EddScott

My GF has had a number of jobs. All of which she has walked out of and during the time she has been there, I have picked up the tab for childcare so even when she was working it still cost me money.

I would be happy to swap places any day of the week personally. I'm perfectly aware of what it takes to look after a child - ours is 4 so I think I have an idea what I'm doing. Also, we only have 1 which is far easier than 2 etc.

I'm not prepared to go into the in and outs of the relationship but I'm happy to stand by "Carried".

To be honest, my question has been pretty much answered and would seem its probably judged on case by case rather than set rules. To be honest I would hate for our child to leave the place she calls home and knows is safe.



That is not for our firm to judge or give an opinion. Our main job is to make sure when the old boy does die theres more money for them to fight over.

Drunken Bungle Whore

This is exactly the reason you need sound legal advice now. There are many fathers who've felt the same only to be disappointed and face massive, and very expensive, legal battles. IF she wins custody then she'll have much more of a claim on your income.

I'm not on anyone's side. The mother may not always be the best person for a child to be with - but neither should her role be undervalued.

Find a way to spend 1 week at home as a house husband - I've know several friends husbands who've thought they were "perfectly aware of what it took" to manage 1 small child, until they tried. (On one memorable occasion the hubby complained about the state of the house when he got in from work one day and asked what she'd been up to all day. She made him take a week off work and she temped for a week. Her parents had been called in by the Tuesday afternoon - and he never, ever, complained again! )

You'd have to demonstrate adequate child care to a judge - who wouldn't be impressed by you leaving them with childminders all day while you worked, especially if the alternative was a full time mother who could be supported by you (which you've already demonstrated you're financially capapble of doing).

I'm not saying it's fair at all - most of the time the law stinks - I'm just trying to warn you what you might be letting yourself in for.

fast bloke

**** me - there is some scarey stuff here being passed off as fact

mpr

Having read the links provided, it seems clear to me that your house is yours and you gf would have no claim on it. If she had contributed significantly towards the bills then maybe she would have a claim, but this doesn't appear to be the case.

You'll pay the same to the csa either way, but the bonus of not being married is that the gf can't claim maintenance from you.

You're in a similar position to me (although my gf does work). There is no way I'm getting married as it could be financially disastrous on my part, people propogate scare stories about "it doesn't matter if you're not married if you have a kid, you'll still pay out the same" but this is clearly incorrect - thank god.

I fail to see why one partner should have to support the other if they split up. No wonder women are keen to get married, its like finding the end of a rainbow for some of them. I honestly believe that if most men understood the financial repurcussions of getting married (and the subsequent divorce) they just wouldn't do it!

Turbohot

I wish i lived in Scotland

AudiLover

Man if someone tried taking half my house after not paying one dime of it id be pissed. Id seek legal advice now if I were you and perhaps look into signing the house over to your parents or setting up a trust etc. There are lawyers who specialise in this field for woman who never got married, split with their partner and then left without nothing. They can sue about anything these days and win. A friend of mine mother is doing it as we speak. She wants to take him for everything hes got.

Fuzz

Why would anyone want to marry you with that attitude anyway.

Andy

AudiLover

Amen.

I know a guy who lost everything to a female twice. Hes sure as hell super careful now.

Fuzz

I'm not going to drive my car to work tomorrow as I might crash it.


Andy

Turbohot

It is the same other way round too.Men can get half of what woman has,according to the law- no matter whether they put enough in the house/house running or not.
It's a pleasure to share anything and everything with the one you love.But they should take responsibility to share half the burden too.

EddScott

I feel I have to point out that we aren't actually splitting up. I've put up with plenty of grief but then I'm sure most of us can same about thier relationship. It was just after the discussion we had at work regarding the legitamacy (sp) of pre-nup agreements and does it matter how much money you have in order to consider such a move.

Have to say I think mpr is right regarding marriage. We've had one woman who left her partner, shacked up with some geezer within a few months (So she says but I think she'd been having an affair) and she and the new man were coming in to discuss taking half her ex-husbands pension off him.

It puts you off marriage when if the worst happens irrespective of blame the woman can screw the fella into the ground. Just doesn't seem fair.

fast bloke

pre nups can work, but only under a very tightly defined set of circumstances - they also ned to cover every future possibility (now just the two snapshots in time that you would expect), which is generally quite a bit of paperwork

Fuzz

Being born sometimes isn't fair !

Life is what you make of it.
To snub marriage to someone that could be "everything you ever wanted in life" just because it "might" go **** up at some point, well it just seems

The rest of your life would be full of "what ifs"

There is a better analogy of that on the tip of my tongue but I cant spit it out.

Ahh yes, Life would be full of regrets.

Andy

mpr

yes it's all ifs - but would you bet everything you've got on 50-50 at a casino? didn't think so! But you'd get married and its now a 50-50 chance of getting divorced according to the latest statistics.

And what does this arcaic religious pile of crap mean anyway? does it actually make any difference to your everyday life? It's a crock, all it does is leave the main breadwinner (which is usually a man unfortunately) with the threat of having their hard earned "stolen" from them, irrespective of blame.

How can any sane person honestly think it's fair that a man who works hard for his family can come home one day and find out he's just lost everything he's worked for, because his missus fancied taking it off him and shacking up with someone else. And yes it has and does happen all the time, I know a few guys personally it's happend to.

So, Fuzz, keep your rose tinted glasses on and hope your missus doesn't do the same to you -eh?

scoob_babe

I see the women-bashers are out in force here!!
Its not just the women who contribute nothing and wouldn't hesitate to take as much as they can get their grubby hands on!!!!!!!!!

Warwick-hunt

thats the first mention of love

we've had 'carried' 'nipper' 'tight' 'picked up the tab'
you pay for your daughters (nipper ) childcare and complain because it costs you money?? maybe you both need a kick up the *** imo

Fuzz

I've loved and I've lost, so what! it happens, better to have done that, than thought "eh **** that, she might take me for all I've got"

When you obviously view money so high above what could be a fantastic loving relationship, it's no real surprise you came out with that analogy.

Now on that I agree, marriage is nothing more than a bit of paper showing your commitment to each other over the long term in my opinion, but that's a whole new topic..

Andy

MikeCardiff

iTrader: (2)

Bl00dy hell - theres some cynical people on here !

I got married to show commitment to the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, who I love, and who I will support emotionally, financially - whatever she needs.

At no point did I get my calculator out and think 'will I be worse off or not if I'm married'.

My wife earns decent money, as do I, but if she wanted to or had to give up work for any reason, then I'd support her and not resent her for it ( of course, if she just wanted to stop working so she could sit on her backside and watch daytime TV I may think differently !!! ).

Remember that not that long ago all the men on here would be EXPECTED to go out and work while their wife stays at home and looks after the house and children - you wouldnt have had a choice about it.

If you enter every relationship wondering if the person is just there to rip you off then you're going to spend a lot of time alone.

mpr

cynical or a realist? it's all a matter of perspective.
I'm happy with my missus, I'm happy with the financial security I've built for us. However, if she fancies knocking someone else off, I'll be happy to leave her with the money she brought to the party and no more. I think that's fair, and I'd expect the same treatment if the roles were reversed.

Everybody marries for love, and thinks it'll last forever.... half of them are wrong, but just don't know it yet.

nathanb

iTrader: (1)

I wouldnt have thought she's entitled to anything If she aint payed a penny to the mortgage or bills? After all there's no record of her officially living there!!