Geezer

This is a guide to rocket use I saw on a MOHHA site. For all the people who have been frustrated whilst online, this may anuse you.

In the violent and tactical world of 'Spearhead' online war simulation, there are many skills and attributes that must be learned and practised endlessly until one can finally say 'I am a fighter!'.
Where one can boast, 'I am a useful and deadly addition to any clan', and where one can hold their head up high amongst the elite players across the network.

For the useless ****ers there is the rocket option.

The very scourge of the talented trooper and the cause of endless misery in all forms of play, the Rocketeer nevertheless requires his own unique guide and hint section, should anyone find themselves so unable to master any other form of weapon use whatsoever.

Description
The rocket (either in Allied or Axis form), is a large bore rifled charge propellant that is primarily used as an anti-tank device. The previous sentence may be useful to Rocketeers and can be copied and pasted onto A3 paper to be heavy duty stapled to their stupid ignorant ****ing heads, reminding them of the difference between a solitary soldier and 50 ton armoured vehicle.
It has excellent firepower, even at long range, but it is close up that even limbless bullet punchers are capable of hitting and destroying targets. It's downside is it's weight, hence it requires carrying on the shoulder and will hinder the speed and agility of the carrier. This is of no consequence to them when they are willing to kill thousands of their own team, their team's headquarters and half the adjacent ****ing county and themselves, as long as they hit a single enemy soldier.

Tactical Use
This can be broken down into relevant bullet points;

1. Spawn, and then make your way immediately to the opposition's spawn area and take up a suitable hiding position so that the entire spawn area can be covered. Then simply wait for some poor ******* to spawn, blinking, pale and confused, onto the map before shredding him to buggery before he has a chance to move anywhere. This should then be repeated ad infinitum until you either run out of shells or run out of friends. (Usually the latter).

2. On close contact maps run around the various buildings and alleyways until you run straight into someone, both banging your foreheads together. Without tactical aforethought, immediately fire and vapourise everything in the room. Don't worry if you die aswell, because the stats only measure the most kills don't they?

3. Hiding places are imperative. Avoid running round open spaces. Find somewhere that is impossible to be usurped from and then hide for weeks waiting on someone unsuspecting 'positive play' gamer to walk past.

4. If you do manage to miss, (note - this is nigh impossible), and subsequently become the victim of a nasty attack by someone with an unfair rapidly firing weapon (yours only fires one at a time doesn't it? Bless you), back pedal and re-load furiously or just turn on your heels and skittle away pathetically until you can re-load, where rule 2 will usually apply.

5. After numerous spawncamping kills type in messages and taunts such as;
"Never send a boy to do a man's job"
"Anyone else want some?"
"Area Clear" (this includes all buildings and life-forms in a 4 mile radius of the firing point)
"I am a talentless, **** faced, spawncamping **** nosher"

6. If there are no servers available with friendly fire switched off, then just camp directly in the middle of the opposing spawning area, where your normal team mates have the decency to avoid. Grenade and rocket indiscriminantly in all directions until you receive ban threats from the server administrator. Then simply disconnect and re-connect using a different alias. Walk around the map for a few minutes with your hands in your pockets whistling nonchalantly, then suddenly whip the rocket out and start expertly dealing death from point blank range.

Summary
The rocket is an excellent weapon for all seasons. Impossible to miss at close range and able to bring buildings down over hundreds of your team mates, but at the same time an excellent long range weapon for those long and lonely weeks spent at the top of a church steeple firing down at anything that moves, including your own feet.
There are a number of publications which are predictably available for your perusal. Don't forget, these are BOOKS……don't shoot them!!;

"So You Are A ****bag?"

"Rocket Spawncamping - A Guide To Yellowbellied Crotch Grabbing War Play"

"Why Don't You Lever Your Own Eyes Out With Rusty Spoons?"

Suffice to say as you venture out into the world of online Spearhead gaming, you should remember that choosing the rocket as your preferred weapon will immediately label you as a gimp.
The online gaming community has come together to issue a statement to all rocket users out there;

"We would prefer that rocketeers were skinned with rusty rasps and then made to swim three lengths in a bath full of salt, before being expertly masturbated by gorgeous Phillipino woman. They should then be stilletoed in the nape of the neck at the point of orgasm, dis-embowelled, and their lifeless corpses cast onto the local tip for the gypsies to ****"

Daz34

Yes but it is so much fun hiting someone in the kisser with a rocket at close range. Always makes me laugh
I usually only use it if I get bored or if there is some clever b@st@rd sniper entrenched in a hard to hit position, in which case it is fair game as snipers are about as popular as rocket users.
To be fair though, there are a few excellent players about who do use the rocket as their primary weapon & they have to be good to last a typical game with just the 3-6 rounds depending on server.

Darren

ps Is there a scoobynet team?

[Edited by Daz34 - 10/23/2003 3:14:00 PM]

IWatkins

What ? The rcoket launcher is by far the best weapon to have in online play.

I quite often sit on a roof and take out anything that moves for laughs. If you use any other weapon you have to aim and that is just no fun at all.



Cheers

Ian