mpr

I simply pointed out that if I was guaranteed to be no worse off following a divorce (as 99% of women are) I would have no issue about getting married. I'm not looking to make money, just to hold onto SOME of the money that I worked and saved hard for.

mpr

but the later in life you leave it, the more you have to lose! And the more likely (dare I say it) that you find yourself at the mercy of potential gold-diggers who know you have more to lose.

It's the screwed up law and government policies that have made it this way. If everything wasn't so blatantly against the men and there were still some married couple friendly policies then marriage might not be on the way out.

sociopath

Get a quote to have her offed, add a few years of inflation onto it, then bury the lot in cash in an undisclosed location. Your future is now secure.

Leslie

You may well be right mpr, but with more experience of life you should be better placed to make a safer choice.

Les

vindaloo

11 years would be a very patient strategy for any gold digger...
I agree that marriage will change the dynamic of the relationship though.

If you can't get your head around it in some way, then I think you'll always worry and that'll screw things up anyway.

I think you should consider professional advice from a relationship counselling AND from a legal perspective.

J.

MJW

I was in exactly the same position a few months ago : been living with a girl for 12 years, have a daughter & a stepdaughter. She was continually pestering me to get married, saying things like 'well if we don't get married we may as well end it'. So I dumped her and it still ended up costing me an arm and a leg.
Don't get married, stick to your guns. If she values marriage more than anything else, get rid. Explain to her that you don't agree with the modern concept of marriage, (cos lets face it all the changes in the law have made it practically a no-no for any bloke who has money stashed) and that you're happy with things the way they are.

However, the law will be changing soon to 'protect' unmarried women which basically means men are financially screwed whether they get to the altar or not. Even turning gay isn't an option these days as civil partnerships have closed that loophole too !

mpr

very true, the gold digger point was in no way related to my gf... just a general point about the whole state of the "game" in this country.

The problem is that even if your wife isn't a gold digger, they are encouraged to go for the maximum by greedy lawyers whose sole interest is to make the divorce proceedings as acrimonious (sp) as possible, in order to generate more work/money for themselves.

Leslie

One point of course is that a marriage contract will go some way towards protecting the children.

Les

mpr

Interesting, if sad story. How come you still got screwed? PM me if you don't want your life story on Scoobynet for some strange reason

As I understand it, the csa shaft you for 15% of your wages for one child (how the hell they work out a child costs that much, for your HALF or its' upkeep is beyond me).

And then, as far as assets go, you split anything bought jointly but anything you brought to the relationship is safe. So worst case should probably be it costs half your house if her name is on the mortgage and that's about it?

MJW

She was named on the mortgage, even though I paid the deposit, all the bills, all the mortgage payments, paid for her car & running costs, I still had to split the equity with her, hence the huge payout. Managed to keep the CSA (who don't know their *** from a hole in the ground anyway) out of the proceedings and came to an agreement on maintenance payments & access. I also managed to keep the solicitors out of it, as this would've been even more expensive, and so agreed just to give her half the equity after the house was valued. Fortunately I managed to intercept the valuer and told him to price the house to sell quick - so he slightly under-valued it and I bought her half out by re-mortgaging.
It was an expensive way out, but still a hell of a lot cheaper than a divorce as she could've had a share in my commercial property, business interests and pension too.

Drunken Bungle Whore

Email her a link to this thread - am sure the pressure for you to marry will ease off when she reads it all.

weapon69

I love these threads

mpr -what are her reasons for getting married after 11years as you've got kids already?

TBH you don't need to get married anymore if you have kids. If she got a good solicitor, you'd still get a fair bit of money taken off you if/when you split. There's no common law wife in England but i don't think that matters IMO.

p.s Do you really think she's nagging to get married, so she can leave you and get the house in say ooh a years time?

Adrian F

Equally why get married now?

I don’t think any man is sensible to marry now days unless he will not be worse off after a split e.g. she has the same assets and intends to continue to work even if you have children together later. The probability of splitting is 1 in2 or 1in 3 would you take those odds to lose your savings and pension plus she will now have access to any future income!

