CSA --- anyone going thru
#2
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i think a few people here have been on the receiving end of it. happened to a friend of mine - not a pleasant experience. better to do it by personal agreement if possible.
#3
If you can do it between yourselves then this is clearly the best option.
The CSA aren't that bad when you speak to them really. If you can't agree with the Ex, then speak to them straight away is my recommendations. You will automatically qualify for a 3 months bonus, which means you haven't got to pay. I was paying loads of money to them, and they were always nice and apologetic when I dealt with them.
I would strongly recommend paying the CSA direct (if that's the route you chose) as this ensures she can't moan at you / stop you seeing the kids if payments are missed for whatever reason.
Beware of private call (including your mobile number) that mention working credits / pensions then start asking questions. I told them to mind there own business and address any questions to me in a letter By the way no-one, not even my Ex had my new mobile number, yet they still managed to get it.
Get yourself morgaged right up. Get rid of assets and saving NOW!!
It's a right ******* to have to go through buddy, but do the right thing for your children, no matter what your Ex has done.
Hope this helps mate, Phill
PS Feel free to email me any other questions, etc
The CSA aren't that bad when you speak to them really. If you can't agree with the Ex, then speak to them straight away is my recommendations. You will automatically qualify for a 3 months bonus, which means you haven't got to pay. I was paying loads of money to them, and they were always nice and apologetic when I dealt with them.
I would strongly recommend paying the CSA direct (if that's the route you chose) as this ensures she can't moan at you / stop you seeing the kids if payments are missed for whatever reason.
Beware of private call (including your mobile number) that mention working credits / pensions then start asking questions. I told them to mind there own business and address any questions to me in a letter By the way no-one, not even my Ex had my new mobile number, yet they still managed to get it.
Get yourself morgaged right up. Get rid of assets and saving NOW!!
It's a right ******* to have to go through buddy, but do the right thing for your children, no matter what your Ex has done.
Hope this helps mate, Phill
PS Feel free to email me any other questions, etc
#5
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yeah but I have tried and well seem to be banging my head against a brick wall, but when it comes to a father not wanting to see his daughter, its a bit difficult. I am now being told to go thru CSA, and well I have done my best to encourage him to see his Daughter but nothing.... so have decided she is worth more and deserves better.
Just wondered really how CSA work
Just wondered really how CSA work
#7
Originally Posted by ProperCharlie
if he can't be *rsed then he deserves to be squeezed by the CSA. can't understand poeple like that.
I have 4 daughters (10,8,6 and 4) so I was supposed to be paying :-
£775 to Ex (direct every month) and that was it. As she was getting more than she'd be entitled too, then no free nursery, milk, school dinners and all the rest of things you get on benefits.
Due to her pushing me over, and me still caring. I was paying (all per month) :-
£500 Mortgage
£40 Life insurances
£25 house insurances
£300 (her car loans, but stopped this after 10 months)
£60 Car insurance (as above)
Anything else she needed on a weekly basis, i.e. Money for MOT, car tyres
Loan of my Scooby (yes and she used this to go off ******** in it) and usually I fill it up with fuel.
Lend her money to go out (that I never got back)
Paid her overdraft off (numerous times)
Loaned her money to start a business (that she won't repay and denies me ever giving to her)
Even took her out on the **** with my mates (and paid) so she could find another bloke
Paid mobile bill for 18 months without realising
All the above has now stopped as she was taking the ****. As a result, she stopped me seeing my daughters and I have to fight for access through the courts. Not seen them now for 3 weeks, and was a month the time before.
I can never understand blokes that don't see there children. I'm gutted that I can't see mine.
Sorry to rant on, but thought I share this with a few of you that have it easy
Phill
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#8
I have a little experience of "falling off the road" and seeing a few women that have children from previous relastionships. What men get away with is shocking to be honest.
Does your children wants to see there dad ? Does he telephone them very often ?
Phill
Does your children wants to see there dad ? Does he telephone them very often ?
Phill
#9
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I thought you were a male
I can't understand why a parent wouldn't want to see a child if:
1) It's theirs
2) They had the child by mutal concent
If the split occured before or because of the birth / pregnancy then that's a slightly different issue.
#10
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Phil
He phones her when he feels like it, he hasnt seen her for 4 weeks now and has phoned her about 5 times in them 4 weeks, Its alot to do with his Girlfriend who doesnt want him to have anything to do with his daughter, considering he was very very close to his daughter and saw her on a reg basis, now thats stopped and he says that he cant have her a whole weekend in a month anymore.
My daughter is not even 5 yet and its affecting her, he has been a total To$$er and is thinking of his g/f more than his own daughter....... I thought your children come first, he's thinks not giving me money is getting at me but its not its letter his daughter down whoch he is so think to see.
I dont have a phone number for him only a mobile which is switched off most of time.
