31
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I was beat by a saxo before Christmas. I was trying to get the mp3 player onto the darkness.
The guy in the saxo took off in a cloud of smoke and clipped the curb, looked like he had rather expensive alloys as well!
I almost wet myself. Got the darkness on though
dipster
The guy in the saxo took off in a cloud of smoke and clipped the curb, looked like he had rather expensive alloys as well!
I almost wet myself. Got the darkness on though
dipster
25 January 2006, 09:01 AM
#32
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Originally Posted by NorthDownsScooby
A funny thing happened the other day... my first invitation from another driver to test the WRX 300's 0-60 time of the lights. Luckly for me the 300's done a few thou miles now so I was up for the challenge.
The Scene
wide, single lane eachway road, splitting into 2 separate lanes on my side at the traffic lights, then slimming down to one lane again right after.
I always take the left lane, knowing that the right hand lane is not for the likes of me, but rather the sole preserve of BMWs, TDI Golfs etc who like to jump the "slower" cars.
How it Occured
Me, doing what I usually do, take the left lane when I see the lights change to red... no one close behind me so I park up and await the green.
Some seconds later, rather predicably, the only other car going my way for some miles, comes to a halt to my right. With a sad tut I take a look at the car that's going to try and carve my bonnet in half in 25 metres time, just so I know how slowly I'm going to have to try and pull away.
What I see is two "rather" large youngish (predictably pimply) lads in caps (no not flat caps - I live 'dyne sythe'), both staring at me, and doing that egging on motion wth their upper bodies, amazingly well timed to coincide with the loud up and down revving noise I hear coming from this monster vehicle sat not 2 metres away.
The Contestants
In the Blue corner is me, WRX 300, magnificantly understated in WR Blue with gold wheels, buffed to a sheen you could see your reflection in. Not even the tiny hole of the intercooler vent gave away the power of little engine beneath, and the extremely quiet burble of the completely untuned (PPP) exhaust did nothing to excite the ears of my neighbours. The car looked so sweet and innocent - I just feared she would be faint sat next to such a monster at the lights.
I could hardly believe my eyes when i spied the challenger. In the red corner, was a P-reg Ford Escort, shimmering in Ford red. You know the red I mean - the red that hasn't seen a touch of polish since it came out of the factory (in the former Yugoslavia probs), and now has that lovely yellow tinge. The engine note of this beast was sooooo sweet I made a mental note to investigate ditching the PPP and downsizing to a single, rusty 1 1/2 incher again. And those bumbers - I had forgotten just how gorgeous non-colour coding was. God they had it sooo right in the 80's ! Again I made a mental note to investigate ditching the Scoobies front and rears, and looking for some new ones in black plastic. Gorgeous !
I cursed myself for not carrying extra weight on the passenger seat, knowing that being "2-up" was a sure-fire way to beat a single passenger vehicle.
Again I cursed when I remember that these Ford Thingies were front-wheel drive and front-engined - the only reliable configuration for delivering power to the road when you really need it.
The Baiting
We sat there- him revving the beast, both of them jumping around inside their red coffin as they sensed blood.... me, listening to Classic FM, reassuring the Scooby that I would still love her if she failed. The tension mounted... the ford passenger wound his window down and placed his arm strategically on his door panel, presumably to maximise the Escorts aerodynamic capabilities. I revved the Scooby just the once, slipped her into first, gripped one hand tightly on the steering wheel (cursing once more when I saw that my neighbour had one of those 80s go-faster skinny plastic ones), and placed my other hand firmly onto the handbreak. The game was on !
The Launch
Amber.
The revs climb upwards from the Ford Beast - the windows in the Scooby rattle in their frames from the roar that hits them from next door. The boys hunch forwards, anticipating their whole bodies being crushed by the enormous G-forces they are about to experience. I take the handbreak off.
Green.
The Ford driver unleashes everything he has got at me.
I am dumbfounded. I cannot move. I barely remember where I am.
In a fury of front wheel drive excellence the Ford delivers its 75 BHP in manner that is an art to watch. The Ford beast wheel-spins furiously up the road, going soooo SLOWLY that strange things are caused to happen from within the Scooby.
- My face starts to contort in a stange manner, as if being pulled from the mouth area outwards and upwards.
- My teeth start to appear visible from within my mouth.
- Then a very usual sound is emitted, one that is very rarely heard when driving these days.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha .ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ....
I have NEVER laughed so much in my life at the sight of this little car racing away from the lights, thinking he actually stood the earthliest of chances.
When I had regained my composure, and wiped the tears of laughter away from my eyes, I pulled away in an elegant, yes understated manner, actually letting one more car overtake me on the outside. How lovely. Another pleasant drive in the Scooby.
Needless to say, I had him later, in the "twisties".
The Scene
wide, single lane eachway road, splitting into 2 separate lanes on my side at the traffic lights, then slimming down to one lane again right after.
I always take the left lane, knowing that the right hand lane is not for the likes of me, but rather the sole preserve of BMWs, TDI Golfs etc who like to jump the "slower" cars.
How it Occured
Me, doing what I usually do, take the left lane when I see the lights change to red... no one close behind me so I park up and await the green.
Some seconds later, rather predicably, the only other car going my way for some miles, comes to a halt to my right. With a sad tut I take a look at the car that's going to try and carve my bonnet in half in 25 metres time, just so I know how slowly I'm going to have to try and pull away.
What I see is two "rather" large youngish (predictably pimply) lads in caps (no not flat caps - I live 'dyne sythe'), both staring at me, and doing that egging on motion wth their upper bodies, amazingly well timed to coincide with the loud up and down revving noise I hear coming from this monster vehicle sat not 2 metres away.
