Troubled1

Been on here 4 a few yrs now & need some alternative advice.

Right, Been separeted from my wife for 9 Mnths, She lives in our house , im in rented, House has gone on the market & with every stage, there is emotional hell, At 1st she was all for breaking up, She did not want me, Now she does, I cannot move without my wife knowing, This emotional battery is taking it toll, I need to get away for a while to sort my head out, But there will be another almighty mess if i tell her im going away, How do i do it, or is it just easier not to bother.
You may say just tell her, why is that so bad, Well she has worked herself into a right mess on the verge , if not on a mental breakdown, Don't get me wrong i really care for her, but i cannot forsake my feelings again & go back on a whim, I just need some space , which im finding very difficult to have

Thanks

fitzscoob

What would her reaction be if you explained that to her?

There really is nothing wrong with what you have just described. It is not wrong for you to need some time out to get your head sorted.

Troubled1

It would be all, "How come you can go away, I cannot, who are you going with, Why are you going, where are you stopping, Phone calls day night, Texts, How come you can afford it ( I can't really, two houses is killing me) .
I went to Trax last weekend, calls & texts all day , when i got back there was absolut hell, even though we are not together Im not supposed to do anything for myself, Cannot go into depths but i had to threaten her with the Doctor as she lost it big style, Makes me feel physically sick to see someone in such a state, especially somebody you once loved dearly

judgejules

We cant really give good advise unless we know all the cards in the pack. If you feel you can elaborate, please do, ie. who split from who, did she kick you out or did you leave under mutual agreement? Either that or change your mobile phone number and seek legal advice, not from here...

Jules

Brendan Hughes

There was a decent thread on here about psychological domination and control techniques only a couple of weeks ago. Can anyone find it?

Troubled1

It was a mutual agreement, she had been unfaithful a few years back, we split then & i then worked at it to get her back, But things had just become stale again. Then months on she decides she wants me back, But when i dont conform all hell breaks out, Legal advice has been sought, The advice sought on here was just on how to get away, Its not as simple as changing Nobile number as we have a business together (Wife runs it) House being sold at the Moment, so comunication is still needed at times, I suppose i will just have to tell her & suffer the consequences, It's just i've got to the stage where i don't / can't take much more

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

Any kids?

bigsinky

been thru this recently (2years ago) and only getting thing finalised now. Have to say children are going to be a BIG factor. thank **** i have none. still she wanted to have her cake and eat it. don't let this happen, it will be mega difficult but be assertive and just don't take every thing she says as gospel. it is made more difficult if you still have feelings for her like I did. Good luck, there is light at the end of the tunnel (god i hate cliches), and you will become a stonger and better person for it (I know I have).

cheers

big sinky

Troubled1

One, but he is 19 so does not really come into the eqaution, He just wants what is best for us both

Troubled1

Cheers Big Sinky

I have got to the stage now, where i believe it would be easier just to go back, to have some peace, some normality, This year has been awful & with Christmas rapidly dawning, Well won't go there. Struggling to see the light at the end , but im sure it's there

JoanUK300

I would go and see a solicitor and give him your contact details....then get him to write her a letter saying all future communications are to go through him, she wont like that....trust me

Change your phone number and then leave, go stay with a relative if you can, or maybe a friend will put you up for a while? Without her tabbing you all day, you will find your feet again and feel able to cope with it all.


Hope it helps and be strong....

Joan.

Stueyb

Ok time for my two pence worth. I was in a similar situation a few months back. I ended up seeing a councillor. what she made me realise is that you have to do things for yourself rather than put up with it to please her (my mistake) Ok, she isnt gone yet but plans are afoot if u catch the drift. If you stay with her because your scared of what she may do, you are sacrificing short term relief for long term happiness. That is never good. Make a plan and stick to it.

At the end of the day, if you dont love her, you dont love here. Simple as. Its whats called an abusive relationship. Maybe not on the surface but at the core it seems to be. We love people because they offer us what we need, whatever that may be. Thats what love is, in simple terms. She loves you for what you provide but does not do the same for you.

You must make decisions for you and you alone. She has no other option but to cope with it. There are professionals that can look after her needs. I used to think the same of my g/f but they are a lot stronger than we give them credit for.