Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Glad to hear you have at least managed to make some contact. It's a good start, and I have my fingers crossed for you, that she agrees to some sort of meeting.

I wish you well with this, and hope it all works out. Good Luck, and keep us informed.

Snazy

Cheers Lisa.
I would not be as brave to use the words "made contact" yet lol. I have certainly sent her a message though, but I know what you mean

You know me, I will bore the **** off people before stopping keeping you informed

samcowrx

Yes definately keep us informed!

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Bore away Snazy, listening to you, makes my life feel more sane.

Seriously, I just want things to work out for you, and I genuinely care how things pan out.

Will

Most men would tell them to f-off and give em this that the other, your a hell of a man Snaz, deepmost respect to you mate

Snazy

lol cheers Lisa, not sure if thats a compliment or what, but I will see the positive in it
And I know you care Gis a hug hehe.

Samco, no point being a knobber about it, its a simple fact, I was there for 4, he has been there the last 10, cant take that away regardless of my feelings on the matter.
Thank you for your comments mate, much appreciated, and exactly why I love forums... Straight talking, and a great way to vent. Which reminds me, maybe its time to blog it

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Was a joke come compliment. But in the main a way of saying keep talking, it's good to talk and vent at times, so go for it.

Hug for you.

Snazy

lol cheers Lisa, I took it just that way. Cant take much seriously at the mo, so people could be really harsh, and it would not really make sense haha.

Blackberry's are a bad bad thing. Every time I woke up last night I was checking it..... just in case. Must get my head back on my shoulders and snap out of it. No use to anyone like this.

Awww cheers for the hug

Snazy

Holy thread resurrection! Lol

Well I thought it only right to carry on where left off.
After doing a little blog in my daughters name, and using her name as the domain name, "her name".co.uk it appears it's worked.

Out of the blue her mother turned up on my door step last night, and we had a long talk. A very long talk, probably a couple of hours or something.
It indeed appears that my daughter has always been aware of me, and has recently been asking after me.

The blog was maybe a little OTT for her age, and I hope I have not upset her (was nothing hurtful or bad, just a little deep) but it served it's purpose and got everyones attention.

Me and her mum agreed, as I have always maintained, her education is paramount and nothing to disrupt them should happen. So there are no plans to see her before the end of her exams.

But contact is officially made. Intentions are clear and my mind is finally at rest after 12 years. I officially feel like a dad again and finally I can be happy on her birthday in2 days, and mine in 6 days. That will be nice too lol.

stilover

Nice one.

krisando

iTrader: (2)

Just read the whole thread, glad everythings going the way you hoped!

Snazy

Thank you, thank you.

Not past the finish post yet, and June is a long way off yet, but the contact alone means a lot. Hearing the word "dad" was very strange, yet warming lol.

Her mum is going to talk to her about seeing her nan (my mum), as she knows she is ill.
Was surreal having such a mature conversation with her mum, but seems we have both grown up, and both agree that it's best to start from NOW and not dwell on the past, which I'm happy with too.

Blue by You

iTrader: (23)

Nice to hear something good on here for a change.
Good for you Snazy, I hope it all comes together for you.

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

Good stuff. The ex doesn't seem that bad. Doesn't sound like she's hit you for child support for the last ten years so maybe that is a conversation you will need to have... perhaps put some cash on one side for her 21st or something? You can work out what you should be paying (if you aren't) on the CSA website, they have a wee calculator.

Good luck.

5t.

David Lock

Blimey I wish these threads would have a warning - VERY OLD THREAD GO TO END FIRST

Anyway that's a good result Snazzers so hope things go smoothly from now on. I expect it will cheer your mum up as well?

d

Snazy

Cheers mate, not like me to post about good luck lol. It's a long way off yet, so no hopes being got up too soon, but fingers crossed.

Lol @ child support. Sian will be well taken care of and I have and always will ensure she has anything and everything she needs. Sadly the last 12 years not much has been asked of me, but sounds like her step father has done her proud,, for which I am sincerely grateful.
Won't be having any such conversation with her mum though.
She is a nice enough woman, just the way things were done was a bit off. But that's the past, no point in dwelling on it.

lol sorry David, I should have warned you.
Yes and no, her mum being here last night did not go down well with mum at all to be honest, but the prospect of seeing Sian certainly has.

Sosbanite

Pleased it's going in the right direction for you.
All the best for future progress

Ant

Good news spazzy

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

Glad you haven't just left someone else to pick up the bill, just wasn't sure given you haven't seen her for so long.

Do think you should have that chat though. If not you'll only get into a brawl with her mum and stepdad if she thinks she can just ask you for stuff later. Remember you are the one coming back in so conversation is the way to go.

5t.

