Worse thing that can happen on a date?
16 February 2011, 05:57 PM
#33
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Worst thing that can happen on a date....
(a true story)....
You arrange to collect the light of your life to be at her parents house. Fair enough, she still lives with her folks, I can accept that as deposits are hard to come by. I don't really think anything of it, so drive up to the place and get out of my car.
I walk up to the door, door opens to reveal my date. Awesome
Then, in the background I can hear her dad talking to her. Her dad is walking down the stairs. So what, you may ask? Well, the stairs were directly in front of me, and even though the light was not on in the stairway I could make out the feet of the murky figure starting down the stairs.
First thing I see are slippers, well thats fine, it is in the evening. Next thing I see are some strange trousers. No, hold on, they are actually pyjama bottoms. Oh well, he goes to bed early. Then I see that they are around his knees and he is standing there baring the crown jewels.....
My jaw drops, my date's draw drops, and I have to say "breaking the ice" from this point was a tough challenge
Anyone get the impression that her folks did not like me?
(a true story)....
You arrange to collect the light of your life to be at her parents house. Fair enough, she still lives with her folks, I can accept that as deposits are hard to come by. I don't really think anything of it, so drive up to the place and get out of my car.
I walk up to the door, door opens to reveal my date. Awesome
Then, in the background I can hear her dad talking to her. Her dad is walking down the stairs. So what, you may ask? Well, the stairs were directly in front of me, and even though the light was not on in the stairway I could make out the feet of the murky figure starting down the stairs.First thing I see are slippers, well thats fine, it is in the evening. Next thing I see are some strange trousers. No, hold on, they are actually pyjama bottoms. Oh well, he goes to bed early. Then I see that they are around his knees and he is standing there baring the crown jewels.....
My jaw drops, my date's draw drops, and I have to say "breaking the ice" from this point was a tough challenge
Anyone get the impression that her folks did not like me?
Not quite, I consider them as only half-breeds. I could handle a veggie if she was well fit, could chug pints and was a pure petrol head, so long as she allowed me to munch on a hot pork sandwich or bacon-butty in peace.
Its the thorough-bred ultra-liberalistic eco-nutters you have to watch out for. They seem really nice at first, but then before you know it, your wearing hemp, eating quorn burgers, soya milk on your cornflakes with fairtrade tea for breakfast and spend your free time to hippy festivals and protesting about mass capitalism outside the local Mcdonalds.
During which her "brother" moves into your garage/spare room and uses your attic as a weed factory, then uses the garden shed HQ and WiFi connection for planning/organising protest missions at local animal testing laboratories and building sites.
Its the thorough-bred ultra-liberalistic eco-nutters you have to watch out for. They seem really nice at first, but then before you know it, your wearing hemp, eating quorn burgers, soya milk on your cornflakes with fairtrade tea for breakfast and spend your free time to hippy festivals and protesting about mass capitalism outside the local Mcdonalds.
During which her "brother" moves into your garage/spare room and uses your attic as a weed factory, then uses the garden shed HQ and WiFi connection for planning/organising protest missions at local animal testing laboratories and building sites.
16 February 2011, 06:33 PM
#36
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16 February 2011, 07:53 PM
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How long have you got?
Bloke A says come round to his house and he'll cook you a meal.
Meal turns out to be fishfingers and potato waffles followed by a choc-ice. Entertainment is back-to-back episodes of Bottom.
Bloke B takes you out for a meal, nice restaurant, absolutely packed including a group of people you vaguely know from work. Lots of noise due to people talking, music playing etc. Bloke says "I really want to **** you" at the exact moment the music has paused and everyone else has stopped talking.
Bloke B wants to go on another date and asks if he can come round to yours. He can't because technically you haven't finished it with Bloke C but luckily your good friend says you can both go round to hers as she is going out.
You're having a nice time with Bloke B when there is loud knocking at the door, it's Bloke C who has seen your car parked outside.
You try and stall Bloke C whilst telling Bloke B to run upstairs and hide, Bloke B refuses.
Friend chooses this moment to make herself known, she hasn't actually gone out at all. She comes downstairs stoned, completely naked and holding a carving knife
*L72 is glad she is no longer single and having to date*
Bloke A says come round to his house and he'll cook you a meal.
Meal turns out to be fishfingers and potato waffles followed by a choc-ice. Entertainment is back-to-back episodes of Bottom.
