Bernard Manning dies...
18 June 2007, 11:00 PM
#33
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Brilliant bloke, very funny.
Went to see him live a few years ago now. I rang the club and said that a friend and I wished to come and see Bernard, as I was 'The World's greatest Asian Bernard Manning fan'.
They were suitably impressed and invited us along.
On the night, we arrived at the Embassy Club in Manshester (Cheetham Hill?) I was immediately recognised at the door (surprise surprise) and we were shown into Bernard's little antechamber.
I was expecting a torrent of abuse and pi$$taking, but instead, to my surprise, was the nicest, politest man I could hope to meet. We exchanged pleasantries, posed for photo's together, he said "enjoy the show", and we were duly led out and sat down in the 'line of death', ie. on the front row.
Bernard came on and proceeded with his normal show, where he picks on all sat on the front row. As you can imagine, about every 5 - 10 minutes, he would pick on the 'P***' in the audience, using mostly his standard jokes.
Bernard: "Where are you from Son?"
Me: "London"
Bernard: "Just because a dogs born in a stable doesn't make it a f*****g horse does it??"
Was one of many jokes at my expense, but I loved it. Great experience and a really nice guy. Not racist at all.
Might have to get one of my Bernard video's out!
There are miles better 'racist' jokes than the one used in a previous post, I have several personal favourites, but none are printable whatsoever - shame that we can't learn to laugh together instead of the bigotry and hatred that we see.
Asif
Went to see him live a few years ago now. I rang the club and said that a friend and I wished to come and see Bernard, as I was 'The World's greatest Asian Bernard Manning fan'.
They were suitably impressed and invited us along.
On the night, we arrived at the Embassy Club in Manshester (Cheetham Hill?) I was immediately recognised at the door (surprise surprise) and we were shown into Bernard's little antechamber.
I was expecting a torrent of abuse and pi$$taking, but instead, to my surprise, was the nicest, politest man I could hope to meet. We exchanged pleasantries, posed for photo's together, he said "enjoy the show", and we were duly led out and sat down in the 'line of death', ie. on the front row.
Bernard came on and proceeded with his normal show, where he picks on all sat on the front row. As you can imagine, about every 5 - 10 minutes, he would pick on the 'P***' in the audience, using mostly his standard jokes.
Bernard: "Where are you from Son?"
Me: "London"
Bernard: "Just because a dogs born in a stable doesn't make it a f*****g horse does it??"
Was one of many jokes at my expense, but I loved it. Great experience and a really nice guy. Not racist at all.
Might have to get one of my Bernard video's out!
There are miles better 'racist' jokes than the one used in a previous post, I have several personal favourites, but none are printable whatsoever - shame that we can't learn to laugh together instead of the bigotry and hatred that we see.
Asif
18 June 2007, 11:05 PM
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That's what was funny about him. His jokes were nothing like his real personality. He said himself, many times in interviews, he was not a racist. It was just his job and he was very good at it. 
18 June 2007, 11:07 PM
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Very funny.
Asif
18 June 2007, 11:16 PM
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His wife got a bashing too 
And his MIL, funny bloke. I still have no idea how old he was 
Come to think of it, everyone got a slating of him
And his MIL, funny bloke. I still have no idea how old he was Come to think of it, everyone got a slating of him
Last edited by Lee247; 18 June 2007 at 11:19 PM.
19 June 2007, 12:12 AM
#46
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who cares Lesley ? it was started by hectic 
and was all about a dead man.. neither of us are really bothered , so what the hell
and was all about a dead man.. neither of us are really bothered , so what the hell
19 June 2007, 03:20 AM
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19 June 2007, 07:30 AM
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Brilliant bloke, very funny.
Went to see him live a few years ago now. I rang the club and said that a friend and I wished to come and see Bernard, as I was 'The World's greatest Asian Bernard Manning fan'.
They were suitably impressed and invited us along.
