Girlfriend left me - Advice
23 August 2002, 02:50 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 65
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Hi there, i wonder if anyone here can help me.
While i was ill in hospital after having a small heart attack my girlfriend went to Las Vegas for a Bowling tournament, Yes Bowling.
When she got back i was out of hospital and recouping nicely (wasnt that serious) she told me she didnt love me anymore and wanted to get out.
As you can imagine i was a tad gobsmacked after being with her for 5 years nearly, owning a house together, 2 dogs, joint car, she wants to sell up and leave.
I found out in the next week that she cheated on me with a near 40year old out there(an australian) she is 25 i am 26. When i found this out i told her to b*gger off back to her parents as i didnt want to look at her anymore, and of course she was denying the cheating bit(they all do)
Next day i went out and came back to find that the downstairs in the house had been pretty much cleaned out and they (Ex and her parents) were still there, i waited for them to go out the house and locked the doors and called the police, who informed me that they couldnt make them bring the stuff back as it was jointly owned by ex and myself, but the police warned them that if they came back and took anymore they would arrest them for breach of the peace.
The car that we bought together a BMW, on lease purchase but silly me put it in her name, we or should i say i have been paying for it £300 pounds a month for 2 and half years, she hasnt paid more than one payment, but the payment was coming out of the joint account, anyway because it was in her name she has the rights to take the car as well, after not paying for it and i get to walk, is this right??
DO you think i should change the locks on the doors of the house to stop her and her parents taking stuff when i am at work?
it is all a mess, does anyone have any advice?
oh yeah she took our 2 dogs as well, shes a nice girl isnt she!!
While i was ill in hospital after having a small heart attack my girlfriend went to Las Vegas for a Bowling tournament, Yes Bowling.
When she got back i was out of hospital and recouping nicely (wasnt that serious) she told me she didnt love me anymore and wanted to get out.
As you can imagine i was a tad gobsmacked after being with her for 5 years nearly, owning a house together, 2 dogs, joint car, she wants to sell up and leave.
I found out in the next week that she cheated on me with a near 40year old out there(an australian) she is 25 i am 26. When i found this out i told her to b*gger off back to her parents as i didnt want to look at her anymore, and of course she was denying the cheating bit(they all do)
Next day i went out and came back to find that the downstairs in the house had been pretty much cleaned out and they (Ex and her parents) were still there, i waited for them to go out the house and locked the doors and called the police, who informed me that they couldnt make them bring the stuff back as it was jointly owned by ex and myself, but the police warned them that if they came back and took anymore they would arrest them for breach of the peace.
The car that we bought together a BMW, on lease purchase but silly me put it in her name, we or should i say i have been paying for it £300 pounds a month for 2 and half years, she hasnt paid more than one payment, but the payment was coming out of the joint account, anyway because it was in her name she has the rights to take the car as well, after not paying for it and i get to walk, is this right??
DO you think i should change the locks on the doors of the house to stop her and her parents taking stuff when i am at work?
it is all a mess, does anyone have any advice?
oh yeah she took our 2 dogs as well, shes a nice girl isnt she!!
23 August 2002, 03:06 PM
#3
Drag it!
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Flame grilled Wagon anyone?
Posts: 9,866
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Change the ****ing locks. This happened to a work colleague, she came back and took everything except his underwear. He arrived home to find locksmith waiting to change the locks. Opens door and finds the house empty.
23 August 2002, 03:11 PM
#4
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 65
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I was told by the police that i couldnt change the locks as she is still a joint owner in the house, i cannot stop her going in there apparantly.
I was told by my solicitor afterwards that i should move all the stuff out before she comes and takes it all as it isnt against the law, weird laws!!
but if i did that i would be living in the house with nothing bar a bed and a reading light until i either sell or buy her out. isnt life awful sometimes.
I was told by my solicitor afterwards that i should move all the stuff out before she comes and takes it all as it isnt against the law, weird laws!!
but if i did that i would be living in the house with nothing bar a bed and a reading light until i either sell or buy her out. isnt life awful sometimes.
23 August 2002, 03:13 PM
#5
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 65
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I was told by the police that i couldnt change the locks as she is still a joint owner in the house, i cannot stop her going in there apparantly.
I was told by my solicitor afterwards that i should move all the stuff out before she comes and takes it all as it isnt against the law, weird laws!!
but if i did that i would be living in the house with nothing bar a bed and a reading light until i either sell or buy her out. isnt life awful sometimes.
