"Mate" is a Toss3r. But thats not the issue...
04 November 2008, 05:41 PM
#33
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 336
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
It sounds like it from the message he sent her.
If he is that controlling, and reads the message you sent her about "wanting to talk," imagine how her bf would react. You are more likely to make matters worse for her.
The best advise has already been said here many times - Stay out of it.
If she wants your help, she will ask for it.
If he is that controlling, and reads the message you sent her about "wanting to talk," imagine how her bf would react. You are more likely to make matters worse for her.
The best advise has already been said here many times - Stay out of it.
If she wants your help, she will ask for it.
04 November 2008, 05:59 PM
#34
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: In a village in Hants
Posts: 1,708
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Surely you should be trying to look after your mate, if he ever valued him as one, instead of trying to interfere in something you clearly know nothing about and are just second guessing that might be a problem?
Maybe he's the sort of person that gets very protective and paranoid over his girlfriend and you've just met his suspicions by contacting her
Divert your caring and thoughts into sorting out a problem and not by adding to one, which from what you've said so far, seems to be what your doing/done
Maybe he's the sort of person that gets very protective and paranoid over his girlfriend and you've just met his suspicions by contacting her
Divert your caring and thoughts into sorting out a problem and not by adding to one, which from what you've said so far, seems to be what your doing/done
04 November 2008, 09:12 PM
#35
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Croydon (ish)
Posts: 1,887
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Surely you should be trying to look after your mate, if he ever valued him as one, instead of trying to interfere in something you clearly know nothing about and are just second guessing that might be a problem?
Maybe he's the sort of person that gets very protective and paranoid over his girlfriend and you've just met his suspicions by contacting her
Divert your caring and thoughts into sorting out a problem and not by adding to one, which from what you've said so far, seems to be what your doing/done
Maybe he's the sort of person that gets very protective and paranoid over his girlfriend and you've just met his suspicions by contacting her
Divert your caring and thoughts into sorting out a problem and not by adding to one, which from what you've said so far, seems to be what your doing/done
Interesting viewpoint and one I hadnt considered. I'll try to clear the picture a little.
Sadly I have seen it at close quarters the way he treats her and the kid. Towards her its unjustifed abuse, accusations that shes cheating on him. (with every bloke she knows) All mixed in with that old favourite threats of violence. And intermittantly throwing household objects at her.
In fairness at least hes consistent as hes played the same cards in every one of his previous relationships that Ive seen. And in the past Ive not gotten involved. I think the only reason I feel I need to now is that theres a child involved.
Regarding his parental actions its very close to my idea of child cruelty. I dont think scaring the **** out of an 18 month old with a halloween mask for kicks is suitable behaviour. I dont think swinging an umbrella so close to a childs face because the child is hungry and crying is acceptable. I dont think that feeding your face whilst your child hasnt eaten for 6 hours is acceptable. I dont think letting a child sit in a ****ty nappy for over an hour whilst playing on a Playstation is the sort of thing parents groups recommend.
My worry is the kid knows when his parents are arguing because he gets visably aggitated. Which Im sure isnt very healthy.
He is very insecure about his relationship. But then maybe he shouldnt be ****ing the girl from his work for the last year or so if he was really that bothered. (The GF suspects but doesnt know this)
I have approached other people to see how he can get out of this self induced mess. Most think he wont bother. Some think he might if he realises after a few weeks he has no friends left. As for valuing him as a friend. Well for one thing my friends dont borrow money and never pay it back. My friends dont moan contiually/try and drag peoples night down if we do go out. Hes just one of those people in life...
04 November 2008, 09:17 PM
#36
Scooby Senior
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: RIP - Tam the bam & Andy the Jock
Posts: 14,333
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Interesting viewpoint and one I hadnt considered. I'll try to clear the picture a little.
Sadly I have seen it at close quarters the way he treats her and the kid. Towards her its unjustifed abuse, accusations that shes cheating on him. (with every bloke she knows) All mixed in with that old favourite threats of violence. And intermittantly throwing household objects at her.
In fairness at least hes consistent as hes played the same cards in every one of his previous relationships that Ive seen. And in the past Ive not gotten involved. I think the only reason I feel I need to now is that theres a child involved.
Regarding his parental actions its very close to my idea of child cruelty. I dont think scaring the **** out of an 18 month old with a halloween mask for kicks is suitable behaviour. I dont think swinging an umbrella so close to a childs face because the child is hungry and crying is acceptable. I dont think that feeding your face whilst your child hasnt eaten for 6 hours is acceptable. I dont think letting a child sit in a ****ty nappy for over an hour whilst playing on a Playstation is the sort of thing parents groups recommend.
My worry is the kid knows when his parents are arguing because he gets visably aggitated. Which Im sure isnt very healthy.
