Fuzz

Did you not see the smiley after the "one liner"

The rest I stand by though..

Child would soon learn or have a very sore ****.

fast bloke

Sore **** and loads of attention

*Sonic*

Yes I did see the smiley, did you see the sticky out tongue at the end of my post

all said and done, I dont believe smacking is the right way to go, but there does need to be some reason behind it, and preventatve measures that can be taken

It maybe laziness to a degree, as its a long way to the toilet from the living room, but he had to climb behind the couch, and previously it was behind a chair, which had to be climbed over

btw its my couch, chair and living room that got wee'd on

Stephb1986

Just a wild thought but could it be possible he has autism i had a quick look on ask.co.uk for you and come up with this web site. I hope this is some sort of help
http://www.genuineanswers.com/ailmen...FQeGQgodDTQ4HQ

i hope you get him sorted soon

D.K.1

I did ask about autism a while back, but they said he's too responsive and social to be autistic also he's very loving and loves his cuddles which aparrently a lot of autistic children don't like because they don't like being touched etc


My son also has a bad blinking tic, which can ease off, but never totally vanishes. It usually comes in a sequence of 3 blinks, the last one being the longest, but lately it has changed more to one long blink, it happens more if he's angry or aggitated and gets worse.

One thing I'm not sure about is his ability to sit for about 20 mins at a time on front of the telly, he sits less than a foot away and has his mouth gaping and stares, so he doesn't take any in, of whatever he is watching and can't remember to tell you, but then he will run in and out of the rooms like a lunatic for a few hours again making as much noise as possible

He has had eye tests, but because he is so un cooperitive they have not come to a decision about his sight as yet, but it seems pretty normal, but his ears are showing to be blocked/ bunged up in the inner ear. When I questioned the clumsiness (accidents etc) he has and the shouting I was told that it is down to his behaviour, not his ears that are the causing this

D.K.1

Bit scary reding actually, I have highlighted in bold the "autism" traits that apply to my son.

People with autism also process and respond to information in unique ways. In some cases, aggressive and/or self-injurious behavior may be present. Persons with autism may also exhibit some of the following traits:
· Resistance to change (can upset him sometimes, likes routine, but then so do most children)
· Difficulty in expressing needs, using gestures or pointing instead of words (This happens quite a lot, he will grunt and look at you as if you should read his mind and points at things and you don't have a clue what he means so he gets very angry)
· Repeating words or phrases in place of normal, responsive language (sometimes)
· Laughing (and/or crying) for no apparent reason showing distress for reasons not apparent to others (Often and he goes into a rage if you ask him to explain what has upset him)
· Preference to being alone (Sometimes this can happen, he has spells where he likes to be on his own, in his own little world and does not like to be disturbed, if he is, he lashes out)
· Difficulty in mixing with others (At nursery he tended to explore the classroom and yard on his own rather than play with others, yet he was fine when mixing, but didn't really seem to have friends as such)
· Little or no eye contact (When in a temper he won't look at all, he puts his head down. clenches his fists and makes a choking/growling noise, veins pop up and goes red in the face, he can also be like this if you tell him he's not to do something he shouldn't)
· Unresponsive to normal teaching methods
· Obsessive attachment to objects
· No real fears of danger (THis is one of the biggest problems for me, because he will run down stairs rather than walk and has already fallen many times, yet still does it, he also is unaware of traffic/road danger and doesn't think before he does something, even if he hurts himself, he will do the same thing again)
· Noticeable physical over-activity or extreme under-activity (VERY!)
· Uneven gross/fine motor skills
· Non responsive to verbal cues; acts as if deaf, although hearing tests in normal range.
· Many children with autism engage in self abusive behaviour such as biting or head banging. (Since baby he has always deliberately banged his head on walls, floors, doors and furniture etc and doesn't seem to feel it, he also hits himself in the head with hard objects and finds it funny He used to bang his head continuously on the back of his car seat on journeys in the car and screamed a lot)
· They tend to start speaking later than other children (He's not a late speaker as such, but his 3 year old sister speaks clearer and makes more sense than him, his pronounciation isn't great either, he has been referred to speech therapist.)
· Many of them may have reduced sensitivity to pain (Quite often he will fall or bang into something and will bruise, yet he doesn't seem to feel it, especially if it's his head.He has a very hard head!)
· Abnormally sensitive to sound, touch or other sensory stimulation.

