Food Poisoning - My First Time - <eew>
19 September 2006, 12:23 PM
#31
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Originally Posted by Tidgy
yes mate, was down a stone and a half when i got home cos of low fluid level and nothing in me, put half stone back on when i got back to eating normally, but down a stone in total. bit extream loosing a stone in 5 days 
19 September 2006, 12:25 PM
#32
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24 hour food poisoning..pah.
i had a week of **** ness.....
after a crappy chinese restaurant in manchester china town.
duck was rawish, rice was coldish.
best crash diet ever........
i had a week of **** ness.....
after a crappy chinese restaurant in manchester china town.
duck was rawish, rice was coldish.
best crash diet ever........
19 September 2006, 12:25 PM
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Yes, extreme, and not the nicest way to lose weight 
I had a bug like this last year and lost about a stone, (not far off anyway) I felt great afterwards because things fitted me without being too tight
I had a bug like this last year and lost about a stone, (not far off anyway) I felt great afterwards because things fitted me without being too tight
19 September 2006, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Tidgy
mine are now too small lol, down to smalest notch on belt.
rma, sure its not just indegestion, heart burn?
rma, sure its not just indegestion, heart burn?
I eat, it gives me stomach ache & the feeling of needing to go - cant go
Eventually when i do go, I go, I go, I go etc. then i stop
Then it starts all over again...............
???
19 September 2006, 12:34 PM
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Originally Posted by RMA26
Deffo not mate, this is something else
I eat, it gives me stomach ache & the feeling of needing to go - cant go
Eventually when i do go, I go, I go, I go etc. then i stop
Then it starts all over again...............
???
I eat, it gives me stomach ache & the feeling of needing to go - cant go
Eventually when i do go, I go, I go, I go etc. then i stop
Then it starts all over again...............
???
Symptoms
Abdominal cramps that may be eased by passing wind or passing a motion; bloating and abdominal distension; diarrhoea, constipation, or alternating diarrhoea and constipation; or a feeling of incomplete emptying of the rectum are all common.
Other possible symptoms that aren't related to the gut include backache, tiredness, headaches, and urinary or gynaecological symptoms.
IBS doesn't develop into bowel cancer.
19 September 2006, 12:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Tidgy
mine are now too small lol, down to smalest notch on belt.
rma, sure its not just indegestion, heart burn?
rma, sure its not just indegestion, heart burn?
19 September 2006, 12:35 PM
#39
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Originally Posted by little-ginge
Irritable Bowel Syndrome?
Symptoms
Abdominal cramps that may be eased by passing wind or passing a motion; bloating and abdominal distension; diarrhoea, constipation, or alternating diarrhoea and constipation; or a feeling of incomplete emptying of the rectum are all common.
Other possible symptoms that aren't related to the gut include backache, tiredness, headaches, and urinary or gynaecological symptoms.
IBS doesn't develop into bowel cancer.
Symptoms
Abdominal cramps that may be eased by passing wind or passing a motion; bloating and abdominal distension; diarrhoea, constipation, or alternating diarrhoea and constipation; or a feeling of incomplete emptying of the rectum are all common.
Other possible symptoms that aren't related to the gut include backache, tiredness, headaches, and urinary or gynaecological symptoms.
IBS doesn't develop into bowel cancer.
Sounds like it, Only the doc can confirm i guess tho - Will book in for net week....
19 September 2006, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by RMA26
God knows whats up with me, i go from blocked/unblocked to stomach pains......?
Get the quacks... If it is IBS it is easily managed...Tablets and diet control it and you will win many fart competitions
19 September 2006, 12:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Abdabz
On a serious note RMA, I suffer from IBS and your symptoms of inconsistent movement and cramps sounds very much like my condition, as and when it flares up (usually when stressed or eating a bout of fatty foods)...
Get the quacks... If it is IBS it is easily managed...Tablets and diet control it and you will win many fart competitions
Get the quacks... If it is IBS it is easily managed...Tablets and diet control it and you will win many fart competitions
Cheers mate
19 September 2006, 12:40 PM
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Originally Posted by D.K.1
Need more that just weetabix! 
Fruit and veg too and beans
LOL, you will do well in fart comps
Fruit and veg too and beans
LOL, you will do well in fart comps
Eau De Fart
19 September 2006, 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by kingofturds
Amateurs , try 3 days on the toilet ****ting through the eye of a needle,whilst at the same time puking in the sink. lost nearly a stone that week. they dont call me kingofturds for nothing you know
, try 3 days on the toilet ****ting through the eye of a needle,whilst at the same time puking in the sink. lost nearly a stone that week. they dont call me kingofturds for nothing you knowFPMSL
19 September 2006, 12:44 PM
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Your bowel becomes your friend and not your enemy with IBS. I was diagnosed at 21 and 11 years later my bowel is one of my closest allies...
I know before it does when its time to go, (except when eating manky tuna, then my bowel shouts at me to go
), I know because of my diet which nights I shall be incredibly gaseous and which I will struggle to muster even the smallest vapour cloud... etc...
