Getsum

Hello all, I've got my first child due on Sept 16th and was curious what advice all you dads and mums out there would have. I am 40 (yes I waited just a bit too ong) and my wife is 26. onder2: While some say there is an age difference, we seem to get along just fine, in fact, we're quite happy. Financially we're doing OK and I can retire from the military at any time now and start a second career (as long as the chavs stop stealing parts off my car).



I guess I'm looking for the things you wish you would've done but didn't..... OR.... the things you did, and are very glad you did them. It’s good to learn from other's experiences and then to add them to your own.


Lord willing, she will not have a 96 hour delivery You have to be impressed with a woman who can complete such a grueling ordeal. I bet that child is going to hear about that delivery for the rest of her life!!

Hope to hear from the lot of you. I know I'm new to this forum but as an American guest of your country, serving at one of your RAF bases, I feel it an honor to be here sharing with you, Lee

teknobod

Get plenty of sleep now!!!



BTW congratulations on the forthcoming addition to your family.

Andy

Tiggs

Wish i hadnt listen to the folks that say the second they are born its a life changing event....i spent 2 years wondering what the big deal was before i realised that it isnt that big a deal.

Having had 2 more since i felt the same.....in fact, until they can walk and talk they are just a bit of a pain.

Not saying everyone feels like that...but dont feel obliged to have your life altered by something that yous hould take to quite naturally (its is, after all, quite a natural thing)

NotoriousREV

As above: get as much sleep as you can now. In fact, try and sleep constantly from now till the birth.

I'm 7 months into fatherhood and still coming to terms with having to think about someone other than me (I'm naturally selfish).

dexter

I`m 42 mate, and we`ve just had our second (a boy), which is why I`m still up at the moment.

He`s asleep at the moment, and so`s the Mrs, but I find it easier to stay up longer to give him one of his (many) nightly feeds, and let the Mrs get some sleep, `coz, by God, does she deserve it.

You`ll get used to it, and in a few months, you`ll wonder what life was like without the little `un in tow.

Anyway mate, think about it like this, if you didn`t bother, in 100 years time, unless you`re famous, no-one will ever have known you were here.

mr_strong2004uk

I HAVE 2 YEAR OLD BOY M8 AND HES THE BEST THING EVER HE DOES LEAVE A BIT OF A MESS BEHIND HIM BUT HEY I DONT MIND AS LONG AS HE HAVIN THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. AND GET PREPARED FOR THE INLAWS M8 IF THEYRE ANYTHING LIKE MINE HE HE

CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE

AND IM ONLY 21 YIPEE

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

Start saving

When they get to about 4 or 5 and watch adverts on telly, and all you get is "WOW can i have one of those?" etc

Then theres the clothes/shoes/uniform/swimming lessons/gym sessions/toys/partys/pets/bikes/books/ etc etc etc etc

But its worth every penny when you see the smile and get a kiss.


Enjoy

Cookei

+Doc+

My advice would be to get a good routine going early regarding bedtimes, feeding etc. With luck you will get sleep and your nipper will go 12 hours everynight like ours
Remember ENJOY IT! it can sometimes feel like a chore when they are crying and whinging constantly.

Leslie

Congratulations and good luck.

You'll love it-eventually

Les

Mrs WRX

Take loads and loads of photos as they change so much. It is not until you look back at the photos you realise how tiny they were and how much they have changed in the space of a few months.

David Lock

Open a bank account and put aside £1 a day for junior. This will be painless but quite a tidy sum for his/her 18th And boy time rushes past...

marklemac

My only advice is to make sure you pack your 'own' overnight bag. Plenty of food/drink, toothbrush etc.... you know, the usual.

They always tell you to have 'her' bag ready !! but never mention your own

Good luck & congrats.

messiah

If your wife is planning on bottle feeding then buy a 2nd kettle. Seeing as you need to let the water cool for 45mins after its boiled - you can guarantee 15 mins in you'll be dying for a cuppa!

Ditto the sleep thing. lack of sleep was the hardest thing I found, although was a bit easier when Dan started sleeping right through the night (from 6 weeks!).

slickrick

as doc said its all about routine,ive got 2 sons 13 months and 3 years.both of them went straight into there own rooms the day they came out of hospital,both sleep 12 hours a night.my brother didnt do this and still has his daughter sleeping in his bed at 5 years old.if you are bottle feeding get the ones you microwave it will save you loads of time and effort,we got them from mothercare for the second baby and belive me we wish we had for the first one.!

eClaire

Congratulations!

Great advice guys, keep it coming!

imlach

Routine from Day 1 - now 12 hours every night

Gotta be strict. Most babies/toddlers take 3 days to learn something. So, for the overnight sleeping thing, you HAVE to persevere and if that means enduring 3 nights of screaming, so be it. They soon learn. Sounds harsh, but it works

yoza

Sort your nursery place out NOW, you cant just walk in and expect a place.

If you or your bird is looking after him/her at home I would still advise you put him/her in for a couple of afternoons, for the babys sake and yours

Get involved in all the things your bird is doing for the sprog, or when its your turn you wont know what to do.

Be prepared for when you bring the baby home......