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

I'd get his ears checked. Our daughters ears were blocked and they often became infected causing her terrible pain, she has grommets now and the infections have disappeared. However my point is the consultant mentioned that blocked ears blocks out the higher and lower frequencies and can limit speech development and vocabulary, hence communication problems.

Usually though blocked ears (well the tubes connecting the ear and mouth) are common in babies / toddlers and is often overlooked and passed off as symptoms ot teething. As they get older (grow bigger) the problem goes away, usually at about 5.

*Sonic*

His ears have been checked, as mentioned in a previous post by D.K.1 and there has been talk of the possibility of grommits, but they want to do further tests first

unclebuck

Deaconism

AudiLover

Hope you can get the answers you guys require.

little-ginge

DK & Sonic

I'm sorry to hear about Olly. It must be really worrying for you. Knowing hardly anything at all (and reading some of the uneducated responses on this thread) I've taken a few minutes to have a scout online..

Facts about ADHD

• As many as one in 100 children in the UK are severely affected. Many more may be mildly affected. Four to five times more boys than girls are affected by this condition.
• Boys tend to be more often affected, but girls can get ADHD too.
• It's not a problem due to bad parenting. The inherited nature of ADHD may explain this - parents may have undiagnosed ADHD too.
• ADHD is caused by a minor dysfunction in the normal brain that causes the child to become overloaded with information it can't filter.
• ADHD can cause problems throughout school and into adult life - as many as 60 per cent of children still show ADHD behaviour in adulthood.
• There is no single test for ADHD, which makes it difficult to diagnose.
• Diet doesn't cause ADHD but may help in treatment.
• Treatment ranges from behavioural techniques and stimulant medication, to stress management and educational support.

Some 'top tips' I found...

• Is there someone else in the family with similar behaviour? ADHD is inherited.
• If you're uncertain, seek a range of opinions. ADHD is full of disagreement at every turn.
• Humour and optimism are vital coping skills that can't be bought: learn how to grow your own.
• See ADHD as not a disease but simply the far edge of a vast spectrum of behaviour, with aspects such as drive, determination and single-mindedness that can be turned to advantage in adult life.

Wildly inaccurate views do enormous harm, especially to families trying to cope with a child who's different to the average but who, with the right help and encouragement, may lead fulfilling lives. The result is that many children with ADHD are not diagnosed, while those who are may be stigmatised and not get the treatment that could help them. This may mean that in adult life they are unfulfilled, unemployed and unhappy. However, many people with ADHD manage to channel their energies (usually with help) with dramatic success - many of the world's great high flyers and entrepreneurs have ADHD.

Keep us updated with how things go.

LG

steffiraf

Am really sorry to hear this Donna. I dont know what to suggest. He could come and stay in my matriarchal(sp) household for a week, but whether it would do more harm than good is anyone's guess. I hope you find the answer

DCI Gene Hunt

Could be a case of you spending FAR to much time on your computer (the old scoobynet addiction) and ignoring your son...... thus leaving him with NO OPTION than to pi55 on his toy box for attention...........

So turn your computer OFF and pay your child some attention

andyfish

DK1

sorry to hear about your problems with your son - ignore the tossers on here who post less than helpful threads.

Our son is now 10 and for the last five years has displayed the traits of ADD / ADHD and his behaviour has been a challenge to us and his school and his friends. We felt very isolated trying to deal with the issues and the lack of public awareness had many people pointing the finger at his 'terrible parents'. We shed tears trying to grapple (sp) with his behaviour.

We tried to go down the route of NHS care but back then the wait to see someone was 18 months. So we gathered as many books as possible and read. We developed some strategies to help him (and us) to cope. This included the omega 3 oils mentioned on here and a complete ban on sweets, fizzy drinks, and where possible e-numbers in foods. It also included lots and lots of priase when he made even a small achievement, and taking the calm approach when he went off the rails.

