A Scoobynet safe joke thread
11 January 2008, 10:39 AM
#61
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DCI - the lunatics are running the asylum these days I fear. Infractions are becomming the new Political Correctness i.e. A nice idea that was intended to make us all a bit more sensitive towards each other, that has been hijacked by those with their own agenda and inflated self-importance which now attracts the very hostility/segregation it was intended to prevent!
Send Dave a PM to keep him company whilst the ban is in effect: give him some good adult material; he'll like that!
Send Dave a PM to keep him company whilst the ban is in effect: give him some good adult material; he'll like that!
11 January 2008, 10:44 AM
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11 January 2008, 12:23 PM
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Les
11 January 2008, 12:25 PM
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https://www.scoobynet.com/scoobynet-...ml#post7550821
Not a joke exactly but thought the jokes (the infractions) should be queried
Not a joke exactly but thought the jokes (the infractions) should be queried
11 January 2008, 01:01 PM
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Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town, as they left the night-club, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between
the railings of the fence opposite the club. Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her
thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.
"Its your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying.
Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?" Will sobbed
"My head won't fit between the railing....."
Waits for 'anti bumming joke' infractors....
the railings of the fence opposite the club. Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her
thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.
"Its your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying.
Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?" Will sobbed
"My head won't fit between the railing....."
Waits for 'anti bumming joke' infractors....
......oops...made me snort, DCI!
11 January 2008, 02:28 PM
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Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
Cheers chaps
RIP Dave
11 January 2008, 05:21 PM
#73
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OMG he's dead?!?!?!?!?
Bit extreme isn't it!!
In memory of Dave:
A bloke is havinga check-up by his dentist and trying his best to talk with various implements stuck in his mouth, when the dentist interupts him and says:
"Hang on a minute sir, have you been having oral sex prior to this check up?!"
The clearl embarassed man manages to slur the words:
"Oh, no: I havent got a pubic hair lodged in my mouth have I?"
"No" the dentist replied. "You've got sh*t on your nose!"
Bit extreme isn't it!!
In memory of Dave:
A bloke is havinga check-up by his dentist and trying his best to talk with various implements stuck in his mouth, when the dentist interupts him and says:
"Hang on a minute sir, have you been having oral sex prior to this check up?!"
The clearl embarassed man manages to slur the words:
"Oh, no: I havent got a pubic hair lodged in my mouth have I?"
"No" the dentist replied. "You've got sh*t on your nose!"
11 January 2008, 07:33 PM
#74
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I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my ***** and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my ***** and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??
11 January 2008, 07:57 PM
#75
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I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my ***** and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my ***** and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??
11 January 2008, 08:45 PM
#76
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Just got this of one of my pals Back to the drinking
A bereaved woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be
buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"
"No," she insists. "It must be a blue suit." She then gives him a blank cheque to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband
in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit.
She tells the director, "That is absolutely perfect! I love it! How much did it cost?"
He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a
blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit.
She said that was fine with her.
So, I switched the heads."
Back to the drinking A bereaved woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be
buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"
"No," she insists. "It must be a blue suit." She then gives him a blank cheque to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband
in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit.
She tells the director, "That is absolutely perfect! I love it! How much did it cost?"
He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a
blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit.
She said that was fine with her.
So, I switched the heads."
11 January 2008, 08:57 PM
#77
BANNED
Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.
''Why?'' he asks.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''
''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''
''Why?'' he asks.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''
''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''
12 January 2008, 11:02 AM
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Just got this of one of my pals Back to the drinking
A bereaved woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be
buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"
"No," she insists. "It must be a blue suit." She then gives him a blank cheque to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband
in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit.
She tells the director, "That is absolutely perfect! I love it! How much did it cost?"
He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a
blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit.
She said that was fine with her.
So, I switched the heads."
Back to the drinking A bereaved woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be
buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"
"No," she insists. "It must be a blue suit." She then gives him a blank cheque to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband
in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit.
She tells the director, "That is absolutely perfect! I love it! How much did it cost?"
He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a
blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit.
She said that was fine with her.
So, I switched the heads."
12 January 2008, 03:22 PM
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what does an essex girl say after having a close relationship involving fluid exchanges
Do you all play for the same team?
Do you all play for the same team?
Last edited by The Zohan; 12 January 2008 at 07:33 PM.
12 January 2008, 10:27 PM
#86
13 January 2008, 10:58 AM
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Hardly doing yourself any favours by typing like this, then he baits the infractors into infracting him more.
Only to be asked a question, to which you cant reply because thicko webby (yes go on, infract me I dont give 2 hoots anymore) closes the thread. Dimeeeeeeeeee Barrrrrrrrrr
Whats got 4 legs, 1 hand and very ******* happy?
A Rottwieller
Whats got 4 legs, 1 hand and very ******* happy?
A Rottwieller
14 January 2008, 01:29 AM
#90
BANNED
The infractions are Pathetic. Just hope the Admin on here have the ***** to do something about it, as some unfair infractions is being ignored. And makeing people (like my self) off scoobynet. Would love scoobynet to name and shame these spineless cowardly cu*ts.