Luan Pra bang

So it’s happened, the fanatics have finally won; the terrorists dis-information and propaganda has won over the easily led flock of imbeciles usually referred to as the ‘government’. Now my right to let people enjoy some of the finer pleasures in life has been revoked, by the clueless proselytes.

After many years of dedication to my customers’ happiness, relaxation and celebration, a cruel blow has been struck for fun and freedom. After May 2007 never again will a man sit in our smoking lounge with a brandy and cigar in front of the fire celebrating an engagement, the imminent birth of a child or a forthcoming wedding. Now after a romantic meal instead of going upstairs to the sumptuous smoking lounge, relaxing in the large leather chairs, in front of classic oil paintings and the glow of the warm fire, the amorous couple will instead go to stand outside in the cold and wet weather for a miserable soggy ***.

Smoking, especially a fine cigar is one of lifes true pleasures; the pleasure is also in part, down to the luxuriousness of the environment. I have no interest in the petulant whines of the anti-smoking lobby. I do not believe for one second that these joyless killjoys should be subjected to second hand smoke; they do not deserve to taste the delights of a good Cuban cigar. Both of the restaurants here are non-smoking, the effort that goes into every dish should not be wasted by the taste of smoke but there is no justifiable reason not to have a separate smoking room for those who like to indulge. If a smoking area is a separate room that no non-smoker has to go near, where is the harm in letting people enjoy their vices in peace? Every litre of petrol, every watt of electricity, every cubic inch of gas burned cause some kind of pollution or harm to the environment. So in less the imbecilic ones want to stop all of that; perhaps it’s best to let those in the hospitality trade do just that, be hospitable and provide an environment for those that choose to smoke and one for those that choose not to.

AndyC_772

iTrader: (2)

What do you honestly expect people to think?

Statistically, about one third of the adult population are likely to agree with you, while the majority (two thirds) will recognise the same insight-free moaning that they've come to expect from the pro-smoking lobby.

Who exactly asked you to write about the subject, and for what purpose?

Richard_P

It's good, by focusing on cigars you almost make the smoking ban seem unreasonable

jasey

It's complete ****e.

Spoon

You need to be more to the point.

jasey

Yeah - I get that all the time .

paul-s

Its not just your business thats affected. You wont have to worry about losing customers who will go elsewhere, so why be bothered about pleasuring other people with cigars ?!

Geezer

So, the majority that will be then

Geezer

Suresh

The bottom line is that employees will have the right to a smoke-free workplace. If you don't have anyone serving in your luxurious smoking lounge then there's indeed no harm done. Do you plan to make your customers go out of the smoking room and get their own refreshments and cancer sticks?

Suresh

OllyK

Interesting that the WHO have been keeping very quiet about their research in to passive smoking.

I'd recommend the book "Panic Nation" to people - well worth a read.

mad_dr

By resorting to petty insults you completely compromise the strength of your arguement. It is a completely unbalanced and one-sided document (perhaps this was part of the brief you were given, I'm not sure) and therefore, instead of being compelling and powerful, has turned into something similar to a rant. Kind of like Michael Moore: powerful arguements but so one-sided and biased, it's impossible to take it seriously.

IMHO of course.

AndyC_772

iTrader: (2)

Besides, think of all the people who now will be able to relax in this luxurious lounge of yours, free to enjoy a post-dinner drink and a mint, without having their lungs filled with the cloying, black fog that a selfish few still insist on pumping into the air? It no longer needs to be a place where only the smoke-tolerant minority can relax, but one which can be enjoyed by all.

And won't your original oil paintings look all the better for being able to remain in the artists' original colours, rather than being stained yellow?

suprabeast

smoking is cool and hard , people should stop complaining about it

Paul3446

You could just as easily write a similar article from the persective of a non-smoker.

I have to agree, complete ****e (and the grammar's a bit dodgy too). Get over it and give up smoking, it might just save your life.

RichWalk

GaryK

I think you need to present an unbiased argument rather than your pro-smoking view. Ive read all the $hite on here from the pro-smoking lobby slagging off non-smokers because it doesnt fit with *their* view of the world. As someone who used to smoke and in fact up until last year would enjoy a fat cigar I can see both sides of the argument. O ok so because I dont smoke that makes me a slack jaw ****** does it? I dont think so! The smokers need to accept it, cocaine and heroin users cant 'jack-up' in public and do you hear them complain? no course not!

Gary

Luan Pra bang

Brief was write an amusing article about the effects of the smoking ban on your business and your opiinons on it. It was supposed to be cleverly worded and funny. This will be just one part of a larger article about this issue. Its for a birdy fashion magazine that goes around beds bucks and northhants. Was hoping to get any pointers on making it funnier or giving my shocking grammar a boost.

RichWalk

Bill Clinton deserves a mention then

SVVG

iTrader: (1)

Smoking is rank - my g.friend is on Molboro Reds and smokes in the kitchen and at meal times, and I'm a big fan of the smoking ban - however I do love a bloody good cigar, which is entirely different...

Luan Pra bang

Its more about being able to offer extreme luxury and supply what ever a customer wants. For many people a fine cigar or even a cigarette are part of the experience of a night out and ultimately as a business you try to deliver that experience to the best of your ability. I don't consider it anyones right but mine to decide how to do that.

AndyC_772

iTrader: (2)

In that case, I think you've just missed the mark a bit. If you're trying to write a parody of the usual 'freedom to smoke' argument, I think you've underestimated just how far quite genuine pro-smoking articles go with their indignant civil liberties arguments.

Why not suggest that:
- now the air is clear, people will be able to see and taste what they're eating. Nobody will go to your restaurant any more!
- a yellow, tobacco stained picture on the wall looks old, original and expensive. You won't be able to buy prints from the market any more.
- without tobacco smoke to cover the smell, your staff won't be able to smoke marijuana in the kitchen any more. Think of the effect on morale!

You get the idea? Make it plainly ridiculous and you might both raise a laugh and get across your point, that a smoking ban might be bad for business. But have another rant along the same lines as every other pro-smoking rant, and you'll get ignored.

Brendan Hughes

Good suggestions from Andy. You could also add about how the pursuit of satisfying your customers' luxury needs without smoke has led them to purchase high quality cocaine off you at a 1000% mark-up.

Luan Pra bang

jasey

What's that for ?

Good suggestions and you think people are cuckoo.

Here's a suggestion why don't you say you're going top have to re-locate to France to continue to satisy your clients demands at the expense of your staff's health.

Sport160

On this basis I think it could do with a rewrite, sorry but didn't spot anything funny in there.

Role on May 2007

AndyC_772

iTrader: (2)

Maybe you'd find it easier to write a funny article if you wrote it from the opposite viewpoint? As a non-smoker myself, I find it easier to think of ridiculous pro-smoking arguments than ridiculous anti-smoking ones; maybe you'd find the reverse true?