SN agony aunts ahoy! - If they do it once, they'll do it again?
05 September 2006, 10:12 AM
#91
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If you GF is really serious about getting rid of him, why doesn't she go to the police and file a complaint, then look at getting a restraining order against him, to keep the **** away from you, her and your daughter (The last thing you need is to involve your daughter in all this, or to give her a incling that something serious is going on)
At the end of the day, it's your decision as to what the future holds
An alternative would be to face this lad, show him that your gonna fight (not physically) to hold on to what you had
If he attacks you, yeah your GF will feel bad, but you have the law on your side, it will look worse on him if a complaint to the police has already been made
Or do my usual trick (last resort i must add), get someone from out of town to do him over, Only use this when i have no option left - I usually sort my problems out myself
At the end of the day, it's your decision as to what the future holds
An alternative would be to face this lad, show him that your gonna fight (not physically) to hold on to what you had
If he attacks you, yeah your GF will feel bad, but you have the law on your side, it will look worse on him if a complaint to the police has already been made
Or do my usual trick (last resort i must add), get someone from out of town to do him over, Only use this when i have no option left - I usually sort my problems out myself
05 September 2006, 10:31 AM
#93
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I think once a cheat always a cheat and I know people are going to disagree with me on that but hey my opinion. I'm sure there are success stories out there. She is making you look like a fool! I understand the concern with your daughter but she will get over it and will understand in the long run what a cheating fool her mother is. I'm sure your not doing your daughter any good by being together anyway if your arguing, things will only get worse and it sounds like this guy thats messing with your girlfriend isn't going anywhere yet!!
Everyone has the right to be happy!!
Carla..
Everyone has the right to be happy!!
Carla..
05 September 2006, 11:39 AM
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Originally Posted by DCI Gene Hunt
You are confused and acting like a complete tit.............
You need to send her back to her mothers child et al..............
FFS dude, don't you get it!! she screwed around on you...... you will NEVER be able to trust her again..... and time is NOT a great healer, it just provides a period for ill feelings to fester.... and they will, and she will end up hating you more (as you her) and screwing around more........
Call it a day NOW......... go through the breakup pain barrier while you still can, and it will cause less damage to your daughter, and you may (and I use the term sparingly) just come out the otherside as friends.......
If not then expect to be crying over your keyboard in the next 12 months.....
And stop fighting in the street like a feckin Chav for all your neighbours to laugh at......
You need to send her back to her mothers child et al..............
FFS dude, don't you get it!! she screwed around on you...... you will NEVER be able to trust her again..... and time is NOT a great healer, it just provides a period for ill feelings to fester.... and they will, and she will end up hating you more (as you her) and screwing around more........
Call it a day NOW......... go through the breakup pain barrier while you still can, and it will cause less damage to your daughter, and you may (and I use the term sparingly) just come out the otherside as friends.......
If not then expect to be crying over your keyboard in the next 12 months.....
And stop fighting in the street like a feckin Chav for all your neighbours to laugh at......
By the sounds of your posts, as soon as you leave she'll be round seeing this bloke for a shoulder to cry on. Even worse is that you have moved out, so he could move in.
Go home, pack her bags and drive her to her Parents house. See a Solicitor and get custody of your daughter on the grounds of she's unfit to bring up a child.
Leave now, or have a life full of pain.
05 September 2006, 12:13 PM
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Originally Posted by EddScott
Shes a complete mess! It happened when she left last year. She was gone for 4 weeks and basically had a break down, stopped eating and couldn't do anything - she lost 2 stone in the process in a month.
She's all full of remorse now sure, but I guarantee you that not one percent of that remorse is for how she's hurt you - it's remorse for herself and the fact that she doesn't like to feel guilty and she's concerned that her sugar daddy (which you clearly are) is packing up.
If a similar kind of thing has happened to you in the past, I expect you'll forgive this one (more's the pity) but my advice (which is the same as many on here), is to tell her to pack her stuff up and get the *** out of the house. Tell her to go and stay at her boyfriend's house if she likes him so much. Get the ring back from her first and tell her to stay away from you, your mates, your family and your house. Decide what you want to do about your child (custody or visiting rights) but you shouldn't let (her) your child, force you and this woman together any longer - it's not right for anyone and it's NOT what your daughter would want.
05 September 2006, 12:14 PM
#97
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I thought your daughter is at her parents house anyway?
Kick her out, DON'T leave
I know you've packed your bags but go back and start packing hers, let her really get the message until YOU decide what to do.
Kick her out, DON'T leave
I know you've packed your bags but go back and start packing hers, let her really get the message until YOU decide what to do.
