Speed Up Britain!
06 September 2005, 02:47 PM
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Speed Up Britain!
More people travelling means more cars must compete to use the same number of roads. How can we combat this?
Well the government plans to combat this by forcing the majority of us out of our cars. They plan to do this by:
1) Increasing the cost of motoring to intolerable levels with fuel tax, rod tax, toll roads, fines etc.
2) Increase congestion to unprecendented levels by reducing parking places, reducing overtaking lanes, poor traffic planning, bus lanes etc until there is no longer any time benfit in using a car.
3) Increase traffic enforcement to intolerably draconian levels by GPS speed detection, more people hiding in vans, inappropriately positioned cameras
4) To make the act of driving as unpleasant as possible by the above and the use of mandatory speed limiting systems forcing us to play follow the leader behind the slowest car for miles upon miles.
Perhaps they imagine that public transport will miraculously get better when we finally roll over and bin our cars?
The alternative? Well we need to get more cars through the same roads in the same amount of time. So this logically means we need to SPEED UP!
If we want more people to be able to travel through infrastructure in a given unit of time then those people need to be travelling faster on average. We have better technology at our disposal, our cars are capable of safely travelling quicker. We are a nation of engineers. We should be planning roads for speed, not congestion. We should be educating our drivers to be able to drive faster, more safely and more naturally without the constraints of surveillance, scameras and other distractions. Speed limits should be increased appropriately.
This is 2005. We should be looking at speeding ourselves up, not slowing ourselves down!
SPEED UP BRITAIN!
Well the government plans to combat this by forcing the majority of us out of our cars. They plan to do this by:
1) Increasing the cost of motoring to intolerable levels with fuel tax, rod tax, toll roads, fines etc.
2) Increase congestion to unprecendented levels by reducing parking places, reducing overtaking lanes, poor traffic planning, bus lanes etc until there is no longer any time benfit in using a car.
3) Increase traffic enforcement to intolerably draconian levels by GPS speed detection, more people hiding in vans, inappropriately positioned cameras
4) To make the act of driving as unpleasant as possible by the above and the use of mandatory speed limiting systems forcing us to play follow the leader behind the slowest car for miles upon miles.
Perhaps they imagine that public transport will miraculously get better when we finally roll over and bin our cars?
The alternative? Well we need to get more cars through the same roads in the same amount of time. So this logically means we need to SPEED UP!
If we want more people to be able to travel through infrastructure in a given unit of time then those people need to be travelling faster on average. We have better technology at our disposal, our cars are capable of safely travelling quicker. We are a nation of engineers. We should be planning roads for speed, not congestion. We should be educating our drivers to be able to drive faster, more safely and more naturally without the constraints of surveillance, scameras and other distractions. Speed limits should be increased appropriately.
This is 2005. We should be looking at speeding ourselves up, not slowing ourselves down!
SPEED UP BRITAIN!
06 September 2005, 02:52 PM
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*Chant*
SPEED UP BRITIAN SPEED UP BRITIAN SPEED UP BRITAIN
SPEED UP BRITIAN SPEED UP BRITIAN SPEED UP BRITAIN Save our country's roads - drive as quickly as is humanly possible 
If you don't - you're rubbish
Clarkson for PM, AJM as deputy
The Agenda
If you don't - you're rubbish
Clarkson for PM, AJM as deputy
The Agenda
- Abolish traffic lights
- Cycling to be made illegal
- Flat capped grandads - they're out
- Caravan driving muppets - gone
- Just about anyone in a Nova/C2/Saxo - dismissed from the road, sorry.
- All women (except SNetters, my missus and wrighty69s) - banned.
- Alternative Intelligent Speed Adaption to be introduced.
- Those not complying with the agenda to be snapped by a safety camera, given a 3 strikes ruling followed by execution.
Last edited by JTaylor; 06 September 2005 at 03:26 PM.
06 September 2005, 02:53 PM
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we should all cycle to work for a month.... Imagine their faces when they start to lose millions in petrol taxes over the course of a week
06 September 2005, 02:56 PM
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Removing traffic lights would be a good start. They were down on a juction yesterday and there was no congestion at all in a place that is normally a guaranteed traffic flow bottleneck.
