STi VII

Just been thinking about what people say in for sale Ads and some of the things they state and what the seller really means...

Sensible mods = sold the standard bits/to lazy to change the car back to standard

Reluctant sale = asking for to much or I need more than this car is worth to change up/large balloon payment due

One careful owner = I have kept all the bills and petrol receipts but have drove it like I stole it!

No time wasters = I don't think anyone else earns as much as me and therefore can't afford to buy my car

No test pilots = buy the car before you try it

Part ex considered/WHY? = trader working from home or this car is a pile of poo and I would even take a Maxi in exchange for it

Bargain = divorcing my hubby soon so am selling his Noble for a monkey while he is on a business trip with his PA

May split = been trying to sell as a 'sensible mods' car but no one has fallen for it

Will split = exchange your standard bits and cash for my uprated bits as have been trying to sell as a 'May split' sale

Totally standard = I have managed to sell the aftermarket bits at last

Aftermarket bodykit = accident damage been repaired with cheap fibreglass Clingfilm thick kit

Genuine car = I am selling a 'car'

full MOT and TAX = it wont pass next time

one lady owner = senile biddy that owns a cattery and used the car to ferry the cats to the vets and use to let them wee on the seats

forced sale, must sell= other half is gonna leave me if I don't sell and is refusing sex until I keep my promise to get rid of

selling due to ban = I am so stupid I deserve the ban and even let others know this fact

Time to move on = to expensive for me to run

unique spec car = I have purchased every bit of **** kit going and then some

rare model = I was gullible and paid over the odds for a few shiny stickers and some fancy mats

Comes with roof/bike rack = I am to stupid to work out how to remove it

mainly Motorway miles = taken to the redline in every gear from cold

Second car = I couldn't fix the intermittent fault

my Pride and joy = **** obsession with keeping clean, would rather lose friends than have them eat or smoke in car. In fact has no friends as to busy in Halfords reading the back of wax bottles.

re-advertised due to timewaster = I was stupid and did not take a deposit and agreed to them paying me next week, three months ago. I am so stupid I am even telling everyone in the ad just how stupid I am.

Full valet and service = £2 in Tesco car wash, oil and filter change

Never to be repeated at this price = I am going to try my luck with a high price for a week