He phones her when he feels like it, he hasnt seen her for 4 weeks now and has phoned her about 5 times in them 4 weeks, Its alot to do with his Girlfriend who doesnt want him to have anything to do with his daughter, considering he was very very close to his daughter and saw her on a reg basis, now thats stopped and he says that he cant have her a whole weekend in a month anymore.
My daughter is not even 5 yet and its affecting her, he has been a total To$$er and is thinking of his g/f more than his own daughter....... I thought your children come first, he's thinks not giving me money is getting at me but its not its letter his daughter down whoch he is so think to see.
I dont have a phone number for him only a mobile which is switched off most of time.
#11
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I've got an 18 month old son and his dad wants to see him every month which has only recently started happening as he couldnt be a**ed to pull his finger out and see him. he doesnt pay me a penny and was working for 3 weeks now he is back on the dole doing nothing and expecting me to fetch and carry my son up to manchester when i myself am on a low income. CSA forms were filled in automatically by the dss when i left him but nothing has ever been done! Ive now had to contact a solicitor about access arrangements and maintenance. My son is not being looked after when he visits his dad but i guess there is nothing i can do about this.
Good luck trying to get money off your ex, and only some of us have to do it through the csa most of em do it out of spite to take what they can get! see if you can agree between yourselves.
Good luck trying to get money off your ex, and only some of us have to do it through the csa most of em do it out of spite to take what they can get! see if you can agree between yourselves.
#12
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FM
I have now decided that I want nothing more to do with him, and that includes not seeing my daughter, she deserves better, It just makes me sick how a father can be so cruel. Always thinking of himself never his daughter.
Well I am getting the forms and just see what happens I suppose
I have now decided that I want nothing more to do with him, and that includes not seeing my daughter, she deserves better, It just makes me sick how a father can be so cruel. Always thinking of himself never his daughter.
Well I am getting the forms and just see what happens I suppose
#13
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She scooby if that was the case and he was affecting your daughter in the way you say then i would ask him to stop calling or letting her talk to him on the phone. I know it will be hard but surely in time it might help your daughter. unfortunately when they get new g/f things do tend to go out of the window. which is a shame for the kids. But if he isnt bothered to see his daughter then you cant really do anything about it but would probably be best if your little girl didnt talk to him on the phone either.
#14
My ex was getting decent maintainance plus loads of extras but wanted more and threatened me with the CSA. I told her to work away as I would stop work immediately and go on the dole. I got the letter from the CSA and finished work, went on the dole and she got nothing for 12 months, she then came to her senses and we sorted out a private contract. I got the demand from the CSA and I had to pay her £2.30 per week so she got 52 weeks @ £2.50 and lost thousands.
The thing that annoys me is the CSA was set up to chase down fathers who don't pay for their children....but why have to do hard work when they can go after law abiding people who quite willingly pay.
The thing that annoys me is the CSA was set up to chase down fathers who don't pay for their children....but why have to do hard work when they can go after law abiding people who quite willingly pay.
#15
Totally agree with all that has been said above. If I thought I was upsetting my girls and they didn't want to see me then I'd walk away. At the moment this isn't the case (in my case) Most children will recover from this situation, and there are a few nice fellows out there (if that's what you want) although me not being one of them
If and when I start seeing a lady / women / buffalo chick, I'm honest and up front about my children. Although harsh I tell them they'll NEVER be as important in my life as my children are. My children WILL be the reason I can't see / be with them sometimes. This is another reason, why I don't want / need another stroppy relastionship!! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't (and usually the reason I stop seeing them)
Children do need regular contact with both parents (under normal circumstances) via visits or telephone conversations. They need to be regular and agreed, so the children have something to look forward too, and knows when the other parent will be in contact.
Phill
PS Oh and by the way, children seem to behave better with the other parent. i.e. I'm always being told the girls are a credit to there parents, yet I know they play my Ex wife up all the time.
If and when I start seeing a lady / women / buffalo chick, I'm honest and up front about my children. Although harsh I tell them they'll NEVER be as important in my life as my children are. My children WILL be the reason I can't see / be with them sometimes. This is another reason, why I don't want / need another stroppy relastionship!! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't (and usually the reason I stop seeing them)
Children do need regular contact with both parents (under normal circumstances) via visits or telephone conversations. They need to be regular and agreed, so the children have something to look forward too, and knows when the other parent will be in contact.
Phill
PS Oh and by the way, children seem to behave better with the other parent. i.e. I'm always being told the girls are a credit to there parents, yet I know they play my Ex wife up all the time.
#16
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Yep i am sticking to my guns on this one I have told him not to bother us again. So lets hope it stays like that and dont get any trouble from him or his family or his girlfriend.
#17
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I done everything to encourage him to spend time with his Daughter but again i was just hitting my head against a brick wall, The decision i have made is for the best for my daughter, when shes old enough to decide to find her father then I wont hold her back but till then I will not have anything to do with him and he will not be seeing his daughter which as it is doesnt bother him. My little girl deserves better
We had an arrangement with money but it was so unreliable it wasnt worth it.
