Whos got the most offensive joke?
11 February 2014, 09:54 PM
#63
Woman gets hit by a car and put into a coma for a year, one day when they're washing her fanny they notice a reaction on the monitor, so when her husband come to visit they explain this and suggest oral sex as a way of bringing her out of the coma.
So he goes in and a few minutes later the monitor starts to flat line, nurses run in, his wife is blue and he's got his trousers round his ankles putting his *** away.
So he goes in and a few minutes later the monitor starts to flat line, nurses run in, his wife is blue and he's got his trousers round his ankles putting his *** away.
11 February 2014, 09:56 PM
#65
A woman has just delivered a baby in hospital and the midwife takes it away to be cleaned up. After a few minutes the doctor comes to her bedside and says 'I've some good news and some bad news'. The woman says 'Ok, give me the bad news first then'. The doctor says 'Ok, well you're baby is ginger'. 'Oh' says the woman, 'What's the good news?'. Doctor - 'The good news is it's dead'.
11 February 2014, 09:56 PM
#66
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say what you like about paedeophiles, at least they drive slowly past schools
11 February 2014, 09:56 PM
#67
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OK this is nothing to do with me but was voted the sickest joke on an American webiste where they were discussing Jimmy Carr and Frankie Boyle et al.
How do you make a six year old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloodied dick on her teddy bear!
How do you make a six year old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloodied dick on her teddy bear!
11 February 2014, 09:59 PM
#70
you are one sick **** shreksta 
my 8 year old daughter emailed me earlier while I was at work
'dadthespacebaronmylaptopisntworkingproperly'
I replied with 'what do you want me to do?'
she replied 'canyoupleasecomehomeandgivemeanalternative'
I though 'at last', I told my boss to f**k off and I was going home, I jumped in my car and was speeding home as fast as I could, but I couldn't help thinking what the hell does 'ternative' mean
my 8 year old daughter emailed me earlier while I was at work
'dadthespacebaronmylaptopisntworkingproperly'
I replied with 'what do you want me to do?'
she replied 'canyoupleasecomehomeandgivemeanalternative'
I though 'at last', I told my boss to f**k off and I was going home, I jumped in my car and was speeding home as fast as I could, but I couldn't help thinking what the hell does 'ternative' mean
11 February 2014, 10:09 PM
#72
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My wife just said, "It's your turn next, what do you want for Father's Day?"
"A *******" I replied.
"Ha-ha, but what do you want from your daughter?"
I am sick to death of repeating myself to that woman.
"A *******" I replied.
"Ha-ha, but what do you want from your daughter?"
I am sick to death of repeating myself to that woman.
11 February 2014, 10:11 PM
#74
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I went into a pub and asked the landlord "What specials have you got today mate?"
"Well" he said, "I've got a bloke in a wheelchair in the toilet having a ****, and a down syndrome girl on the pool table."
"Well" he said, "I've got a bloke in a wheelchair in the toilet having a ****, and a down syndrome girl on the pool table."
11 February 2014, 10:14 PM
#75
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As a boy when I was feeling a little sick I'd let my mother stick a thermometer up my ****.
If I was feeling really sick, I'd let her use a couple of fingers.
If I was feeling really sick, I'd let her use a couple of fingers.
12 February 2014, 08:44 AM
#77
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I asked the wife what she wanted for valentines day.
She said I will give you a clue England goalkeeper.
.
She thinks she's getting Flowers instead she's getting Seaman.
.
Not sick but made me laugh
She said I will give you a clue England goalkeeper.
.
She thinks she's getting Flowers instead she's getting Seaman.
.
Not sick but made me laugh
12 February 2014, 12:34 PM
#79
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12 February 2014, 12:51 PM
#80
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Not sure she will enjoy tbh - she is **** at snooker
12 February 2014, 09:16 PM
#83
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12 February 2014, 09:17 PM
#84
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My girlfriend and I went out for a meal last night. The other customers were calling me a paedo. Well, I suppose they noticed that I'm 50 and she's 23. It ruined our 10th anniversary dinner though.
12 February 2014, 10:21 PM
#86
A bloke and his girlfriend wants to get some excitement into their sex life so she says that he can ask her to do any 'scenario' and she'll do it.
"I wanna do the rape scenario" he says. She looks at him in disgust and says that she doesn't want to.
"That's the spirit" he replies.....
"I wanna do the rape scenario" he says. She looks at him in disgust and says that she doesn't want to.
"That's the spirit" he replies.....
12 February 2014, 10:30 PM
#87
Oooooh, that's getting used at work tomorrow.
12 February 2014, 10:34 PM
#89
Ripped off from a film..
so theres a child molester and little boy and they are walking into the woods. They keep walking further and further its gets darker and darker and they go deeper and deeper..
After a while the Kid looks up and says to the molester "geez mister I'm scared " to which the molester replies "you think your scared? I've gotta walk out of here alone"
so theres a child molester and little boy and they are walking into the woods. They keep walking further and further its gets darker and darker and they go deeper and deeper..
After a while the Kid looks up and says to the molester "geez mister I'm scared " to which the molester replies "you think your scared? I've gotta walk out of here alone"
12 February 2014, 10:48 PM
#90
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How do you make a gay **** a woman?
Shi t in her ****
What orange and blue & sits at the bottom of the pool?
A baby with **** Arm bands
What blue and ***** old people?
Hyperthermia
How do you know when girls are ready to ****?
When there crawling there in the right position
What's the difference between maddie and the pope?
Pope died a virgin
Devanition of desperate?
Vampire sucking on a used tampon
Shi t in her ****
What orange and blue & sits at the bottom of the pool?
A baby with **** Arm bands
What blue and ***** old people?
Hyperthermia
How do you know when girls are ready to ****?
When there crawling there in the right position
What's the difference between maddie and the pope?
Pope died a virgin
Devanition of desperate?
Vampire sucking on a used tampon