Oh yes, and of course all cyclists should be banned and cycle lanes removed are they are a danger to themselves and the lanes take up valuable road space needed by cars.
Oh yes, and of course all cyclists should be banned and cycle lanes removed are they are a danger to themselves and the lanes take up valuable road space needed by cars.
Last edited by unclebuck; 06 September 2005 at 02:59 PM.
06 September 2005, 02:58 PM
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I watched a program on channel 5 last night (not a dirty one for a change!) about the autobahn, where the germans being as efficient as they are, have speed cameras to see if traffic is moving too slowly! As the traffic slows it automatically illuminates a sign allowing motorists to use the hard shoulder as an extra lane, thus preventing bottle necks of traffic and traffic jams.
It would be great to have that here, but they would have to move all the dead dogs and bits of tire off the hard shoulder first.
It would help if people know how to use the motorwy properly instead of people hogging the middle lane, and stopping lorries overtaking each other.
Both of the above drive me mad!
Women are'nt the worst drivers at all I don't think, Its the old men with flat caps who got thier driving licence in the war for driving a jeep for 2 minutes!
It would be great to have that here, but they would have to move all the dead dogs and bits of tire off the hard shoulder first.
It would help if people know how to use the motorwy properly instead of people hogging the middle lane, and stopping lorries overtaking each other.
Both of the above drive me mad!
Women are'nt the worst drivers at all I don't think, Its the old men with flat caps who got thier driving licence in the war for driving a jeep for 2 minutes!
06 September 2005, 03:02 PM
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Originally Posted by wrighty69
Women are'nt the worst drivers at all I don't think, Its the old men with flat caps who got thier driving licence in the war for driving a jeep for 2 minutes!
.Flat capped grandads would be banned just after Caravan driving muppets and just before anyone in a Nova/C2/Saxo.
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06 September 2005, 03:08 PM
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MOST women and old people are so poor at driving and cause more accidents because of confidence etc IMO... they hesitate and theyre so unsure what theyre doing themselves makes them a danger to other road users. Granted most men speed or drive faster than they should out of junctions etc but the key thing about a males driving is his ability to judge moving traffic and other road users... This is something most women dont have.....
06 September 2005, 03:12 PM
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Originally Posted by unclebuck
Removing traffic lights would be a good start. They were down on a juction yesterday and there was no congestion at all in a place that is normally a guaranteed traffic flow bottleneck.
In my town there have been 3 significant changes to the road system and each one has increased congestion.
1) They changed a triangular one way system (like a large roundabout really) so that it is now two way on one side (the side where the school kids need to cross
) and put mini roundabouts at the corners and change priority so that you nearly always have to stop at some point. Before the traffic all merged naturally.2) They installed a mini roundabout at a junction on the main road. This roundabout was so far offset to the left that it was physically impossible to get the car around it. I'd struggle to get a trials car with near 90 degree steering lock around it!
Presumably they were hoping it would impede progress on the main road.... which it did until people started straight lining it. It got to the point where people waiting to the left assumed you were turning left if you made an attempt to get around it (because only a madman or an oap would bother) and pulled out causing a few accidents.
It has since been moved a few feet to the right but the problem persists. And what the hell is it there for anyway?
3) They installed traffic lights in the town centre where various roads come out onto what was a short stretch of dual carriageway. It all flowed naturally and there was no congestion.
The dual carriageway was reduced to one lane. Right turns now have to turn left and use a U-turn point further down. Traffic lights on all entrances. There is now a considerable wait at every single approach to the junction.
That's 3/3. Every time they touch a road they make it worse and more congested.
I am attending a public meeting on 3) on Thursday as the whole town are up in arms about it. The town council deny responsibility, the county council say they are merely following government policy. No surprise there then.
06 September 2005, 03:13 PM
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Bo**ocks, thats not true, maybe with older women, my wifes nagging me for an EVO 9 and f*ck me does she give her Golf some stick! There are more and more girlracers out there!
