princessyin

Hi,

These recent weeks, my manager has been making my work life somewhat "difficult". I've been seeing a colleague from work for the past 4 months and my manager has recently found out. Me and my manager used to have a good working relationship and ocasionally we'd go for dinner together after work. Nothing has ever gone on between us (he's married) and i think he's somewhat put out because of my new relationship. Quoting what someone else in the office has said "he's pissed off because he can't get into your knickers he doesn't want anyone else to". He's always been joking that i should be his mistress and i wouldnt have to pay for anything, and we should get married cos we have so much in common. But i've always taken these of comments on the chin.

Anyway, he's started to get petty about things. A couple of weeks ago he underpaid me (i've never had a pay issue with him before in the 18months i've worked with him). i believe he did it to prove a point. Also on Thu i started work a little earlier and had no lunch break so i could finish at the same time as my boyfriend. I did my required 8 hours as per contract and he got funny about this also which i know he wouldn't of in the past.

My point is- being the manager its his perogotive to be a bit of a dick i suppose, but there's definitely a bad atmosphere in the office now. Should i approach him on it or should i sit it out? (i've only got a 8 week contract left)

RB170

Confront him about it..get it done now before it gets silly

lightning101

Is this a 'pink' or 'brown' question ?

princessyin

Pink or brown???????

Shonen

If you only have 8 weeks to go then sit it out, for principal if nothing else. He is being pathetic and abusing his authority over you. Dont let the sad tw@t see how unhappy he is making you as he will get some perverse pleasure from it.

bioforger

iTrader: (1)

He's just jealous. He obviously fancies you badly, and those comments he made were sincere.

Abdabz

Jobs are like lovers. The one you have can become a routine and so you can become scared of trying something else...
Leave your job, become a heroin addict and live in an outhouse in someone elses backgarden. Lose all ties with friends and family and shoplift to fund your habit.
Remember there are other options...

A friend of mine was doing really well for himself as an IT recruitment consultant, raking in around 60k per year. He got bored and decided to become a tramp and sleep under a bush behind the town hall. He passed the time by shouting rude words at passing ladies and by wetting himself and standing in shops until they ask him to leave due to his aroma. He earns his money by pestering the weak and vulnerable near supermarket cash points into making donations to his "White Lightening Charity"... He's not financially rich now, but rich with infections and sores and happiness for his freedom.

Remember, if you're job's getting you down you can always walk away....

princessyin

Under normal circumstances i would have packed it all in. But i work away from home as does my boyfriend. Our homes are other sides of the country and once our contract finishes who know's what will happen to us? I want to spend as much time with him as possible for as long as possible. He's the main reason i haven't said anything already.

I think my manager wants me to quit, hence why he's being a dick. the stubborn part of me agrees me you Shonen and i should stick it out but not happy at all and it goes all against what i would normally stand for.

Puff The Magic Wagon!

iTrader: (2)

Check company/contract proceedures about fraternisation (if there are any)

Have a word with him

If unfruitful, then have a word with HR as some of his comments re marriage etc might be construed as harassment

Shonen

I can sympathise with you, and it is easy to say stick it out as it is not me going through it. But if you pack your job in are you going to be able to see your boyfriend. Maybe it is worth staying just to see your boyfriend. I am like you and I am not sure I would be able to hold my tongue for 8 weeks. Hope it work out.

princessyin

Thats the thing with this company- we have no HR structure. I work for a french construction company and my manager deals with all the timesheets, and we have a HR dept that processes the payroll side. Other than that my manager has noone above him who deals with HR issues. I've been at the company over a year employed directly with them and only 3 weeks ago have I (and everyone else on site) recieved our statement of particulars. We have no contract as such. My manager deals with all these sort of issues

brihoppy

mention the words industrial tribunal...see how he reacts to that...!!!

princessyin

With regards to harassment, i never really felt harassed as such with him. We had a good personal relationship so it was all tongue in cheek. But yes people on the outside might see it as harassment. I've got text messages from him that say "i love you" and "am downstairs if you want to kiss me goodnight". Like i said nothing has happened EVER and he's being so childish about it all.

brihoppy

to be fair, although his behaviour is excessive, maybe you shouldnt have gotten so 'close' to him in the first place...maybe you shouldve kept a professional distance...? its obvious that he is jealous, and jealousy can make the most reasonable people do the strangest things...

princessyin

Yeh hindsight is a great thing.

I don't want to be threatening industrial tribunals or shouting harassment. It would be easy to and obviously my text messages back me up somewhat. Thats not my thing and i don't want to be as petty as he has been

brihoppy

i can understand that, but whos to say that this might not happen again with some other unfortunate girl when you move on...? its only my opinion, but its based on experience of similar situations, but this guy has demonstrated a character trait that you never thought he had, and unfortunately will probably never lose...youve seen a side to him now that no-one else should be exposed to, and if you can do something about it, dont you think you should...?

* * * KEV * * *

iTrader: (5)

Sleep with him, get a longer contract then BLACKMAIL him if hes married!

princessyin

Actually, there was a girl who worked at this company before me who my manager tells me was totally useless. But i heard discreetly that she approached someone for advice cos he kept asking her out to dinner and she didn't know what to say.

Nothing's happened as such- he's just being ****. He's not really tried it on and up until recently we've always got on well and he's been a good manager to me. Maybe i'm making mountains out of molehills?

Ray_li

invite him in for a 3 some

brihoppy

no youre not making too much out of it...i have to say that the only reason im persisting in this thread is because i hate to see people being intimidated and those who are doing it, getting away with it...its bullying plain and simple and i hate bullies...

it sounds to me based on what you said about this other girl, that this guy is a bit of a predator and somehow gets a kick out of abusing his position to put pressure on his female juniors...these are the actions of a very insecre man, you can tell this from his jealous reactions to your new relationship...

people like him dont change, and i dont want to over-dramatise, but what happens if one day he goes too far...?

you can ignore it for the sake of a quiet life, but you have a chance to be pro-active and do something positive to get this guy sorted...

princessyin

Thanks for the advice Birhoppy- what you're saying makes total sense. But i don't want it to have to come to this. I'll stand up for what i believe in but there's also someone else involved. IF i go my boyfriend will stay and my manager may target him in response. He's already "kicked" him out of the office position he was in and put him back on the tools on site

brihoppy

you do what you feel is the right thing of course, and as for having an impact on other people, im pretty sure that if it was dealt with appropriately, he wouldnt be in a position to mess with anyone...but like i said, its down to you at the end of the day...

good luck whatever you decide...

princessyin

So how would i approach him about it? I don't want to threaten any tribunal action but if speak to him i want it implied

Account deleted by request

I think you should post a picture then we can decide if he is right to fancy you

chop

brihoppy

do you have a managerial chain...? or a union rep or something like that...?

if not, you could simply write him a well worded letter, that might be best...

Brendan Hughes

Write him a calm, neutral, professional, well-worded and carefully thought out letter.

And copy it to his wife.

Account deleted by request

brilliant

princessyin

The person above my manager is the project manager, we do have a HR manager but i wouldn't say he's directly above my manager. We're not a union site. We have spokesmen on site but i wouldn't want them involved in my issue.

I go on holiday at the end of next week for a week. I think i'll sit it out til then- it'll give me time to think about what i would write in this letter, maybe seek some advice from CAB, hand it in on my last, let him think about it while i'm gone for a week. And if things don't change i'll have to hand my notice in.

princessyin

LOL Brendan, actually that sounds very tempting...... Maybe hand post it and read some of those text messages he sent to her?

brihoppy

just the threat might be enough...but dont resort to any kind of blackmail...!