Reasons we should worry that Americans have Nukes
21 May 2004, 05:38 PM
#1
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Reasons we should worry that Americans have Nukes
Only in America ?
It is once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella
awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case
inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits
in the United States.
Unfortunately the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonalds, the
teens who allege that eating at McDonalds has made them fat,was filed
after the 2002 award voting was closed. This suit will top the 2003
awards list without question.
5th place (Tied) Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded
$780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over
a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the
store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
misbehaving toddler was Ms.Robertson's Son.
5th place (Tied) 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000
and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord. Mr. Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the
wheel of the car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.
5th place (Tied) Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was
leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage door.
He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic
door opener was malfunctioning. He could not reenter the house because
the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut.
The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he
found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's
insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The
Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
4th Place Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded
$14,500 and
medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door
neighbor's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced
yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog
might have been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had
climbed over the fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a
pellet gun.
3rd place A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson
of Lancaster Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink
and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because
Ms.
Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an
argument.
2nd Place Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a
nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window
to the floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred
whilst Ms. Walton was trying to crawl in through the window of the
Ladies Room to avoid paying the $3.50
cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
1st Place This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a new Winnebago
motorhome. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven
onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back
and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the
freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr.. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not
advising him in the owner's manual that he could not actually do this.
The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor Home. The
company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just
in case there were any other complete morons buying
their recreation vehicles.
It is once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella
awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case
inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits
in the United States.
Unfortunately the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonalds, the
teens who allege that eating at McDonalds has made them fat,was filed
after the 2002 award voting was closed. This suit will top the 2003
awards list without question.
5th place (Tied) Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded
$780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over
a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the
store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
misbehaving toddler was Ms.Robertson's Son.
5th place (Tied) 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000
and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord. Mr. Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the
wheel of the car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.
5th place (Tied) Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was
leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage door.
He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic
door opener was malfunctioning. He could not reenter the house because
the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut.
The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he
found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's
insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The
Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
4th Place Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded
$14,500 and
medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door
neighbor's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced
yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog
might have been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had
climbed over the fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a
pellet gun.
3rd place A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson
of Lancaster Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink
and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because
Ms.
Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an
argument.
2nd Place Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a
nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window
to the floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred
whilst Ms. Walton was trying to crawl in through the window of the
Ladies Room to avoid paying the $3.50
cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
1st Place This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a new Winnebago
motorhome. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven
onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back
and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the
freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr.. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not
advising him in the owner's manual that he could not actually do this.
The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor Home. The
company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just
in case there were any other complete morons buying
their recreation vehicles.
21 May 2004, 05:52 PM
#2
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Ah, the joys of having a legal system that actually allows you to sue people in such situations. Crazy is simply not the word.
I'm rather suprised there has not been a lawsuit from a thick fat yank kid to their school, as the school did not educate them properly which is the reason they cannot seek gainful employment.
I'm rather suprised there has not been a lawsuit from a thick fat yank kid to their school, as the school did not educate them properly which is the reason they cannot seek gainful employment.
21 May 2004, 09:55 PM
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Unfortunately all false even though it says a lot of our opinion of Americans that we all believe them!
Urban Myths
Steve
Urban Myths
Steve
21 May 2004, 10:17 PM
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