PaulC72

Usually when kids are confronted about lieing they then tell the truth, you need to get you and your missus together sit the kids down (maybe even get their dad around) and confront the kids directly, they will tell the truth (unless they are really that bad then prison is the only way they will be going when older)

If things are really that bad and you are wondering why you are sticking around it must be you g/f is a stunner? (only pics woudl confirm this ) anyway kids are always a PITA when another parent figure comes into the family maybe they find it hard, just like you do, with the difference you know better.

I would tell them they will not be getting any present unless the truth is told.

Clarebabes

Turbohot speaks a lot of wisdom there. Having a child with absent father and step-dad it is great most of the time, but these things happen occasionally, especially around this time of year.

Good luck with it all

x_Sammie_x

I think slapping the kid for swearing is abit over the top.. id never slap my little girl did you know how seriouse that is now-a-days?
ok they are wrong for lying.. but like someone said they prob just dont like you are your popping in after work every now and again banging there mother and they want there mum and dad back together...

wait untill late afternoon christmas day see if they say sorry ? spend sometime with them play games etc etc... kids are kids its what they do they dont understand just try and be nice to them no matter how much you dis-like them..
If i whitnessed her slapping her kid i would have slapped her back its completely wrong! sorry i know its not what you want to here but im just being honest!

Hanley

It's still legal for a parent to smack / slap their child.

I think if you look at kids in general today you can see most of them should have had a few slaps as they were growing up.

I don't smack or slap my own children but they get strong discipline in other ways.

How many of us on here have had good slaps from our mum or dad when we were young....and probably deserved all of them...didn't do us any harm did it?

Quasi Modo

Maybe their problem is that they don't fully understand/accept why Mum and Dad are not together anymore?
Is their dad with someone else yet? The chances are that if they lived there (with dad) his new partner would get exactly the same treatment as you get now.
Presents are a reward for good behaviour, if they get them anyway you're teaching them nothing positive. Give it a little longer and see if you can sort things out to the satisfaction of everyone, then if all's ok again you can give them their presents. it sounds like a bad communication problem between Mum and children in particular. She's made a decision that they don't agree with.
Get their mum to communicate more with them and maybe improve things with Dad, you might even get an apology from him once he's calmed down and seen how he's being manipulated too.

Good luck mate, let us know how ya got on eh.

Jamz3k

If you slapped me for slapping my child, i'd punch you in the face and tell you to mind your own business whilst I am dishing out rightly deserved punishment.

Swearing at your parents in my opinion is a rightly slappable offensive, which is why at 24 years of age i still don't swear around my parents.

As for tomorrow I wouldn't be giving them any presents without an apology first and for their Dad brought in on it too so they know they've done wrong. If your partner doesn't back you up on this, i'd just say my goodbyes as it'll only get worse the older they get. My stepsister was fantastic as driving a wedge between my mum and dad. The fact that my Dad never backed up my Mum just made it worse.

Markus

At present I have no kids, but when I do, if they step out of line a swift smack on the **** will be administered, be it in private or public. Obviously not a full force whack, but a smack that will smart a little, let them know they've crossed over the line and are being punished. I was smacked as a child and I really don't think it's done me any harm at all, it taught me where the lines were. I agree that today's kids have not been given such punishment, plus the lack or parenting from today's generation of young parents combines with this to give us the youth that have little or no respect for anyone or anything. There's also the PC nanny state saying we cannot discipline our own children, so people live in fear of smacking their kids lest social services get involved.

Anyway, to the matter at hand. If the presents were solely from you then I'd not give them. I would consult the mother beforehand however, see how she feels/thinks about this, no doubt she'll think you are horrible for doing this, but you do have a valid reason, and I know I'd probably do the same thing. As said, you'd probably be in the doghouse with the g/f, but if you're not spending xmas round there it might not be a big deal.

Hanley

Agreed.

Chip

The 2 kids evidently have been brought up without any respect for their elders whether that be their own parents or any other person. All too often seems to be the way in broken families.