06 September 2005, 03:13 PM
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The Government can't afford to reduce the number of 'legitimate' cars &/or motorists on the roads:
Fuel Tax & Vat
Road Tax
Insurance Premium Tax
Tax & Vat on new car purchases
Revenue from Scamera Scumbags
Etc
Den
Fuel Tax & Vat
Road Tax
Insurance Premium Tax
Tax & Vat on new car purchases
Revenue from Scamera Scumbags
Etc
Den
06 September 2005, 03:16 PM
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Originally Posted by wrighty69
Bo**ocks, thats not true, maybe with older women, my wifes nagging me for an EVO 9 and f*ck me does she give her Golf some stick! There are more and more girlracers out there!
06 September 2005, 03:17 PM
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Intelligent Speed Adaption could be introduced.
Except that instead of automatically applying the brakes it could apply the accelerator to the Volvos and Mircas driven by these dithering idiots and keep them moving smartly along rather than holding the rest of us up.
Equally it could be used to make slow moving vehicles such as caravan towers or horse boxes pull over to the side every few hundred yards to allow motorists freedom of passage instead of being held up in massive tailbacks.
Except that instead of automatically applying the brakes it could apply the accelerator to the Volvos and Mircas driven by these dithering idiots and keep them moving smartly along rather than holding the rest of us up.
Equally it could be used to make slow moving vehicles such as caravan towers or horse boxes pull over to the side every few hundred yards to allow motorists freedom of passage instead of being held up in massive tailbacks.
06 September 2005, 03:18 PM
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Originally Posted by unclebuck
Intelligent Speed Adaption could be introduced.
Except that instead of automatically applying the brakes it could apply the accelerator to the Volvos and Mircas driven by these dithering idiots and keep them moving smartly along rather than holding the rest of us up.
Equally it could be used to make slow moving vehicles such as caravan towers or horse boxes pull over to the side every few hundred yards to allow motorists freedom of passage instead of being held up in massive tailbacks.
Except that instead of automatically applying the brakes it could apply the accelerator to the Volvos and Mircas driven by these dithering idiots and keep them moving smartly along rather than holding the rest of us up.
Equally it could be used to make slow moving vehicles such as caravan towers or horse boxes pull over to the side every few hundred yards to allow motorists freedom of passage instead of being held up in massive tailbacks.
06 September 2005, 03:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Big Den
The Government can't afford to reduce the number of 'legitimate' cars &/or motorists on the roads:
Fuel Tax & Vat
Road Tax
Insurance Premium Tax
Tax & Vat on new car purchases
Revenue from Scamera Scumbags
Etc
Den
Fuel Tax & Vat
Road Tax
Insurance Premium Tax
Tax & Vat on new car purchases
Revenue from Scamera Scumbags
Etc
Den
06 September 2005, 03:22 PM
#19
"Safety" cameras can be adapted to take photographs of any vehicle travelling so slowly that they are a danger to other fast-moving traffic. The driver of the unsafely slow vehicle will promptly receive a fine and endorsement on their license for being an unsafe driver!
06 September 2005, 03:29 PM
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Right, some policies...
First Term (these are the less controversial ones)
1) Removal of uneccessary traffic lights
2) Removal of bus lanes
3) Removal of single occupancy lanes
4) Additional parking places
5) Design roads for speed, higher friction surfaces, banked turns
6) Remove hedges, fences, high grass etc designed to impede visibility at junctions to force you to stop
7) Removal of cycle lines at the traffic lights. Cycles must keep their place in the queue so cars don't have to re-overtake
8) Increase speed limits appropriately
9) Introduce minimum speed limits and minimum speed cameras
10) Operating hours for caravans and trucks
11) No more scamera vans
12) No speed cameras on safe and fast roads
13) Tax and insurance on bicycles
Second Term Policies (more controversial ones we will put in place once people have been conditioned to accept them)
1) Ban women drivers (there goes 50% of the vote, but its too late the suckers voted us back in! )
2) Ban cycles
3) Ban caravans
4) Introduce intelligent speed adaption that increases cars speed to minimum speed limit.
5) Intelligent lane selection. Force slow cars to pull over to let faster cars through.
Any more?