We had an arrangement with money but it was so unreliable it wasnt worth it.
#19
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Originally Posted by babber
Even took her out on the **** with my mates (and paid) so she could find another bloke
#20
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Shescooby-sounds like your daughter has the same sort of b**tard Father i had/have. I saw him once or twice a year if i was lucky (or unlucky depending on how i look at it) and he paid maintenance of £50 PER MONTH to my Mum for 'my keep'. Why she never got the CSA on him i'll never know-i never had the clothes, shoes i needed and relied on my grandparents to provide alot.
He needs to pull his finger out by the sound of it! Don't let him get away with it and just walk away!
Edited to add-just saw the bit about his GF-TYPICAL
He needs to pull his finger out by the sound of it! Don't let him get away with it and just walk away!
Edited to add-just saw the bit about his GF-TYPICAL
Last edited by weapon69; 24 March 2004 at 12:47 PM.
#21
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Although harsh I tell them they'll NEVER be as important in my life as my children are.
#22
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Weapon69, well i am hoping that Ellie will have the same attitude as you when she's older, one thing as am so scared of is her blaming me for not having her father around, I want her to understand that its not her fault but his, and dont want her feeling that she's not wanted.
He has just completely shut her out and its not that I was not letting him see her I was encouraging him to see her but as I said was hitting my head against a brick wall.
I have been told that he will regret it when he is older.
He has just completely shut her out and its not that I was not letting him see her I was encouraging him to see her but as I said was hitting my head against a brick wall.
I have been told that he will regret it when he is older.
#23
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Originally Posted by weapon69
Basically if you meet a nice woman-don't feel the need to tell her that, it just leads to hurt feelings.
he he ha ha ha
#24
I went through csa because my ex took me to court for ' non payment'
of a court order!!!
i couldnt pay cos i had been made redundant!!!!
i had offered to pay a nominal sum, still a lot mind!!
the court still hit me for non payment!!! but reduced it to £10 per week
took three years to pay!! went to the csa and they made my overall payment lower,
they keep chasing for my new wifes bank and income details, for which we still refuse to give,
so i get a penalty added!!!! but i see my son every week as i have always
done....
i could ay more but its an open board!!!
of a court order!!!
i couldnt pay cos i had been made redundant!!!!
i had offered to pay a nominal sum, still a lot mind!!
the court still hit me for non payment!!! but reduced it to £10 per week
took three years to pay!! went to the csa and they made my overall payment lower,
they keep chasing for my new wifes bank and income details, for which we still refuse to give,
so i get a penalty added!!!! but i see my son every week as i have always
done....
i could ay more but its an open board!!!
#25
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I have been told that he will regret it when he is older.
As for whether she will miss her Father....that really depends on her personality i guess. I was more than happy to see my Mum's partner who we lived with as my Father figure so my Dad wasn't missed at all. Although i've found later on as the years are going by that i am very curious about my Dad and want him to be a part of my baby's life. But that won't happen until hell freezes over
Very difficult situation for you-Good Luck
#26
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At the end of the day it will be hard for your little girl not to see her dad but when she grows up she will understand that it was his fault and not yours! I too am in a new relationship, although my and my new partner were close friends just after the breakup and he really hleped me through it and helped me with everything couldnt have asked for a nicer bloke. He knew about my little boy from day one and even though i only see him at weekends he will sit for hours playing with my little boy at weekends and generally being fun and lovein (hope he doesnt read this thread)
My little boy is 18 months old so doesnt really know who his dad is but he knows who his mum is and its me who he comes to when he has hurt himself or if he is poorly. All children need their mums! but i also agree that not all children need both parents. and for any single blokes reading this thread im not saying anything bad about you! i know how hard it is to bring children up on your own!
Just keep your chin up shescooby you will get there in the end!
My little boy is 18 months old so doesnt really know who his dad is but he knows who his mum is and its me who he comes to when he has hurt himself or if he is poorly. All children need their mums! but i also agree that not all children need both parents. and for any single blokes reading this thread im not saying anything bad about you! i know how hard it is to bring children up on your own!
Just keep your chin up shescooby you will get there in the end!
#27
I can understand people having a problem with the CSA in the past but the new rules are much fairer IMO. For one child it is a flat rate of 15% net wage after tax, NI and pension contributions. I pay my ex 15% per month by mutual agreement, if she went to the CSA then she would get the same.
#28
Originally Posted by sillysi
I can understand people having a problem with the CSA in the past but the new rules are much fairer IMO. For one child it is a flat rate of 15% net wage after tax, NI and pension contributions. I pay my ex 15% per month by mutual agreement, if she went to the CSA then she would get the same.
At some point it'll get nasty like in my situation 2 years after we split, so do yourself a favour, talk to the CSA and if married / and or houses, etc involved then get a solicitor. Get it sorted as soon as possible
Phill
PS Good thread by the way.....A chance to have a moan, lol