For an 8 yr old to swear at their mother is to me a slappable offence. But just the slap will not work. They need to be punished in a way that they will realise that to do something like that will effect them in other ways ie:removal of mobile phone, playstation , pc etc for a set period of time .

That way maybe they will learn that when they behave they are rewarded and vice versa when they misbehave.

And finally if you dont like kids why the hell are you with her??

Chip

David Lock

1) Real dad is not there to give any proper guidance, love or discipline

2) Mum cannot control them on her own

3) Kids resent you and hence trying to drop you in it

4) If you carry on the girl will be claiming sexual abuse in a few years



You cannot win so I would put the pressies in the boot and get out now.

dl

Terminator X

iTrader: (7)

Slapping kids is just there really is no need for it. They can understand what's right from wrong by other means.

TX.

moff1888

I was slapped once as a child and holy **** I deserved it. The only reason I wasn't "disciplined" more was down to the fact that if I did anything wrong that my mum couldn't deal with she would simply say "wait til I tell your Dad".

That was enough for me, I knew that I was in the poo and knew that to do that again would be a very poor judgement call lol.

The 1 smack was from my mum and left a beauty of a hand print on my ****.

Slapping, imo, isn't a bad thing. Some kids don't seem to know right from wrong and evidently don't seem to care.

Bring back the death penalty while we're at it.......

babber

Agreed will all here, but I think you'll will find yourself in a hell of a lot of trouble for smacking them and maybe they will be taken into care!??

I would say not giving them the presents is so cruel. They are young children and are probably upset their mum and dad aren't together anymore. Your an adult, so act like one I like the comment about keep the presents till later on in the day. Maybe they will admit to lying after the mum has spoken to them, but maybe not. As someone has mentioned Kids (and some adults) lie a fair bit and it's part of the growing up process.

Why didn't you take the father up on his offer? Lol, a pre Christmas bundle is always good No seriously, walking away from the father was the right thing to do. Remember that is there dad and you are a no-body, so would only harm your current relationship with them. Being a parent (of your own kids) is hard enough, but a father figure to stepchildren is very very difficult. My 15 years old stepdaughter hardly every speaks to me, and never says thank you for anything, unless pulled up by her mum.

Kids have no (or very little) respect for anything these days. When I was younger if you didn’t do what you were told by an adult you would get a smack. At school if you were naughty you would get the dap or cane, which never did me any harm. It taught us to respect adults and tow the line. I’ve even heard of Police giving you a clip around the ear.

I don’t agree with beating or slapping children in general, but sometimes in certain circumstances at least the threat of it might / would help. Some kids these days know they can get their parents into serious trouble by informing the authorities. Once social services / the police are involved they arrest first, then investigate after. I know it almost happened to me.

babber

Yeap it was the same here for me

David Lock

The only time we gave our now grown up kids a light reminder tap was when they were pretty young and did something dangerous which they wouldn't necessarily realise was wrong. Things like sticking fingers into an electric socket or running into the road. But usually a change of voice would be enough

Trouble is mums watch Super Nanny and things like that and it all seems so easy. But of course it isn't. dl

stilover

A bit of background on why mum and dad are not together.

Dad used to hit, no sorry, beat their mother up. She had a relaitionship after they broke-up, and she picked another guy that used to beat her up. Both of these tough guys did it in front of the kids. the youngest daughter was too young to really fully understand what went on, so as far as she's concerned daddy is daddy cool. The eldest one however, remembers what her dad was like, which make is worse, as she went along with the lie.

I have tried to get along with the girls, and have NEVER raised my voice to them, NEVER hit them (like their dad did/does), and NEVER raised a hand to their mother. Which makes this lie both frustraiting and annoying from my point of view. The eldest has said she never want's her mam & dad to get back together, as she know's he'd end up hitting her mother again.

It took me quite a while to gain their trust, as all they'd seen is their mother getting hit by either their dad, or her last partner. They'd stay awake at night just in case we started arguing and I'd start hitting their mother. Once they came to realise I'm not like that, they started bonding with me.