The toileting in inapproapriate places was not uncommon for us too - however our son didn't even bother to drop his trousers. His mind was already on the next 20 tasks and toileting was a physical function that was so unimportant to him. As he saw it, it was my problem that it was unacceptable to wet yourself anytime, anyplace. He couldn't understand why I got a bit grumpy at changing the bed for the third time that night when he was 6 going on 7.

Keeping his attention focused has always been a problem for him and he is usually at the bottom of his class. His school now make sure he sits on his own and within reach of the teacher in class which supports him. We tell him that it is ok that he doesn't get great grades in class but tries his best. Like most kids who display ADD / ADHD symptoms he is bright and we found an outlet for him that allows him to be himself: music. He plays piano and loves to make music - so much so that he is now leading the life of a cathedral chorister and this seems to give the space to be himself and cope with the other demands that life places upon him. His day is non-stop from getting up to going to bed which gives him something to channel his energies into.

He still has his moments but he is coping well and getting on with life to the best of his ability.

When the time comes you may find that your son is diagnosed with ADD / ADHD and they may suggest medication - it can be very useful and helpful to allow some children to lead much more structured lives.

I hope that you get the help that your son needs - don't be frightened of stating your case firmly with the people that matter.

very best wishes

andy

D.K.1

Do you really realise what you're offering Steffi? LOL You would be on your way back with him after an hour! I can't really remember how he behaved at your's those times we visited He can be as good as gold at times though, then people are surprised when I tell them what he's like, but until they see it for themselves , they have a skeptical view really

D.K.1

andyfish, Thank you for your post, I myself have been subjected to the filthy glares and comments of "That child needs a good slap" from the public when I have been out and he has had an episode so to speak, but it really isn't the answer. If I tell him off for something and punish him by taking things off him, making him do time out, etc, he gets extremely upset and angry and cannot control himself

Last year, I went on a course called "Carolyn Webster-Stratton's Incredible Years" which helped me a lot It went through child-led play, positive attention, ignoring, consequences, tangiable rewards, praise, and many other things, which have helped me deal with him in situatons where before I couldn't cope and ended up in tears, I do still get very stressed by it all, but not to the same extent and can usually diffuse situations as they arise now, but he is still "difficult"

Before I went on the course, I could not go out of the house on my own with my three children, it was just too much, My son would run into the road at every oppertunity and my eldest daughter would encourage him to run off and they would go in opposite directions, leaving me with my youngest in the buggy, even if I had another person with me it was still hard! I even started to use a wrist link to stop him running off, but then he would drag himself along the floor and not walk, so I couldn't make him budge, he just screamed continuously and threw himself on to floors of shops and pavements, it was awful

It was difficult, but slowly I managed to start persuading them to stay and walk nicely next to the buggy and if they behaved, I would buy them an ice cream on the way home or a small toy as a reward for their behaviour. It didn't happen overnight, but it helped a lot Now I don't think about going out with them, I actually enjoy it

Shopping is still hard (not so bad if he's in a trolley, apart from torturing his sister and screaming) as he will try to run off and knock things off shelves and touch everything in sight, run into people, punch people as he walks past and can cause a scene when nhe can't have something he wants, but I can distrac him a lot easier now and he soon forgets what he was angry about and I can calm him somewhat

He is still wetting the bed, not every night, but often, I ignore it and just remind him at bedtime where he is meant to wee, but don't make a fuss when yet again there's a wet sheet in the morning. He has been known to sit on the sofa and be that engrossed in whatever he's doing at the moment and has wee'd on the sofa, I don't know if he's been lazy or like you said, been that busy concentrating on that many other things that he just forgot to go to the loo I hope he gets out of it though, I might try a star chart or something to see if it offers him any encouragement

I wonder sometimes if he will do better when he can learn to play a musical instrument ( if he has the patience to learn and practice ) as he enjoys anything noisy and gets excited at school disco's and party's etc when there's music, he did enjoy music at nursery, playing with different instruments so this may be an avenue I can try with him