I was told by my solicitor afterwards that i should move all the stuff out before she comes and takes it all as it isnt against the law, weird laws!!
but if i did that i would be living in the house with nothing bar a bed and a reading light until i either sell or buy her out. isnt life awful sometimes.
23 August 2002, 03:15 PM
#7
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
i have decided if my lass ever moves in im gonna make her a lodger. that way she isnt entitled to anything 
isnt it if you have lived together for over 6 months she is entitled to most of your stuff ??
isnt it if you have lived together for over 6 months she is entitled to most of your stuff ??
Trending Topics
23 August 2002, 03:17 PM
#8
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,122
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Car is in her name? So clear out the joint account IMMEDIATELY before SHE does it, and open a new one of your own. Ring the car/finance people and check exactly what the situation is if you stop paying the bills. If they say repossession and you can confirm its solely under her name, then she'll get bad credit rating but you wont (IIRC).
And get the locks changed NOW, as Steve said (lo P20
)
Sorry but its time for ruthlessness! No bleeding heart bollox, DONT allow her back, and make a total break. **** her off big time, she's not to be trusted AT ALL if she would do that **** to you after what happened, so dont give her a second thought (not easy, but from the outside its the way to go I think)
At 26 having a heart attack??? Sorry to hear that mate, Im 30 and now worried! What you need is peace and quiet!
There are millions of women out there. The RIGHT one will appear. Its just temporary, get on with your life mate and enjoy it.
I LOVE being an Agony Uncle Hope it goes better from here on!
And if this IS tiggs Im gonna....erm....look daft But who cares, its fun :P
[Edited by RaZe-=Buzz=- - 8/23/2002 3:20:14 PM]
And get the locks changed NOW, as Steve said (lo P20
)Sorry but its time for ruthlessness! No bleeding heart bollox, DONT allow her back, and make a total break. **** her off big time, she's not to be trusted AT ALL if she would do that **** to you after what happened, so dont give her a second thought (not easy, but from the outside its the way to go I think)
At 26 having a heart attack??? Sorry to hear that mate, Im 30 and now worried! What you need is peace and quiet!
There are millions of women out there. The RIGHT one will appear. Its just temporary, get on with your life mate and enjoy it.
I LOVE being an Agony Uncle
Hope it goes better from here on!And if this IS tiggs Im gonna....erm....look daft
But who cares, its fun :P [Edited by RaZe-=Buzz=- - 8/23/2002 3:20:14 PM]
23 August 2002, 03:27 PM
#9
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 65
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
oh yeah i forgot to mention the joint account, we had a 2000 pounds overdraft limit on the account and you would never guess what day she left me it was suddenly 1944.89 OD, i just didnt see it coming.
dont worry about me asking her back, she wont get that from me, strangly enough now she is living at her mums and dads with the two dogs and her two brothers she is hating it, her dad is resenting having the dogs there, and she is unemployable been sacked 5 times in the last two years and hasnt had a job for 6 months, just been doing some work for her dad. WHo is going to hire her now....errrr Noone i thinks.
So yes i can have a bit of a laugh now, cause at the end of the day i am getting the house, i just have to write off the car(financially) and give her some money from the equity from the house.
My broken heart will mend, i am starting to enjoy being alone actually, strange that.
as for the heart attack at 26, well i ahd one when i was 17 too but they mis diagnosed it, looking into what i can do. I had a faulty valve which made me collapse when iwas 17, but they just put me on Sotolol and said i would grow out of it, now they dont know what is wrong really an unexplained attack they called it, hahaha DOCTORS!!
dont worry about me asking her back, she wont get that from me, strangly enough now she is living at her mums and dads with the two dogs and her two brothers she is hating it, her dad is resenting having the dogs there, and she is unemployable been sacked 5 times in the last two years and hasnt had a job for 6 months, just been doing some work for her dad. WHo is going to hire her now....errrr Noone i thinks.
So yes i can have a bit of a laugh now, cause at the end of the day i am getting the house, i just have to write off the car(financially) and give her some money from the equity from the house.
My broken heart will mend, i am starting to enjoy being alone actually, strange that.
as for the heart attack at 26, well i ahd one when i was 17 too but they mis diagnosed it, looking into what i can do. I had a faulty valve which made me collapse when iwas 17, but they just put me on Sotolol and said i would grow out of it, now they dont know what is wrong really an unexplained attack they called it, hahaha DOCTORS!!