Bloke B takes you out for a meal, nice restaurant, absolutely packed including a group of people you vaguely know from work. Lots of noise due to people talking, music playing etc. Bloke says "I really want to **** you" at the exact moment the music has paused and everyone else has stopped talking.
Bloke B wants to go on another date and asks if he can come round to yours. He can't because technically you haven't finished it with Bloke C but luckily your good friend says you can both go round to hers as she is going out.
You're having a nice time with Bloke B when there is loud knocking at the door, it's Bloke C who has seen your car parked outside.
You try and stall Bloke C whilst telling Bloke B to run upstairs and hide, Bloke B refuses.
Friend chooses this moment to make herself known, she hasn't actually gone out at all. She comes downstairs stoned, completely naked and holding a carving knife
*L72 is glad she is no longer single and having to date*
16 February 2011, 08:06 PM
#39
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16 February 2011, 08:20 PM
#41
About 2 years ago, I went on a couple of dates with this girl, second date was dinner at mine. Before I got to cook, she was stripping - result!
Me being a gentleman helped her off with her white thong, to be horrified to find it wasnt a clean one at all. I had to really concentrate to ensure it didnt effect my performance.
She didnt get a call back.
Me being a gentleman helped her off with her white thong, to be horrified to find it wasnt a clean one at all. I had to really concentrate to ensure it didnt effect my performance.
She didnt get a call back.
16 February 2011, 08:33 PM
#42
How long have you got?
Bloke A says come round to his house and he'll cook you a meal.
Meal turns out to be fishfingers and potato waffles followed by a choc-ice. Entertainment is back-to-back episodes of Bottom.
Bloke B takes you out for a meal, nice restaurant, absolutely packed including a group of people you vaguely know from work. Lots of noise due to people talking, music playing etc. Bloke says "I really want to **** you" at the exact moment the music has paused and everyone else has stopped talking.
Bloke B wants to go on another date and asks if he can come round to yours. He can't because technically you haven't finished it with Bloke C but luckily your good friend says you can both go round to hers as she is going out.
You're having a nice time with Bloke B when there is loud knocking at the door, it's Bloke C who has seen your car parked outside.
You try and stall Bloke C whilst telling Bloke B to run upstairs and hide, Bloke B refuses.
Friend chooses this moment to make herself known, she hasn't actually gone out at all. She comes downstairs stoned, completely naked and holding a carving knife
*L72 is glad she is no longer single and having to date*
Bloke A says come round to his house and he'll cook you a meal.
Meal turns out to be fishfingers and potato waffles followed by a choc-ice. Entertainment is back-to-back episodes of Bottom.
Bloke B takes you out for a meal, nice restaurant, absolutely packed including a group of people you vaguely know from work. Lots of noise due to people talking, music playing etc. Bloke says "I really want to **** you" at the exact moment the music has paused and everyone else has stopped talking.
Bloke B wants to go on another date and asks if he can come round to yours. He can't because technically you haven't finished it with Bloke C but luckily your good friend says you can both go round to hers as she is going out.
You're having a nice time with Bloke B when there is loud knocking at the door, it's Bloke C who has seen your car parked outside.
You try and stall Bloke C whilst telling Bloke B to run upstairs and hide, Bloke B refuses.
Friend chooses this moment to make herself known, she hasn't actually gone out at all. She comes downstairs stoned, completely naked and holding a carving knife
*L72 is glad she is no longer single and having to date*
16 February 2011, 09:25 PM
#43
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About 2 years ago, I went on a couple of dates with this girl, second date was dinner at mine. Before I got to cook, she was stripping - result!
Me being a gentleman helped her off with her white thong, to be horrified to find it wasnt a clean one at all. I had to really concentrate to ensure it didnt effect my performance.
She didnt get a call back.
Me being a gentleman helped her off with her white thong, to be horrified to find it wasnt a clean one at all. I had to really concentrate to ensure it didnt effect my performance.
She didnt get a call back.
16 February 2011, 09:41 PM
#44
How long have you got?
Bloke A says come round to his house and he'll cook you a meal.
Meal turns out to be fishfingers and potato waffles followed by a choc-ice. Entertainment is back-to-back episodes of Bottom.
Bloke B takes you out for a meal, nice restaurant, absolutely packed including a group of people you vaguely know from work. Lots of noise due to people talking, music playing etc. Bloke says "I really want to **** you" at the exact moment the music has paused and everyone else has stopped talking.