In nursery, most weeks he was coming home with certificates, where it seemed others had to try very hard to get one, he had them for the simplest of tasks, like colouring a picture neatly that week, or helping tidy up for the teacher etc, so his teacher helped by praising his achievements like that, no matter how small they may have seemed. She also said he is a very lovely, enthusiastic, energetic little boy, who loves to please people as he gets excited when praised etc. She said when they're in a line to go home and there are still things to be put away, he hasn't the patience to stand in line and wait with the others, he ends up joining in and tidying up with those who were put to the task, so he could go sooner so he wasn't waiting LOL

SCOsazOBY

I have teached children with autism and the trends your son displays could be a mild form of autism. There are different levels of Autism and the specialists will know exactly whats wrong but like you said they cant diagnose it yet.
It is hard for practitioners having to refrain from telling parents whats wrong but they will put measures in place to help.
In order for you to maintain a level of respect and guidance for your current situation you need to constantly be repetative. Every half an hour praise him and give him a sticker on a special chart because he hasnt wee'd where he isnt meant to and then offer to take him to the toilet for a wee and if he does one then make a big fuss and give two stickers. Stick to a routine and praise him for his good behaviour. It will seem teedious at first but after a week if you stick to it he will know the routine and you will see an improvement. Good luck and you will get through it!

Saz

steffiraf

He was a bit of a bugger, but he can come and stay here by all means. Whether it would be of benefit is another story, cos i wont stand for any nonsense. If you wanna try it, feel free, a week of my time is nothing compared to his lifetime. I wont beat around the bush and say im' kiddy friendly, he does things my way or not at all, but he wont be leathered if you know what i mean? Maybe a wake up call is what he needs? I dont wanna sound harsh, but i wont tolerate bad behaviour. My lad doesnt do it and i wont have it from anyone else. The offer is there if you want it
Steph

hectic

Donna... The wife has just listened to part of this 'description' as I read it out,.. she teaches 4and 5 yr olds... started off as a special needs teacher.. her immediate response was "Autistic Traits , although possibly mild.. " ...seems to be the general consensus on here ..
good luck with it hun.. hopefully once diagnosed properly, whatever it is, youll get the proper treatment or whatever is deemed necessary and laddo will cope better with this...

*Sonic*

Hi Steph

We know what you mean , one of the problems is that if he is doing time out for something which he knows he has done wrong for, he 'can' sometimes flare up into one of his episodes of rage, which can result in growling, really hard stamping of his feet, or even throwing objects, and then the constant shouting of 'fvcker, bitch' repeatedly

believe me, there is nothing at all that can get him out this other than a short amount of time on his own, to calm down out of his hysteria, and essentially leave him alone to 'come out' of it himself, once this has happened, he is genuinly sorry for whatever he had done wrong int he first place, and sometimes has no recollection of the mass hysteria, shouting screaming episodes

Other times for seamingly no reason he can go into a crying/sobbing/whining state, or even a growling and stamping feet stage, for something so simple as he has to sit on a chair for his tea, that he hadnt planned on sitting on, or that he has to get his shoes on because we are going out

in these moods, again he cannot be brought out of it, as no matter what you say or do its like you arent even there

Distraction I have found to be one of the best forms of trying to get him to snap out of these episodes, sometimes works, sometimes doesnt, each time things like this happen, its almost like a new method/solution has to be tried, as what works one day, doesnt necessarily work the next

Oh, and if he came to yours he would terrorise the Dogs so much LOL, he absolutly loves Scooby to bits, and cannot leave him alone most of the time, he seems to have found a bond with Scooby that comforts him, but as he doesnt know his own strength, and can hurt him, we sometimes have to keep Scooby in the conservatory for his own protection

He is a lot better now than how he has been in the past, some of that may be him getting a little older, some of it a more settled and stable homelife, some of it the omega 3 etc

We do notice a difference if he hasnt had the omega 3 tablets, or his omega 3 drink in his behaviour

Saying all of this, he can sometimes sit for a good hour or two in front of the tv and watch it till his hearts content, no matter what is on, however he does sit a little too close to it, and nearly always has to have his feet touching the TV or the stand, or be sat on a toy, or box, or something

Hope you are Paul are ok

Donna sends her regards too

steffiraf

We are both fine, and am glad you are are too, and Scoobs. Seriously though, if it would help, he could come here for a week or so, to see if a change of environment helps. Am not the worlds best mother as you know, but if i can help, then it'll be worth it. 1 week is nothing compared to lifetime is it?. Dont worry about the dogs, they couldnt care less. Its all about the lad and his wellbeing
steph

D.K.1

Glad you're both OK

To be honest, I don't think it would be right, or fair to palm my little lad off onto you, it probably would help, but he is my responsibility and I would feel very guilty passsing that on to you.

