EVERBODY'S FREE (TO WEAR SUNSCREEN)
12/06/1999 - 1 week at #1 - 16 weeks on chart

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97
Wear Sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen

Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Everybody's free oh yeah
Everybody's free oh yeah

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of MY99.....Buy an Impreza.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, buying an Impreza
would be it. The long-term benefits of driving an Impreza have been consistently misunderstood by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own driving experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your Impreza.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your Impreza until something replaces it. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself beside your Scoob and recall, in a way you can't grasp now, how fast you drove and how fabulous the handling really was.

You are NOT as fast as you imagine.

Don't worry about your fuel consumption.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to beat
Richard Burns on a special stage. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your Impreza-addled mind, like the unexpected lack of grip on some isolated mountain pass.

Drive around 1 corner every day that scares you. (Clean the seat afterwards.)

Be reckless when driving other people's Scoobies.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Polish it.

Don't waste your time on Optimax. Sometimes you're ahead,
sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only petrol.

Make up compliments on your driving. Return the insults. If you succeed in getting genuine compliments, tell me how.

Keep your old MOT's. Throw away your old exhaust.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know when you'll get rid of the boy-racer in your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 32 when they would stop being a boy-racer. Some of the most interesting 50-year-olds I know still are.

Get plenty of kebabs but don't eat them in the car. You'll never get rid of the smell

Be kind to your ScoobySport exhaust. You'll miss that when it's gone.

Maybe you'll pull, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll get a 22B, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll enter the RAC Rally at 40, maybe you'll drive around Silverstone, nude, at the 75th SIDC Reunion.
Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and berate
others, your choice of motor-car is half partner influenced. So is
everybody else's.

Enjoy your Impreza. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what the lads might think of it. Its not THAT ugly
It's the best investment you’ll ever own.

Race
Even if you have no one else to race against but an old biddy in a Mini 850 still do it but expect the occasional humbling experience.

Read the instructions to install your Cibies. Don’t ever follow them.

Do NOT read Max Power, just cut out the pictures and put them on
your wall.

Get to know your parents. You never know when you'll have to tap
them for some cash for your next performance upgrade

Be nice to Pete Croney.
He's your best link to a faster Impreza and the person most likely to relieve you of a serious amount of cash.

Understand that Impreza models come and go, but with some decent
modifications you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in strength and consistency, because
the older you get, the harder it will be to drive 'round corners like when you were young.

Drive in London once, but leave before you are mistaken for a pimp.
Drive in Liverpool once, but leave before your Impreza gets stolen.

Grin.

Accept certain inalienable truths:
Fuel prices will rise, traffic cops will pull you over. You, too, will get a speeding ticket. And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were young, fuel prices were reasonable, jam sandwiches couldn't catch you and speeding tickets were NEVER as expensive as this.

Respect psychiatrists. (They drive 22B's)
Don't expect Admiral to pay up in a hurry.

Maybe you'll have a huge overdraft. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might stop you from going for a drive that serves no particular purpose but includes some of your favourite country roads

Don't mess too much with superchips or by the time you've reached
10,000 miles your pistons will look like tea-strainers.

Be careful whose cheap imports you buy, but be patient with those
who supply them. Cheap imports are a form of rip-off. Dispensing them is a way of fishing old stock from an auction, wiping them clean, painting over the accident damage and re-selling them for more than they are worth.

But trust me on buying an Impreza.