sbk1972

My thoughts are with you mate. I would be destroyed if I lost my little boy now, he's only 4 months, but so full of character and the apple of my eye.

Although only 9 months, trying to remember the good moments, the times they held on to you, smiled, or looked at you in a way that only babys do !

SBK

Matteeboy

Had a slight panic this morning - two parents fell/jumped off Beachy Head with their little baby who passed away - they couldn't handle it.

Then I saw where you are from and hoped it was nothing to do with them.

The presenter on R4 (Jon Snow I think) was almost in tears when he spoke about it.

Scooby Snacks 23

Thanks for all the lovely comments and messages guys and girls - appreciated at this difficult time I can tell you

I saw that story about the Beachy head couple - really sad that. Apparently they had lost their little boy earlier from an illness and couldn't face life without him. They apparently put him in a duffle bag and all his toys in another and then jumped. Could you imagine being one of the coastguards/rescuers who would have had to have attend. Sole destroying stuff.

AER-SCOOBY

RIP little one

Matteeboy

Having lost a baby in late (37 weeks) pregnancy (well Mrs Matt did) I can identify with their complete and utter despair but we never got that far into depression.

Are you and family doing okay? We used all sorts of "made up" therapy (as in we came up with it ourselves) to help us get through our loss.

Stuff like:

You've already suffered a huge loss - it would be another tragedy to lose another person to depression - you have to constantly talk to each other and try and take the same path of grief.

Grief is like a crumbling wall against a torrent of water - you have to work at it constantly talking, crying, etc rebuilding that "wall" or the "current" will wash you away (into depression).

Grief is also like walking a tightrope - at first the drop is huge as the despair is so obvious but even when you start getting through it, that "drop" may seem much smaller but it can still kill (not literally) you - even in later stages of grief you need to be acutely aware of the dangers of that "drop" (into depression).

It's terribly unfair - but dwelling on that unfairness is not going to get you anywhere. Unfair and terrible things happen to thousands of people every day. It's life unfortunately. Very cruel at times.

Another baby helps enormously (we now have a lovely 8 month old) but the pregnancy is really tough.

Sorry - got a bit carried away.

Although our circumstances were quite different, I think we managed to cope okay - neither of us got clinically depressed. In fact we ended up supporting our relatives more than they were able to help us.

Again - huge sympathies.

Scooby Snacks 23

The parents (my brother and sister-in-law) seem to be holding up and they have two boys already (aged 4 and 2) so can at least spend lots of time with them. Things may have been different if Miya was the only child, I'm sure of that. My sister-in-law was being counselled by people at the hospital so she is receiving attention - I'm hoping the boys will keep her going.

She spent the day yesterday with my wife and our 1 yr old daughter (she is her god-mother) and my wife said she seemed okay, but clearly very tired and withdrawn. She's slim anyway, but my wife reckons she's lost a load of weight in the last week or so and has refused to eat because she says she feels sick all the time.

Looks like they want her buried and have secured a plot at a church near their home. I went to the funeral of an 11mth old last year - there's nothing worse than seeing a tiny coffin

sbk1972

That was a nice post Matteeboy.

Since having my son, threads like this, about innocent little child really hit home to me now, as by having a son, I couldnt bare him not being with me. From couples getting divorced, to parents dying, to children dying, all so painful and something I would dread.

I cant even start to understand how much sadness must be in your family at the moment, but what a great family to have around you mate. You and your family sound really close, so best to stay nearby and get through it together.

SBK

Matteeboy

Scooby - our little boy is buried in a tiny church nearby. It officially had no space but they made allowances for us. And yes, a tiny coffin is horrendous to see, especially when it's your own flesh and blood (our weighed just under 6lbs so it was really small). But we got a nice gravestone done and it's surrounded by lovely flowers and other graves of people that died much "older" than our little Joseph - so we kind of think of them as "looking after" him - even though that's pretty daft. We visit about once a week now - just makes us feel a bit better and it feels wrong if we leave it any longer.

Really glad to hear they have other children - Joseph was to be our first so it was a hell of a shock.

SBK - thanks. It might not make much sense to many but it all helped us a lot.
You can imagine how precious our little 8 month old boy is to us now!

Anyway, I have to admit, typing this brings a tear to my eye so time to stop.

Evolution Stu

iTrader: (2)

You and your family have my sincerest sympathy.
Having a little girl aged 9 months myself this has brought tears to my eyes and I cannot imagine the pain you have all been and are still going through.

Rest In Peace little Miya...

Wish

iTrader: (2)

I hope her little smile will last a lifetime for those that knew her .... I cant even imagine what they are going through ....

Rest in peace little one .....

MarkGArgyle

I cannot imagine for a second what you are both going through. My thoughts are with you both.

Mark

marky1

Very sad news and my thoughts are with you and your family. Such a terrible thing to lose a child.