As for going round after they've gone to bed, this was an action decided by both me and their mother, as they'd want to stay up late to talk to me, thus not getting enough sleep. They were told this, so it's not like they just think I don't want to see them. Weekends, are of course different.

As for Billy big Bollox. There's nothing I'd like more than to give this guy a good hiding. I hate blokes who hit women. But having a scrap with their dad in front of them, will only make them side with their dad. Who want's to see their dad get hurt? I'd then be the Mr. Nasty.

Markus

< bites tongue and *knows* he should resist >

Ok, I'll rise to your bait. What other means would you use as opposed to smacking a child?

Let's take an example of a child, say five years old, in a supermarket. They pick up a pack of crisps and put it in the trolley, you say they cannot have them and put them back on the shelf. The kid grabs packet and puts it back in trolley, you take it out. Kid then starts to cry, kick and scream, a full on tantrum. They start pulling many packets from the shelves.

In this situation I would certainly grab the child and give them a smack. Granted they'd still be moaning but they might, just might, get the impression that their behavior will, if repeated lead to a smack, and a smack hurt, so perhaps they should not act this way and if they don't they'll not get smacked.

I know for a fact what happened to me when I acted up like that, I got a smack, and it did indeed have the desired effect and stopped me acting like a brat.

In the above situation, without resorting to smacking, how would you punish, discipline the child?

Terminator X

iTrader: (7)

I'm not baiting you fella ... my 8yr old has never been slapped & is the best behaved child I know. Every adult he meets is amazed by it.

The example you give above - tell them they've done wrong & will miss out on something as a result ... sweets, TV, PS3, pocketmoney, whatever. When they behave well, make sure you tell em & reward them with whatever. It's not fecking hard

Once you smack a child how do you take it to the next level if they continue to misbehave - pinch their arm, chinese burn, beat them up, break a finger ...

TX.

dpb

Tricky situation and its true youll never be able to replace what they had before and neither should you even begin to try - i could have been the kid ( except male obviously ) and i could have acted up and i did get cuffed.

I reckon little girls are more liable to be sly (id have never done what they did ) and not likely to learn thier lesson in this way ,theyll see right through it .

Fraid youll have to grit yer teeth

Markus

I'll take back the baiting comment, it is meant to be the season of goodwill

For me there wasn't/isn't a next level as such, you issue the same "strength" smack. My thinking is that the child will realize that bad = smack = pain = don't do it again lest the equation repeats itself.

Does that work? Well it did on me. I did something wrong, or dangerous I was smacked, usually by my dad, but I knew I was really in the poo if my mum smacked me, as it was rare for her to do so. I was a bit of a naughty child as well, but I really don't think the smacks did me any harm, physically or mentally. Some of the things I got smacked for I learnt not to do again, others I ignored until it finally sunk in it was wrong and what the outcome would be.

I will concede that not all kids need to be smacked, and it sounds like your lad does not need to be smacked. Can you honestly, hand on heart say that you have never been in a situation where you have considered giving the kid a smack, rather than another method of discipline.

StickyMicky

I have typed out a reply to this about 3 times now and kept deleting it all as it is a bit dodgy.


To be honest, i class my childhood punishment more as "abuse" i would have loved a simple "slapping"

Slapping sounds like utter bliss!

I had bones broken and used to get a right good kicking, was it deserved?
Doubt it, to be honest it probably made me worse as you can imagine, i cant even remember what the majority of it was for, i just remember getting thrown about the place and smothered with pillows with threats of death

fitzscoob

To the op, it sounds like an awful situation to be in especially just before Christmas. There has been some great advice given here by some people and I'm sure by now you have an idea of what you want / have to do.

With regards to the side topic of people hitting their kids, my mum would slap me if I ever stepped too far over the line and it never hurt me (in the long run ha!)

Markus

Bloody hell! I'd like to point out that this type of thing is obviously not what I'm talking about when referring to a smack/slap. That, from what you have said and in your own words is indeed a clear case of abuse and that simply isn't one (understatement of the millennium I know)

Even if you were the most evil and naughty child on the planet there is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for that kind of discipline.

