Mike R

Hi - We're due our second child shortly (in 10 days). My wife wants me home straight after work every night since the beginning of April and I have an annual work social event that I'm expected to be at, 7 days before the due date. Despite me saying that I will be back before midnight and won't drink and will come home after work first to check if everything's OK, it is causing a major disagreement.

To put it into perspective, the last time I went out in the evening socially on my own was in early March. I was prepared to give it a miss but on Friday night she went out until late, despite being completely worn out and me taking over putting our daughter to bed as soon as I came in, so I felt differently.

So is it unreasonable to go out for an additional 5 hours (1 hour away) in addition to the 12 hours a day 5 days a week (1 hour away) I am out for work, or am I being selfish?

Thank you for your honesty.

sarasquares

iTrader: (1)

you really dont want to ba asking in here

Tiggs

2nd child? you'd think she would have calmed down by now.

On my 2nd i was at Donnington on a trackday (about 4 hrs from home) two days before Mrs T was due.....tell your Mrs to chill, people have kids every second of every day and have done for thousands of years....sounds a bit of a drama queen!

sarasquares

iTrader: (1)

we will need to post up the samaritans number at the end of the thread

Lee247

Not really sure what to say here. My second and last came, 2 weeks early
I finished work at 5pm, working from home, switched off the computer, then gave birth to my daughter 16 hours later

SCOsazOBY

nah go out and get wrecked, stroll in at whatever time you choose, stand on the cat and wake the neighbours up as you bang up the stairs! but i bet your ar$e you will know about it once shes in labour squeezing your hand and shouting and swearing at you for making her end up in so much pain whilst you go out enjoying yourself!

enjoy your night out

imlach

If men had to carry a child for 9 months and give birth to it, what do you think the answer to this question would be

"Hoi wifey thing....I've been carrying this bleeding thing for 9 months, and i feel goddam awful...there is no WAY you are going oot the night. I'm in pain you know"

Fuzz

Easier and less hassle (most of the time) to just F,F,F and F



Andy

brumdaisy

right.... now the muppets have had their say Ill add some common sense
As long as your driving on the night I dont see why you shouldnt go.

Fuzz

and of course you're no muppet Brum,,, oh no......... MUCH


Andy

Lee247

brum, mine actually happened

Little Miss WRX

I don't see why you can't negotiate a pass out.

Tell her you will drive, not drink and at the first sign of any action (no I don't mean party action ) you will be at her side.

Best option is not to have kids to start with.

Brit_in_Japan

Can you arrange for a friend of family member to come around and stay with her until you return? So long as you stay off the pop and can get back quickly, it shouldn't be a huge issue should it?

Mike R

Thank you for your replies so far. In the interests of putting her first I have decided not to go, though it's nice to know from people on here that I wasn't being ridiculously unreasonable.

As for posting on other boards, whether it's about Subarus or any other matter, this is the best bulletin board in the world!

Miss Kinky

i think she's being completely selfish. its one evening ffs. its not like you go out every night.

i wouldn't put up with that kind of possessiveness in a relationship - no one should have to suffer it.

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

And just think if you do get "that call" while your out you can drive as fast as **** and get away with it

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

Dont women get a little bit " hormonal" (sp)around this time though, certain allowances should be made.

Apparition

Mike R : I think you'd have been ok going s'long as you were reachable in case of an emergency.
Miss Kinky : On the surface it looks like controlling possessiveness, but have you considered that maybe, just maybe, the lady might have had a bad experience the last time and be in total fear of a repeat performance and needs her fella close by at this time ?
I hope all goes well. Having two nippers is NOT a piece of cake and you are both in for some hard work . Hope you both manage ok.
Yve

Trout

iTrader: (1)

There are those who could argue you are being selfish by asking the question.

My illusion is that you both have needs and want to find a way to fulfil them even though they are apparently in conflict. Your wife needs to feel safe and cared for at what can be a very emotional time in preparation for childbirth.

You want to enjoy your social event - something which it seems that your wife feels is detracting from her needs.

Your route is to sacrifice your own needs - which you seem to have done easily; or to help your wife feel secure, comfortable and loved at the same time fulfilling your own needs.

Put simply big up the love at other times which will be great as long as your wife does not think you are doing it as a barter to get your night out. And find out what it is that would make your wife feel comfortable with you not being there on that specific evening. Maybe it is just to know she is still number one for you, or maybe it is to know you can be at her side within minutes should it be necessary. People tend not to like that 'bartering'.

The bottom line is that a high quality relationship is one where you do whatever you can to understand your partners needs and do what you can to fulfil them. A more complete understanding does not mean taking away from what 'I' want it means fulfilling it in the context of what 'my partner' wants.

Just some thoughts.

Reality

On balance you've probably made the right decision - I Guess having a baby is a worrying time and you shouldn't stress the Mum any more than usual .

However - can we all get an Invite to the head wetting .

Reality

ps 42 posts in 5 years - must be a record

Karl 227

Mike,

If she's a real nice girl and she's always there for you, a nice girl wouldn't tell you what you should do

baby bloke

HEY!!

Karl 227

Presumably, you're a big boy now and you'll never let her go? But that's just the kind of thing she ought to know

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

Go for it, if she is about to drop she wont be able to catch you

Karl 227

Steady on KOT, it's not automatically a certain guarantee, to insure yourself
you've got to provide communication constantly! When you love someone
you're always insecure, and there's only one good way to reassure; Tell her about it, let her know how much you care, when she can't be with you tell her you wish you were there.

lightning101

Karl, your know I think your right, your advice is not contrite.

simo

My misses had a girl the Easter Sunday just gone so that I could get back to work on the Tuesday Thats what I call good planning

Just blame the hormones & go for it!!

Diablo

Look at it this way.

Throw reason, fairness and equality out the window.

She's right and your wrong. thats just how it is with women.

Can't believe you still have to ask

Karl 227

Pay her some attention, give her something to believe, because now and then she'll get to worrying