Last edited by Jay m A; 05 September 2006 at 12:17 PM.
05 September 2006, 12:24 PM
#98
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My emotions are bouncing around like a ragdoll at the moment. One minute, I'm 100% in agreement with Petes comments and then I'm lurching off down the trying (yet) again to make it work.
Right now, all I know is that I can't be in the same house with her but I also can't send her to her parents in Yorkshire - they are useless and my GF will crash and burn big time and take our daughter with her. Our daughter has only just started a new year in school and if they go she will have to move schools etc etc. While I'm confused, I'm not going to make any decisions like that because if I do take her back (more fool me probably) it will mean dragging our daughter back down her to wales and its not fair on her. Until I can make a decent decision I'm not going to do anything.
If she kicks off with the lad then she makes the decision. If she moves him in the bills stop and things get nasty very quickly. I rather suspect she never really wanted him in the first place. She just got carried away because he fancied her and showed an interest. Her completely crappy self esteem (of which I've down my best to improve on) got the better of her and away it went.
Pity the longest post count on a thread started by me has be on such a crappy subject - multiple post **** up or otherwise
Right now, all I know is that I can't be in the same house with her but I also can't send her to her parents in Yorkshire - they are useless and my GF will crash and burn big time and take our daughter with her. Our daughter has only just started a new year in school and if they go she will have to move schools etc etc. While I'm confused, I'm not going to make any decisions like that because if I do take her back (more fool me probably) it will mean dragging our daughter back down her to wales and its not fair on her. Until I can make a decent decision I'm not going to do anything.
If she kicks off with the lad then she makes the decision. If she moves him in the bills stop and things get nasty very quickly. I rather suspect she never really wanted him in the first place. She just got carried away because he fancied her and showed an interest. Her completely crappy self esteem (of which I've down my best to improve on) got the better of her and away it went.
Pity the longest post count on a thread started by me has be on such a crappy subject - multiple post **** up or otherwise
05 September 2006, 12:29 PM
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Oh darn it............ marry her..... she's great and have another child
Last edited by DCI Gene Hunt; 05 September 2006 at 12:36 PM.
05 September 2006, 12:31 PM
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Leave the guy alone, none of us are qualified to tell him to split or get back together, he asked for advice not abuse and your advice rammed down his throat. He must be having a hard time and he gets the resident troll having a pop 
05 September 2006, 12:33 PM
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You like being the victim by the sounds of it, and maybe you should take a good look at your own self esteem before worrying about your partners...........
05 September 2006, 12:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Jay m A
Kick her out, DON'T leave
05 September 2006, 12:47 PM
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love is a hard thing to deal with, however hard this may seem, if she has cheated on you then she doesnt respect you or love you. As hard as it seems the best way is to make a clean break and try and get custody of your daughter it sounds like you will have a good case for that with what you have said about her parents and herself.
Write down all her postives (if they exist) and write down all her negatives, compare the two that may help you make a decision. (I know what mine would be based on what you have said)
It will be hard to make a break but it sounds like you have friends who you can count on, and these will prove important to you in the following days.
If she has moved a distance to be with you then it may be that she is trying too hard to make friends and this can give the wrong signals out to other people, and she likes the attention that she is getting back. How do you spend your time with her? Is it quality time?
Maybe postponing the marriage, and all moving to gibraltor if that is an option will help you all out as you will all be in the same position in not knowing anyone.
Write down all her postives (if they exist) and write down all her negatives, compare the two that may help you make a decision. (I know what mine would be based on what you have said)
It will be hard to make a break but it sounds like you have friends who you can count on, and these will prove important to you in the following days.
If she has moved a distance to be with you then it may be that she is trying too hard to make friends and this can give the wrong signals out to other people, and she likes the attention that she is getting back. How do you spend your time with her? Is it quality time?
Maybe postponing the marriage, and all moving to gibraltor if that is an option will help you all out as you will all be in the same position in not knowing anyone.
