A few questions
24 June 2004, 03:23 PM
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A few questions
Probably a popular Japanese saloon in a large watery expanse but who cares!! 
A few questions:
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Do radioactive cats have nine half-lives?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
Have you ever tried to imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?
How come if you cut the ends off of a string, the string still has two ends?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a chair at him?
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
How does the bloke who drives the snowplough get to work?
How many people thought of the Post-it Note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, what's a workstation?
If a deaf person swears in sign language, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
How do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? If he kills himself, is it murder or suicide?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the police arrest a mime-artist, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If your car were going the speed of light when you turned on the headlights, what would happen?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow only to be troubled and insecure?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is there another word for "synonym"?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
What happens if a blind person is afraid of the dark?
What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
What's another word for thesaurus?
What's the speed of dark?
When a tree falls in the woods and there is no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
When two aeroplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss, instead of a near hit?
When you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?
When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why aren't aeroplanes made out of the same material as the indestructible little black box?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might clean them?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why is it that to stop Microsoft Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it is called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it is called cargo?
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Why isn't phonetics spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there any mouse-flavoured cat food?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Wouldn't it be smarter to label "TOP SECRET" documents something less conspicuous like "trivial information, which would only bore you to tears"?
A few questions:
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Do radioactive cats have nine half-lives?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
Have you ever tried to imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?
How come if you cut the ends off of a string, the string still has two ends?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a chair at him?
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
How does the bloke who drives the snowplough get to work?
How many people thought of the Post-it Note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, what's a workstation?
If a deaf person swears in sign language, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
How do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? If he kills himself, is it murder or suicide?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the police arrest a mime-artist, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If your car were going the speed of light when you turned on the headlights, what would happen?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow only to be troubled and insecure?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is there another word for "synonym"?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
What happens if a blind person is afraid of the dark?
What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
What's another word for thesaurus?
What's the speed of dark?
When a tree falls in the woods and there is no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
When two aeroplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss, instead of a near hit?
When you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?
When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why aren't aeroplanes made out of the same material as the indestructible little black box?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might clean them?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why is it that to stop Microsoft Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it is called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it is called cargo?
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Why isn't phonetics spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there any mouse-flavoured cat food?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Wouldn't it be smarter to label "TOP SECRET" documents something less conspicuous like "trivial information, which would only bore you to tears"?
Hadn't seen them all before.
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