Bloke B wants to go on another date and asks if he can come round to yours. He can't because technically you haven't finished it with Bloke C but luckily your good friend says you can both go round to hers as she is going out.
You're having a nice time with Bloke B when there is loud knocking at the door, it's Bloke C who has seen your car parked outside.
You try and stall Bloke C whilst telling Bloke B to run upstairs and hide, Bloke B refuses.
Friend chooses this moment to make herself known, she hasn't actually gone out at all. She comes downstairs stoned, completely naked and holding a carving knife
*L72 is glad she is no longer single and having to date*
Bloke A says come round to his house and he'll cook you a meal.
Meal turns out to be fishfingers and potato waffles followed by a choc-ice. Entertainment is back-to-back episodes of Bottom.
Bloke B takes you out for a meal, nice restaurant, absolutely packed including a group of people you vaguely know from work. Lots of noise due to people talking, music playing etc. Bloke says "I really want to **** you" at the exact moment the music has paused and everyone else has stopped talking.
Bloke B wants to go on another date and asks if he can come round to yours. He can't because technically you haven't finished it with Bloke C but luckily your good friend says you can both go round to hers as she is going out.
You're having a nice time with Bloke B when there is loud knocking at the door, it's Bloke C who has seen your car parked outside.
You try and stall Bloke C whilst telling Bloke B to run upstairs and hide, Bloke B refuses.
Friend chooses this moment to make herself known, she hasn't actually gone out at all. She comes downstairs stoned, completely naked and holding a carving knife
*L72 is glad she is no longer single and having to date*
16 February 2011, 11:45 PM
#45
I am with L72 on this one.
Remember going out for an evening with a girl called Elaine on a first date, plan was dinner, drinks, cinema, film was her choice, Men In Black so this was somewhere around 1997. In my opinion the date was going well, conversation was flowing albeit small talk about nothing really, she leaned towards me and explained she had to nip to the ladies room. She never returned. Maybe she got a taxi home, maybe she went off to meet her mates, maybe she died in the bogs - never found out!!!
Not long after, ended up on a date with a girl I had known for years. Her name was Sarah. She was gagging for it, told me at one point in the evening she hadn't had sex for nearly two years, and I was the first person she had dated since her husband left her. She mentioned him a couple of times, and I thought nothing of it, was obviously a significant thing for her. All was going well, we decided to have one more drink then head back to mine. As we were about to leave, she spotted her ex-husband across in the same bar, then changed her mind about leaving. I assume she went home with him that evening cause she soon lost all interest in me....
Met a crazy lady on a night out with some mates, one thing led to another then another then another, and I went home to her place. She lived in an apartment with one bedroom, it had one double bed and one single bed, she explained the single bed was for when mates came to stay. We did the deed, I stayed the night, and woke as it got daylight to find some bloke in the single bed, it was her brother, allegedly they shared the apartment - made me feel sick.
Met a very pretty south-African girl while on holiday in Salou during a drinking binge. After consuming all manner of 'things' which had the effect of erasing all bar a few sketchy details from my memory - I regained consciousness in an apartment somewhere, naked in a bed beside her with some older woman fussing about in the apartment. The older woman was her mum.
I used to live out in the sticks and on a night out on the eve of a new millennium I finally got an opportunity to chat up a girl I had had my eye on for some time. We had a real good night in the towns only nightspot and I offered to walk her home, we both thought this would be a nice thing to do. I didn't think to ask her where she lived, and she seemed to think I knew where I was going. After walking / staggering aimlessly for what seemed like hours she finally told me she lived in 'Cookstown' - almost 10miles away from where we were on our night out!!!
Like L72, I am so pleased to be married, settled and have all this nonsense a long way behind me.
Remember going out for an evening with a girl called Elaine on a first date, plan was dinner, drinks, cinema, film was her choice, Men In Black so this was somewhere around 1997. In my opinion the date was going well, conversation was flowing albeit small talk about nothing really, she leaned towards me and explained she had to nip to the ladies room. She never returned. Maybe she got a taxi home, maybe she went off to meet her mates, maybe she died in the bogs - never found out!!!
Not long after, ended up on a date with a girl I had known for years. Her name was Sarah. She was gagging for it, told me at one point in the evening she hadn't had sex for nearly two years, and I was the first person she had dated since her husband left her. She mentioned him a couple of times, and I thought nothing of it, was obviously a significant thing for her. All was going well, we decided to have one more drink then head back to mine. As we were about to leave, she spotted her ex-husband across in the same bar, then changed her mind about leaving. I assume she went home with him that evening cause she soon lost all interest in me....
Met a crazy lady on a night out with some mates, one thing led to another then another then another, and I went home to her place. She lived in an apartment with one bedroom, it had one double bed and one single bed, she explained the single bed was for when mates came to stay. We did the deed, I stayed the night, and woke as it got daylight to find some bloke in the single bed, it was her brother, allegedly they shared the apartment - made me feel sick.
Met a very pretty south-African girl while on holiday in Salou during a drinking binge. After consuming all manner of 'things' which had the effect of erasing all bar a few sketchy details from my memory - I regained consciousness in an apartment somewhere, naked in a bed beside her with some older woman fussing about in the apartment. The older woman was her mum.
I used to live out in the sticks and on a night out on the eve of a new millennium I finally got an opportunity to chat up a girl I had had my eye on for some time. We had a real good night in the towns only nightspot and I offered to walk her home, we both thought this would be a nice thing to do. I didn't think to ask her where she lived, and she seemed to think I knew where I was going. After walking / staggering aimlessly for what seemed like hours she finally told me she lived in 'Cookstown' - almost 10miles away from where we were on our night out!!!
Like L72, I am so pleased to be married, settled and have all this nonsense a long way behind me.
Last edited by tarmac terror; 16 February 2011 at 11:50 PM.
16 February 2011, 11:51 PM
#46
17 February 2011, 10:00 AM
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Okay not my worst date but it must have been bad for the bloke:
Same friend from previous post (the naked stoner), we'd been really good mates for years and years, used to go out on the pull together, knew everything about each other etc.
I met and moved in with current Mr.L72, his best mate regularly visits us (he lives 80 miles away so has to stay the night).
So stoner friend, Jacqui, decides she fancies him and can we fix them up. The four of us go out one Saturday night and have a bit to drink then pile back to ours.
Jacqui goes into our spare room with bloke, massive smile on her face.
The next morning I'm really hungover so go downstairs and get large glasses of orange juice for me and OH. We can hear 'noises' from spare bedroom so presume the other two are having a good time.
A couple of minutes later Jacqui comes in our bedroom and sits on the bed looking upset.
I asked her what was wrong and she said "I had to get off, I just wasn't feeling anything"
Me: "What?"
She told me she was, ahem, riding him, but it wasn't doing anything for her so without saying anything to him she just climbed off!
I couldn't think what to say so took a huge gulp of orange juice....and right at that moment she tells me "I think I'm a lesbian"
Cue me spitting my Tropicana in an explosion all over the bed.
(Not bothered that she was a lesbian but shocked because I had known her for so long and never realised).
Mr.72's best mate has never mentioned what happened
Same friend from previous post (the naked stoner), we'd been really good mates for years and years, used to go out on the pull together, knew everything about each other etc.
I met and moved in with current Mr.L72, his best mate regularly visits us (he lives 80 miles away so has to stay the night).
So stoner friend, Jacqui, decides she fancies him and can we fix them up. The four of us go out one Saturday night and have a bit to drink then pile back to ours.
Jacqui goes into our spare room with bloke, massive smile on her face.
The next morning I'm really hungover so go downstairs and get large glasses of orange juice for me and OH. We can hear 'noises' from spare bedroom so presume the other two are having a good time.
A couple of minutes later Jacqui comes in our bedroom and sits on the bed looking upset.
I asked her what was wrong and she said "I had to get off, I just wasn't feeling anything"
Me: "What?"
She told me she was, ahem, riding him, but it wasn't doing anything for her so without saying anything to him she just climbed off!
I couldn't think what to say so took a huge gulp of orange juice....and right at that moment she tells me "I think I'm a lesbian"
Cue me spitting my Tropicana in an explosion all over the bed.
(Not bothered that she was a lesbian but shocked because I had known her for so long and never realised).
Mr.72's best mate has never mentioned what happened
17 February 2011, 11:07 AM
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17 February 2011, 04:26 PM
#51
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Some brilliant stories here. I don't have one as good from dating, but something similar.
When me and the wife split up last year I saw a couple of ladies from match.com. Well, one of them turned out to be a blind lady... I figured this wasn't really a problem for me and she looked stunning in the photos. So, I carried on communicating through texts and emails with her and we had a great rapore... that was until the 2nd of two errors one weekend when we were about to meet for the first time.
I went to a Florence & the Machine concert with a mate, and teh blind lady asked, by text, what it was like and was it busy? So in reply I sent her an MMs of the crowd.
She suggested that was a waste of an MMS. I felt such a ****... 
The very next day I put my size 13s in it yet again when I asked her by text if she had been on many blind dates... She replied: "Yes, all of them." 
That relationship fizzled out pretty fast!
When me and the wife split up last year I saw a couple of ladies from match.com. Well, one of them turned out to be a blind lady... I figured this wasn't really a problem for me and she looked stunning in the photos. So, I carried on communicating through texts and emails with her and we had a great rapore... that was until the 2nd of two errors one weekend when we were about to meet for the first time.
I went to a Florence & the Machine concert with a mate, and teh blind lady asked, by text, what it was like and was it busy? So in reply I sent her an MMs of the crowd.
She suggested that was a waste of an MMS. I felt such a ****...
The very next day I put my size 13s in it yet again when I asked her by text if she had been on many blind dates... She replied: "Yes, all of them."
That relationship fizzled out pretty fast!
Last edited by Evolution Stu; 17 February 2011 at 04:47 PM.
17 February 2011, 05:53 PM
#52
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Some brilliant stories here. I don't have one as good from dating, but something similar.
When me and the wife split up last year I saw a couple of ladies from match.com. Well, one of them turned out to be a blind lady... I figured this wasn't really a problem for me and she looked stunning in the photos. So, I carried on communicating through texts and emails with her and we had a great rapore... that was until the 2nd of two errors one weekend when we were about to meet for the first time.
I went to a Florence & the Machine concert with a mate, and teh blind lady asked, by text, what it was like and was it busy? So in reply I sent her an MMs of the crowd.
She suggested that was a waste of an MMS. I felt such a ****...
The very next day I put my size 13s in it yet again when I asked her by text if she had been on many blind dates... She replied: "Yes, all of them."
That relationship fizzled out pretty fast!
When me and the wife split up last year I saw a couple of ladies from match.com. Well, one of them turned out to be a blind lady... I figured this wasn't really a problem for me and she looked stunning in the photos. So, I carried on communicating through texts and emails with her and we had a great rapore... that was until the 2nd of two errors one weekend when we were about to meet for the first time.
I went to a Florence & the Machine concert with a mate, and teh blind lady asked, by text, what it was like and was it busy? So in reply I sent her an MMs of the crowd.
She suggested that was a waste of an MMS. I felt such a ****...
The very next day I put my size 13s in it yet again when I asked her by text if she had been on many blind dates... She replied: "Yes, all of them."
That relationship fizzled out pretty fast!
^ Winner story so far IMO!
17 February 2011, 07:43 PM
#53
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About 2 years ago, I went on a couple of dates with this girl, second date was dinner at mine. Before I got to cook, she was stripping - result!
Me being a gentleman helped her off with her white thong, to be horrified to find it wasnt a clean one at all. I had to really concentrate to ensure it didnt effect my performance.
She didnt get a call back.
Me being a gentleman helped her off with her white thong, to be horrified to find it wasnt a clean one at all. I had to really concentrate to ensure it didnt effect my performance.
She didnt get a call back.
eeeewwwwww, the dirty bag
17 February 2011, 10:06 PM
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17 February 2011, 10:29 PM
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18 February 2011, 01:36 PM
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18 years old at the time. Nervously drank too much lager out of the bottle which promptly fizzed up in my mouth and I spat the whole lot all over her face.
I left her there with foamy beery spit dripping from her nose, hair, chin.
Any references to pearl necklaces at this point are not welcome.
I left her there with foamy beery spit dripping from her nose, hair, chin.
Any references to pearl necklaces at this point are not welcome.
18 February 2011, 02:02 PM
#60
This was 6 years ago damn I feel old in my defence I had just split up from a long term relationship and his hitting the sauce pretty hard.
in my defence I had just split up from a long term relationship and his hitting the sauce pretty hard.spent the whole of last night chatting up the fittest bird at the end of the night she invites me back to her house at which point i puked in her face . funnily enough she wasnt to keen on me going back with her after that and heard nothing from her today do u think i may have fooked up?