KimA

Now my all time favourite

In 2017 Posh and Becks are hounded out of the UK and set off to California
to buy a ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years they are in financial
trouble. Years of designer clothes and Brooklyn's Pokemon habit have taken
their toll.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase
a bull so they can breed their own stock. Posh looks at the bank balance
then takes their last $600 out west to another ranch where a man has a prize
bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells David "when I get there, if I decide to buy the
bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and bring it home."

Posh arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to
buy it. The man tells her he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying
him, she drives to the nearest town to send David a telegram to tell him the
news. She walks into the Telegraph office and says, "I want to send a
telegram to David Beckham telling him that I've bought a bull for our ranch.
I need him to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we
can take it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her then adds
"It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, Posh only has $1 left. She realises that
she'll only be able to send David one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send
him the word, 'Comfortable."'

The telegraph operator shakes his head "How is he ever going to know that
you want him to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here
to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send him the word 'comfortable'?"

Posh explains, "David's stupid. He'll read it slow".

Akira

Nice one Kim!

Prefer my Becks out of a bottle though.
Funny thing is, even too much of that gives you a headache!! Connection somewhere.

Chris

Stuart H

Bleedin' marvellous!!!

Shark

Kim, very very funny

David

Mr.Cookie

Now thats FUNNY

GranTurismo

Before they lost all thier money.

They go on holiday to Austrailia, they fly back to the UK and get a taxi from the airport to home.
The Cabbie says "So what did you think of oz"
Becks says "It was great, we saw ayres rock, sydney opera house and a lovley waterfall"
"Which waterfall was that" says the cabbie
"I cant remember exactly....hang on...whats the name of that train station" says Becks
"Paddington?"
"no"
"Liverpool st?"
"No"
"Victoria" says the cabbie
"Yes Thats it!" Says becks turining to Posh...
"Victoria, what was the name of that lovley waterfall we saw.........."

KimA

Excellent

Chris L

Here's another one sent to me today:

Alex Ferguson calls David Beckham into his office
'David,' he says, 'I'm worried about your performance the last few games. You've been hopeless, completely off form.'
'Sorry, boss', says David. 'I've not been myself lately. I've got a few problems at home.'
'Oh dear,' says Ferguson, pretending to care. 'What's up? Posh and Brooklyn okay?'
'Oh they're fine', says David. 'It's just that something's really bugging me and I'm losing sleep and everything. I dont fink I can't concentrate on my football and it's really messing me up.'
'Whatever's the matter, David?' says Fergie.
'Well, boss', says David, 'it's pretty serious. You see I'm really stuck on this jigsaw and...'

'A jigsaw?!!!' shouts Alex. 'You're messing up every time you play because of a bl***y jigsaw?!!!'
'Yeah, boss, but you don't understand, it's really doing my head in!'says David in that horrible whining voice. 'It's really hard and it's this picture of a tiger and it looks really good on the box and I'm sure
I've got all the bits and everything but I just can't get it right and it's doing
my head in and I even had my hair cut to try and cool my brain down and...'

'David, David, David,' says Ferguson. 'You've got to get a grip. It's
affecting our games and nothing is as important as Manchester United's
success, other than Roy Keane's wages, obviously.'

'Yeah, boss,' says David, 'but it's this picture of a tiger and it looks really good on the box and I really want to finish it but it's really hard and it's doing my head in and it's this picture..and it's a tiger
and it's hard...and I can't make the bits fit and, er, it's really hard, er, boss
and, er, it's a tiger, er,... on the box...I fink its difficult.'

Ferguson waits until even Beckham realises he's repeating himself and has got nothing else to say which took a bit longer than usual. 'David,' he says, with that conceited, irritating, smug smile he uses
for self-congratulatory post-match interviews. 'Bring the tiger jigsaw
in and let's have a look at it. For Christ's sake, we've got to get you back to playing football.'

'Oh thanks, boss,' says David, 'that'd be really helpful 'cos it's really hard and it's a picture of a tiger and it's doing my head in, that tiger is.'
So David brings the jigsaw into Ferguson's office. 'Here it is, boss.' he says, showing Ferguson the picture on the box.
'Look, boss, it's this tiger, right, and it's a really good picture and everything but I just can't do it and it's really hard and it's doing my head in and it's this picture here of a tiger,' and Beckham empties all the pieces from the box all over Ferguson's desk.

Ferguson looks at what's on his desk and the faint dusty cloud now hanging over it. He looks up at David Beckham and says.............................


'David, put the Frosties back in the box.'

Chris L

Blimey - all that for that punch line