View Poll Results: What would you do ?
Cancel planned trip to Florida in Aug
5
7.69%
Ground daughter for ignoring 9.30pm
29
44.62%
"Talk" to BF in no uncertain terms
30
46.15%
Lock up our daughter
2
3.08%
Call the Feds
5
7.69%
Call the Grandparents
2
3.08%
Say - Do what you like and we'll pay for everything
2
3.08%
Say - Do what you like and find somewhere else to live
5
7.69%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 65. You may not vote on this poll
Vote - How to handle a situation.
03 May 2006, 11:24 AM
#31
Originally Posted by pete1977
Wow,some mega **** parents on here!The victorian father route does not work with todays teenagers.Im pretty much in agreement with what chrisola has said.I know of a girl i was at school with who was in a similar situation as your stepdaughter,her father tried to come down heavy on her ,then she disappeared.She was 15 yrs old,just about to turn 16.Her father eventually tracked her down with the use of private detectives ,which took 8 years!!At which point the woman told him in no uncertain terms to "**** off".
03 May 2006, 11:27 AM
#32
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Thats why you need to go down the route of the boyfriend rather than the step daughter. Anything you take away from her, stop her from doing, she will just do them anyway and hate you for it.
03 May 2006, 11:30 AM
#33
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Originally Posted by KiwiGTI
You need to arrange for the boyfriend to tour the local prison and afterwards put on some gay **** for him. Should get the message.
I find the picture of me and my two mates out hunting with our shotguns helps as well. The one of us looking straight to camera, guns in hand with menacing smiles.
03 May 2006, 11:36 AM
#34
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Your fecked whatever you do mate.
My advise - face facts that your daughters gonna do whatever she likes. Make sure shes aware of the pregnancy / STI issues - worse case is she gets up the duff.....
Help rather than hinder.... if she's got any sense she'll sort herself out anyway.
Grounding her etc will just make her rebel against you.
Jza
My advise - face facts that your daughters gonna do whatever she likes. Make sure shes aware of the pregnancy / STI issues - worse case is she gets up the duff.....
Help rather than hinder.... if she's got any sense she'll sort herself out anyway.
Grounding her etc will just make her rebel against you.
Jza
03 May 2006, 11:40 AM
#35
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shes 13 - he's 16....i wouldnt fancy that for a start. if you do allow them to continue i would make it VERY clear that he is going to die if he screws your kid.
worry about her running away from home when she's old enough...right now she is a child and your protection (even if its heavy handed) is more use than allowing her to continue (unless you like the grandad idea?)
my daughter is 10 and there is no way on earth she will have a 16 year old boyfriend in 3 years......no way.
worry about her running away from home when she's old enough...right now she is a child and your protection (even if its heavy handed) is more use than allowing her to continue (unless you like the grandad idea?)
my daughter is 10 and there is no way on earth she will have a 16 year old boyfriend in 3 years......no way.
03 May 2006, 11:48 AM
#36
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Originally Posted by Tiggs
shes 13 - he's 16....i wouldnt fancy that for a start. if you do allow them to continue i would make it VERY clear that he is going to die if he screws your kid.
worry about her running away from home when she's old enough...right now she is a child and your protection (even if its heavy handed) is more use than allowing her to continue (unless you like the grandad idea?)
my daughter is 10 and there is no way on earth she will have a 16 year old boyfriend in 3 years......no way.
worry about her running away from home when she's old enough...right now she is a child and your protection (even if its heavy handed) is more use than allowing her to continue (unless you like the grandad idea?)
my daughter is 10 and there is no way on earth she will have a 16 year old boyfriend in 3 years......no way.
03 May 2006, 11:48 AM
#37
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Originally Posted by Tiggs
shes 13 - he's 16....i wouldnt fancy that for a start. if you do allow them to continue i would make it VERY clear that he is going to die if he screws your kid.
worry about her running away from home when she's old enough...right now she is a child and your protection (even if its heavy handed) is more use than allowing her to continue (unless you like the grandad idea?)
my daughter is 10 and there is no way on earth she will have a 16 year old boyfriend in 3 years......no way.
worry about her running away from home when she's old enough...right now she is a child and your protection (even if its heavy handed) is more use than allowing her to continue (unless you like the grandad idea?)
my daughter is 10 and there is no way on earth she will have a 16 year old boyfriend in 3 years......no way.