The law is basically making marriage a gamble for the man in most cases, why should anybody gain financially from a divorce?

Maybe if nobody got married then they would alter the law. I am sure if the roles were reversed there would be pressure groups getting the law changed double quick as it was unfair to women, but as it is mostly men suffering it is just allowed to continue

mpr

Well thank f@ck SOMEONE has the same views as me..... I was beginning to think I was all on my own, surrounded by a bunch of hopeless romantics who may well come round to my viewpoint if/when they get shafted in the future.

mpr

FYI we have had many open and frank "discussions" along these lines.... I'm not one to keep my opinion to myself! Indeed, what is the point of an opinion at all if it is never aired?

milo

nah, you're pretty much spot on. no point in everyone glibly replying with a "yes, i agree" when you've pretty much said what most of us are probably thinking

AudiLover

put cars etc in teh name of your parents, and put some of your savings in a trust or something, or just give that to your mam aswell.

*Sonic*

Already has happened to me once you live and learn by it

The only reason I posted the opinions I did, was that you started the thread with the stance ill only get married to stop the moaning

mpr

ok, now we are getting somewhere....

What if your mum is a spendaholic (which mine happens to be..... might explain my deap-seated tightness that I suppose)... My old man's ok tho', so say I move things into his name: what happens when he gives it me back later (and indeed when I give it to him in the first place) are there tax implications?

What if he dies (yes I really am a pessimist), I suppose that money ends up in his estate, and so his will would need to be updated to take this into account... and then you've just increased the value of the estate and could get shafted for inheritance tax...

Maybe better off with a bagfull of cash in a safety deposit box!

simo

[QUOTE=mpr]With over 40% of marriages ending in divorce (I heard somewhere recently that it's now at 50% but can't remember where)

**** me, Im still with my misses after 13 years, what am I doing wrong

scoobyjimbo

I have an agereement in place which i signed with my then girlfriend (now wife) as i brought 90% of the depsoit for our first house, just to protect me if we split up before marriage, it worked well, when we did get married we updated it and still have it in palce now.. I know some women would not want to agree such a policy, but we decided we wanted to do this..

J

Lum

Can offshor bank accounts help at all?
I'm sure the Swiss can be trusted to look after your money for you.

mpr

Any ideas how one goes about opening such an account? And how do you get the money there without leaving a big fat paper trail for the thieving solicitors to follow? I don't really want to have to take a pile of cash to another country if I can help it

TopBanana

If you're that worried, hide your money. Draw out £500 a week. Buy some gold bars and stick them in a safe deposit box somewhere. If you end up divorcing, tell the judge you had a gambling problem!

Or marry someone who earns some decent money

Lum

No idea mate, sorry.

Google

mpr

fair play... but the internet has been know to scam people on occasion so I'd rather hear off people who've actually been there and done it

stevem2k

Doesn't work anyway ....

Miss Kinky

doesn't love and trust come into marriage any more?

Chrisgr31

But you have been with her for 11 years already, and had kids with her. Therefore she should have some right to the money you have earned during those 11 years as presumably you have done it with her support. At the very least you have her to thank for the kids.

What happens on a break up is vert dependent on the attitude of the parties involved, and on the reasons for the break up. Invariably you'll only her one side of the argument from someone who is bitter and twisted. In most divorces I know of both parties have managed to survive financially. Women often do better because they are raising the children. They therefore have more mouths to feed, and potentially child care to pay. If not their earning ability is potentially affected by the presence of children. In many cases it is also more difficult for them to start another relationship as they need t find babysitters etc before going out.

I don't see any purpose in what you are trying to do unless you were truly minted before you met. All you really seem to be saying is I'll look after myself and stuff my wife and daughter.

Equally 40 or 50% of marriages may end in divorce but it is up to the parties involved to marry for the right reasons and then work at it, to ensure divorce is not the outcome.

However as you appear worried about the committement maybe you should just say no.

weapon69

I agree. I'd be pretty peed off if i got divorced after bringing up children, looking after the family home, not being able to pursue my own career because of said children if the guy turned round and said get lost you thieving biatch i've hidden all my money in case of this situation.