Embrace your IBS, it made me special
I know before it does when its time to go, (except when eating manky tuna, then my bowel shouts at me to go
), I know because of my diet which nights I shall be incredibly gaseous and which I will struggle to muster even the smallest vapour cloud... etc...Embrace your IBS, it made me special
19 September 2006, 12:47 PM
#48
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Originally Posted by Abdabz
Your bowel becomes your friend and not your enemy with IBS. I was diagnosed at 21 and 11 years later my bowel is one of my closest allies...
I know before it does when its time to go, (except when eating manky tuna, then my bowel shouts at me to go), I know because of my diet which nights I shall be incredibly gaseous and which I will struggle to muster even the smallest vapour cloud... etc...
Embrace your IBS, it made me special
I know before it does when its time to go, (except when eating manky tuna, then my bowel shouts at me to go
), I know because of my diet which nights I shall be incredibly gaseous and which I will struggle to muster even the smallest vapour cloud... etc...Embrace your IBS, it made me special
19 September 2006, 12:51 PM
#49
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Not since I was five, RMA noooo The odd skid mark in the daks perhaps, but I've never not made it before 
If anyone thinks my bowel movements are worthy of a book, I shall contact Dame Sally and Miss Grace
The odd skid mark in the daks perhaps, but I've never not made it before If anyone thinks my bowel movements are worthy of a book, I shall contact Dame Sally and Miss Grace
19 September 2006, 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Abdabz
Not since I was five, RMA noooo The odd skid mark in the daks perhaps, but I've never not made it before
If anyone thinks my bowel movements are worthy of a book, I shall contact Dame Sally and Miss Grace
The odd skid mark in the daks perhaps, but I've never not made it before If anyone thinks my bowel movements are worthy of a book, I shall contact Dame Sally and Miss Grace
19 September 2006, 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Abdabz
Yesterday I defrosted 2 tuna steaks, one for me and one for Mrs Abdabz... At tea time I grilled the little beauties, turning regularly and served with some chips, sweetcorn and coleslaw (hmm hmm)...
Exactly 2 hours later (20:30 hours) I felt the sudden and unwelcome urge of an incredible bowel movement... Waddling to the loo I placed myself on the open seat and what happened next was like someone had opened a sluice gate on the river poop
Once finished, I returned to the BBCs Rogue Traders programme (a silly show, yet a public service) and told my good lady that our romantic night may be in jeopardy due to what were now deafening noises coming from my small and large intestines
15 minutes later and incredible bowel movement number 2, waddling to the loo for yet another grand opening of a major sluice gate ...
Wipe and return...
15 mintues later (21:00 and Chef Ramsey is about to lambast some retarded americans) and strike 3
At this point and feeling somewhat sore, stingy and faint, I take two immodium (the anti diarrhoea ambrosia
) and continued to watch Hells Kitchen go wrong when, at 21:15, I had to go again!!! 
I had the sweats and felt light headed at this point so went on the internet and looked up "Tuna, food, poisoning, 2 hours" etc and was presented with a list of not so friendly bacteria which would paralise me before killing me
I went to bed and awaited my fate...
Woke up this morning and I am well, well I tell you
At 32 I survived my first ever adult food poisoning attack
HA! Bacterial tuna, you were no match for me... Now, where's my flat lemonade and digestive biscuits
Exactly 2 hours later (20:30 hours) I felt the sudden and unwelcome urge of an incredible bowel movement... Waddling to the loo I placed myself on the open seat and what happened next was like someone had opened a sluice gate on the river poop
Once finished, I returned to the BBCs Rogue Traders programme (a silly show, yet a public service) and told my good lady that our romantic night may be in jeopardy due to what were now deafening noises coming from my small and large intestines
15 minutes later and incredible bowel movement number 2
, waddling to the loo for yet another grand opening of a major sluice gate ...Wipe and return...
15 mintues later (21:00 and Chef Ramsey is about to lambast some retarded americans) and strike 3
At this point and feeling somewhat sore, stingy and faint, I take two immodium (the anti diarrhoea ambrosia
) and continued to watch Hells Kitchen go wrong when, at 21:15, I had to go again!!! I had the sweats and felt light headed at this point so went on the internet and looked up "Tuna, food, poisoning, 2 hours" etc and was presented with a list of not so friendly bacteria which would paralise me before killing me
I went to bed and awaited my fate...
Woke up this morning and I am well, well I tell you
At 32 I survived my first ever adult food poisoning attack HA! Bacterial tuna, you were no match for me... Now, where's my flat lemonade and digestive biscuits
I had similar symptoms as you at first, but ended up on the toilet for - I kid you not- 2 hours! Having left the toilet thinking there could not possibly be anything else for my body to eject I hobbled downstairs to watch TV on the sofa. Not 5 mins into Knight Rider, my brain sent an emergency message:
GET UP AND RUN TO THE LOO NOW, AND I MEAN RUN!!!!