The Contestants
In the Blue corner is me, WRX 300, magnificantly understated in WR Blue with gold wheels, buffed to a sheen you could see your reflection in. Not even the tiny hole of the intercooler vent gave away the power of little engine beneath, and the extremely quiet burble of the completely untuned (PPP) exhaust did nothing to excite the ears of my neighbours. The car looked so sweet and innocent - I just feared she would be faint sat next to such a monster at the lights.
I could hardly believe my eyes when i spied the challenger. In the red corner, was a P-reg Ford Escort, shimmering in Ford red. You know the red I mean - the red that hasn't seen a touch of polish since it came out of the factory (in the former Yugoslavia probs), and now has that lovely yellow tinge. The engine note of this beast was sooooo sweet I made a mental note to investigate ditching the PPP and downsizing to a single, rusty 1 1/2 incher again. And those bumbers - I had forgotten just how gorgeous non-colour coding was. God they had it sooo right in the 80's ! Again I made a mental note to investigate ditching the Scoobies front and rears, and looking for some new ones in black plastic. Gorgeous !
I cursed myself for not carrying extra weight on the passenger seat, knowing that being "2-up" was a sure-fire way to beat a single passenger vehicle.
Again I cursed when I remember that these Ford Thingies were front-wheel drive and front-engined - the only reliable configuration for delivering power to the road when you really need it.
The Baiting
We sat there- him revving the beast, both of them jumping around inside their red coffin as they sensed blood.... me, listening to Classic FM, reassuring the Scooby that I would still love her if she failed. The tension mounted... the ford passenger wound his window down and placed his arm strategically on his door panel, presumably to maximise the Escorts aerodynamic capabilities. I revved the Scooby just the once, slipped her into first, gripped one hand tightly on the steering wheel (cursing once more when I saw that my neighbour had one of those 80s go-faster skinny plastic ones), and placed my other hand firmly onto the handbreak. The game was on !
The Launch
Amber.
The revs climb upwards from the Ford Beast - the windows in the Scooby rattle in their frames from the roar that hits them from next door. The boys hunch forwards, anticipating their whole bodies being crushed by the enormous G-forces they are about to experience. I take the handbreak off.
Green.
The Ford driver unleashes everything he has got at me.
I am dumbfounded. I cannot move. I barely remember where I am.
In a fury of front wheel drive excellence the Ford delivers its 75 BHP in manner that is an art to watch. The Ford beast wheel-spins furiously up the road, going soooo SLOWLY that strange things are caused to happen from within the Scooby.
- My face starts to contort in a stange manner, as if being pulled from the mouth area outwards and upwards.
- My teeth start to appear visible from within my mouth.
- Then a very usual sound is emitted, one that is very rarely heard when driving these days.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha .ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ....
I have NEVER laughed so much in my life at the sight of this little car racing away from the lights, thinking he actually stood the earthliest of chances.
When I had regained my composure, and wiped the tears of laughter away from my eyes, I pulled away in an elegant, yes understated manner, actually letting one more car overtake me on the outside. How lovely. Another pleasant drive in the Scooby.
Needless to say, I had him later, in the "twisties".
(How dull)
25 January 2006, 09:50 AM
#36
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Originally Posted by NorthDownsScooby
The Contestants
In the Blue corner is me, WRX 300, magnificantly understated in WR Blue with gold wheels,
In the Blue corner is me, WRX 300, magnificantly understated in WR Blue with gold wheels,
25 January 2006, 12:37 PM
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Havent had the pleasure of doing it in my Impreza, but have used similar tactics on the Ducati - sat at the lights blipping the throttle ( have race exhausts and they are blxxdy loud, so the boy racers really think the challenge is on ) as they sit in their mums Corsa revving the nuts off it.
Always works to pull sedately away at 10 mph as they scream off down the road.
( Of course I should point out this only works with 17 years olds who actually think they have won, when its a mid life crisis bloke in his Porsche you only give them 10 metres head start ).
Always works to pull sedately away at 10 mph as they scream off down the road.
( Of course I should point out this only works with 17 years olds who actually think they have won, when its a mid life crisis bloke in his Porsche you only give them 10 metres head start ).
25 January 2006, 01:17 PM
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FWIW i had somebody beat me from the lights last night in newcastle
new mini convertible, off he went, straight into the truvelo around the corner
you know there braking hard when the front end dips down
nobody really bothers my car TBH
new mini convertible, off he went, straight into the truvelo around the corner
you know there braking hard when the front end dips down
nobody really bothers my car TBH
25 January 2006, 04:27 PM
#43
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Originally Posted by eric Scofield
Very good !!!
Bet you came top of your class in the irony and understated sarcasm stakes ..
Bet you came top of your class in the irony and understated sarcasm stakes ..
Rich
25 January 2006, 04:44 PM
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Can the next story you write please be about a guy called Ford who got spanked by an escort in his subaru whilst waiting at the lights...
since you write so well - I think that it could be strangely erotic..
since you write so well - I think that it could be strangely erotic..
25 January 2006, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted by flynnstudio
Can the next story you write please be about a guy called Ford who got spanked by an escort in his subaru whilst waiting at the lights...
since you write so well - I think that it could be strangely erotic..
since you write so well - I think that it could be strangely erotic..
but its a nice thought !!
25 January 2006, 08:58 PM
#48
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Originally Posted by wwp8
i am quite amazed in how well this has been written sounds like a review in max power
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