Tam the bam

A fly was buzzing around a barn one day when he noticed a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much however and could not get off the ground. As he looked around , wondering what to do, he spotted a pitchfork leaning against the wall. So he climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne he would be able to take flight. Unfortunately, he was wrong. He dropped like a rock, splattering hard against the floor.
The moral to the story.. Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of ****.

Will

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

And you tell me that I repeat jokes

jasey

Seven English men and an Irishman are in a rape line-up... The victim walks in,

Paddy steps forward and shouts 'that's her, the miserable f******'

jasey

A wife says to her husband, ''Bulls can f*** 3000 times a year, Why can't you?''





The husband replies, ''Ask the bull if he f***s the same cow every night!"

WRX_Dazza

yeah, but you were sent it on the 5th !!!

Will

Oops just noticed the double post

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

More busted than a busted member of busted

Will

spireite

40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Transit vans and caravans, St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying "I’ve got 40 travellers here, can I let them in?"

God replies "We are over quota on Pikey's, go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in."

Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again, "They've gone", he tells God.

"What?" says God, "All 40 of them?"
"No, the ****ing gates"..






A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her: "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course child," he said: "What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it," she explained. "Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear," he replied, "but I must warn you, I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she said.
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare," he replied truthfully.
The official thought this answer strange, so asked: "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said: "Go ahead, Father. Next!"





What's the difference between Jade Goody, Gerry McCann and Gary Glitter?
One of them doesn't leave kids alone.




Day 1 in heaven and Jade Goody is already up for eviction.

Tam the bam

Is the whole of SN on Sicki today!

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | PM leads tributes to Jade Goody

"PM leads tributes to Jade Goody"

Proving once and for all that Gordon Brown has yet to see a bandwagon he doesn't like the look of.

tanyatriangles

iTrader: (2)

Two homosexuals pass in the street. One says to the other, quite loudly in front of passing shoppers, "Oh, hello Horace. How's your bum?"

The other, embarrassed squeaks, "Oooh, shut up!".

"So's mine", says his friend, "Must be this cold weather".

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

Made me and Nat chuckle

Tam the bam

A secretary walks into her boss's office and says 'Can I use your Dictaphone?'. He says 'No, dial with your finger like everyone else".

Sonic'

Statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape