underwear problems
22 July 2011, 04:00 PM
#32
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A girl came up to me in a bar - short skirt, **** like ripe fruit, hair in a pony tail.
"What would you say if I told you I was wearing no underwear?" she breathed.
"I'd say 'neither am I'."
She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm wearing none because it gives men like you..." she licked her lips, "easy access..."
"Oh?" I replied. "I've got none on because I shat myself in the gents."
"What would you say if I told you I was wearing no underwear?" she breathed.
"I'd say 'neither am I'."
She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm wearing none because it gives men like you..." she licked her lips, "easy access..."
"Oh?" I replied. "I've got none on because I shat myself in the gents."
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"
22 July 2011, 04:26 PM
#35
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An elderly Woman is complaining to her friend.
"My Husband never wants to have sex any more, I think he just doesn't find me attractive at all!" she tells her.
Her friend rubs her chin thoughtfully then snaps her fingers and tells the elderly lady her solution.
"Buy some sexy lingerie, then your husband won't be able to resist you!" she concludes.
The elderly lady visits a sex-shop and buys a set of black lingerie, she then goes home and puts it on. In her excitement, she climbs on top of the wardrobe and lies in wait for her husband.
Her elderly husband enters the room and lies down on the bed to have a nap when suddenly his wife dives off the top of the wardrobe and lands on top of him shouting, "SUPERFANNY!"
After a moments silence her husband says, "I think I'll have the soup, dear."
"My Husband never wants to have sex any more, I think he just doesn't find me attractive at all!" she tells her.
Her friend rubs her chin thoughtfully then snaps her fingers and tells the elderly lady her solution.
"Buy some sexy lingerie, then your husband won't be able to resist you!" she concludes.
The elderly lady visits a sex-shop and buys a set of black lingerie, she then goes home and puts it on. In her excitement, she climbs on top of the wardrobe and lies in wait for her husband.
Her elderly husband enters the room and lies down on the bed to have a nap when suddenly his wife dives off the top of the wardrobe and lands on top of him shouting, "SUPERFANNY!"
After a moments silence her husband says, "I think I'll have the soup, dear."
22 July 2011, 04:38 PM
#37
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An elderly Woman is complaining to her friend.
"My Husband never wants to have sex any more, I think he just doesn't find me attractive at all!" she tells her.
Her friend rubs her chin thoughtfully then snaps her fingers and tells the elderly lady her solution.
"Buy some sexy lingerie, then your husband won't be able to resist you!" she concludes.
The elderly lady visits a sex-shop and buys a set of black lingerie, she then goes home and puts it on. In her excitement, she climbs on top of the wardrobe and lies in wait for her husband.
Her elderly husband enters the room and lies down on the bed to have a nap when suddenly his wife dives off the top of the wardrobe and lands on top of him shouting, "SUPERFANNY!"
After a moments silence her husband says, "I think I'll have the soup, dear."
"My Husband never wants to have sex any more, I think he just doesn't find me attractive at all!" she tells her.
Her friend rubs her chin thoughtfully then snaps her fingers and tells the elderly lady her solution.
"Buy some sexy lingerie, then your husband won't be able to resist you!" she concludes.
The elderly lady visits a sex-shop and buys a set of black lingerie, she then goes home and puts it on. In her excitement, she climbs on top of the wardrobe and lies in wait for her husband.
Her elderly husband enters the room and lies down on the bed to have a nap when suddenly his wife dives off the top of the wardrobe and lands on top of him shouting, "SUPERFANNY!"
After a moments silence her husband says, "I think I'll have the soup, dear."
22 July 2011, 08:18 PM
#39
Scooby Senior
I said to my two-year-old son, "Now, what noise does a cat make?"
"Miaow!"
"Good, but do you know what noise a dog makes?"
"Woof woof!"
"That's right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?"
"David, if you even think about going out to that ****ing pub with your friends then you can forget about ever being let back in this house!"
That's my boy.
"Miaow!"
"Good, but do you know what noise a dog makes?"
"Woof woof!"
"That's right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?"
"David, if you even think about going out to that ****ing pub with your friends then you can forget about ever being let back in this house!"
That's my boy.
22 July 2011, 08:26 PM
#40
Scooby Senior
Might have a winner 
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
22 July 2011, 09:09 PM
#41
Might have a winner
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
22 July 2011, 09:25 PM
#43
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Might have a winner
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
22 July 2011, 09:39 PM
#45
Might have a winner
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
Future contributions need to beat it...
22 July 2011, 10:17 PM
#48
Dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse
"I want a female horth" he said to the dealer who shows him a mare.
"Nithe horth.Can i thee her eythe"?
Dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes.
"Nithe eythe.Can i see her teeth"?
Dealer shows him her teeth.
"Nithe teeth.Can i see her twot"?
Dealer picks him up and shoves his head up the mares fanny for a few seconds.
Dwarf says "I'll reefaze that,can i thee her wun awound"
Mick
"I want a female horth" he said to the dealer who shows him a mare.
"Nithe horth.Can i thee her eythe"?
Dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes.
"Nithe eythe.Can i see her teeth"?
Dealer shows him her teeth.
"Nithe teeth.Can i see her twot"?
Dealer picks him up and shoves his head up the mares fanny for a few seconds.
Dwarf says "I'll reefaze that,can i thee her wun awound"
Mick
22 July 2011, 11:35 PM
#51
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Might have a winner
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
, but funny 
, but very funny Dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse
"I want a female horth" he said to the dealer who shows him a mare.
"Nithe horth.Can i thee her eythe"?
Dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes.
"Nithe eythe.Can i see her teeth"?
Dealer shows him her teeth.
"Nithe teeth.Can i see her twot"?
Dealer picks him up and shoves his head up the mares fanny for a few seconds.
Dwarf says "I'll reefaze that,can i thee her wun awound"
"I want a female horth" he said to the dealer who shows him a mare.
"Nithe horth.Can i thee her eythe"?
Dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes.
"Nithe eythe.Can i see her teeth"?
Dealer shows him her teeth.
"Nithe teeth.Can i see her twot"?
Dealer picks him up and shoves his head up the mares fanny for a few seconds.
Dwarf says "I'll reefaze that,can i thee her wun awound"
23 July 2011, 08:07 AM
#52
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Dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse
"I want a female horth" he said to the dealer who shows him a mare.
"Nithe horth.Can i thee her eythe"?
Dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes.
"Nithe eythe.Can i see her teeth"?
Dealer shows him her teeth.
"Nithe teeth.Can i see her twot"?
Dealer picks him up and shoves his head up the mares fanny for a few seconds.
Dwarf says "I'll reefaze that,can i thee her wun awound"
Mick
"I want a female horth" he said to the dealer who shows him a mare.
"Nithe horth.Can i thee her eythe"?
Dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes.
"Nithe eythe.Can i see her teeth"?
Dealer shows him her teeth.
"Nithe teeth.Can i see her twot"?
Dealer picks him up and shoves his head up the mares fanny for a few seconds.
Dwarf says "I'll reefaze that,can i thee her wun awound"
Mick
Thats good
23 July 2011, 10:08 AM
#53
Might have a winner
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
23 July 2011, 01:14 PM
#59
Might have a winner
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".
a pre-pubescant girl walks in ob her daddy in the bathroom, points at his ***** and says "What's that daddy?". The daddy replies "It's my *****". "oh", the little girl replies, "will I get one of those?" The dad replies "You will when your mom goes out".