First Term (these are the less controversial ones)
1) Removal of uneccessary traffic lights
2) Removal of bus lanes
3) Removal of single occupancy lanes
4) Additional parking places
5) Design roads for speed, higher friction surfaces, banked turns
6) Remove hedges, fences, high grass etc designed to impede visibility at junctions to force you to stop
7) Removal of cycle lines at the traffic lights. Cycles must keep their place in the queue so cars don't have to re-overtake
8) Increase speed limits appropriately
9) Introduce minimum speed limits and minimum speed cameras
10) Operating hours for caravans and trucks
11) No more scamera vans
12) No speed cameras on safe and fast roads
13) Tax and insurance on bicycles
Second Term Policies (more controversial ones we will put in place once people have been conditioned to accept them)
1) Ban women drivers (there goes 50% of the vote, but its too late the suckers voted us back in!
)2) Ban cycles
3) Ban caravans
4) Introduce intelligent speed adaption that increases cars speed to minimum speed limit.
5) Intelligent lane selection. Force slow cars to pull over to let faster cars through.
Any more?
06 September 2005, 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted by SJ_Skyline
"Safety" cameras can be adapted to take photographs of any vehicle travelling so slowly that they are a danger to other fast-moving traffic. The driver of the unsafely slow vehicle will promptly receive a fine and endorsement on their license for being an unsafe driver!
I think we urgently need to set up a government 'think tank' along the lines of Transport2000 to thoroughly investigate all these possibilities.
06 September 2005, 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted by ajm
Right, some policies...
First Term (these are the less controversial ones)
1) Removal of uneccessary traffic lights
2) Removal of bus lanes
3) Removal of single occupancy lanes
4) Additional parking places
5) Design roads for speed, higher friction surfaces, banked turns
6) Remove hedges, fences, high grass etc designed to impede visibility at junctions to force you to stop
7) Removal of cycle lines at the traffic lights. Cycles must keep their place in the queue so cars don't have to re-overtake
8) Increase speed limits appropriately
9) Introduce minimum speed limits and minimum speed cameras
10) Operating hours for caravans and trucks
11) No more scamera vans
12) No speed cameras on safe and fast roads
13) Tax and insurance on bicycles
Second Term Policies (more controversial ones we will put in place once people have been conditioned to accept them)
1) Ban women drivers (there goes 50% of the vote, but its too late the suckers voted us back in! )
2) Ban cycles
3) Ban caravans
4) Introduce intelligent speed adaption that increases cars speed to minimum speed limit.
5) Intelligent lane selection. Force slow cars to pull over to let faster cars through.
Any more?
First Term (these are the less controversial ones)
1) Removal of uneccessary traffic lights
2) Removal of bus lanes
3) Removal of single occupancy lanes
4) Additional parking places
5) Design roads for speed, higher friction surfaces, banked turns
6) Remove hedges, fences, high grass etc designed to impede visibility at junctions to force you to stop
7) Removal of cycle lines at the traffic lights. Cycles must keep their place in the queue so cars don't have to re-overtake
8) Increase speed limits appropriately
9) Introduce minimum speed limits and minimum speed cameras
10) Operating hours for caravans and trucks
11) No more scamera vans
12) No speed cameras on safe and fast roads
13) Tax and insurance on bicycles
Second Term Policies (more controversial ones we will put in place once people have been conditioned to accept them)
1) Ban women drivers (there goes 50% of the vote, but its too late the suckers voted us back in!
)2) Ban cycles
3) Ban caravans
4) Introduce intelligent speed adaption that increases cars speed to minimum speed limit.
5) Intelligent lane selection. Force slow cars to pull over to let faster cars through.
Any more?
06 September 2005, 03:36 PM
#23
I disagree with policy 1 for the 2nd term - with a careful campaign of spin and bull you will be able to persuade the fairer sex to think that they are dangerous drivers and they will voluntarily give up their licenses. If your spin office is REALLY good they will persuade the ladies that it was actually their idea in the first place!
If this fails then a compensation policy of jimmy-choo vouchers for licenses can be offered
If this fails then a compensation policy of jimmy-choo vouchers for licenses can be offered
06 September 2005, 03:41 PM
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All looking pretty good to me.
No ban on busses though? They should be got rid of what with the amount of space they take up and polution they produce. It would have the additional benefit of keeping the socially disadvantaged and criminal youth from our town centres
No ban on busses though? They should be got rid of what with the amount of space they take up and polution they produce. It would have the additional benefit of keeping the socially disadvantaged and criminal youth from our town centres
06 September 2005, 03:44 PM
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Originally Posted by ajm
We should keep a few buses for the women to use!