23 August 2002, 04:40 PM
#12
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Bradford
Posts: 13,720
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Nightmare mate 
My girlfriend cheated on my in November and there isn't a day goes by where I don't think about her and wish we were still together. I can't see me finding anyone I love/get on with so well but the pain does go away quicker than you think.
To make matters worse mines realised her mistake and spent months trying to get me to go back out with her. As much as I wanted to I knew that our relationship could never recover from what she did.
My advice is get the admin side of things (car, house, dogs, etc) sorted out as swiftly as possible, take some time to take stock of what happened and then get on with your life with zero contact with her.
Good luck
My girlfriend cheated on my in November and there isn't a day goes by where I don't think about her and wish we were still together. I can't see me finding anyone I love/get on with so well but the pain does go away quicker than you think.
To make matters worse mines realised her mistake and spent months trying to get me to go back out with her. As much as I wanted to I knew that our relationship could never recover from what she did.
My advice is get the admin side of things (car, house, dogs, etc) sorted out as swiftly as possible, take some time to take stock of what happened and then get on with your life with zero contact with her.
Good luck
23 August 2002, 04:42 PM
#13
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Oct 1998
Location: London
Posts: 4,891
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
ColumbiaMan - just kill the bitch. Rip her throat out. She f*cking deserves it.
Last time I had this sort of thing happen to me, the voices told me to kill the bitch. When I did, I was rewarded with flashing lights and music in my head.
Last time I had this sort of thing happen to me, the voices told me to kill the bitch. When I did, I was rewarded with flashing lights and music in my head.
23 August 2002, 05:13 PM
#16
Please tell me this is a wind up?
Jeez man, I hope it is, 'cause it sounds like the suckiest day that ever sucked, in all of the suckdom.
Since the car is in her name, I assume she can make the rest of the payments, as she is obliged to do so, of course.
My advice, as wreckless as it is, is go and get well lagered up till you dribble and don't know what the hell is going on. This has alway worked for me, and the pain of the headache the next day really does make me feel purged (towards the sink if possible).
If someone says don't drink what about your heart, tell em to get ducked, because as you are all to aware, life is wasted on the living, so get going.
I also found that shortly after the acohol I was, inexplicably so, a woman magnet. Maybe men give some weird sent after they have been dumped I dunno, or maybe they can tell you're up for it.
There you go, my 100% accurate advice.
Paul
Jeez man, I hope it is, 'cause it sounds like the suckiest day that ever sucked, in all of the suckdom.
Since the car is in her name, I assume she can make the rest of the payments, as she is obliged to do so, of course.
My advice, as wreckless as it is, is go and get well lagered up till you dribble and don't know what the hell is going on. This has alway worked for me, and the pain of the headache the next day really does make me feel purged (towards the sink if possible).
If someone says don't drink what about your heart, tell em to get ducked, because as you are all to aware, life is wasted on the living, so get going.
I also found that shortly after the acohol I was, inexplicably so, a woman magnet. Maybe men give some weird sent after they have been dumped I dunno, or maybe they can tell you're up for it.
There you go, my 100% accurate advice.
Paul
23 August 2002, 06:09 PM
#19
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: In a house
Posts: 5,153
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asi...ic/2205081.stm
The irony is that its an Australian invention...
The irony is that its an Australian invention...
24 August 2002, 10:58 AM
#20
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 347
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Don't give the bitch a penny if you can help it and if you have to make her work for it. Remember that you could always sell everything she could try and make a claim for then give the cash to a friend for safe keeping (a male one naturally as he is less likely to steal it).
24 August 2002, 11:03 AM
#21
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: fareham, hants
Posts: 2,591
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Get a freeze put on the joint account so no more damage can be done there. The car is in her name, is the finance agreement? If it is you have nothing to worry about but you will have to mentally write off what you've paid already, but she will lose the car!
Hope it works out ok, and sorry to hear about the heart attack.
Tim
Hope it works out ok, and sorry to hear about the heart attack.
Tim
24 August 2002, 12:09 PM
#22
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Oct 1998
Location: Scoobysport, Basildon, UK
Posts: 4,300
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
You can change the locks.
She has abandoned the home. I left my first wife, 10 years ago and she did just this. I took what I could fit in the car, to come back and pick the rest up later. The locks were changed and I couldn't get my things. I only wanted clothes and sports gear as was leaving the rest anyway. My solictors couldn't get any where, as I had abandoned the home.
I only got my stuff by telling her I would break in the day after she went on holiday, leaving the broken door unrepaired, taking my stuff or goods to the same value. My solictor said she "couldn't possibly advise me to make this threat"
With the bank stuff. Tell the bank what has happened. Although you are both jointly and severaly liable for the debt, the banks can at their discretion, not persue you for the money.