05 September 2006, 12:48 PM
#108
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Edd, you could always do what I did with my first wife, we'll call her Claire because that was her name 
I came back from a business trip a day early in the middle of the night to find that she had company, in our bed. A naked bleach blond haired fellow then flew out of the first floor bedroom window and broke his leg, which was nice, he'd have broken a lot more bones had he landed on our concrete drive instead of my new XR3i company car, that was badly planned
Anyway, we had a holiday in Kenya booked and paid for coming up in a few months, so I thought it best to patch things up, she was very grateful that I didn't chuck her out
During the build up to the holiday I had looked at a few fancy flats and my best mate had also found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him, so we planned to share a swanky pad and have a few years of fun (we actually did have a guestbook in the flat and would ask conquests to sign it)
Having spent two weeks in Kenya treating myself to lots of excellent Sailfish fishing, by chartering the whole boat and crew just for myself at 600 dollars a day on our "joint" credit card whilst she was probably being knobbed senseless by some coconut picker, we then returned to Blighty. I had already arranged everything with the estate agents and the house had been sold, almost the first day she was back at her work I left a note on the mantelpiece saying thanks but no thanks, the house is sold, you have a week until they move in, half of the proceeds will be deposited into your bank account, if you don't want me to tell your parents what you've done then just accept it, I've taken the stereo, and that was that
I came back from a business trip a day early in the middle of the night to find that she had company, in our bed. A naked bleach blond haired fellow then flew out of the first floor bedroom window and broke his leg, which was nice, he'd have broken a lot more bones had he landed on our concrete drive instead of my new XR3i company car, that was badly planned
Anyway, we had a holiday in Kenya booked and paid for coming up in a few months, so I thought it best to patch things up, she was very grateful that I didn't chuck her out
During the build up to the holiday I had looked at a few fancy flats and my best mate had also found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him, so we planned to share a swanky pad and have a few years of fun (we actually did have a guestbook in the flat and would ask conquests to sign it)
Having spent two weeks in Kenya treating myself to lots of excellent Sailfish fishing, by chartering the whole boat and crew just for myself at 600 dollars a day on our "joint" credit card whilst she was probably being knobbed senseless by some coconut picker, we then returned to Blighty. I had already arranged everything with the estate agents and the house had been sold, almost the first day she was back at her work I left a note on the mantelpiece saying thanks but no thanks, the house is sold, you have a week until they move in, half of the proceeds will be deposited into your bank account, if you don't want me to tell your parents what you've done then just accept it, I've taken the stereo, and that was that
05 September 2006, 12:49 PM
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Originally Posted by EddScott
I'm not a C hav - I fancy goths for FFS! Although shes a bit C havy I must say.
Get yourself up to the Whitby Goth Festival at Halloween then, plenty of pickings to be had there
I'll be there (with the missus) and more than happy to meet a new face for a drink and generally doing not a lot At the end of the day, it's your life and you have to think about what's best for you and what you want from it.
Take it easy
Steve
05 September 2006, 12:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Hanslow
Edd,
Get yourself up to the Whitby Goth Festival at Halloween then, plenty of pickings to be had there I'll be there (with the missus) and more than happy to meet a new face for a drink and generally doing not a lot
At the end of the day, it's your life and you have to think about what's best for you and what you want from it.
Take it easy
Steve
Get yourself up to the Whitby Goth Festival at Halloween then, plenty of pickings to be had there
I'll be there (with the missus) and more than happy to meet a new face for a drink and generally doing not a lot At the end of the day, it's your life and you have to think about what's best for you and what you want from it.
Take it easy
Steve
05 September 2006, 12:53 PM
#111
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Can't make any decisions right now and I haven't decided to take her back. Like I said I'm too hurt and confused to make decisions that are going to have such an impact on our daughter - I know that sounds frustrating to those that say get shot ASAP but I need to think about our daughter first.
A few days apart will give me time to think things through. I need to be away from her because I can think clearer without her around. If I'm with her I'll give in.
A few days apart will give me time to think things through. I need to be away from her because I can think clearer without her around. If I'm with her I'll give in.
