Snazy

Jack, thanks for your input. Not quite sure why such a harsh line, maybe you think it's all a big joke. Either way thanks for your opinions on me on such a personal level. For someone who always cries "personal attack" when someone says something mean about Apple, that's quite a suprising approach, but hey.

PS, unless people quote you, I'm blissfully unaware of what you say as I did the right thing a long time ago. That's not snide, it's just honest.

SiPie

Judging by your frankly weird apple posts and your attitude during this thread, I'd say the icon seems spot on.

David Lock

Snazzers old chap. You asked for other peoples thoughts. I wouldn't presume to advise you except to say have a go if you feel it might be worthwhile. You can always walk out

I am a bit old fashioned and pretty sceptical about counselling I'm afraid. It makes me cringe whenever I hear that dreadful word "closure"! The only experience I can imagine where closure might apply to me would be if the guy that raped a child of mine died slowly eaten to death by live ants in a hot desert. I believe you just have to deal with other awful events that happen in life yourself. In my case I found that a bottle of claret and Brahms violin concerto at volume 11 was very therapeutic

I happen to have a dodgy ticker and my GP sent me to local hospital to see someone I thought was a heart specialist. It turned out that his prime job was as a counselor. I was furious! He started off by saying he was going to explain what exactly had gone wrong. I just said I don't want to know - I just want to take the tablets and get on with my life. He then gave a me a booklet entitled "Living with Heart Disease". I asked him if it was sponsored by a f,ucking firm of funeral directors, thanked him for his concern, and left, never to return.

I also feel that a complete change of environment is a great help. Like leaving the UK and working for a decent cause somewhere in this miserable planet of ours. This puts real life into perspective. A nice idea but an impossible solution for most people tied to a job/house/relative.

I was sorry to read the antagonistic posts on here btw. Uncalled for IMHO. If people want to be uncaring arseholes go and do it somewhere else I say.

Good luck to you. d

Snazy

Cheers David, we are quite similar in certain respects, certainly the just wanting to get on with things where possible.
Having had so many people over the past couple of years saying to look after myself too, and speak to someone, this opportunity to do it just makes sense to give it a go.

I'm not expecting a cure,or the closure of the situation at all. Like I say I just want to start making sense of what is eating away at me.

You know sometimes when you have a problem,be it with a puzzle or something in life, sometimes you are explaining it to someone then suddenly the penny drops? That's what I'm hoping to achieve with speaking to someone.

Scoobychick

iTrader: (1)

Looking forward to it

Scoobychick

iTrader: (1)

I remember you giving me that advice many moons ago and I took it gratefully. I'm now as happy as a pig in the proverbial Although I didn't quite make it out of the UK I did make it to another country and boy, has it changed my life, in a bloody good way

You really are a wise old sage Mr Lock, and someone I'm glad to have as a friend

Snaz, a few days with me and you'll be desperate to get back to normality

Trout

iTrader: (1)

Your story is a sadly typical of lots of counselling situations. I believe that there are some fantastic counsellors and some dreadful ones.

I think it comes down to what you are looking for. The outcome of counselling and therapy usually is to take what has happened to you and try and integrate it into a 'normal' life in some way. And that may be called getting closure in some situations!

I do think there is an alternative which is coaching. Coaching is somewhat different as it only 'cares' about the past to provide context, but really sets out to enable an individual to have a set of resources and tools (mostly based on common sense) that can help the individual not just be normal but to raise their lives in the future to a higher standard.

My own analogy would be to imagine you are a football team. It is half time and you are 3-0 down.

A counsellor would help you come to terms with the fact you are 3-0 down, and might even try and help you understand why you played badly.

A good coach will only refer to the first half in as much as it can help you play and win the second half as that is really the only half you can actually influence.

Of course, there are good coaches and bad coaches in the same way there are good and bad counsellors. The very best in either profession can probably offer you both styles of intervention; although counsellors tend to adopt CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) whereas coaches will usually adopt a form of NLP/NAC (Neuro-Linguistic Programming/Neuro-associative conditioning). IMHO CBT tends to be a longer, drawn out progress whereas NLP can have immediate results.

