Drinking quotes
15 December 2002, 04:06 PM
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These quotes/one liners are in no way meant to encourage or inspire individuals or groups to drink alcohol. 
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink... I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
* Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
* Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober.
* William Butler Yeats
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
* Ernest Hemingway
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure
* Amrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
* Anonymous
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
* W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading.
* Henny Youngman
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
* Stephen Wright
When we drink we get drunk.
When we get drunk we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
* Brian O'Rourke
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
* W.C. Fields
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
* Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
* Benjamin Franklin
Without question the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
* Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
* Humphrey Bogart
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
* Dave Barry
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
* Oscar Wilde
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
* Dean Martin
And God said, "Let there be vodka!"
And He saw that it was good.
Then God said, "Let there be light!"
And then He said, "Whoa - too much light."
* There's too much blood in my alcohol system
* Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1649.
(and maybe even longer than that...)
* To some it's a six-pack. To me it's a Support Group
* Scotch: Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine.
My friends speak of my drinking....but they not know of my thirst.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink... I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
* Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
* Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober.
* William Butler Yeats
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
* Ernest Hemingway
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure
* Amrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
* Anonymous
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
* W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading.
* Henny Youngman
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
* Stephen Wright
When we drink we get drunk.
When we get drunk we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
* Brian O'Rourke
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
* W.C. Fields
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
* Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
* Benjamin Franklin
Without question the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
* Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
* Humphrey Bogart
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
* Dave Barry
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
* Oscar Wilde
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
* Dean Martin
And God said, "Let there be vodka!"
And He saw that it was good.
Then God said, "Let there be light!"
And then He said, "Whoa - too much light."
* There's too much blood in my alcohol system
* Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1649.
(and maybe even longer than that...)
* To some it's a six-pack. To me it's a Support Group
* Scotch: Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine.
My friends speak of my drinking....but they not know of my thirst.