I know 1 week isn't long, but he may well resent me for it, he may see it as me sending him away because I don't love him or something

He has been a horror the last few days, he has wet the bed more than once a night and had wee'd up his bedroom wall It doesn't seem to bother him one bit though!

He has been very "lively" too, which has been a pain! He had a hissy fit this morning when I was ironing his clothes because the top I had out for him (which he loves) he said it was too small and he hates it! It's not too small for him, far from it! He was OK once he was dressed though, I had to dress him though, as quite often he refuses.

He has started talking in a strange voice too, like he's sucking his breath in as he's talking and sounds awful! I have no idea why he is doing this!

I have forgotton to mention previously, but when he was a few months old, he was diagnosed with something called "Bracycephaly" Which is something to do with the back of his head being very flat, smaller than average and not what they would call a normal shape. I have been wondering if this has any link to his behaviour at all and any possible condition / disorder he may have?

*Cino*

Donna, as you know my nephew is about to be diagnosed with ADHD, his problem is he lacks concentration, in school, he is brilliant at some subjects yet below average in others, his concentration limit is like, 5 seconds and he is very difficult to teach sometimes, he just can't grasp things, he's a clever lad but it's all because of his ADHD, and because he can't concentrate, he then plays up and often gets into trouble at school, but as I know him now, he is a lovely lad. I think what you need to do is be more deciplined with him, the soft approach will not help this situation hun, when he does the things he does, you need to be really firm, otherwise he won't be scared enough to do it again, he'll just do it again knowing he won't get told off. Just make sure you associate all of this bevaviour as VERY BAD, as I'm assuming, with his ADHD he will be confused as to what he can and can't do. It's tough, but you have to be strong. I would definately mention this behaviour to his doctor as it could be anything or nothing, but it isn't really 'usual ADHD' behaviour.

Good luck xxx

jasey

Have you tried a child psychologist or a well trained Nanny (Like the Super Nanny on the TV).

Sometimes it helps to have an outsider look at how your are interacting with all your kids. They could help more than a doctor who will probably be too quick to Issue pills to solve your problems.

pele

Hi there, I used to work with special needs children 3-7yrs and what you have described is almost uncannily like one of my charges, and he has a form of Autism called Aspergers (sp), I've spoken to his mum on numerous occasions and she too was at the end of her tether with doctors and so called specialists, the advice I gave her was to just keep bombarding them with appointments and calls - it took me 4 years to get my 'lazy' son as he was called diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy - it worked for her though and he now has medication, not a lot but it has made such a change in him, although he still becomes distressed if things aren't quite so and obsessive if he gets something into his head that he wants to do. I observed her with him on several occasions and noticed that wherever they were if she wanted his attention she would go to eye level with him and just gently make him face her and speak to him and it seemed to really calm him down - now I realise that with 2 others to keep an eye on this may be difficult, but perhaps if you're on your own with him give it a try?

And as for them fooling people into thinking what little angels they are, I know exactly where you're coming from, Jake is the apple of the whole family's eye, they won't hear that he kicks me and is mouthy and rude - they don't see that side do they? - but he lost his temper with me in front of my mum and she was so shocked she didn't know what to say, so next time someone says I'll look after them, just smile, say OK, drop them off & run away for an hour lol (my sis looked after my son overnight and had to go back to bed after I picked him up!!!)

Good Luck

D.K.1

Pele, you're not the first person to mention Asperger's and I am a bit cncerned now that it could be that and not ADHD, although he has nearly every symptom of ADHD, I did some reading up and it was mentioned that sometimes children get wrongly diagnosed as ADHD and later get the Asperger's diagnosis, but the two can also be linked somehow as both are form of chemical imbalance in the brain

I will definitely keep mentioning it when he sees paediatricians because I want them to test properly and make their mind up and get the right diagnosis!