On the night, we arrived at the Embassy Club in Manshester (Cheetham Hill?) I was immediately recognised at the door (surprise surprise) and we were shown into Bernard's little antechamber.
I was expecting a torrent of abuse and pi$$taking, but instead, to my surprise, was the nicest, politest man I could hope to meet. We exchanged pleasantries, posed for photo's together, he said "enjoy the show", and we were duly led out and sat down in the 'line of death', ie. on the front row.
Bernard came on and proceeded with his normal show, where he picks on all sat on the front row. As you can imagine, about every 5 - 10 minutes, he would pick on the 'P***' in the audience, using mostly his standard jokes.
Bernard: "Where are you from Son?"
Me: "London"
Bernard: "Just because a dogs born in a stable doesn't make it a f*****g horse does it??"
Was one of many jokes at my expense, but I loved it. Great experience and a really nice guy. Not racist at all.
Might have to get one of my Bernard video's out!
There are miles better 'racist' jokes than the one used in a previous post, I have several personal favourites, but none are printable whatsoever - shame that we can't learn to laugh together instead of the bigotry and hatred that we see.
Asif
Went to see him live a few years ago now. I rang the club and said that a friend and I wished to come and see Bernard, as I was 'The World's greatest Asian Bernard Manning fan'.
They were suitably impressed and invited us along.
On the night, we arrived at the Embassy Club in Manshester (Cheetham Hill?) I was immediately recognised at the door (surprise surprise) and we were shown into Bernard's little antechamber.
I was expecting a torrent of abuse and pi$$taking, but instead, to my surprise, was the nicest, politest man I could hope to meet. We exchanged pleasantries, posed for photo's together, he said "enjoy the show", and we were duly led out and sat down in the 'line of death', ie. on the front row.
Bernard came on and proceeded with his normal show, where he picks on all sat on the front row. As you can imagine, about every 5 - 10 minutes, he would pick on the 'P***' in the audience, using mostly his standard jokes.
Bernard: "Where are you from Son?"
Me: "London"
Bernard: "Just because a dogs born in a stable doesn't make it a f*****g horse does it??"
Was one of many jokes at my expense, but I loved it. Great experience and a really nice guy. Not racist at all.
Might have to get one of my Bernard video's out!
There are miles better 'racist' jokes than the one used in a previous post, I have several personal favourites, but none are printable whatsoever - shame that we can't learn to laugh together instead of the bigotry and hatred that we see.
Asif
scoobynet take note from this post. Not only is it good to read, pay attention to last line of the last paragraph.
19 June 2007, 08:28 AM
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I think its all about being able to laugh at yourself, whether your asian, Irish, Chinese, Fat, whatever.
Bernard had Jewish blood in him and as people know he used to tell loads of Jewish jokes.
many years ago i went with a group from work including my old fella who is a very big man, dark skinned with a beard.
Anyway Bernard proceeded to rip into him.
'alright son, you look like a foreign b****d to me' 'Where ya from' Old fella ' actually i've got jewish blood' (thinking that would stump Bernard 'cos of his Jewish ancestry) Bernard 'so that makes it alright then'
We cracked up laughing.
Another one of our collegues has massive breasts and is not scared of showing them, anyway she is sat there in a low cut top and Bernard says
'f*** me if you were my daughter i'd still be bathing you'
Bernard had Jewish blood in him and as people know he used to tell loads of Jewish jokes.
many years ago i went with a group from work including my old fella who is a very big man, dark skinned with a beard.
Anyway Bernard proceeded to rip into him.
'alright son, you look like a foreign b****d to me' 'Where ya from' Old fella ' actually i've got jewish blood' (thinking that would stump Bernard 'cos of his Jewish ancestry) Bernard 'so that makes it alright then'
We cracked up laughing.