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Nice one Snaz, I knew I was on an old thread when I read that someone spotted their dad in Woolworths

I think you are doing the absolute right thing, the right way, otherwise if you didnt you would just end up with regrets, I suspect you have a few anyway based on what you said so it is right that you have done stuff to avoid having a load more.

Snazy

Cheers.


Na don't get me wrong, since she disappeared I have had no choice about contributing, but the odd occasion her mum popped up saying she needed something (we are talking 10 years ago) she always got what she needed. There has been NO contact with her for 12 years now.

Have what chat? I don't expect her mum to come with the begging bowl, but even if she did, I would buy whatever my daughter needed, not wanted lol.
I will be meeting with her mum and step dad way before meeting back up with my daughter, to make sure we all understand each other, and so I can thank him for what he has done bringing my daughter up.

Not saying it will all be plain sailing, but she is 16 in 2 days time, and from that point in, primarily it's between me and my daughter, no one else.

Snazy

Lol thanks Ant.

Lol @ woolworths, how times change eh.
As for regrets, I am without regret I am pleased to say. In the true sense of the word anyway. I have learned lessons from the whole experience though, which will remain with me for life.

I am starting over now, and the journey will start again following the first hello.
I know seeing what she read on the net shook her up a bit, but not upset her. I don't like the way it happened really, but was a calculated risk, and the outcome appears to be exactly as expected.

weapon69

That's great!

I met up with my Dad recently after a period of a few years and it cleared my head up a little bit, so hopefully your daughter will find some answers she's (probably) looking for! As well as you

Snazy

That's cool news, nice one. Glad it was good for you.
By all accounts her mum has been straight about me, not said I ran away or died or anything. Has old photos of us together etc which have all been seen.

I'm sure she will have some questions, I will of course have a few for her. But this is really about a new beginning. Starting from when we meet, taking whatever place in her life she has for me, and not trying to bully my way in.

I will be there as much or as little as she wants.

(all pending this all actually happening, June is a long way, but not long in the grand scheme of things)

drb5

iTrader: (4)

Lovely story Snaz.

And although i don't mean to say there is ever a "bad time" to get in contact with a lost relative, it does sound like the perfect time for yourselves. She should be maturing up right now and becoming an adult, so that should hopefully smooth the transition over for her....IYSWIM.

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

I'm not suggesting she will come witrh a begging bowl but the fact is they have paid out a lot of cash bringing her up (well by the sound of it) and made a lot of sacrifices along the way no doubt (no matter the reason they have had to do that) so they won't want to see you walk in and try to take over will they? That's all i'm saying. My mate was on the other side of this as he looked up his birth mother and had to have a similar conversation with his adopted parents, just giving a word to the wise as it were. They might not say it up front but I am just suggesting it might be a good idea for you to think of an answer.

Sound slike they've done it really well though and you are on the right track saying you don't want to bully your way in. You just need to be sure you don't come across that way by accident. The fact she is 16 does not mean it is between you and her and no one else, that is doing a huge diservice to her current living arrangements but I am sure you'll sort all that out when you do sit down for the understanding chat. It will be good to talk about keeping a group face for any requests, she's a teen and you don't want to be in the middle of fights or be seen to undermine the rest of the family.

Its tread careful dude, you don't want to blow it at this stage and they could put the shutters up if you don't do it right.

Once again, best of luck. Worked out well for my mate, has a whole new family he didn't realise he had. The parents have never met each other but he still calls his adoptive mum, 'mum' and not the maternal one if that makes sense.

5t.

SJ_Skyline

Good news Snazy, hope it all works out in the end

TurboAndy

iTrader: (1)

Ive just read your whole thread from the start. Im over the moon for you that things have gone well for you so far and have everything crossed that it continues to go well for you and your daughter.
I know you say there is still a fair bit to go but you have crossed such a major hurdle and things seam to be going well.

Please keep us informed on how you get on.

Andy

Leslie

Hi Snazy,

I too think the best way is to make a friendly approach to her mother, water under bridge and all that sort of thing.

I wish you good luck, I hope your daughter will want to make that contact with you.

Les

Snazy

Cheers again guys.
5t I get what you mean. I have no intentions of being bullish about it though, as far as I'm concerned I'm the new step father to her and will take some getting used to, she may or may not like me, let alone want to spend more time with me. Not expecting miracles.

Again with regards to money and living arrangements, I don't expect to say thanks for bring up my daughter and expect her to come and live with me or anything.

Like I say, I'm not expecting everything to be plain sailing, nor rosey. Knowing she knows about me and wants to get to know me is more than enoug for me right now.

Les, I know she does want to make contact, to me thats more than enough to comprehend right now lol.

I know she is a little overwhelmed by the family she doesn't know, a nan, an aunt, 4 cousins oh and a dad lol