So many people are shocked when I tell them what Andrew can be like, his teacher in nursery last year said she was actually dreading him with what I told her, but he was actually fine with her, yes he did have his moments but she used to be a special needs teacher so knew ways to calm him or distract him etc The first few appointments he had with health visitors and paediatricians when I first got him referred, he behaved quite well and my health visitor said how lovely he was as he usually behaved when she was there and went to her for a hug and a kiss and played but wasn't that bad, so they started telling me he was OK, but I kept insisting and the more appointments he had, the worse he got, not co-operating when they wanted to measure and weight him, swearing and grunting and growling when spoken to, throwing toys at the paediatrician as well as me and running around the room like someone possessed! It was only when this started showing through that they took me seriously. He is like that so much of the time

A lot of the time when I call his name, or ask him to do something, he will either lok right through me, or completely ignore me, as if he can't hear me, and when I have asked him to do something many times, he then gets angry and throws something or hits someone. Other times he will shout "Stop telling that!" and put his hands over his ears and shake. When he is angry, he clenches his fists and puts his head down and glare, with teeth clenched and growling, he has done this for as long as I can remember. I try going to his level and physically lift his face towards mine but he always avoids my eyes He will only look at me after he has sat on the stair for a while and calmed down, when he has decided he is ready to look at me and talk.

Most of the time he talks so fast that all his words are garbled and you can't understand what he has said, then he gets angry if you ask him to repeat because you didn't understand him.

He went to bed at 8pm this evening, he is still wide awake now, not been to sleep yet! He never seems tired!

LegacySTi

iTrader: (13)

i 'll be honest and say didn't read full thread just your first. but well known ADHD is being over diagnosed and realistisly down to bad parenting. THE END!!

LegacySTi

iTrader: (13)

Roughly read over posts. this parenting believe with no slapping don't believe in it bollox is cos. you wanna dig your head in sand go ahead. i have two kids. . get slap if need be and have the crack and fun when needs be. which by way is 95% time cos they know wats right and wrong. try it sometime!!

D.K.1

*Cino*, I know exactly where you're coming from hun and I am not soft with Andrew, far from it, but sometimes I have to tread carefully with my reactions to things with him as he can get worse depending on the reaction he gets.

I feel sorry for your nephew, teachers are quick to label a child as bad/ distruptive etc and unless they know there's a problem will keep on punishing the child which can often make the child worse (A) because they get a reaction (B) because it gets them attention, from the teacher and the class (C) because they can feel angry and humiliated by this Sometimes shame is a good way to make a child realise what he / she has done wrong and will make them think not to be like that again. AS long as communication between your Sister and your nephew's teacher, things should be a little easier and he shouldn't get in trouble as much, paediatricians usually send letters to teachers too, so they know the extent etc.

I have to say Andrew is very odd in a lot of his ways, most of the time he can't concentrate for long and flits from one thing to another, yet other times he will sit for an hour or so in a world of his own and not move an inch! It's almost like he goes from one extreme to the other

He's like a mad hatter a majority of the time, he can be very amusing, although tiring when he's hyper, but not naughty, he's great fun, but he doesn't know when to stop, he's extremely loud too !


Jasey,

The course I did was based on most of the things the likes of "Super Nanny" do, and it has helped far more than I could have imagined, but like I say, my son still has problems and they won't just go away because he has a medical condition and not just a badly behaved child

I wish half the time I had a hidden camera to record a week's worth of footage of what he is like to give the paediatricians an exact isight to how he is

D.K.1

I am very insulted by your ignorance!

Would YOU like to be slapped every time you do something wrong? I think not.

My son genuinely has a medical condition caused by a chemical imbalance in his brain, NOT though bad parenting.

I have looked at your profile, says you're 23, what a fantastic parent you must have been at, what 13 and 15? No doubt other people, more responsible people, looked after them for the first few years at least.

And as for your second post, I think you need to be educated further in English so we can understand you

You would need to read more than just one post to get the grasp of some of my son's traits, I have been pestering health professionals for around 3 years to get some help and answers and he is still undiagnosed.

Unless you have experience with children with problems, then you may be as well to keep your ignorant opinions to yourself