You are probably stuffed on the car.
Its time to get tough and speak to a solicitor.
Funilly enough, I get on OK with the ex now but it was all out war for quite some time.
LOL at MarkO
She has abandoned the home. I left my first wife, 10 years ago and she did just this. I took what I could fit in the car, to come back and pick the rest up later. The locks were changed and I couldn't get my things. I only wanted clothes and sports gear as was leaving the rest anyway. My solictors couldn't get any where, as I had abandoned the home.
I only got my stuff by telling her I would break in the day after she went on holiday, leaving the broken door unrepaired, taking my stuff or goods to the same value. My solictor said she "couldn't possibly advise me to make this threat"
With the bank stuff. Tell the bank what has happened. Although you are both jointly and severaly liable for the debt, the banks can at their discretion, not persue you for the money.
You are probably stuffed on the car.
Its time to get tough and speak to a solicitor.
Funilly enough, I get on OK with the ex now but it was all out war for quite some time.
LOL at MarkO
24 August 2002, 07:10 PM
#24
Scooby Regular
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 304
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Go to the citizens advise and they will put you on the right track. Change the locks and document everything that you and they do.
You will get over her in time, anyway she cheated on you, go out and spread your seed mate, after five years you must have alot of it to spread.
You will get over her in time, anyway she cheated on you, go out and spread your seed mate, after five years you must have alot of it to spread.
25 August 2002, 06:52 AM
#25
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 160
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Sorry tale mate, but take hope in that we all have them, my girlfriend left me when i was 26, for my best mate.
And what really rubs it in, she was 5ft 8, he was 5ft 2!!!!!!
She left me for a f***ing midget!!
But you get over it, and when you do you think, why did i waste my time?
It s called life!
And what really rubs it in, she was 5ft 8, he was 5ft 2!!!!!!
She left me for a f***ing midget!!
But you get over it, and when you do you think, why did i waste my time?
It s called life!
26 August 2002, 12:16 AM
#26
Hey man ....Sorry to hear about u r hassle ... I've been down this road too
Bought a brand new house together just before Christmas ... was supposed to be getting married Aug 16th ( as in last Week)Was all booked guest lists done the whole lot .. then She left me in Feb for a guy she works with ...was sneaking around for ages behind my back with him ... was even taking the scoob telling me she was going to her mothers and actually driving to his house to sleep with him .. made a complete fool out of me
I sold her my share of the house and fukced off to America for a couple of months ... She moves her new fella in the day after I left ....Made me Sick ... Total Cold hearted bitch ... We had two dogs too ... i miss em .... A lot more than her too I can tell ya
Was pretty beat up for a while but getting off did me good ...It takes time but it does get easier .... I know thats easy to say but it is true ... My family and friends were there all the time for me which helped a lot .... And as Tony said there after a while you start to think very differently.. Thing is to stay cool right now ... dont make any spur of the moment decisions regarding property and **** like that ... I found that one day I would think a certain way about things and the next day I would be thinking the complete opposite ... Get Legal advice ! You will need to be ruthless now otherwise you will get walked all over ... Trust me !
Bought a brand new house together just before Christmas ... was supposed to be getting married Aug 16th ( as in last Week)Was all booked guest lists done the whole lot .. then She left me in Feb for a guy she works with ...was sneaking around for ages behind my back with him ... was even taking the scoob telling me she was going to her mothers and actually driving to his house to sleep with him .. made a complete fool out of me
I sold her my share of the house and fukced off to America for a couple of months ... She moves her new fella in the day after I left ....Made me Sick ... Total Cold hearted bitch ... We had two dogs too ... i miss em .... A lot more than her too I can tell ya
Was pretty beat up for a while but getting off did me good ...It takes time but it does get easier .... I know thats easy to say but it is true ... My family and friends were there all the time for me which helped a lot .... And as Tony said there after a while you start to think very differently.. Thing is to stay cool right now ... dont make any spur of the moment decisions regarding property and **** like that ... I found that one day I would think a certain way about things and the next day I would be thinking the complete opposite ... Get Legal advice ! You will need to be ruthless now otherwise you will get walked all over ... Trust me !
26 August 2002, 11:06 AM
#27
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 601
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
You can "sell" your property and then she won't have a claim. If you draw up a list of everything in the house and then "sell" it to a trusted friend / parent or whatever for a fiver, (a nominal fee, but under English Law money has to change hands to make it a proper binding sale) it is officially theirs and your ex has no recourse in getting it back. Once it's all blown over, "buy" your stuff back for the same amount.