Not two steps into my run I threw up spectacularly on the living room carpet, got another two steps, threw up again, then again in the kitchen, then again the laundry room.....then, blessed relief, the toilet was in sight surely I can get at least one bout of "The Hoff induced vomit" as it shall now be known into the toilet???? Er, not yet, I then threw up on the toilet floor -missing the loo completely!! Finally, I managed to get the last bout into the toilet!!!
I tried some water as I was thirsty beyond belief, but just brought it straight up! I climbed up the stairs VERY slowly, but the effort just made me sick again! At this point I was rather feeling sorry for the parents who would have to clean the Trail of Hoff induced vomit up!
I was, however, feeling more sorry for mself as no sooner had the sickness dissipated, the stomach pains began!!! I remember rolling around my bedroom floor muttering about "the pain, the pain" Not my most dignified, nor brave moment it must be said and asking for my parents to call a Dr. They did and then I passed out!
I woke up about 4 hours later feeling much better, but with a thirst you wouldn't believe!! Couldn't drink though! The Dr arrived sometime later and gave me a rehydrating fluid which I could, and I quote, "have one table spoon of every 20 minutes to start with!" That's a bit like putting a alcoholic with a touch of cleptomania in front of a beer barrel and telling them it's not theirs!!!
I didn't feel quite right for two days after!
But had abs of steel!!!
So, you may all think you've been sick, but you've never really thrown up till you've done it with The Hoff!!!!
Ns04
Last edited by New_scooby_04; 20 September 2006 at 02:29 PM.
19 September 2006, 01:05 PM
#52
Any late night visit to our local kebab shop usually results in a dose of food poisioning.
A mate of mine(was not me honest) once got lucky at a party and woke up to a lovely young filly. He also woke up with a lovely warm feeling in his pants and had been that pissed he had **** the bed during the night. Being the gentlemen he is, he cleaned himself up best he could and went home leaving her in a bed full of ****e asleep.
A mate of mine(was not me honest) once got lucky at a party and woke up to a lovely young filly. He also woke up with a lovely warm feeling in his pants and had been that pissed he had **** the bed during the night. Being the gentlemen he is, he cleaned himself up best he could and went home leaving her in a bed full of ****e asleep.
19 September 2006, 01:11 PM
#53
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Originally Posted by kingofturds
Amateurs , try 3 days on the toilet ****ting through the eye of a needle,whilst at the same time puking in the sink. lost nearly a stone that week. they dont call me kingofturds for nothing you know
, try 3 days on the toilet ****ting through the eye of a needle,whilst at the same time puking in the sink. lost nearly a stone that week. they dont call me kingofturds for nothing you know
19 September 2006, 01:12 PM
#54
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Eeee ya cant beat a good old yarn about puke and sheeite
New Scooby, Hoff vomit doesnt sound like fun but it makes a funny read
New Scooby, Hoff vomit doesnt sound like fun but it makes a funny read
19 September 2006, 01:18 PM
#55
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The worst experience I've had like this was about 6 years ago. I think it was a stomach virus rather than food poisoning, but I was hurling and dumping vast amounts of foul smelling slurry from both ends for about 48hrs.
The problem was, when I'd run/hobble to the bog - the strain of either throwing up or dumping, would force the opposite effect to kick off as well. So I had to sit on the bog whilst throwing up into the sink, I can tell you it's not a nice feeling when both ends are in full flow simultaniously.
The problem was, when I'd run/hobble to the bog - the strain of either throwing up or dumping, would force the opposite effect to kick off as well. So I had to sit on the bog whilst throwing up into the sink, I can tell you it's not a nice feeling when both ends are in full flow simultaniously.
19 September 2006, 01:42 PM
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My Bro’s mate used to be in the Para’s
While off base in Colchester he pulled this bird, went back to hers and did the deed
When he woke in the morning, he could smell “essence of ****” in the air, lifting his tshirt from the pile of clothes, he discovered a big turd in her underwear!!!!
Beat that!
While off base in Colchester he pulled this bird, went back to hers and did the deed
When he woke in the morning, he could smell “essence of ****” in the air, lifting his tshirt from the pile of clothes, he discovered a big turd in her underwear!!!!
Beat that!
19 September 2006, 01:42 PM
#57
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Originally Posted by RMA26
My Bro’s mate used to be in the Para’s
While off base in Colchester he pulled this bird, went back to hers and did the deed
When he woke in the morning, he could smell “essence of ****” in the air, lifting his tshirt from the pile of clothes, he discovered a big turd in her underwear!!!!
Beat that!
While off base in Colchester he pulled this bird, went back to hers and did the deed
When he woke in the morning, he could smell “essence of ****” in the air, lifting his tshirt from the pile of clothes, he discovered a big turd in her underwear!!!!
Beat that!
19 September 2006, 01:47 PM
#59
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Tuna - Pah, trips to the loo - Pah 
My Dad ate a dodgy Frankfurter sausage and felt ill so went outside for some fresh air, where he collapsed and fractured his skull on a stack of bricks. That sausage put him in hospital for three weeks
My Dad ate a dodgy Frankfurter sausage and felt ill so went outside for some fresh air, where he collapsed and fractured his skull on a stack of bricks. That sausage put him in hospital for three weeks