Terminator X

iTrader: (7)

Other kids maybe but not mine If you teach kids right from wrong at the earliest age possible it becomes inbuilt ... he knows when he's been naughty (he can be naughty of course) & thus he knows that he'll miss out on something as a result. TBH though he's more good than bad so tends to get stuff rather than miss out.

My dad slapped me a few times as a kid. He rarely did it so I knew he was p*ssed with me as a result ... I just don't agree with it & have found no need to do so. We're adults FFS, we should be able to deal with our kids without slapping em.

Sticky - I'm sorry to hear that mate, not good

TX.

babber

And there is absolutely no need for this type of behaviour from an adult to a child. If I saw anything like this or heard about anything like this going on, I would have to get involved.

I do feel for you mate as suffering this kind of abuse will effect you for the rest of your life Fair play to you for discussing it.

I wasn't abused no-where near as much as that when I was younger, but my mother is f**king horrible and I haven't spoken to her for years, and probably never will.

Phill

StickyMicky

Personally what i find quite intresting is that, i was the oldest, i was given a lot more grief then my 2 year younger brother, by quite some margin.

In the insane way of me trying to justify it over the years, i did wonder if this was because the person responsible did not have the skills required to deal with a child, and maybe learnt from a lot of mistakes with the next one.

My 6 year younger sister got pretty much nothing in the way of mental punishment, and up until about 2 months back, nothing physical at all, until she was attacked in a shop by my raving spackanaught of a mother for something to do with disrespecting her or some other kind of nonsense, my poor sister was a bit upset, she did not know anything of my mothers blatant devil worshipper side so i ended up explaining things.

I got into a LOT of trouble when growing up, like some pretty heavy/serious stuff, yet my brother did not, coincidence?
Up until around 2 months back my sister did not even know of the bone breaking stuff, and now realises why i never really integrated with the family side of things while she was growing up.


When i am ready to have kids, i suspect i will try every other option before the hand comes out, the only people who know of how i was treated are mates (and SN now lol) my brother and my sister, the rest of the family were told i used to trip/fall/and generally somehow manage to mangle myself into quite some states, all by myself. Lovely!

It only stopped when i grew up a bit and tried to uppercut her
Although this led to my dad finding out and coming home from work to question me/dish out some pain for trying to ninja her

I think i turned out quite well considering in the end, but i am the first to admit, i really do have a pretty hefty evil/vindictive streak in me, nothing i can do about that now.

StickyMicky

It has so far to be honest.

But i just cracked on and dealt with it, because i never had another option, our family will rip itself to pieces if it ever became general knowledge, because when my own sister did not even know, i suspect the rest of them don't either, and as much as its wrong etc etc
I do actually take quite a bit of delight in watching her suffer for it now, she knows "i know"
I actually love/revel in the fact that "i know" that "she knows" that "i know"

Revenge is a dish best served cold as they say

But yeah, it screwed my life up pretty bad, suprised i am not in prison to be honest, the majority of the folk i hung about with have holidays from everyday life now and again

GlesgaKiss

Don't give them anything until they understand what they've done and are sorry about it. You're saying that their Dad used to hit their Mum? And now he's starting the macho bull****? I'd have given him the fight if he'd came round and tried that sh*te with me. Totally out of order being accused of this crap.

Not the best advice, just my opinion.

My Mum used to smack me on the body. It wasn't really the kind of smack you could feel, was just more of the fact she was doing it that made me want to stop being a pain in the ****. The worst I've had from my Dad was a flick. Lol. He was badly abused as a kid, so he obviously tried to do things very different with me.

So I don't think there's anything wrong with a smack from your Mum for effect etc, but full on hitting/slapping isn't on.

dpb

Id imagine the older sister is/was lying to protect the younger one from potentially getting a slap ,btw ?

zippy!

iTrader: (1)

i feel for you mate i really do why hasn,t your mrs told the d1ckhead that wants to fight you that its all boll0cks and punish the little tw@ts for what they have caused? it will never get any better if she doesn,t! i,d just jump in your scoob and find someone without kids who wont take you for a c*nt if this is all the thanks you get for backing her up,