05 September 2006, 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Karl 227
Edd, you could always do what I did with my first wife, we'll call her Claire because that was her name
I came back from a business trip a day early in the middle of the night to find that she had company, in our bed. A naked bleach blond haired fellow then flew out of the first floor bedroom window and broke his leg, which was nice, he'd have broken a lot more bones had he landed on our concrete drive instead of my new XR3i company car, that was badly planned
Anyway, we had a holiday in Kenya booked and paid for coming up in a few months, so I thought it best to patch things up, she was very grateful that I didn't chuck her out
During the build up to the holiday I had looked at a few fancy flats and my best mate had also found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him, so we planned to share a swanky pad and have a few years of fun (we actually did have a guestbook in the flat and would ask conquests to sign it)
Having spent two weeks in Kenya treating myself to lots of excellent Sailfish fishing, by chartering the whole boat and crew just for myself at 600 dollars a day on our "joint" credit card whilst she was probably being knobbed senseless by some coconut picker, we then returned to Blighty. I had already arranged everything with the estate agents and the house had been sold, almost the first day she was back at her work I left a note on the mantelpiece saying thanks but no thanks, the house is sold, you have a week until they move in, half of the proceeds will be deposited into your bank account, if you don't want me to tell your parents what you've done then just accept it, I've taken the stereo, and that was that
I came back from a business trip a day early in the middle of the night to find that she had company, in our bed. A naked bleach blond haired fellow then flew out of the first floor bedroom window and broke his leg, which was nice, he'd have broken a lot more bones had he landed on our concrete drive instead of my new XR3i company car, that was badly planned
Anyway, we had a holiday in Kenya booked and paid for coming up in a few months, so I thought it best to patch things up, she was very grateful that I didn't chuck her out
During the build up to the holiday I had looked at a few fancy flats and my best mate had also found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him, so we planned to share a swanky pad and have a few years of fun (we actually did have a guestbook in the flat and would ask conquests to sign it)
Having spent two weeks in Kenya treating myself to lots of excellent Sailfish fishing, by chartering the whole boat and crew just for myself at 600 dollars a day on our "joint" credit card whilst she was probably being knobbed senseless by some coconut picker, we then returned to Blighty. I had already arranged everything with the estate agents and the house had been sold, almost the first day she was back at her work I left a note on the mantelpiece saying thanks but no thanks, the house is sold, you have a week until they move in, half of the proceeds will be deposited into your bank account, if you don't want me to tell your parents what you've done then just accept it, I've taken the stereo, and that was that
Thats some bad ****
05 September 2006, 12:54 PM
#113
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Originally Posted by Karl 227
Edd, you could always do what I did with my first wife, we'll call her Claire because that was her name
I came back from a business trip a day early in the middle of the night to find that she had company, in our bed. A naked bleach blond haired fellow then flew out of the first floor bedroom window and broke his leg, which was nice, he'd have broken a lot more bones had he landed on our concrete drive instead of my new XR3i company car, that was badly planned
Anyway, we had a holiday in Kenya booked and paid for coming up in a few months, so I thought it best to patch things up, she was very grateful that I didn't chuck her out
During the build up to the holiday I had looked at a few fancy flats and my best mate had also found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him, so we planned to share a swanky pad and have a few years of fun (we actually did have a guestbook in the flat and would ask conquests to sign it)
Having spent two weeks in Kenya treating myself to lots of excellent Sailfish fishing, by chartering the whole boat and crew just for myself at 600 dollars a day on our "joint" credit card whilst she was probably being knobbed senseless by some coconut picker, we then returned to Blighty. I had already arranged everything with the estate agents and the house had been sold, almost the first day she was back at her work I left a note on the mantelpiece saying thanks but no thanks, the house is sold, you have a week until they move in, half of the proceeds will be deposited into your bank account, if you don't want me to tell your parents what you've done then just accept it, I've taken the stereo, and that was that
I came back from a business trip a day early in the middle of the night to find that she had company, in our bed. A naked bleach blond haired fellow then flew out of the first floor bedroom window and broke his leg, which was nice, he'd have broken a lot more bones had he landed on our concrete drive instead of my new XR3i company car, that was badly planned
Anyway, we had a holiday in Kenya booked and paid for coming up in a few months, so I thought it best to patch things up, she was very grateful that I didn't chuck her out
During the build up to the holiday I had looked at a few fancy flats and my best mate had also found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him, so we planned to share a swanky pad and have a few years of fun (we actually did have a guestbook in the flat and would ask conquests to sign it)
Having spent two weeks in Kenya treating myself to lots of excellent Sailfish fishing, by chartering the whole boat and crew just for myself at 600 dollars a day on our "joint" credit card whilst she was probably being knobbed senseless by some coconut picker, we then returned to Blighty. I had already arranged everything with the estate agents and the house had been sold, almost the first day she was back at her work I left a note on the mantelpiece saying thanks but no thanks, the house is sold, you have a week until they move in, half of the proceeds will be deposited into your bank account, if you don't want me to tell your parents what you've done then just accept it, I've taken the stereo, and that was that
05 September 2006, 12:55 PM
#114
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Originally Posted by Karl 227
Edd, you could always do what I did with my first wife, we'll call her Claire because that was her name
