Right time to have kids?
#1
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Right time to have kids?
When's the right time to have kids?
Been with wife for 6 years (living together for 3, married for 3 months) and she's very eager to start a family... I was never into the idea, but I think I am coming round to it. Only problem is that I worry that I am not ready to be a father and worry that I won't be the best Dad (when I was young, my Dad was always at work...).
I know someone will reply by saying 'you'll know when it's right' but maybe I spend too long thinking about things like this...
My job is based around 12 hour shifts and most weeks I only work 36 hours (ie three days) which allows me loads of time on my own (wife works regular hours). Recently it has felt that something is missing while on my own - like I should have something else to do (other than surf Scoobynet all day ) or sometimes I feel like I am not making the most of life...
Any advice?
Been with wife for 6 years (living together for 3, married for 3 months) and she's very eager to start a family... I was never into the idea, but I think I am coming round to it. Only problem is that I worry that I am not ready to be a father and worry that I won't be the best Dad (when I was young, my Dad was always at work...).
I know someone will reply by saying 'you'll know when it's right' but maybe I spend too long thinking about things like this...
My job is based around 12 hour shifts and most weeks I only work 36 hours (ie three days) which allows me loads of time on my own (wife works regular hours). Recently it has felt that something is missing while on my own - like I should have something else to do (other than surf Scoobynet all day ) or sometimes I feel like I am not making the most of life...
Any advice?
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Go for it, you wont regret it. Big change at first obviously but after a while youll realise whats been missing in your life.
And they'll hopefully look after you in your old age.
If you sit and think about the costs, inconvenience etc of having kids youd not have any. Do it now while your young and enjoy it.
Chip.
And they'll hopefully look after you in your old age.
If you sit and think about the costs, inconvenience etc of having kids youd not have any. Do it now while your young and enjoy it.
Chip.
#4
Now! Mind you don't forget there will be child care to pay for if your wife goes back to work. As a new Dad I can recommend it, and never thought I'd say that! Not only that but you get to use the parent and child spaces in car parks!
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Originally Posted by Chrisgr31
Now! Mind you don't forget there will be child care to pay for if your wife goes back to work. As a new Dad I can recommend it, and never thought I'd say that! Not only that but you get to use the parent and child spaces in car parks!
Chip
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Originally Posted by Chrisgr31
Now! Mind you don't forget there will be child care to pay for if your wife goes back to work.
Plus three sets of grandparents (isn't divorce wonderful ) and a sister-in-law that lives next door
Last edited by Jamesemt; 25 November 2004 at 02:51 PM.
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Originally Posted by weapon69
If you're asking scoobynet whether to have kids.........what's the hurry? If you're not sure-DON'T!
Chip
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3 sets of grandparents was with a ?????
Her folks both remarried - which is either good or bad, depending on your outlook ??
Her folks both remarried - which is either good or bad, depending on your outlook ??
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I want kids wanted them for ages, misses wants them yet she wont until were married, proposed a month back yet she dont want to get married til 2006 by the time I have a kid I'll be 28 not exactly what I wanted... bit annoying really as ideally Id like my kid to be at least 15 by the time Im 40 so I can still have a life of my own later in life whilst Im still active etc. not impressed
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Originally Posted by davegtt
...bit annoying really as ideally Id like my kid to be at least 15 by the time Im 40 so I can still have a life of my own later in life whilst Im still active etc. not impressed
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First I'd better say I'm not a father and believe all children are aliens up until puberty when they seem to peak from being weird and dancing with invisible people to being rebellious and more human.
Anyway, the best time to have children . . . I think everybody worries that they will not be the best Dad and aren't ready to be a father. (Well, when I say everybody, I mean men obviously.) All of the people I know who've had aliens did not have a clue what to expect, physically and emotionally. They'd read all the baby books, been to classes, poured over women's magazine articles and still didn't know 10% of what they thought they should know.
It's a massive learning process and the only time I think you can fully prepare for the alien invasion is when it finally happens. If you're like me, you'd spend 30 years wondering whether you'd be an adequate father and never actually get round to being one.
If your relationship is stable, you have the time and money to committ to a little alien and feel as though that aspect to your life is missing, then why not?
Remember, I'm not a dad so I may be talking complete nonsense.
Anyway, the best time to have children . . . I think everybody worries that they will not be the best Dad and aren't ready to be a father. (Well, when I say everybody, I mean men obviously.) All of the people I know who've had aliens did not have a clue what to expect, physically and emotionally. They'd read all the baby books, been to classes, poured over women's magazine articles and still didn't know 10% of what they thought they should know.
It's a massive learning process and the only time I think you can fully prepare for the alien invasion is when it finally happens. If you're like me, you'd spend 30 years wondering whether you'd be an adequate father and never actually get round to being one.
If your relationship is stable, you have the time and money to committ to a little alien and feel as though that aspect to your life is missing, then why not?
Remember, I'm not a dad so I may be talking complete nonsense.
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Originally Posted by Brendan Hughes
Does three sets of grandparents mean two mothers-in-law?
Originally Posted by Brendan Hughes
I say go for it. If you don't like them later, you can always sell them in Morocco.
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I too am one of the recent s'net baby boom ! It's our first, and it's just brilliant. Not easy, and a real rollercoaster of emotions during the pregnancy, birth etc, but more than worth it !