He is very insecure about his relationship. But then maybe he shouldnt be ****ing the girl from his work for the last year or so if he was really that bothered. (The GF suspects but doesnt know this)
I have approached other people to see how he can get out of this self induced mess. Most think he wont bother. Some think he might if he realises after a few weeks he has no friends left. As for valuing him as a friend. Well for one thing my friends dont borrow money and never pay it back. My friends dont moan contiually/try and drag peoples night down if we do go out. Hes just one of those people in life...
Sadly I have seen it at close quarters the way he treats her and the kid. Towards her its unjustifed abuse, accusations that shes cheating on him. (with every bloke she knows) All mixed in with that old favourite threats of violence. And intermittantly throwing household objects at her.
In fairness at least hes consistent as hes played the same cards in every one of his previous relationships that Ive seen. And in the past Ive not gotten involved. I think the only reason I feel I need to now is that theres a child involved.
Regarding his parental actions its very close to my idea of child cruelty. I dont think scaring the **** out of an 18 month old with a halloween mask for kicks is suitable behaviour. I dont think swinging an umbrella so close to a childs face because the child is hungry and crying is acceptable. I dont think that feeding your face whilst your child hasnt eaten for 6 hours is acceptable. I dont think letting a child sit in a ****ty nappy for over an hour whilst playing on a Playstation is the sort of thing parents groups recommend.
My worry is the kid knows when his parents are arguing because he gets visably aggitated. Which Im sure isnt very healthy.
He is very insecure about his relationship. But then maybe he shouldnt be ****ing the girl from his work for the last year or so if he was really that bothered. (The GF suspects but doesnt know this)
I have approached other people to see how he can get out of this self induced mess. Most think he wont bother. Some think he might if he realises after a few weeks he has no friends left. As for valuing him as a friend. Well for one thing my friends dont borrow money and never pay it back. My friends dont moan contiually/try and drag peoples night down if we do go out. Hes just one of those people in life...
04 November 2008, 09:24 PM
#37
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (45)
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Huntingdon Cambs
Posts: 3,989
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Interesting viewpoint and one I hadnt considered. I'll try to clear the picture a little.
Sadly I have seen it at close quarters the way he treats her and the kid. Towards her its unjustifed abuse, accusations that shes cheating on him. (with every bloke she knows) All mixed in with that old favourite threats of violence. And intermittantly throwing household objects at her.
In fairness at least hes consistent as hes played the same cards in every one of his previous relationships that Ive seen. And in the past Ive not gotten involved. I think the only reason I feel I need to now is that theres a child involved.
Regarding his parental actions its very close to my idea of child cruelty. I dont think scaring the **** out of an 18 month old with a halloween mask for kicks is suitable behaviour. I dont think swinging an umbrella so close to a childs face because the child is hungry and crying is acceptable. I dont think that feeding your face whilst your child hasnt eaten for 6 hours is acceptable. I dont think letting a child sit in a ****ty nappy for over an hour whilst playing on a Playstation is the sort of thing parents groups recommend.
My worry is the kid knows when his parents are arguing because he gets visably aggitated. Which Im sure isnt very healthy.
He is very insecure about his relationship. But then maybe he shouldnt be ****ing the girl from his work for the last year or so if he was really that bothered. (The GF suspects but doesnt know this)
I have approached other people to see how he can get out of this self induced mess. Most think he wont bother. Some think he might if he realises after a few weeks he has no friends left. As for valuing him as a friend. Well for one thing my friends dont borrow money and never pay it back. My friends dont moan contiually/try and drag peoples night down if we do go out. Hes just one of those people in life...
Sadly I have seen it at close quarters the way he treats her and the kid. Towards her its unjustifed abuse, accusations that shes cheating on him. (with every bloke she knows) All mixed in with that old favourite threats of violence. And intermittantly throwing household objects at her.
In fairness at least hes consistent as hes played the same cards in every one of his previous relationships that Ive seen. And in the past Ive not gotten involved. I think the only reason I feel I need to now is that theres a child involved.
Regarding his parental actions its very close to my idea of child cruelty. I dont think scaring the **** out of an 18 month old with a halloween mask for kicks is suitable behaviour. I dont think swinging an umbrella so close to a childs face because the child is hungry and crying is acceptable. I dont think that feeding your face whilst your child hasnt eaten for 6 hours is acceptable. I dont think letting a child sit in a ****ty nappy for over an hour whilst playing on a Playstation is the sort of thing parents groups recommend.
My worry is the kid knows when his parents are arguing because he gets visably aggitated. Which Im sure isnt very healthy.
He is very insecure about his relationship. But then maybe he shouldnt be ****ing the girl from his work for the last year or so if he was really that bothered. (The GF suspects but doesnt know this)
I have approached other people to see how he can get out of this self induced mess. Most think he wont bother. Some think he might if he realises after a few weeks he has no friends left. As for valuing him as a friend. Well for one thing my friends dont borrow money and never pay it back. My friends dont moan contiually/try and drag peoples night down if we do go out. Hes just one of those people in life...
And maybe if he knows he's being watched he will sort him self out!
Also Social services can help and help him via various ways!
