>I know this is long but I like it, getting back at tossers is fab, appeals
>to my cruel humour.
> >
> > > Subject: THE BAD DAY CURE - Anon
> > >
> > > For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day and you just
>need
> > to
> > > take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you
> > know,
> > > take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
> > > I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to
>make.
> > I
> > > found the number and dialled it.
> > > A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?". I politely said, "This is
> > Patrick
> > > Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone
> > was
> > > slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.

> > > I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had
>transposed
> > > the
> > > last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the

> > > wrong
> > > number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
> > > When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a tosser!"
>and
> > > hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "tosser," and put
>it
> > in
> > > my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had

>a
> > > really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a

> > > tosser!" It would always cheer me up.
> > > Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a
> > real
> > > disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the tosser. Then
> > one
> > > day I had an idea. I dialled his number, then heard his voice,
>"Hello."
> > I
> > > made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company

> > and
> > > I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID
>program?"
> > He
> > > went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and
> > > said,
> > > "That's because you're a tosser!"
> > > The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how
>if
> > > there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about

> > it.
> > > Just dial 0171 823-***.
> > > Keep reading, it gets better.!
> > > CHAPTER 2
> > > An old lady at the shopping centre really took her time pulling out of

> > the
> > > parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally,
>her
> > > car
> > > began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I
> > > backed
> > > up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I
> > thought,
> > > she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black BMW came flying up
> > the
> > > parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulled into her space. I hit
> > the
> > > horn and started yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!"
> > > The guy climbed out of his BMW completely ignoring me.
> > > He walked toward the shopping centre as if he didn't even hear me. I
> > > thought to myself, this guy's a tosser, there sure are a lot of
>tossers
> > in
> > > this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of
>his
> > > car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

> > > A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just got

> > off
> > > the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a tosser!" (It's

> > > really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.)
> > > I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black BMW lying on my
> > desk
> > > and thought I'd better call this guy too. After a couple of rings
> > someone
> > > answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with
>the
> > > black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see
> > it?"
> > > "Yes, I live at 182 West street, London. It's a yellow house and the
> > car's
> > > parked right out front."
> > > I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "When's a good
> > time
> > > to
> > > catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen Don, can I
>tell
> > > you
> > > something?" "Yes," "Don, you're a tosser!" And I slammed the phone
> > down.
> > > After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialler. For
>a
> > > while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a
>problem
> > I
> > > had two tossers to call. Then, after several months of calling the
> > tossers
> > > and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
>I
> > > gave
> > > the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
> > > First, I had my phone dial tosser #1. A man answered nicely saying,
> > > "Hello."
> > > I yelled "You're a tosser!", but I didn't hang up.> The tosser said,
> > "Are
> > > you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said,
> > > "No."
> > > He said, "What's your name, Pal?" I said, "Don Hansen." He said "Where

> > do
> > > you live?" "182 West Street, London. It's a yellow house and my black
> > > BMW's
> > > parked out front." "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better
>start
> > > saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, tosser!" and I
> > hung
> > > up.
> > > Then I called tosser #2. He answered, "Hello." I said,
>"Hello,tosser!"
> > He
> > > said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick
>your
> > > ****." "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, tosser!"
> > And
> > > I
> > > hung up.
> > > Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at

> > 182
> > > West Street, London and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon
>as
> > I
> > > got home. I climbed into my car and headed over to West Street to
>watch
> > > the
> > > whole thing.
> > > Glorious!
> > > Watching the two tossers kicking the crap out of each other before
>being
> > > arrested was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
> > > Name withheld to protect the guilty.
>

 

Genius

 

lol

 

This cracks me up every time I read it...