I turned 30 this year, and the missus is a little older. We've been married 10 years and decided that now was a good time. If you both want a wee one, then why not ?
I've had the experience described as 'exasperatingly enchanting', and it fits !
All the very best
Matt
I turned 30 this year, and the missus is a little older. We've been married 10 years and decided that now was a good time. If you both want a wee one, then why not ?
I've had the experience described as 'exasperatingly enchanting', and it fits !
All the very best
Matt
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Originally Posted by davegtt
I want kids wanted them for ages, misses wants them yet she wont until were married, proposed a month back yet she dont want to get married til 2006 by the time I have a kid I'll be 28 not exactly what I wanted... bit annoying really as ideally Id like my kid to be at least 15 by the time Im 40 so I can still have a life of my own later in life whilst Im still active etc. not impressed
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If your unemployed and receiving benifits - I think 4 kids by the time you're 17 would have been about right.
Thats £1800 a month in your hand, no rent - 4 bed council house, 25% council tax, plus free bedding, asthma bonus, school clothes/beer vouchers.
Hope that helps.
Thats £1800 a month in your hand, no rent - 4 bed council house, 25% council tax, plus free bedding, asthma bonus, school clothes/beer vouchers.
Hope that helps.
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My wife, before I met her, had one at 22.
I'm now 36, she's a bit older, and we're trying for one of our own. That may scare some of you - certainly scares me.
With the beauty of hindsight, and a more stable life, 25-30 may well have been ideal.
I'm now 36, she's a bit older, and we're trying for one of our own. That may scare some of you - certainly scares me.
With the beauty of hindsight, and a more stable life, 25-30 may well have been ideal.
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If it feels right it probably is. In our case we got to a similar point we were never too keen and then we slowly came round to it, which, with the benefit of hindsight was right.
What ever anybody says about kids it can never convey the change that they will being to your life. You have to be prepared to accept this, otherwise your life will be hell.
I'm sure you'll be a good dad, but do think through how you'll look after kids. It's NO fun being on your own with a little un day in day out to start with, if you have no support. It's also very hard work.
It sounds like between you you should be able to cope, but do think it through - who will be looking after *it* when arrives.
My boy is 5 now, and I don't regret having him for a moment. Changed my (our) life for the better.
What ever anybody says about kids it can never convey the change that they will being to your life. You have to be prepared to accept this, otherwise your life will be hell.
I'm sure you'll be a good dad, but do think through how you'll look after kids. It's NO fun being on your own with a little un day in day out to start with, if you have no support. It's also very hard work.
It sounds like between you you should be able to cope, but do think it through - who will be looking after *it* when arrives.
My boy is 5 now, and I don't regret having him for a moment. Changed my (our) life for the better.
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Hmm, don't think there is ever a "right" time to have kids so just go for it.
Although, if you are looking for something just to fill your time when you are on your own, you may be better off getting a dog or cat. And with kids your freedom will be restricted (even with masses of grandparents) which is not necessarily "making the most" of your life.
But ...... the rewards can be enormous. I am a mum with 2 gorgeous boys and because of my circumstances, I have no choice but to work full time (you are very lucky to have so much time to spare) but the time I do spend with them is quality. I would not change a thing and I could not imagine being without them now.
I can't remember much about life before kids (it was so long ago )and cos mine are now 10 & 7 and total petrolheads they come along to all the motorsport events that I go to.
Don't look too deeply into how good a dad you will be, your kids will love you for you and not your credentials and once you get the hang of it, it becomes second nature (most of the time )
Jo
Although, if you are looking for something just to fill your time when you are on your own, you may be better off getting a dog or cat. And with kids your freedom will be restricted (even with masses of grandparents) which is not necessarily "making the most" of your life.
But ...... the rewards can be enormous. I am a mum with 2 gorgeous boys and because of my circumstances, I have no choice but to work full time (you are very lucky to have so much time to spare) but the time I do spend with them is quality. I would not change a thing and I could not imagine being without them now.
I can't remember much about life before kids (it was so long ago )and cos mine are now 10 & 7 and total petrolheads they come along to all the motorsport events that I go to.
Don't look too deeply into how good a dad you will be, your kids will love you for you and not your credentials and once you get the hang of it, it becomes second nature (most of the time )
Jo
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Originally Posted by Nigel H
I'm sure you'll be a good dad, but do think through how you'll look after kids. It's NO fun being on your own with a little un day in day out to start with, if you have no support. It's also very hard work.
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Funny how half the "for sale" subarus start like this.
Due to a new addition in the family - this has to go !!
Says it all really - you have to stop being selfish and think about others.
Due to a new addition in the family - this has to go !!
Says it all really - you have to stop being selfish and think about others.
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If you both want kids then go for it. If you try to weigh up the pro's and con's you'll probably come to the conclusion that it's not the right time.
Don't worry about not being ready - totally natural.
Don't worry about not being ready - totally natural.
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Support is useful, but you can manage alone - we did . All our grandparents are 200 miles away and visit once or twice a year. We're used to it now and don't mind, but they're VERY welcome when they come
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Originally Posted by weapon69
LOL steady on! you're not exactly over the hill at 28! as for having children young-my Mum is a grandma at 40 yrs old-im sure she's really chuffed-NOT!
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Originally Posted by lightning101
Funny how half the "for sale" subarus start like this.
Due to a new addition in the family - this has to go !!
.
Due to a new addition in the family - this has to go !!
.