The best way forward is to go by word of mouth or testimonial from people you relate to.

Best of luck,

Trout

Snazy

Let's see who is most desperate to see the back of the other one after a day or 2 lol. By some peoples opinions I will be haggis by tea time

Usually my retreat would be Snowdonia, but your offer is too good to refuse, so much can be achieved in such a short time.

Nice analogy mate

I'm at the point of doing some deep thinking right now, a little soul searching, and a little self help so to speak, and have to say the more I think about it, the more I am starting to identify areas that my be of concern. So penning them down for later discussion.

The replies and PM's from people have all helped with that,so thanks to everyone, even the people who just feel that laughter is the best medicine. Your contributions have gone towards helping me realise how there are many types of different people out there, and how you should really never believe you know someone.

Going back to you Trout, I have to say I have always found myself being the coach rather than the coached. I wonder if that in some way distances yourself from your own problems ?

Whatever the case, thanks to everyone for their replies. The thread has certainly served it purpose and once again SN has proved it's worth.

+Doc+

After having your wife nearly die when giving birth to your daughter, stress is non existent.
"It's only after you've lost everything," Tyler says, "that you're free to do anything." ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 8
Its all in the mind.

Wagon wheel eater

Never had marriage counselling but my girl counsels for allsorts and it helps a lot of people, it might work for you, it might not, the important thing is not to give up and do nothing, passively while your life /marriage goes down the pan. In regards to maning up I know some ex army and real hard ******* martial artists who have been to counselling for various things so don't worry about it ?
SCOOBYNET 4 all lifes problems ! lol .....

Trout

iTrader: (1)

It can do. A great coach that I knew was completely immune to any coaching input!!

The real key is whether you want to receive any help. David Lock's example was excellent. He didn't want any counselling and so the chances of success were near zero.

So it may seem obvious but if you are open to input then it is ten times more likely to work. Nothing like getting input when we don't want it - I think we usually call that criticism!

Trout

JTaylor

I had counselling when my father died during my mid-twenties. I actually found it really helpfull and think that it's important to find the right counsellor for you. Man-up and take the offer help.

Snazy

Lol @ man up and take the help! I am already, I don't recall saying i wasn't lol.

Nice to hear another positive story though, glad things worked out for you in this case

Hoping they will be calling back this morning at some point with some details of when and where the first session is.

shooter007

See your doctor tell him/her exactly how you feel no matter how embarrassed it makes you feel

David Lock

Beachy Head, Friday 13th Midnight

dl

Snazy

Got no worries about embarrasment mate, as SN has suffered and found out, I have no fear of being open about my feelings.

lol keeping it positive there David

On that note... im slightly annoyed that no one has called back yet. Maybe they Google'ed me !

StickyMicky

My good lady has recently suggested that i should get some sort of counselling for my deep rooted anger.

To be honest, i seriously doubt it will do anything at all, and i much prefer to just get the hell on with it, i know the reasons why i am like this, iirc i posted up about my childhood a while back anyway.

Doubtful anything can fix that now

The "problem" i supposedly have, is while IMHO i am actually quite easy going and laid back, and i generally don't bother worrying about things i have no control over, i do have apparently (actually i fully agree) the most vicious of tempers when when provoked, i know i do, i just flip, and think some pretty dark thoughts, i would much prefer to throw things about, it helps get rid of it and i pull myself out a lot faster.

But apparently this scares the missus so after "one of them" discussions around a year back, i said i would try my best not to do this, and i did, but what i end up doing now, its just closing down, not really speaking much, and generally just end up being depressed/pissed off longer because everything just builds up without venting and then she ****ing winges because "you have hardly spoke to me all week"

CAN NOT FOOKING WIN
aargghhhhHHhhhhh

Its quite simple, leave me alone when i am pissed off and don't prod the scary bear with a stick!

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

If I were to give a one sentance answer, it would be take a week off work and internet forums and start a routine to get your BMI back to what is was pre injuries / operations.

SiPie

I see a psychologist monthly and have done for 17 years following what can only be described as a feckin humdinger of a breakdown/burnout/piston no.3 meltdown....