Another one of our collegues has massive breasts and is not scared of showing them, anyway she is sat there in a low cut top and Bernard says
'f*** me if you were my daughter i'd still be bathing you'
19 June 2007, 09:08 AM
#51
Darcus Howe went to his club in Manchester and watched one of his performances, he actually found him to be quite funny. He was a fairly big (in more ways than one) star in his hey day but as Jacko says never adapted his material. His interview on the Mrs. Merton Show was hilarious especially his arguing with Richard Wilson. 
19 June 2007, 09:34 AM
#52
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People I consider to be racists are:
White people who attack black people in the street.
Black people who attack white people in the street.
BNP members who actively seek to disadvantage people from different backgrounds.
Suicide bombers who kill people from different religions to their own.
If the worst that you do is tell jokes about people who have chosen to pay money to listen to you, knowing what sort of jokes that you tell, then that to me isn't racism.
Unfortunately the term racism is used far too often these days.
White people who attack black people in the street.
Black people who attack white people in the street.
BNP members who actively seek to disadvantage people from different backgrounds.
Suicide bombers who kill people from different religions to their own.
If the worst that you do is tell jokes about people who have chosen to pay money to listen to you, knowing what sort of jokes that you tell, then that to me isn't racism.
Unfortunately the term racism is used far too often these days.
19 June 2007, 11:53 AM
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Bernard Manning was by far one of the funniest comedians there has ever been. Like said above. You know what jokes he tell's so if you don't like it, don't pay money to go see him.
We hired a comedian a couple years ago for our Christmas party. He started off the night going through the stuff he wasn't going to make jokes about, as he was afraid of upsetting anyone or offending them. Jesus. Ruined the night. This was to a room of `White only` employees. Even when we said `Don't mind us` he wouldn't. The worst he did was Paddy jokes.
Obviously the Irish don't mind people taking the pi55 out of them.
We hired a comedian a couple years ago for our Christmas party. He started off the night going through the stuff he wasn't going to make jokes about, as he was afraid of upsetting anyone or offending them. Jesus. Ruined the night. This was to a room of `White only` employees. Even when we said `Don't mind us` he wouldn't. The worst he did was Paddy jokes.
Obviously the Irish don't mind people taking the pi55 out of them.
19 June 2007, 11:57 AM
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An Englishman, a Cuban, a Japanese and a Pakistani were all on a train. The Cuban threw a fine Havana cigar out of the window, explaining: ‘They are 10 a penny in my country’. The Japanese threw out a Nikon camera, adding ‘These are 10 a penny in my country’. The Englishman then picked up the Pakistani and threw him out, telling the others: ‘They are 10 a penny in my country’.”
sorry but...pmsl!
19 June 2007, 12:03 PM
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" I'm not racist me, infact my father died in auschwitz.
He had a heart attack and fell out of a guard tower!"
Not sure he was a dyed in the wool racist really i think of him as an equal opportunities mickey taker. A lot of his joke are really well constructed and delivered.
RIP Bernard
He had a heart attack and fell out of a guard tower!"
Not sure he was a dyed in the wool racist really i think of him as an equal opportunities mickey taker. A lot of his joke are really well constructed and delivered.
RIP Bernard
Last edited by The Zohan; 19 June 2007 at 12:08 PM.
19 June 2007, 01:10 PM
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This is well worth a read, I chuckled all the way through.
Bernard Manning | Obituaries | News | Telegraph
Sad day indeed. RIP
chop
Bernard Manning | Obituaries | News | Telegraph
Sad day indeed. RIP
chop
19 June 2007, 01:16 PM
#59
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There are miles better 'racist' jokes than the one used in a previous post, I have several personal favourites, but none are printable whatsoever - shame that we can't learn to laugh together instead of the bigotry and hatred that we see.
19 June 2007, 01:33 PM
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BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Manning penned his own obituary
"He railed against critics such as the Commission for Racial Equality, who "forgot that the only point of jokes is to make people laugh"".
RIP BM.
Dave
"He railed against critics such as the Commission for Racial Equality, who "forgot that the only point of jokes is to make people laugh"".
RIP BM.
Dave