I came back from a business trip a day early in the middle of the night to find that she had company, in our bed. A naked bleach blond haired fellow then flew out of the first floor bedroom window and broke his leg, which was nice, he'd have broken a lot more bones had he landed on our concrete drive instead of my new XR3i company car, that was badly planned
Anyway, we had a holiday in Kenya booked and paid for coming up in a few months, so I thought it best to patch things up, she was very grateful that I didn't chuck her out
During the build up to the holiday I had looked at a few fancy flats and my best mate had also found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him, so we planned to share a swanky pad and have a few years of fun (we actually did have a guestbook in the flat and would ask conquests to sign it)
Having spent two weeks in Kenya treating myself to lots of excellent Sailfish fishing, by chartering the whole boat and crew just for myself at 600 dollars a day on our "joint" credit card whilst she was probably being knobbed senseless by some coconut picker, we then returned to Blighty. I had already arranged everything with the estate agents and the house had been sold, almost the first day she was back at her work I left a note on the mantelpiece saying thanks but no thanks, the house is sold, you have a week until they move in, half of the proceeds will be deposited into your bank account, if you don't want me to tell your parents what you've done then just accept it, I've taken the stereo, and that was that
I came back from a business trip a day early in the middle of the night to find that she had company, in our bed. A naked bleach blond haired fellow then flew out of the first floor bedroom window and broke his leg, which was nice, he'd have broken a lot more bones had he landed on our concrete drive instead of my new XR3i company car, that was badly planned
Anyway, we had a holiday in Kenya booked and paid for coming up in a few months, so I thought it best to patch things up, she was very grateful that I didn't chuck her out
During the build up to the holiday I had looked at a few fancy flats and my best mate had also found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him, so we planned to share a swanky pad and have a few years of fun (we actually did have a guestbook in the flat and would ask conquests to sign it)
Having spent two weeks in Kenya treating myself to lots of excellent Sailfish fishing, by chartering the whole boat and crew just for myself at 600 dollars a day on our "joint" credit card whilst she was probably being knobbed senseless by some coconut picker, we then returned to Blighty. I had already arranged everything with the estate agents and the house had been sold, almost the first day she was back at her work I left a note on the mantelpiece saying thanks but no thanks, the house is sold, you have a week until they move in, half of the proceeds will be deposited into your bank account, if you don't want me to tell your parents what you've done then just accept it, I've taken the stereo, and that was that
05 September 2006, 12:55 PM
#115
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Edd, honestly dont make the decision to get back just for the sake of your daughter, you have to want her too.... I know its hard but try not to think about your daughters involvement in your relationship.... And if/when you decide to split then you consider your daughters needs and try to keep it amicable.
Good luck
Good luck
05 September 2006, 01:00 PM
#116
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as per davegtt, if you stay with her for your daughters sake, then you are going to be miserable for 16 yrs, your daughter will be miserable as kids will and do pick up on things, she will know something is not right, however your missus will love it (ready made babysitter whilst she is doing her bike impression, out on the p!ss//pull that you have probably paid for)
05 September 2006, 01:06 PM
#117
sorry to hear about your problems edd not being someone who has been though this i'm not the right person to help with advice but maybe you and your gf need to sit down and speak to someone like relate for the sake of your child and maybe she need to get some help because by what i have read in this thread she has some problems which need urgent help with
Last edited by richie001; 05 September 2006 at 01:08 PM.
05 September 2006, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted by EddScott
Can't make any decisions right now and I haven't decided to take her back. Like I said I'm too hurt and confused to make decisions that are going to have such an impact on our daughter - I know that sounds frustrating to those that say get shot ASAP but I need to think about our daughter first.
A few days apart will give me time to think things through. I need to be away from her because I can think clearer without her around. If I'm with her I'll give in.
A few days apart will give me time to think things through. I need to be away from her because I can think clearer without her around. If I'm with her I'll give in.
Take all the time you need to make a decision, you have to think of your daughter so you need to make the correct one. And good luck
05 September 2006, 06:09 PM
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Give her one more chance, but from now on you wear the trousers in the relationship and the bitch is on a leash. Keep your pimp hand strong and if she gets out of line give her a backhand. Dominate the bitch and all will be good.
05 September 2006, 07:48 PM
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Edd, what are you doing lad, get back to your house, you paid for, and stop being sorry for yourself.
Kick the bitch out and tell her parents to come get her, if they think enough of her they will.
Harsh.... NO, Common sense YES.
Here's an idea.... Keep the kid too, sounds like she's not fit to bring the thing up anyway (especially if she has no fixed abode and her parents are wasters.
The child WILL survive without two parents around !
Better for the kid to grow up in a stable environment isn't it? and you aint never going to get that staying with her.
If you do nothing else at all, at least move back in now!
Kick the bitch out and tell her parents to come get her, if they think enough of her they will.
Harsh.... NO, Common sense YES.
Here's an idea.... Keep the kid too, sounds like she's not fit to bring the thing up anyway (especially if she has no fixed abode and her parents are wasters.
The child WILL survive without two parents around !
Better for the kid to grow up in a stable environment isn't it? and you aint never going to get that staying with her.
If you do nothing else at all, at least move back in now!