Nowadays I use it more as a check up as all my my thinking is as rational as it's ever going to ......

Saves me burdening/boring my wife and all my mates or anonymous people on an Internet chat forum (only joking Snazy) with my woes.

Has it helped me ?

Well, I stopped seeing the shrink for 2 years and i noticed the old issues (wonky thinking and bad stress coping ) starting to rear their head. This saddened me to have to admit that I wasn't cured for life but I bit the bullet and accepted that it's something I may need throughout my life. It's helped me no end but then I was a bit if a **** up in the first place

If the shrink or counsellor is any good then you can only benefit from it snazy

ScooByer Trade

Eat fresh strawberries for stress Snazy.Also sardines & Greek Yogurt for mood lifting abilities.

Snazy

Nightmare Mikey, hope you manage to hold things together and get by without too much drama mate
The mind is a weird and wonderful thing aint it!


Cheers Jay, working in that direction mate. Planning a trip away soon, no dogs, very little communication, and doing some writing. Definatly needed and should help start things fall into place.

Cheers Si. Sounds like you have been to hell and back there mate. Good to hear things are going well for you now.

I reckon talking to someone will help for sure, and like you say it will be the right person to talk to, not randoms lol

Really? I'm not a strawberry lover, will have to read up on what's in them that does good.

JackClark

Post 54 Snidy. Perhaps if you stopped making things up on Internet forums it would help.

ScooByer Trade

Yes it does mate, i also have a good recommended recipe i made earlier ( i didn't really ).I'll dig it out for ya.

Leslie

I had one session many years ago. He was a sharp cookie and I never had another problem after that. Excellent advice sorted the whole thing.

Les

Snazy

One session Les! Crikey thats progress.

I am all booked up for Friday now with a local guy. Lots of accreditations, and seems likable to talk to on the phone at least. First session is a freebie get to know you session.

Slightly relieved now that its all arranged. Now I can get on with planning other things in life too

jasey

Don't forget to update us so your "fans" can get all agitated

Good Luck

Snazy

Rest assured mate, I would hate to do something by half measures. I will indeed make sure I keep it all up to date

Cheers

Just to add, re the accreditations, I dont claim to know what they are, nor think letters after your name makes you capable, just thought I would state the fact lol

David Lock

Is that when you left the Priesthood Les

d

Snazy

Well, today was the first day, and after a little show of last minute nerves, I went to the meeting.
The guy doing the counselling is a nice easy to talk to guy, no rushing, no agenda, and best of all, didn't say " closure " once lol.

On a serious note, we have agreed we can work together and have started to formulate a plan of action. Key areas to work on have been identified as emotional outlet, aka venting and controlling emotions in a more effective way than at present. And starting to deal with the eventual outcome of mum being I'll.
Provisionally I have 6 sessions there, but will go from there.

After just getting the ball rolling in the first hour, I immediately felt like things were starting to unwind. As executed, just talking about certain things started the emotions in motion, so I am hopeful.

Cheers again for the comments and advice from all, positive and negative.

PS, even though it's early days I would recommend anyone under pressure from emotional or family issues, consider talking to someone before it reaches flash point.

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

I get would up and moody, not proper stress or depression but I just keep tellign myself that as long as the wife and kids are ok then it doesnt really matter, money wise most of the time im overdrawn but so what, work pisses me off sometimes but sod it, its only a job.

I think this is key, being able to say "meh", so what, f*ck it and realising sometimes you need to go backwards to go forwards.

Like has been said, the diet and exercise thing is key, I feel so much better when I am lighter and fitter, ok I know you dont drink but a lot of the country is fixated on it and all it ever is, like a lot of things, is instant and temporary gratification and I think with booze, ****, crap food its all stuff that makes us feel better short term but worse int he long term and why the country is full of morbidly obese basket cases, I am not perfect but I do recognise what causes a lot of the unhappiness, the very things we all crave. I dont think this is you by the way !

I definitely think it is worth going to see a counsellor, but make a decision as to whether you think they are any good, speaking slowly and softly does not make someone a good counsellor and dont be afraid to try a different one if it isnt working for you.