05 November 2008, 03:25 AM
#38
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Llandudno
Posts: 1,448
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Indeed, ffs if it is as bad as you make out, tell social services immediately. That's child cruelty and they will want the sproglet on the register so their well being can be monitored, given that he/she is living in a violent, neglectful household.
Tbh, if I observed somebody not changing their child because they were on the PS or any of the other things, I would have told them what a **** I thought they were and left, never to be seen again.
Tbh, if I observed somebody not changing their child because they were on the PS or any of the other things, I would have told them what a **** I thought they were and left, never to be seen again.
05 November 2008, 10:20 AM
#39
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (45)
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Huntingdon Cambs
Posts: 3,989
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Indeed, ffs if it is as bad as you make out, tell social services immediately. That's child cruelty and they will want the sproglet on the register so their well being can be monitored, given that he/she is living in a violent, neglectful household.
Tbh, if I observed somebody not changing their child because they were on the PS or any of the other things, I would have told them what a **** I thought they were and left, never to be seen again.
Tbh, if I observed somebody not changing their child because they were on the PS or any of the other things, I would have told them what a **** I thought they were and left, never to be seen again.
05 November 2008, 02:50 PM
#41
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Oldham
Posts: 1,428
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
YOU SHOULD REPORT THE NEGLECT/CRUELTY THAT YOU HAVE WITNESSED TO THE CHILD.
THE POLICE/SOCIAL SERVICES SHOULD BE INFORMED MATE, THAT KIDDIE IS AT SERIOUS RISK. IF I'D WITNESSED WHAT YOU'VE WITNESSED, I'D HAVE DONE IT BY NOW, ANONYMOUSLY IF NEEDS BE.
THE POLICE/SOCIAL SERVICES SHOULD BE INFORMED MATE, THAT KIDDIE IS AT SERIOUS RISK. IF I'D WITNESSED WHAT YOU'VE WITNESSED, I'D HAVE DONE IT BY NOW, ANONYMOUSLY IF NEEDS BE.
08 November 2008, 12:32 AM
#42
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Llandudno
Posts: 1,448
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
**** that, I'd put a banner outside with "Reported To Social Services"
Too often scum like this get away with it, and tbh it's normally due to people who aren't prepared to put their bollocks on the line to help those who can't help themselves.
Too often scum like this get away with it, and tbh it's normally due to people who aren't prepared to put their bollocks on the line to help those who can't help themselves.
08 November 2008, 01:05 AM
#43
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (5)
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hudds
Posts: 1,788
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I admire your concerns but when all's said and done you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. If you are concerned about the child's welfare then an anonymous call to social services is the only way to go.
08 November 2008, 01:12 AM
#44
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Llandudno
Posts: 1,448
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I was however talking about the child, and while I agree that if the adult doesn't want to be helped then that's her (bad) call, the kid needs protection. All imho of course.
08 November 2008, 08:11 PM
#46
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Croydon (ish)
Posts: 1,887
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Wasnt planning to update this. But I'll try to conclude it.
Im doing what most people suggested. And keeping away. Theres no point in trying to intervene if the people involved dont want me (or others) to. I have no plans to involve any 3rd party agency either. I dont want any retaliatory repurcussions against my family.
Thanks for ALL the comments though Guys.
Im doing what most people suggested. And keeping away. Theres no point in trying to intervene if the people involved dont want me (or others) to. I have no plans to involve any 3rd party agency either. I dont want any retaliatory repurcussions against my family.
Thanks for ALL the comments though Guys.
08 November 2008, 08:34 PM
#47
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 458
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Wasnt planning to update this. But I'll try to conclude it.
Im doing what most people suggested. And keeping away. Theres no point in trying to intervene if the people involved dont want me (or others) to. I have no plans to involve any 3rd party agency either. I dont want any retaliatory repurcussions against my family.
Thanks for ALL the comments though Guys.
Im doing what most people suggested. And keeping away. Theres no point in trying to intervene if the people involved dont want me (or others) to. I have no plans to involve any 3rd party agency either. I dont want any retaliatory repurcussions against my family.
Thanks for ALL the comments though Guys.
Seriously you really wouldn't want that on your conscience.
09 November 2008, 12:26 AM
#48
Wasnt planning to update this. But I'll try to conclude it.
Im doing what most people suggested. And keeping away. Theres no point in trying to intervene if the people involved dont want me (or others) to. I have no plans to involve any 3rd party agency either. I dont want any retaliatory repurcussions against my family.
Thanks for ALL the comments though Guys.
Im doing what most people suggested. And keeping away. Theres no point in trying to intervene if the people involved dont want me (or others) to. I have no plans to involve any 3rd party agency either. I dont want any retaliatory repurcussions against my family.
Thanks for ALL the comments though Guys.
You've made the correct choice in deciding to back off but I'll bet my left bollock that you can't help yourself and will stick your beak in again.
I mean this in the nicest possible way.
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
andy.downes
General Technical
7
17 October 2014 07:50 PM