Life's a bitch and then it has puppies....
Feel for you, CMan...
Life's a bitch and then it has puppies....
Feel for you, CMan...
27 August 2002, 11:42 AM
#28
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 65
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Ok there has been further happenings into this problem:
I went to a bowling tourney yesterday at Heathrow bowl in london with friends, big tourney in which i wasnt playing just going as a spectator.
WHen i got there i found out that my ex was there with her whole family(not good!)
her dad is one of the england coaches and the deputy manager of the bowl is the england team manager(which i used to be a part of) when i got in the bowl her dad was talking to the deputy and you could tell it was about me as they kept looking over.
After an hour or so the general manager came over to me and pulled me to one side(decent of him wasnt it!) and said taht he had heard a few things about what i have done lately and it best i go as he didnt want any trouble today, he said he couldnt give me details there but to ring him next week and he would talk to me.
I left after saying my goodbyes to my mates that were there, i went outside to find her dad waiting for me in the carpark(what a coinsidence) and started to tell me to stay away from his daugther, and stop doing the bad things i am doing otherwise there is more to come, in this time i started to walk away after telling him everything is b*llsh*t and a quick insight into what i thought of him, i started to walk away to my car with him bellowing out i was a coward and how dare i walk away from him, i got in my car and he followed and stood behind my car as i was reversing and bumped him out the way(with him screaming that i was trying to run him over) and i left.
How long do i put up with that? i was being quiet at the bowl stayed in one corner of it talking to mates and didnt nce go near her family yet i get turfed out, as you can imagine i was extremly peeved off.
phew i got that off my chest!
I went to a bowling tourney yesterday at Heathrow bowl in london with friends, big tourney in which i wasnt playing just going as a spectator.
WHen i got there i found out that my ex was there with her whole family(not good!)
her dad is one of the england coaches and the deputy manager of the bowl is the england team manager(which i used to be a part of) when i got in the bowl her dad was talking to the deputy and you could tell it was about me as they kept looking over.
After an hour or so the general manager came over to me and pulled me to one side(decent of him wasnt it!) and said taht he had heard a few things about what i have done lately and it best i go as he didnt want any trouble today, he said he couldnt give me details there but to ring him next week and he would talk to me.
I left after saying my goodbyes to my mates that were there, i went outside to find her dad waiting for me in the carpark(what a coinsidence) and started to tell me to stay away from his daugther, and stop doing the bad things i am doing otherwise there is more to come, in this time i started to walk away after telling him everything is b*llsh*t and a quick insight into what i thought of him, i started to walk away to my car with him bellowing out i was a coward and how dare i walk away from him, i got in my car and he followed and stood behind my car as i was reversing and bumped him out the way(with him screaming that i was trying to run him over) and i left.
How long do i put up with that? i was being quiet at the bowl stayed in one corner of it talking to mates and didnt nce go near her family yet i get turfed out, as you can imagine i was extremly peeved off.
phew i got that off my chest!
27 August 2002, 12:07 PM
#29
I think some good legal council would be a good next move, citizens advice would be a good place to start, and they can probably point you in the direction of a good solicitor to take things further.
Seems to me your ex has been telling tall tales, maybe she got to her parents, or maybe they just want to join in the fun.
If things reach all out war, then telling tall tales amounts to slander, distributing said stories can be libelous. Going to court can be a pain, and thankfully I haven't been there myself, going to court to sue for libel is obviously going to be better than going to face an assault charge.
hope your situation improves pronto.
P
Seems to me your ex has been telling tall tales, maybe she got to her parents, or maybe they just want to join in the fun.
If things reach all out war, then telling tall tales amounts to slander, distributing said stories can be libelous. Going to court can be a pain, and thankfully I haven't been there myself, going to court to sue for libel is obviously going to be better than going to face an assault charge.
hope your situation improves pronto.
P
27 August 2002, 07:47 PM
#30
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Herts
Posts: 1,407
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I feel so sorry for you i know how you feel you think that you are the only one but you are not,it happens to us all,thats life.
Just ditch the bitch.
I was lucky that when i finished my last relationship there was not very much commitment towards the end so i told her that there could be no contact and that was that.
Peace to you man.
JIM
Just ditch the bitch.
I was lucky that when i finished my last relationship there was not very much commitment towards the end so i told her that there could be no contact and that was that.
Peace to you man.
JIM