Theyre not kids anymore at 13! You may think they but christ Im 31 and my dad still calls me by the pet name Ive had since I was born and he also says Im still his baby.....and he's a hard case LOL
Girls have always gone out with boys older due to the rate they grow up, at 13 boys are still pretending to be planes at break time hence why her boyfriend isnt 13.
03 May 2006, 11:52 AM
#38
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Originally Posted by falkster
3 years is a long time in a young girls life!!
Theyre not kids anymore at 13! You may think they but christ Im 31 and my dad still calls me by the pet name Ive had since I was born and he also says Im still his baby.....and he's a hard case LOL
Girls have always gone out with boys older due to the rate they grow up, at 13 boys are still pretending to be planes at break time hence why her boyfriend isnt 13.
Theyre not kids anymore at 13! You may think they but christ Im 31 and my dad still calls me by the pet name Ive had since I was born and he also says Im still his baby.....and he's a hard case LOL
Girls have always gone out with boys older due to the rate they grow up, at 13 boys are still pretending to be planes at break time hence why her boyfriend isnt 13.
03 May 2006, 11:55 AM
#39
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Originally Posted by Tiggs
my daughter is 10 and there is no way on earth she will have a 16 year old boyfriend in 3 years......no way.
As I said, I agree but fighting it will make things worse. If you go for the lad, its more likely she'll start going out more to meet in secret so you'll have no idea where she is. Then you ground her from anything other than school which means she'll bunk off with him. The school gets involved and things escalate to such a point that she becomes borderline runaway fodder.
I've always said I'd like to buy a house with a cellar and fill it with a few choice items of torture - whilst the misses and I aren't using it
we could always introduce the place to any new BFs and point out that the pile in the corner is the last BF that tried to poke my daughter!
03 May 2006, 11:57 AM
#40
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Originally Posted by EddScott
How will you stop her?
As I said, I agree but fighting it will make things worse. If you go for the lad, its more likely she'll start going out more to meet in secret so you'll have no idea where she is. Then you ground her from anything other than school which means she'll bunk off with him. The school gets involved and things escalate to such a point that she becomes borderline runaway fodder.
As I said, I agree but fighting it will make things worse. If you go for the lad, its more likely she'll start going out more to meet in secret so you'll have no idea where she is. Then you ground her from anything other than school which means she'll bunk off with him. The school gets involved and things escalate to such a point that she becomes borderline runaway fodder.
worst case maybe but come on this not some Hollywood movie. 
03 May 2006, 06:07 PM
#41
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Why is a 16 yar old going out with a 13 yr old in the first place? I can tell you know its because theyre a easy to get hold off. Little girls love older boys and most of the time after the boys had what he was after he will clear off. Sometimes they will stay as they get used to teh idea of regular sex. Many 14yrs olds do have sex these days but not with boys 2 years older.
What year is the daughter and what year is her boyfriend. If the gaps more than 2 school years then Id be very alarmed. Maybe you have some friends nearer to the boy friends age to have a word with him to go away. Oh and ground the girl harshly.
In the end though if theyre both determined you cant stop them. If it was my daughter Id make sure the BF would have a reason to stop seeing her and keep a very close eye on the girl.
What year is the daughter and what year is her boyfriend. If the gaps more than 2 school years then Id be very alarmed. Maybe you have some friends nearer to the boy friends age to have a word with him to go away. Oh and ground the girl harshly.
In the end though if theyre both determined you cant stop them. If it was my daughter Id make sure the BF would have a reason to stop seeing her and keep a very close eye on the girl.