We left the hospital less than 12hrs after the birth, first child....we were stood in the lift, I was holding the bags and the baby in his chair, we looked at him and then each other, and I just thought...."Where the **** are the instructions ?"

It took me an hour and a half to put the baby seat in the car, or should I say put it in, then look at the instructions, then take it out, put it in and check it, then take it out, put it in, look at it for a while then take it out, then pu............you get the picture.

Your first drive home is horrific, you drive like you did on your test...

Then this starts to happen......Is he too hot ?, is he too cold ?, has he had too much milk, or not enough ?, has he had too much sleep, or is he tired ?, why is he crying ?, does he look pale to you ?

If he is quiet, you want to know why, and if he is noisey, you want to know why...

Ben is 10 months now, and its still the same dance.

I have just dropped him off at nursery, he loves it... he doesnt cry when I drop him off, he cries when I pick him up..

Enjoy.....

Has anyone ever said to you.. "Well, thats your life over then."?

They are right.

Later Yoza

Apparition

No one seems to have covered the "feeling left out of it syndrome". You might get to feeling a bit like this....depends on the nature of your relationship. Bear with it. At first its like the universe revolves around little 'un and Mum (specially if she's breast feeding), but your time WILL come. I saw just this scenario with my son and the arrival of his son, felt sorry for the guy, but now he and Max are best buddies and do everything together like a dad and son should.
IMHO It IS a life changing experience. No one can be prepared for the impact such a small person can have on two adults. I was unlucky enough to have post natal depression for 2 years after Ben was born but I came through it and became a stronger person. Not saying that is going to happen to your partner but its something that can happen.
Best advice is to enjoy him/her and make the most of the baby months, 'cos once he/she starts to crawl........you won't have a minute's peace ! Good luck, congrats, and well done
Yve

jbryant

Hi Getsum,

Congratulations!!

Birth - discuss in detail with your wife and write up a birth plan on how you want things to progress (under both "normal" and extenuating circumstances). Log a copy with the hospital you plan to have the birth at. Your wife may not be in a position to make decisions so ensure you are clear on her wishes (and they are HER wishes )

Mummy and Baby to stay in hospital for a few days - it may seem hard but it is much harder at home... take all the advice you can get from the midwives - they're a fantastic bunch generally.

After baby's home... I have a few of bits of advice, but the main one is to accept all of the help that you can get, especially through the first few months. When people come round, let them have a cup of tea but politely ask for them to make it and also make one for you and the missis too. If someone kindly asks what can they do to help - take advantage! Get them to run a hoover round or do the dishes. Get them to do a Tescos run for some shopping. Seriously - It will make them feel helpful, and will take a huge strain off both you and the wife who will be totally exhausted...

Also if they want to hold the baby then fine, but if the baby starts crying, let them keep hold for a short time. The whole "ow it's crying/smelling/take it back quick" thing is awful, and this means that you will begin to resent people coming round as you'll only get to hold baby when it's crying and everyone else will get the cute snuggle time. It's a simple fact that Babies cry sick poo and wee and not a lot else, so they have to take the rough with the smooth, know what I mean?!

You will need all the rest you can get, and the last thing you need is to be pandering to relatives and friends. Do not DO NOT clean up for everyone that comes round for appearance's sake. You will run yourself into the ground. If it bothers them, then let them tidy.

Attachment parenting. No. Don't even go there. Make sure that you have times after the first couple of weeks for you and wifey. You have to keep your own identity, and although baby will take up 95% of your waking hours, and baby will come first, you still need to keep back some time for yourselves. Stay close. Be aware of Post Natal Depression (PND) and keep an eye out for the symptoms in Mummy - It's an all too common thing unfortunately . No matter how tired you are, your wife will be more tired, especially if she's breastfeeding. So hard as it may seem, take all the chores off her (as much as you can deal with at least).

Last but not least. Enjoy. Remember to at least try and enjoy each day as it comes coz you won't be able to go back. Don't wish the baby to grow up too soon because they will... Although the hours are long, the days and months whizz by. If you think babies are physical hard work (and they so are with the lack of sleep) then look forward to the mental anguish of looking after toddlers

For a humourous but underlyingly serious take on some very important issues for the 'guilty party' I'd thoroughly recommend this book... "You're Pregnant Too Mate". Far better than any of those humungous Dorling Kindersleys http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/...207179-8556664

Hope this helps. Best of luck to all of you.
Joolz
(with 1.25 + 3 yr old)

David Lock

and don't let your wife read the recent "my wife's been in labour for 50 hours" thread

Spoon

Get a girlfriend lined up.

Bubba po

Try your hardest to ensure your wife breastfeeds. Instead of either of us having to get up in the night to **** about with bottles, she just whopped a tit out without hardly having to wake up.


There are health benefits, too.

Karl 227

Buy this book for your wife to read, mine did and she said it was the dog's cahoonas

Spoon

So you still had to get up though?

Bubba po

Too-shay.

Karl 227

Not as quick as it would have happened in the hutch but

Spoon

Oh Gunter, let me assure you it was an immediate response the moment I read it.

Bubba po

scooby2000wrx

Hi

Enjoy your time with your scooby.......I had to part with mine once our twins came along ( we have a 3 yr old to)........

its a great time. Take plenty of photos /video they change soooo quick