03 May 2006, 07:43 PM
#43
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This is one of those situations where the parent just can't seem to win! Don't do anything and they'll go ahead as planned and you'll have been negligent. Go in as an authority figure and they'll go ahead anyway and probably be more determined to do it to spite you, or because doing things your parents wouldn't approve of is an easy route to kudos with your mates when you're a young teenager. Even if you go in with guns blazing and scare this one off in pubic, you can't keep an eye on her always, and what about the next BF, and the one after that?
My view is that if you're going to be condemned by your offspring be condemned for who you are and what you believe in!
A chat with the daugher is the first port of call, intimidate BFs all you like, it'll do no good if she's not deterred. A frank discussion is required where you make it clear that you love her and want the very best for her in life, including a great BF. She's going to be mortified most likely, so you might want to make it clear from the outset that it's an equally uncomfortable experience for you. Try telling her how hard it is to deal with it from a parent's point of view- but you'd rather endure 30 mins of being uncomfortable than have to watch her endure getting hurt/used. You never know she might just be a bit more receptive if she sees that you're finding it hard, but doing it anyway.
However, you need to point out that:
Sex aint all that its cracked up to be if its not happening for the right reasons and that people who rush their first times often bitterly regret it and wish they'd waited longer/for somone better. Once it's gone, it's gone for good!
Kudos with your mates is one thing, but what if being able to brag that you've had sex generates more negative attention than positive....i.e. being called a slapper rather than cool.
Also, If she's feeling peer pressure to do it from mates, it's important to point out that kids that age often lie for kudos- is she sure "all" her mates are doing it?
Ask her why she thinks this BF is the one for her and why she thinks that just turning 14 makes it the right time?
She is under the age of consent and that having sex would make the BF a criminal. You also need to ask her if she thinks a BF that really cared for her would put her in such a position?
You need to point out that even with good precautions accidents do happen -does she thinks she is at an age where she would be prepared for this?
You shouldn't just portray the BF as a bad guy, even if you feel that way. Like it or not, she may have strong feelings for him and alienating him, or belittling him might just make things worse.
You need to give her the info and say that you trust her to make a judgement and you hope she'll do the right thing by her, not you or anyone else.
At the end of the day that pretty much encapsulates what becomming an adult is *really* all about!
All the best,
Ns04
My view is that if you're going to be condemned by your offspring be condemned for who you are and what you believe in!
A chat with the daugher is the first port of call, intimidate BFs all you like, it'll do no good if she's not deterred. A frank discussion is required where you make it clear that you love her and want the very best for her in life, including a great BF. She's going to be mortified most likely, so you might want to make it clear from the outset that it's an equally uncomfortable experience for you. Try telling her how hard it is to deal with it from a parent's point of view- but you'd rather endure 30 mins of being uncomfortable than have to watch her endure getting hurt/used. You never know she might just be a bit more receptive if she sees that you're finding it hard, but doing it anyway.
However, you need to point out that:
Sex aint all that its cracked up to be if its not happening for the right reasons and that people who rush their first times often bitterly regret it and wish they'd waited longer/for somone better. Once it's gone, it's gone for good!
Kudos with your mates is one thing, but what if being able to brag that you've had sex generates more negative attention than positive....i.e. being called a slapper rather than cool.
Also, If she's feeling peer pressure to do it from mates, it's important to point out that kids that age often lie for kudos- is she sure "all" her mates are doing it?
Ask her why she thinks this BF is the one for her and why she thinks that just turning 14 makes it the right time?
She is under the age of consent and that having sex would make the BF a criminal. You also need to ask her if she thinks a BF that really cared for her would put her in such a position?
You need to point out that even with good precautions accidents do happen -does she thinks she is at an age where she would be prepared for this?
You shouldn't just portray the BF as a bad guy, even if you feel that way. Like it or not, she may have strong feelings for him and alienating him, or belittling him might just make things worse.
You need to give her the info and say that you trust her to make a judgement and you hope she'll do the right thing by her, not you or anyone else.
At the end of the day that pretty much encapsulates what becomming an adult is *really* all about!
All the best,
Ns04
Last edited by New_scooby_04; 03 May 2006 at 07:47 PM.
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